Thank you for the reviews and the follows on this story. I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as the first. Writing this, I realised early on that there was no way this would be a two-shot and it's almost certainly going to be a three-shot instead.

Disclaimer - the people that own Castle are the people that own Castle. I'm not one of those people.

'Go home Beckett,' Captain Gates stood infront of Kate's desk, her stern expression mixed in with a little worry at the tired slump of Kate's shoulders, 'You look exhausted.'

'I've been trying to get her to go home for an hour,' Rick Castle handed over a travel mug of steaming hot coffee, 'But I've clearly failed so far.'

'I'm almost done Sir,' Kate hid a yawn behind the lip of the mug, 'Five more minutes and...'

'And nothing detective,' Gates chuckled, 'I get enough of the 'five more minutes' at home to know that you will still be here in an hour. Go home. Take a few hours to recharge before you come in tomorrow, even if you don't appear until midday. I need my best team in top condition.'

Knowing that she was going to fail miserably to argue her case, Kate let out a long sigh, 'I need to finish signing a couple of pages, then I'll head home.'

Kate's eyes flicked to Rick's when the Captain had made her farewells and was heading to the elevator, a small bubbling of hope building in her that she wouldn't be alone tonight.

'Kate,' Rick reached over from his chair and threaded his fingers through hers, 'Come back to mine. Please.'

'Okay,' Kate watched the surprise at her quick agreement send a wide smile across Rick's face and she couldn't help but beam back at him, her body heating up in the usual manner it did when Kate got to see a true smile from her writer.

The familiar chime from her phone interrupted the duo as they shrugged on their coats and headed to the elevator. With his hand resting around Kate's hip, he felt the moment she tensed and he took the moment to press a kiss to her hair.

'C-Can we... Can we go to the morgue before you take me to the Loft?' Kate meekly asked, the wobble in her voice betraying her sudden terror, 'There's someone... Someone else I need to be truthful to and I kinda need to do it now before I chicken out.'

'Lanie?' Rick guided Kate into the elevator, his hand snaking out to press the button for the lower levels of the 12th and it's Morgue.

'She deserves to know Rick,' Kate turned and wrapped her arms around the back of his shoulders, her face buried in his chest, 'I cut everyone out of my life after the shooting, everyone. Lanie, the boys, you.'

'I owe my life to you both Rick,' Kate tipped her head up to reveal her tear stained cheeks, 'What you did by jumping at me made me move half a step. That half step was the difference between the bullet nicking my heart and the bullet slamming straight into it.'

'I could feel Lanie over me,' Rick watched as Kate's gaze shifted, her mind replaying the events of that horrific day, 'Feel her hands on me... And I remember her voice as she pleaded with me to stay with her. She kept me anchored, her voice gave me something to focus on, to grip tightly and not give into the... Pain.'

'I am alive today because of you both,' Kate lifted her face back to Rick's, 'And I can't even begin to process, let alone express, just what that means to me.'

For the rest of his life, Rick swore that in that moment his own heart packed it in and stopped, that time itself stopped. The gravity of Kate's confession and the sheer level of emotion in her voice silenced the jumble of noise in his head, her words shocking him into a state he'd not experienced in a long, long time.

'And what you said to me Rick,' Kate hiccuped, 'I wanted to stay, I wanted to come back to you so I could tell you that I love you too...'

'Ssh,' Rick wiped his thumbs over Kate's cheeks, swiping away the tears, 'you don't need to tell me now. I mean, at some point I hope that you are able to tell me why you chose the path you did. But Kate, you're here. With me, and... Kate, none of it matters right now because you love me.'

'I do,' Kate rocked up onto her toes and slanted her lips against his. What had been quickly planned as a slow embrace quickly turned heated and before Kate could stop him, she found herself pressed against the wall, his body enveloping hers completely.

The ping of the elevator was acted just like a bucket of cold water and the two broke apart, each gasping at the rush of blood through their bodies. Giggling softly, Kate reached behind her and pulled Rick's hand off her ass.

'Sorry,' Rick smirked, the rumble of laughter at her unbelieving expression warming Kate's belly, 'Yeah... Not really.'

Kate's smile faltered when the doors started to close, her free hand snapping out to keep them open. Pulling Rick behind her, she stepped into the dark corridor. Approaching the doorway into the Morgue itself, Kate's feet stopped as she felt her courage falter.

'I'm scared,' Kate whispered, her body stopping outside the twin doors. The simple two words struck Rick hard. The Kate that spoke them wasn't the fearless Detective Beckett, but the real Kate, the one that Rick had fallen completely in love with and the fact she was opening up to him in such a way bolstered his pride in her.

'She'll be upset,' Rick quietly replied, 'There's no getting around it and she'll be angry... And loud,' Kate winced, 'But she loves you Kate. It may take a little while, but it will be okay. I'm here and I'll be beside you the whole time.'

'Always?'

'Always,' Rick replied softly, the touch screen monitor back in his office flashing in his head. Kate took a deep breath, the familiar strength visibly filling her before his eyes, 'Ready?'

'Not really,' Kate admitted, turning and pushing the doors open.

'What the hell are you still doing here Girl?' Lanie Parish looked up from the wash station, her soap covered arms hanging under the running water, 'I'd thought you'd have gone home by now. I sent Alexis back about,' Lanie glanced at the wall clock, 'Four hours ago.'

Grabbing a fist of paper towels, Lanie dried her arms and turned back to her friend to find her standing in the middle of the morgue shaking, her eyes glistening, 'Whats going on?'

'Lanie...' Kate's voice wobbled, a sob bubbling up from her chest, 'I... Um... I need to tell you something and... You're not going to like it.'

'You're scaring me Kate,' Lanie rounded the slab to where Kate stood, 'What's happened?'

Kate turned to grab Rick's hand, her palms covering his tightly, 'I... Lied.'

'About what?' Lanie's brief joy at the way her friend was leaning on the man she'd known the woman had fallen for months ago was extinguished but the answer to her question.

'I remember my shooting,' Kate whispered, 'I remember it all.'

'You remember?' Lanie flinched, fury filling her, 'You told me you didn't remember anything after stepping onto the podium. You looked me in the eye Kate and told me that you didn't remember!'

Kate's face crumpled and she lost the battle with the barrage of sobs that fought to the surface.

'How could you do that?' Lanie barked, her face a picture of hurt, 'Why did you lie Kate? I was here for you, God...'

'Lanie...'

The sharp edge to Lanie's dark expression scared Rick when she snapped her head to where he stood behind Kate, 'Shut the hell up Rick, it's beyond past the time for Kate to start talking to me and I want to know why my best friend has been keeping such a major secret from me. I want to know why...'

'I was scared!' Kate blurted, her voice flooded with panic, 'and broken. Physically and mentally, I was broken. That bullet... It nearly destroyed me and I... You deserve better than someone who ends up curled in the corner of her goddamn kitchen shaking like a freaking leaf because the cupboard door slammed shut. You deserve better than someone who flinches at a flash of light.'

'You deserved better than what I'd become,' Kate could feel the floodgates open, 'You all deserve better than me. I was scared and I was cowardly not to tell you that I... have absolutely no idea how to respond to the fact that I'm alive because of you Lanie. That knowledge blew my mind completely and... I broke again.'

'God!' Kate let the tears fall down her cheeks, her head hanging low as she started pacing, 'I didn't know how to live with that... So I lied. I lied to you, I lied to Rick, I've lied to everyone and I've been such a freaking coward. I don't want to be a coward anymore.'

'I could feel your hands,' Kate rubbed her chest with her fingers, 'Pressing down on the second most mind-numbing, soul searing agony I've ever experienced. I could hear your voice... The pain my actions caused you was... I don't know a word that can sum it up properly. I put you through that...'

'Kate,' Rick curled a hot palm over her shoulder, but the action failed to stop her momentum.

'I focussed on your voice Lanie, gripped onto you with every ounce of my being in the hope I could stay with you,' Kate sobbed, Lanie's hand covering her own quiet whimpers, 'For the rest of my life, I'm never going to forget how hard you fought for me that day and I'm never... Never going to be able to thank you properly.'

'I was a coward when I lied about what I remember,' Kate glanced at Rick, 'To both of you and I've hurt you in ways that are unforgivable. I'm never going to be able to say sorry enough, but I...'

'Kate...' Lanie all but launched herself at her friend, her arms pulling the slim woman against her as both sobbed. For what felt like an eternity, Kate stood frozen as Lanie embraced her until she fell against the the ME. Gripping the back of her scrub top Kate wept as her still healing chest flaring in pain with each lungful of air.

'I'm sorry,' Kate repeated as she wept, her hands gripping the back of Lanie's top. Despite the thunderous emotions pounding through her, she felt a soothing sensation when Rick's large hand once again curled over her free shoulder.

'I'm sorry I lied,' Kate forced out through her sobs, 'I'm sorry Lanie... I'm sorry...'

'Kate,' Lanie eventually pulled back, her face stained with tears that filled her eyes. She watched as Kate hung her head, her shoulders shaking with each sobbed breath, 'Look at me Kate.'

It took a few moments before Kate could make her body move, the potential look on Lanie's face scaring her. When she finally lifted her head, she nearly burst into tears again when she realised that, while Lanie was clearly hurt and angry at her, she could see the tentative tint to her gaze.

'I'm hurt and I'm goddamn angry right now Kate,' Lanie's voice held her usual fire, 'You could have told me, I would never judge you for what you were feeling and I will always stand by you no matter what you do.'

'I'm sorry,' Kate whispered, the shame she felt coating her words.

'I know you are Kate,' Lanie sighed, 'But you need to stop hiding from those that love you. How many times have we spent hours stuffing our faces with ice cream and drinking far too much wine while one of us blubbered over something?'

'Countless,' Kate gave a watery smile, the warmth of Rick's hand disappearing as he crossed the room to snag a box of paper towels.

'Exactly,' Lanie huffed, 'I can't imagine how devastating it all was for you, the mental anguish you would have gone through as well as the physical pain would have knocked even the strongest of people on their ass... But...'

Lanie's shoulders slumped as the fight dissolved in her, the look of utter shame and humiliation on her best friends face showing her just how ashamed Kate was by her actions.

'Let us in Kate,' Lanie implored, 'Let him in...'

'I did,' The change in Kate's face left Lanie speechless, the brunette sneaking a glance to Rick as he stood a few feet away with a box of paper towels in his hands. In an instant the shame and anguish in Kate's eyes burst into a blinding light and her red lips cracked open to add a powerful smile.

'Girl...' Lanie dropped her voice accusingly, her own wide grin softening the tone, 'Is there something else you've not told me?'

'Just after I was shot, as i'm laying on the grass,' Kate reached out and gripped Rick's arm, pulling him closer so she could wrap her arms around him, 'This guy told me he loved me.'

'Really?' Lanie rolled her eyes at Rick, 'You need to work on your timing.'

'I lied to him as well, 'Kate admitted, the happiness that had filled her dulled slightly, 'Didn't tell he I'd heard him.'

'I should smack you for being so goddamn stupid!' Lanie barked, 'What the hell possessed you?'

'Same stupidity that kept me from talking to you,' Kate ducked her head into Rick's shoulder, his hand splaying over the small of her back, 'Didn't feel like I deserved Rick.'

'You need to stop with this whole not deserving drive you've started missy,' Lanie poked Kate's shoulder as she spoke, her finger unconsciously wagging at her long time friend, 'it's unbecoming of you and i'm not going to allow you to go another inch on it. You deserve happiness Kate, just like the rest of us and you have it standing right here,' Lanie jerked her thumb at Rick, 'This big oaf loves you unconditionally, he doesn't care that you get clingy when you're sick or that tequila makes you randy.'

'It does?' Rick filed that nugget of information away for a rainy day, 'I'll have to remember that... Ouch!'

Kate rolled her eyes at her partner and let the hand that had just slugged his chest wrap back around him.

'He loves you,' Lanie continued almost without reacting, a slight shake of her head the only visible response, 'Good or bad, he loves you and you have to start believing that Kate. Not only Writer boy here, but me, Javi, Kevin... Hell, even Pearlmutter. We all care about you and want you to be happy.'

'I know,' Kate sighed, the large hand rubbing up her spine slowly dissolving the fears and nightmares that plagued her mind when she thought about how much her friends loved her, 'I'll get better at this Lanie. I promise.'

'You'd better,' the look on the ME's face was one that promised fire and brimstone if she didn't, 'or I'll tell Rick about that guy in Long Beach.'

For a brief moment Lanie was met by twin stares of confusion before Kate gasped, her eyes flying open as her face turned beetroot.

'Don't you dare,' Kate seared Lanie with a killer glare, one that was muted slightly by her beaming smile, 'Or I'll show Javi the photos from Miami and tell him just how you got us out of that speeding...'

'Okay!' Lanie threw her hand up and sighed, 'You win.'

'You two do know I'm going to find out just what it is you're both holding over the other,' Rick laughed, the deep rumble hitting Kate below the belt.

'Just remember,' Lanie couldn't stop the laugh that left her at the contented smile on her friends face, 'Whatever Kate tries to embarrass me with, I can make it much worse for her.'

The familiar sound of Alexis Castle's ringtone on her father's phone broke the mood, Rick spinning away from Kate to fish his phone out of the pocket she was pressed against.

'Kate,' Lanie lowered her voice, the serious tone leaving the brunette a little nervous, 'You know I love you don't you?'

'I do,' Kate nodded.

'I'm still pissed and we will be having a girls night in the next week so I can rip your sexy ass a new one,' Lanie huffed, 'But I still love you girl.'

'I am sorry,' Kate winced, 'I was completely wrong to keep everyone in the dark. All the reasons i convinced myself with back then are just stupid and I felt ashamed and scared of how people would react.'

'Next time you feel like that, then come tell me so I can smack the stupid right outta you,' Lanie's lips twitched up, her eyes dropping to Rick's jean clad ass, 'Or you just drag that perfect specimen of a man into the nearest bed and let him take your attention onto other things... Or just one thing.'

The loud bellows of laughter that met Rick when he hung up his phone and turned back to the two friends was music to his ears, the large grins they wore shining brightly.

'What?' Kate laughed, her brow furrowing at the way Rick was watching her.

Shaking his head quickly, Rick waggled his phone, 'Alexis is ordering pizza in tonight, she wanted to know if she should get your pizza on the order as well. I said go for it.'

'Maybe I wanted to go relax in my tub with the latest Patterson?' Kate crossed her arms over her chest as Lanie chuckled.

'Did you?'

'Nope,' Kate smirked at the blatantly obvious relief on Rick's face.

'Good,' Rick grinned, 'If we leave now, then we should be able to beat the bike and stop Mother from inhaling half of my pizza.'

'Go,' Lanie pointed at the door, 'Get that skinny ass outta here. Next week. You and me. My place.'

'That is if you and Castle aren't still being the human pretzel that is?' Lanie teased, Kate stopping her motion to hug her friend and instead poking her tongue out at her. Lanie giggled and shrugged, 'Go, I need to shut up shop anyway.'

'Hot date?' Rick quipped, his arm hung out for Kate to take.

'You can say that,' Lanie grinned saucily at the retreating backs, 'Me, Javi and a tub of ice-cream.'

'Naughty,' Kate laughed over her shoulder as Rick opened the doors to the morgue, 'don't think I need to tell you two to be good, do I?'

'Oh hell no!' Lanie's laugh echoed after Kate, 'hopefully you two will take after us and have your own fun... At Last!'

'I'm hoping so as well,' Kate shivered at the dirty rumble from Rick as the two waited for the elevator to arrive.

Despite the cheery atmosphere in the Loft while Kate helped Rick and Alexis, Martha making a usually overly dramatic exit just as the pizza arrived, attack the sinfully large pile of pizza boxes, she couldn't help but notice the slow shift in her partner as the night wore on. His smile became muted and the warmth slowly seeped from him, replaced by a growing sense of fear and dread. She didn't know why Rick was reacting in the way he was, but she knew that now the dynamics of their relationship had changed, she wasn't going to let him fall into the rut she regularly dropped into.

'I'm stuffed,' Alexis grumbled softly, the contented smile on her face at odds with her words, 'I don't think I'm going to need to eat for a month after tonight.'

Opening her mouth to respond to the young woman, Kate turned a deep shade of red when she instead released a loud belch. Covering her face with a hand and moaning in embarrassment, she couldn't help but join in the loud laughter from both Rick and Alexis.

'I'm so sorry,' Kate giggled, 'That was definitely not what I wanted to say.'

'I didn't think so,' Alexis smirked, a heavy sigh leaving her along with the mirth, 'I've put it off long enough, but I've gotta start that damned essay.'

'Are you sure you can't leave it until the morning?' Rick looked dejected as Alexis stood. The shake of her head brought more nerves to the forefront and he pouted dramatically, 'Please Pumpkin? Stay and I'll find a good zombie movie for you.'

'Later?' Alexis leant over and gave her father a kiss on his cheek. The young woman turned to Kate and paused, uncertainty at how to act towards the detective flashing across her before she sighed and pounced, hugging Kate tightly.

'Dad's over thinking,' Kate paused at the breathed whisper, 'Don't let him ver think you.'

'I won't,' Kate promised, a connection building between her and Alexis. She caught Rick's eye when he turned back from watching his daughter disappear up the stairs, the expression of dread appearing in an amount that scared Kate immensely.

'Are you second guessing us?' Kate couldn't stop her own fear filling her voice.

'God no,' Rick blurted, his hand shooting across the small gap to grasp hers tightly, 'I'm not second guessing anything about kissing you earlier.'

'So why do you look like I'm about to kick your puppy?' Kate shifted closer to her writer, 'What's going on in that head of yours.'

Rick took a deep breath, his hand tightening around Kate's, 'I was so discombobulated when I heard what you told the guy that I didn't think about something important.'

Rick stood, cautiously pulling Kate with him, and padded through into his office. She followed him in silence, the dread Kate saw on his face filling her to an extent that she was starting to shake. Rick turned and levelled Kate with a similar expression to the one he'd worn all those years ago when he'd dropped the soul shattering news about her mother's murder a year after they'd started working together.

'You aren't the only one that's been keeping a secret...' Rick grimaced. To Kate's utter horror, Rick stuttered and stammered his way through explaining his dealings with a shadowy 'Mr Smith' and the deal he'd made with the literal devil to ensure she'd survive, but never be able to bring the Dragon to justice. The impact of his words, combined with the visceral terror his voice held, slammed into Kate and spread an agony across her chest that made the sniper bullet feel like a rubber band strike.

She knew she was openly crying, the burn with each ragged breath leaving her exhausted, but she equally knew that she couldn't stop herself if she tried. Her blurry vision cut to the large monitor behind his broad shoulder, the spider web of faces and connections.

'Kate...' In the time Kate had known Rick, never had she heard him sound so small, so vulnerable, 'Say something... Please.'

'Why?' She forced out through her sobs.

'I failed you,' Rick's eyes glistened, but didn't overflow, 'I failed your father and Roy by not keeping you safe. I was... Everywhere and nowhere, lost in a horror that consumed me and I was given a choice that...'

'For you to live,' Kate saw the pain Rick's words were causing him as he spoke them, 'I had to stop you from getting justice for Johanna, for your mother. I can't lose you Kate.'

The sheer depth of Rick's love for Kate was laid bare before her, the shutters that she'd often see slip open were obliterated and she couldn't compute the emotions swirling in her. Before she could think, her body had spun her around and was marching her across the loft towards the door.

Standing before the front door, Kate froze as her conflicted mind gained control over her body. Every muscle in her body was primed to run, to get away from the agony Rick's revelation had brought on her. She would be fine if she could get away, she'd hide for a few days to lick her wounds and rebuild the wall around her heart that Rick had nearly completely demolished.

But she didn't want to. She wanted to stay, stay and scream at Rick for his moronic stupidity over his actions. She loved him, that was agonisingly clear to her and just about anyone that knew her, and she knew that he loved her just as much. The promise of happiness stood behind her in the small office, a life full of joy and love surrounded by her friends and a man that loved her despite her failings.

The door loomed large before her, the life changing decision swirling around her head. Run and continue coasting along with her life, keeping herself isolated from happiness, or stay and fight, fight for the life she wanted.

Run or stay. In that moment Kate Beckett couldn't bring herself to choose.

Until she did.