A KNOT TO UNTIE

by DD

This is the final chapter. Thank you to all of you for reading my story and reviewing it.

See you soon!

DD

Chapter 6

Kid woke up with his face buried in his wife's chest, her loving arms wrapped around his head and shoulders. He had dreamed about his mother that night: how he had remained with her while Jed had gone to call the doctor; how, for the first time, his brother had responded to his father's fists, beating him with rage and desperation until he passed out. Their father left as soon as he could stand, and none of them had ever seen him again.

"I'm sorry." Lou's lips brush against his forehead. "I didn't mean to remind you of what happened to your mother." She'd heard his cries and mumblings and she had immediately known what unpleasant memories the events of the previous day had stirred in Kid's mind.

Kid shook his head, clinging in her small waist.

"It would have been about Jeremiah's age," he said without looking at her. He basked in her warmth a little more, then he disentangled himself from her embrace and sat up against the headboard.

"You know, I always thought your brother and sister were my second chance, God's way to repay me for my little brother or sister never being born." He glanced shyly at her for a moment, then returned his gaze to his hands.

Louise was touched. She never thought about how much Tessie and Miah meant to him; he didn't love them only because they were her family, but because he wanted them to be his own family.

She entwined her fingers with his.

"I don't know if we'll have children, Lou," he continued to say. "It would be terrible if we don't; but if it's what God has decided for us, there will be always children like me and you, like Tessie and Miah, that need someone who'll love them. We can take care of those children, if you want..." Kid turned to look in her eyes.

Lou nodded. "I want to," she said in a whisper before kissing him tenderly. As always Kid had found the right words to soothe her heart and calm her fears.

They arrived in the kitchen hand in hand. Lou was a little nervous; their friends had known something of her past but to have heard her fears and nightmares exposed like that had hurt her, and now she didn't know how to face them. What she saw made all her embarrassment disappear though, Buck and Cody were dealing with what remained of her cake.

"What are you doing!?" she exclaimed.

The two of them turn to stare at her with a funny, startled look on their faces.

"Well…we promised, didn't we?" Buck said. "We had to eat everything you cooked."

"But it fell on the floor…"

"We just cut off the ruined part," Cody answered her.

Lou smiled. There was no embarrassment; their familiarity, their way of treating her as if nothing had happened warmed her heart, and made her understand that nothing would ever change between them. She took a seat near her friends.

"Well…is there some for me too?"

They had their breakfast, eating what remained of her cake along with the usual morning coffee. Lou, though, wasn't completely relaxed; there was something she hadn't resolved. She still hadn't talked to her brother and sister. What would they think of her now? Suddenly Lou lost her appetite. They were only children; she had tried to protect them in every way she knew, but maybe she couldn't protect them from her past.

"Are Tessie and Miah at school?"

"No, they're with Teaspoon," Buck responded.

"How… how are they?"

"We don't know. We walked Penny home yesterday, and when we came back Rachel had just put them to bed," Cody explained.

Lou sighed. She wasn't cheered by his words and they only served to remind her that there were others she had to talk with.

"Excuse me." She got up and went outside, feeling the worried eyes of Kid and their friends on her.

She seated herself on the porch swing, and for some minutes she observed the people on the street, deep in thought, then she spotted Jimmy. He was leaning against the corral, watching the horses. He didn't eat with the others and, knowing him, he was terribly guilty for what had happened. She stood and went to him.

"Hi, Jimmy."

"Hi." Jimmy looked at her briefly before returning his gaze to the horses, but the glance was enough for Lou to understand just how much Rosemary behavior had affected him. Louise had known for some time how Jimmy Hickock, her friend and confidante, felt about her. She couldn't return his feeling and it hurt her. There had been moments when she thought that maybe it would have been better if she had fallen for Jimmy instead of Kid. But those had been only fleeting thoughts, caused by the pain of their break up and by her sense of insecurity. A relationship with Jimmy would have been easier, but as much as Lou loved him, what she felt for him couldn't compare to her love for Kid.

When Jimmy had begun his relationship with Rosemary, Lou had been happy for him. The widow Burke was a decent woman and she could have been a new beginning for him, but now Lou understood why she had never be able to grow close to her. The look that woman gave her was something Lou wouldn't forget easily. Hate, disdain, and a complete lack of compassion… Rosemary's eyes were two black holes, cold and hollow.

"I should never have brought her here." Jimmy's bitter voice interrupted Lou's thoughts.

"It wasn't your fault," she replied, and she truly believed it. It wasn't Jimmy's fault if he had fallen for someone who didn't deserve him.

"She had no right to say those things to you!" he exclaimed and Louise became aware of the tears in his eyes.

Lou put a hand on his arm. "Jimmy, what happened to me couldn't be changed. It hurt me to find out about the baby in that way…" She stopped for a moment, the pain still intense for her. "…but it doesn't change anything. I have to face my fears; and my brother and my sister have the right to understand why I left them for so long."

He nodded awkwardly, still not looking at her. Lou smiled at him.

"Well, why don't you give me a hug now? Or don't I deserve it?" she said softly.

Jimmy looked in her eyes and he knew he had been forgiven, or better, she never considered him responsible in any way.

"Are we sure your husband won't shoot me?" he half joked.

"Don't be silly, Jimmy." Kid's voice startled him. Jimmy turned to see him approach the corral. Hickok looked at his friend with a hint of fear, but Kid smiled at him warmly, there wasn't resentment in his blue eyes. Jimmy's heart gladdened at his expression, he had been truly afraid of having messed things up with his two closest friends once and for all.

"Jimmy, I'm waiting…" Lou said with a mock annoyance. He turned to look at her again, and she opened her arms to him and Jimmy hugged her close. Those moments were all he would ever have from Lou, but he had accepted it now. He had yearned for Lou in the past, more than she never knew, because she had seemed to him his only chance to be really loved and to escape his fate. But Jimmy knew better now, Lou couldn't be his salvation, she needed to be with the man she loved and he needed to find his own way… and now he was ready for that.

"Here they are," Louise murmured.

She was sweeping the porch, trying to keep herself occupied, while she was waiting for her siblings' return. Kid exited from the stable and came to her side. Neither of them had gone to the Rosebush Ranch that morning. They couldn't think about their future if they hadn't resolved that one remaining issue. Kid took her hand to give her a little comfort. Lou squeezed it gently and gave him a thankful smile, before returning her gaze to the street.

Teaspoon and the children were coming. The old marshal had tried to explain to them with all possible delicacy why their sister was afraid she couldn't have babies, and he had reassured them she never stop loving them.

Lou was scared. She approached them, stopping a few feet from them, afraid of their reaction to her. But Teresa left Teaspoon's side and ran to her, hugging her around the waist.

"Luly…" she sobbed.

Lou kissed her forehead, rocking her little sister until she lifted her face up.

"Luly…you still love us, don't you?" Teresa's voice was almost a plea.

"Oh Tessie, of course I love you, nothing can change the love I feel for you, nothing… I'm sorry I had to leave you alone for such a long time…"

"You've been stupid!" Jeremiah burst out.

Shocked, Louise lifted her head to look at her brother.

"That was stupid…" His voice cracked and his eyes welled up with tears. Miah rubbed them away with a sleeve. "You didn't have to go through that alone, you didn't have to leave… I could have helped you…"

In that moment Louise realized what had been at the heart of her brother's anger and his silences – he felt guilty. Teresa was too young, but Jeremiah remembered very well how Louise took on all the responsibilities, taking care of them all alone even if she was only a little girl; so when she had left he had been angry at her, because once again she wanted to do it all alone, not letting him help her.

"Miah, please come here…" Lou opened her arms to her brother and he went to her, hiding his face in her slim shoulder; finally giving in to all the regret, frustration and rage he had held inside until that moment. The three of them hugged each other close. Finally all the painful knots that separated them had been untied.

After some minutes Jeremiah looked at his sister. "You're okay now, aren't you?" he asked worriedly. Lou ruffled his hair. At twelve years old he was almost as tall as her.

"Yes, now we're together, and I have a loving, wonderful husband and the best friends I can ever have. I can't want for anything more." She smiled at Kid and Teaspoon, stretching a hand to her husband.

Kid had remained aside, but now he came towards her, entwining his fingers with hers.

"Kid," Jeremiah said, his face serious. "Swear to me you'll never hurt Louise and you'll always take care of her."

"I swear," Kid responded gravely, looking into his eyes.

"Perfect," Lou puffed, "thank you very much, Jeremiah. Now nothing will stop his fussing over me."

"Hey, I'm not as bad as before!" Kid exclaimed, hurt.

The other four laughed at his pout and Lou draped an arm around his waist, kissing his cheek, showing him she was only joking and making him see the funny side.

After dinner Lou and Kid had retired in their bedroom. It had been a long day for both of them and now they felt the need to be alone. They were lying in each other's arms, deep in thought.

During the afternoon Lou had visited Penny. Buck and Cody had told her how the doctor's daughter had been upset after learning of her past. Lou had been afraid to see her after that; Penny was a nice and kind girl, but she had been raised by a loving family, she hadn't had to fight a day in her life. Would she ever be able to understand what Louise had had to face?

Lou's doubts disappeared as soon as she looked in her friend eyes. Penny didn't judge her, nor did she pity her. On the contrary, she had cried for Lou and she had been the one afraid to face her friend. She thought Louise wouldn't want to see her ever again, considering what Penny knew about her past.

"Penny really is a nice girl," Lou said softly, resting her head on Kid's shoulder. "I'm lucky to have met her."

"She's the lucky one."

Lou smiled, her husband had always a way to make feel special, when she herself felt anything but.

"I decided to go to Doc Barnes," she said without looking at him.

Kid bowed his head to catch her gaze. "Lou, you don't have to do that if you don't want to."

"I want to," she answered. "I thought about it. I can't go on like this, or it'll be like Wicks still has some power over me."

"Are you sure?" he asked worriedly.

"Yes, I'm sure." She caressed his cheek. "I wish you'd come with me, though."

The young man took her fingers and kissed them. "Anything for you, Lou."

Louise squeezed Kid's hand before entering the doctor's office. She knew it wouldn't be easy. She would have to let the doctor touch her where only her husband had her after Wicks, but she had to do it.

Kid kissed her forehead. "Ready?"

"Ready," she replied and opened the door.

Edward Barnes had the same sweet smile and clear eyes as his daughter. He listened with a heavy heart to the young woman before him who, with eyes downcast and her hand clasped in her husband's, was telling him how a man stole her innocence when she was a young girl and how she was afraid that act of violence prevented her from becoming a mother.

Lou was reassured by his kind gaze and she answered his questions without too much embarrassment; but when the doctor asked her to lay down on the examination table she felt panicked. She closed her eyes when the doctor placed a blanket over her bended knees and she tightened her grip on Kid's hand when he began to examine her.

Doc Barnes' hands were gentle and his voice was relaxing while he talked to distract her, but Lou began to tremble. It wasn't Kid who was touching her, those were strangers' hands and, even if the doctor did the examination as gently and rapidly as possible, she couldn't help the tears escape from her closed eyelids.

The examination ended and Lou dressed again quickly, then she and Kid waited expectantly for the doctor's response. When he turned toward the young couple he had a smile on his lips. Lou's heart skipped a beat at the sight.

"Doc…?" she asked.

"My dear, from what I saw there's nothing that could prevent you to become a beautiful mama one day."

Lou couldn't believe what she had just heard. "Really?" she said "And then why haven't I, I'm not…?"

"Louise, your life hasn't been easy until now, you are a petite woman and have worked so hard and made your body suffer. Maybe it'll take some more time before everything will be all right again, but with a little rest and tranquility I bet in a couple of months you'll return here with good news… with a bit of effort from you two, of course…" The doc winked as Penny sometimes did and Lou felt her cheeks burn.

"Thank you, thank you Doctor Barnes!" She hugged the man close, and that time it was Edward Barnes who blushed.

Kid and Lou exited the doctor's office with hearts swelling with joy.

"We should the boys know the news. I know they're ready to start making bets," Kid said…

"Yeah, and this time I don't mind at all!" Lou answered, joining his cheerful laughter.

Kid loved seeing her so happy. He took her in his arms and swung her around, not caring about the people who passed, until her protests convinced him to put her down. In that moment they became aware that Penny and a man who they supposed was her fiancé were looking at them. They blushed but couldn't wipe the silly grins from their faces.

"Louise, Kid, good morning," Penny greeted them. Seeing them so happy she knew that what her father told them had been good news so she didn't ask anything, instead she introduced them to the young man next to her.

"Sullivan, this is Kid and Louise, my two new friends," she said. "Do you remember the Pony Express riders?"

A tall man with a mane of curly dark blond hair and a friendly expression smiled at them.

"Sure," he replied, stretching his hand. "I'm Sullivan Brown. You must be the Kid, right?"

"Right," Kid answered. "Kid McCloud."

"McCloud? Wasn't there a rider called McCloud? A small boy…"

Louise smiled and took his hand. "Louise McCloud, nice to meet you."

"What…?" Sullivan exclaimed, surprised by her transformation, but then he laughed and shook her hand.

Sullivan Brown was a nice man, Penny couldn't be luckier; Lou thought happily when she and the Kid left them. But not all the encounters they made that morning were so pleasant.

They had stopped by the marshal's office to tell Teaspoon the good news when they saw Rosemary Burke. The woman was going to the stagecoach stop, she was leaving the town. She glared at them and Lou instinctively drew closer to Kid who passed an arm around her waist; but Lou didn't want to let her leave without knowing why that woman detested her so much.

"Rosemary," she called to her, "why did you do it?"

Rosemary answered with a derisive laugh. "Why? Are you asking to me why?! What was I supposed to do, stand by and watch you take James away from me?! What, is your perfect southern husband not enough for you?!"

"I didn't take anyone away from you!" Lou responded vehemently. As much as the venom of Rosemary's words hurt her, Lou had no intention of being overwhelmed by that woman. "Jimmy can decide for himself. No one ever prevented him from seeing you!"

"You all can barely stand my presence. I know what you think about me: she's the woman who killed Noah…you couldn't wait I went away from here. But remember, little witch, you can't deceive this people forever. Sooner or later everyone will understand who you really are." Rosemary seethed these words and then she went away, not giving anyone the time to reply.

"How… how dare she!" Kid growled, ready to go after her, forgetting his usual polite southern manners for once.

Lou restrained him. "No, don't go…" she said, looking in his eyes. "I don't care…"

He stared at her. It wasn't true that she didn't care. He could see how she was trying to hide the pain.

"But Lou…"

She took his face in her hands. "Truly Kid, I don't care what that woman thinks of me. I care only about what you and our friends think; and you made me realize I never did anything to be ashamed of."

Lou was smiling, looking at him with her big, brown eyes that always burned into his soul. Kid kissed her softly and hugged her close, while Teaspoon made as if he wasn't there. In his arms Lou continued to think about Rosemary. She pitied her, because she knew she was alone, but on the other hand she was afraid of her. A woman like that could be dangerous…

"At least something good came from all this," Lou sighed. "I was finally able to explain to Miah and Tessie why I left them alone for so long. This way I can put the past behind me."

"And Jimmy knows what kind of person Rosemary really is…" Kid added bitterly. He felt sorry for his friend, because once again a woman betrayed his trust.

"Come on now, enough with these long faces!" Teaspoon scolded them playfully. "You two came here because you have to tell me something, don't you?" He gave them a sly smile. "And from the expressions you wore when you arrived here, I bet it's something real good."

"Doc Barnes said it's all okay…" Lou said shyly.

"Oh sweetheart! I'm so happy for you." The old man gave her a big bear hug. "Now you two have no excuses …I want to be a grandpa!" he joked, patting Kid's shoulder.

They blushed at his joke but then they laughed heartily. Lou was right, thought Kid. What had happened had allowed them to bury all the bad things from the past and now there was only the future before them, bright and full of expectation.

"Come on," Teaspoon said. "What are you waiting for? The boys are at the way station waiting for you, you can't keep them hanging!"

The young couple looked at each other and smiled as they took each other's hand.

"Of course not!" they exclaimed. "We have to tell them to start making bets!"

THE END