Attachment

by Cigamina

Corporal Irvin Smith stays in Hermiha to take care of some things. There, in the middle of the night and in more than questionable circumstances, he meets an extraordinarily rude and exceptionally uncommon boy with dark hair and stormy eyes. His skills, aptitude and attitude seem wasted in the streets of Hermiha's slums - Irvin wonders if they could be put to more purposeful use.

5. Chapter 5

Attachment

Author: Cigamina

Fandom: Shingeki no Kyojin

Protagonists: Irvin Smith and Levi are the main focus

Part: 5/?

Warnings: violence , foul language

Rating: will be M

Disclaimer: Characters unfortunately aren't mine, therefore no money-making~ XDDD

Notes: Not too much yet, story starts a few years before the plot in the anime/manga evolves, in year 835.

Please forgive me for making so many mistakes, English is not my native language and I'm sure you will find plenty of mistakes in there! _

Songs I heard while writing the story below:

Christian Toth - Minimal Set 2013

Flying Steps – In da arena

Music Instructor – Rock your body (Brainbug Remix)

Schiller – Schiller

Attachment– Chapter 5

Dumping a bucket of warm water over his head made him sigh, it felt good to have the warm water run along his skin, down his body. He raised his hands to run his hands over his face, opening his eyes and combing back his black hair. He felt the distinctive urge to fill the tub with steaming hot water and soak in it for some time but knew that he couldn't relax enough to enjoy it. Being restless already he used his hands to squeeze some of the water out of his hair and moved to neatly put away all the things he had used. That done with he walked over to where he had spotted a stack of clean towels and grabbed one.

Not really knowing how to use a bathroom he had figured it out after a while, filled a bucket of water, heated it, taken the bar of soap and started to wash. Sitting down on the stool had made it easier to reach all parts of him and he had been very diligent. He had spent a big amount of time scrubbing the layers of dirt off his skin, washing it from his hair, plucking at the black crud that had settled firmly underneath his fingernails. He had been careful around the newest wound; his feet had been the worst but he managed to clean them to his satisfaction. Neither did he know how much time he had needed nor how much water he had used but the urge to clean himself had overwhelmed him at some point. One of the worst things in living on the streets had always been the feeling of being dirty; it was so much worse than being hungry or lonely.

He toweled himself off, using the towel to rub down his hair a little. Knowing that the thick mane of black hair wouldn't dry for a while he didn't bother trying, folding the towel neatly when he was done and placed it onto the lavatory for now. He turned to the stack of clothing that he had placed on top of the little commode that held the towels – and couldn't help but glare at them, the thoughts he had been keeping at bay finally returning to him. He just couldn't ignore them any longer, not when he slipped into clothing that somebody had bought for him (he was cursing him for his brilliant visual judgement), in a bathroom that had been placed at his disposal, in a military garrison that he always had tiptoed around or stayed far away from, if possible.

He couldn't believe that he really actually was here. Maybe this was all a crazy dream, maybe he was having a fever again and being in a delirium caused by it. But as far as he could judge… this felt very real. The warm, clean clothes felt real, the wonderful aroma of clean soap that was clinging to him smelled real, the tiled bathroom looked real. And he didn't understand anything.

He had absolutely no idea how he had ended up here. Technically he had just walked here, been caught trying to get into the garrison unnoticed and dragged before the fucking corporal of the fucking Scouting Legion. But HOW did that happen…? He was at a complete loss about that. He just couldn't explain how he had gotten himself into his… and WHY.

This damn corporal… the manipulative shitty bastard that he was. He glared at nothing in particular and fastened the belt around his waist before bending down to put the pair of socks on his feet. He had done something to him… he had actually done a lot to him. He had patched him up after having been stabbed by one of those shitheads in that alleyway, he had given him his cloak, he had just stepped by the corpses of four men without saying anything about them, he was apparently covering up the fact that he very well knew who had killed those assholes. And all that being the fucking corporal of the Scouting Legion.

Levi had wanted to stab him so badly the moment he had recognized him for the soldier that he was. A good share of panic had been the main reason but he had felt betrayed – which was absolutely nuts as the feeling of betrayal based on the feeling of trust. To TRUST a man who just came by, witnessed him killing four men and then offered to patch him up, was nuts itself, it was fishy, it was suspicious. But there was just something about Irvin fucking Smith that had made him. Something about the way he talked, the way he acted, inspired this strange feeling in him, a feeling of knowing that this man meant no harm. That he was sincere in everything he was saying – even though he was being one hell of a manipulative shit.

He looked up and caught his own reflection in the mirror, pausing briefly when he did so. It had been some time since he had seen his reflection clearly – which he didn't mind at all, he didn't like looking at himself. Turning away from it he grabbed the pair of shoes that had come with the clothes, the rags that he had been wearing, the bandage and the used towel and left the bathroom after taking a close look around, making sure that he had tidied up and left everything clean. He had cleaned the place where he had washed off after that, not wanting to leave the place soiled.

He had really managed to make him come here he thought sourly when he slipped into the shoes that were just the slightest bit too big for him. Something in his probably very carefully chosen words had made him… he had inspired something in Levi that he couldn't quite place yet, but he had come here all by himself. Not to return this damn cloak, of course. Being his usual self he would have just kept it, laughing about the fact that it had been a soldier giving it to him. But somehow… he hadn't been his usual self for the past two days. He had been thinking; had been turning the man's words over and over in his head, couldn't get them out of his head. Apart from the fact that Irvin Smith had been the first person being nice to him in what felt like an eternity he had deeply impressed Levi, as much as he hated to admit it. He had always thought of the military as huge pricks in uniforms that were making his life even harder while they were eating fine food, sleeping in warm beds and basically doing nothing. He had known about the Scouting Legion but… somehow he hadn't imagined their job to be so… cruel, dangerous and hopeless?

And then he met corporal Irvin Smith of all people, the man who probably was their shining poster boy. His conviction and dedication was… he didn't want to call it admirable because that would reflect his opinion about him. He didn't need any opinions about him. He was the object of pride and sincerity, he knew what he was doing and what he wanted. His actions were not testing, they were calculated and there was not so much of a trace of coincidence to him.

Levi shook his head and straightened up, eying the door leading back into the corporal's office a little warily.

Something Irvin had said to him had intrigued him, had triggered something in him – which had made him come here. And agree to do military training… he could only shake his head to that. He might have gone crazy, eventually. But… somewhere, underneath his mind telling him that he was insane for even considering joining forces with an institution that he had deeply despised for the last 10 years or so, he felt grounded. As if another part of him approved his decision, feeling good about doing something that he considered useful. Irvin Smith had convinced him that it was something useful, maybe even necessary. He was far from Irvin's passionate dedication to free mankind, from dedicating himself to the military in a passionate sacrifice for the greater good – but he understood his dislike for being caged; and he considered somehow finding some kind of purpose in his being alive was worth a shot.

He straightened his shoulder and opened the door, stepping back into Irvin's office. He would see where his new-found will to make changes lead him – if he realized at some point that it wasn't his thing at all and that this unfamiliar urge to do strange things was due to a person who could talk you into about everything he could still go back, right? Being a criminal the Military Police wanted to arrest or being a deserted soldier the Military Police wanted to arrest didn't make that much of a difference.

The blond corporal sat at his desk, the folder with the collected information about the titans in his hands. He had changed at some point, the straps that came with the military's uniform were gone, the white pants replaced by brown ones that looked more comfortable. Blue eyes looked up at him when Levi entered the room and Irvin smiled, placing the folder onto the polished surface in front of him.

"I'm glad to see they fit."

He narrowed his eyes a little and moved closer, seeing the man's eyes looking him up and down.

"We can dispose of these later. That is, if you don't intend to keep them?"

Levi looked down at the rags in his arms and shook his head. Knowing that he couldn't wear them anymore he didn't need them but leaving them on the bathroom floor hadn't been an option, they were dirty and didn't belong there. As well as the towel and the used bandage that either needed to be washed or thrown away, he would ask about that-

"How's the wound? I hope it didn't get inflamed?"

…and they were right on topic. He shook his head again, pulling the bandage from the bundle he was carrying.

"What do I do with this?"

Irvin got up from his chair and walked around his desk, moving to stand in front of Levi and looking at him, still smiling.

"We'll deliver it to the room where the laundry is done, the ladies will take care of it in the morning. Do you need me to bandage your thigh again? It's a rather recent wound, after all."

Levi shook his head again, a little more frantically than he had wanted to. There was no way he would take anything off with people in the room, no matter who it was. It had been bad enough two nights ago but there he didn't really have a choice. He didn't need to feel any more vulnerable than he already did, thank you very much.

"No, it's fine."

Irvin frowned just the slightest bit but his features softened after a second, his lips splitting into another smile. Levi couldn't help but wonder if his smiles were really authentic, he did it way too often. They reached his eyes, though, he didn't fake them, and there certainly were several nuances to it. Levi found them unnerving – and strangely comforting at the same time.

"Just let me know when you need anything, you can have access to the whole medical range."

He couldn't help but roll his eyes, that was another thing he found unnerving – and unbearably confusing.

"Your consideration is going to kill you one day."

He was .nice. to be the Scouting Legion's corporal. That man really sent his soldiers out to meet the titans, knowing they most likely wouldn't return? Levi couldn't imagine him doing that. But… there had to be something about him, he wouldn't be corporal it there wasn't. Levi was very curious about what he was like when actually going outside, leading his men to fight the titans. Concluding from what Irvin had said he went outside there, too, fought alongside his soldiers and risked dying every time they left the safety of the walls.

The blond man still smiled but Levi noticed that it had gotten a little less bright. He was good at reading people, watching their reactions and body language closely. It was part of why he had survived for so long.

"Maybe. But my lacking consideration might kill you if you take chances on getting blood poisoning too lightly and I'd rather that didn't happen."

He looked at the tall man, seeing that he was very serious about the whole matter. It confused him to no end, he wasn't used to be worried about. Levi didn't know if he liked the feelings it caused in him or not and as long as he didn't know he was suspicious about it all. As little as he understood himself at the moment he had absolutely no clue about Irvin Smith's intentions. Maybe that was what made him uncomfortable.

He finally chose to roll his eyes again but nodded, averting his eyes.

"It's fine. And I'll tell you when it stops being fine."

When he looked back up at the corporal he found him smiling, brighter again. Of course, he had given in in a way… Irvin Smith liked when he got what he wanted he thought while clenching his jaw a little.

"Good. We'll go see Dallis Zacklay now, that's my commander. I'm sure he'll still be up and he asked me to report to him as soon as I heard from you, so we'll fill him in on the newest events."

Something in his stomach twisted when he heard that he would be lead before another high-up of the military but he merely nodded. He had long discarded the thought of all this being a trap – it wouldn't make sense. Irvin Smith probably could have killed him two nights ago, he could have taken him to the Military Police to have him arrested. He simply didn't need to manipulate him into coming here on his free will if he wanted to hurt him/hand him over/whatever, he sure had better things to do than playing theater like that. So he took that seeing the commander was part of the protocol – if there was a protocol for criminals wanting to join the military just like that. He doubted it.

"Let's go, then."

Irvin motioned for Levi to follow him and he did so, falling in step behind the blond man. They walked through the building in silence, not meeting anyone. Most of the soldiers were sleeping, Levi assumed. He knew that the Scouting Legion party was here for just a few days so he took it that they had business to do around here. They weren't alert so two guards being around the entrance of the building was enough.

They took care of the things Levi was carrying, disposed of everything in a room that pleasantly smelled of soap. Then they walked on, went up a few stairs and passed another few doors before Irvin stopped in front of one of them, turning to face Levi. He looked up into the corporal's blue eyes and crossed his arms in front of his chest in a defensive gesture, he didn't even think about it. But it made Irvin smile reassuringly and he was almost tempted to roll his eyes again.

"It's fine, this is just a formality."

He did roll his eyes at that.

"I'm not afraid of this. Let's just get it over with."

He wasn't. He was uncomfortable with the thought of seeing any more soldiers that night, especially the ones that were even higher ranked than Irvin and could cause him nasty trouble.

The blond man looked at him for a while and then nodded, turned to knock at his commander's door. Despite his words his heart leapt a little when he heard a deep voice say 'Come in, Irvin.' and the corporal opened the door. He motioned for Levi to follow him when he entered and he did so, bracing himself.

The room looked a lot like the room Irvin used as his office, it was as scarce and empty as the other one, the only furniture were a cupboard, a few chairs and a huge wooden desk. The commander was seated on a chair behind the desk, looking up from his work when Irvin and Levi entered the room. Levi thought he looked quite old, his hair was graying and his features lined. He was much older than Irvin was, that was for sure. Somehow Levi had imagined the man to… be a lot like Irvin? Tall, broad, muscular, energetic-looking? He knew that appearances were deceiving, he was the role-model for that, but somehow seeing the man calmed his nerves a little.

When the door closed behind him the sound had something terminal about it and he fought down the rising discomfort. Irvin moved to stand next to him, performing a gesture of salute.

"I apologize for bothering you in the middle of the night, Dallis, but I wanted to fill you in as promptly as possible."

Dallis Zacklay removed his reading glasses and his eyes were looking Levi up and down before he moved his gaze to Irvin, cocking his head to the side.

"He's even scrawnier than I had imagined him. And you're really sure this lad's capable of-"

His hand twitched for the knife that he had hidden underneath the belt he was wearing and his eyes narrowed, feeling his temper wear awfully short that night. "I'll give you a demonstration of what I'm capable of right here and now…" He muttered under his breath and his hand had almost reached his knife when he felt Irvin's hand settle on his shoulder, squeezing tightly. The blond man spoke up a second later, his voice as neutral as it mostly was when he was talking about business.

"He was saying that he'll do his best to prove himself."

Levi seethed at him and roughly shoved the large hand off his shoulder when he heard the commander chuckle. His eyes flickered from Irvin to the man sitting behind his desk, watching them.

"And he's just as nasty and insolent as I've pictured him."

He really reached for his knife this time and Irvin interfered again, stepping behind him and grabbing both of his shoulders this time to keep him from dashing over to Dallis Zacklay. He heard a muttered 'Relax.' from the corporal, about to stab Irvin first and then going to take his anger and frustration out on the commander when Zacklay spoke up.

"I've no idea what you see in him, Irvin, but I've already given you my assent and I won't take it back. Even though I hope that you know what you're doing… if you fail this might have a negative aftermath and be a blow to your reputation. He'd be all your responsibility, don't forget that. Are you really sure this is worth it?"

Levi stilled a little when he heard the commander's words, pointing out something that he hadn't thought of yet. The effects Irvin's doing had on the man himself.

The corporal's grip tightened a little but when he spoke his voice was calm, apparently unaffected by the severe words.

"It might be. I have already decided to take my chances, Dallis."

The commander looked at Irvin for another couple of seconds and then he nodded.

"Very well." He turned to Levi who was listening to their conversation intensely, trying to get a grip about what was going on. He had the feeling that there was more to the situation than Irvin had let on, to the complications behind it. "As for you, lad." Levi glared at him but refrained from trying to get his knife again. The commander's eyes were serious, his voice grave when he spoke up again. "I hope you seize this opportunity, and hold on to it as tightly as you can. It's the only chance you have – and your thankfulness towards corporal Irvin should be endless. Don't be a disappointment." He paused here to make sure that Levi was still listening. He was. "If you fail to live up to our expectations you'll be handed over to the Military Police without hesitation. You're still a criminal, your being spared condemnation would solely be generated by good conduct."

At his last words Levi went rigid and the corporal tightened his hands again, making sure Levi didn't go anywhere.

"If you don't mind I'd like to excuse us, Dallis. It's been a long day."

The commander nodded and leaned back in his chair.

"I think I've seen enough. Goodnight, Irvin. I just hope he won't make you fall."

"Goodnight, Dallis."

Levi was shuffled out of the room and he wrestled himself free the moment he was outside in the corridor. Irvin shut the door behind them and raked a hand through his hair, looking at Levi. "Didn't that proceed smoothly." Not liking the sarcasm in his voice Levi was about to explode into his face when Irvin held up his hand.

"In my office. I don't want to wake the whole garrison."

He turned and walked down the hall and Levi really considered stabbing him in his back. Then he considered leaving the garrison as quickly as he could. Then he considered stabbing Irvin in the back and THEN leaving the garrison as quickly as he could. In the end he decided that he could as well take his frustration out on Irvin and give him a piece of his mind, stab him afterwards and get the hell out of here – and set to follow the man back to his office.

The moment they were both inside and the door shut behind them he did explode into Irvin's face.

"What the fuck was that about? What was that about the damned Military Police?! How dare the shithead insult me I swear I'll fucking kill that bastard the next time I see him I-"

"Would you calm down? I won't speak to you until you start using your brain again."

He seethed at the blond man and couldn't restrain from darting over to him, slamming into him with full force. He could tell Irvin hadn't expected that as the man gasped and stumbled backwards. Levi dashed to the side and kicked the corporal's legs, avoiding the hands reaching for him. He knew that he didn't stand any chance against Irvin's strength, he had to overpower him otherwise – and he was certainly more agile. The moment Irvin got a hand on him it was over – he had to get him to the floor first.

But that was easier said than done as he could tell that Irvin was a skilled fighter – he could also tell that usually his targets were much bigger and slower than Levi was. It came all down to dodging hands and feet, kicking and hitting where he could aim at and then getting the hell away from him again to return within seconds. He used his advantage in speed and manoeuverability and they tumbled through the office, never taking their eyes off the other. Levi could see the concentration and frustration in Irvin's eyes and he was sure he looked about the same, neither of them willing to back down. Both of them were panting and Levi heard the blood rush through his veins, his heart beating fast against his ribcage.

It was when Levi was forced to jump back in order to avoid Irvin that he crashed into the man's desk, hitting his thigh against the hard wood which made him stumble and gasp in pain. It was just fractions of a second that he needed to regain his balance but it was enough for Irvin to launch himself against him, grabbing him. He kicked and lashed out at him, scratched and bit where he could reach the other but that didn't help him. He was spun around and pushed forward and found himself slammed against the wall behind Irvin's desk. He struggled against the hands holding his arms behind his back, using leverage to limit Levi's movement to a minimum. He struggled anyway, snarling viciously at Irvin and kicking backwards to make him release him. But Irvin held him there firmly, pushed him roughly against the wall when he landed a blow to one the man's shins. He moved closer and used his body to trap him even more against the wall, making it almost impossible to move.

"Stop struggling, NOW."

He heard suppressed anger in the other's voice, it was trembling slightly from it. An unpleasant feeling of discomfort crept up his spine when feeling the other's body so close, his breath on his neck and cheek, mixing into the rage and frustration he was feeling. He kept struggling, more desperately than before even, his heart beating so loud and fast that he was sure Irvin heard it, too.

"Let GO!"

The blond man shoved at him again, moving his arms in an angle that made him cry out in pain, quickly biting his lips to stifle it. That bastard, he was so gonna regret this. He would KILL him, no matter-

"I won't until you calm down. I refuse to be attacked again."

He should have gone for his knife, he just should have stabbed him when he had been able to, the fuckhead. The hell he would calm down, he'd fight until he got his hands on the bastard and-

"Maybe it's good we're having this right now, I think you don't understand the range of this whole thing."

Levi snarled at him, trying to tear his arms out of his grip even though he risked having them dislocated. He didn't care, he just wanted to get away from him.

"The fuck I don't understand!"

He was roughly pushed against the wall for the third time and he heard the corporal actually swear under his breath, realizing that the man was very close to losing his temper. He almost wanted to laugh, there Smith's great composure went down the drain. He actually seemed to be able to feel anger instead of the eternal smiling calmness, Levi thought to himself. Maybe he would finally show his true self now instead of hiding behind his polite façade.

The man's voice was dangerously low when he spoke up again, sending chills down his spine which did nothing to calm Levi.

"This is not a playground. Every decision that you make has its consequences. This is not the street where you can live and act just by your own rules."

Levi wanted to kick him, wanted to hit him straight in the face for his audacity. He hissed and snarled and struggled even though it did nothing to free him, it just caused him pain. The corporal's strong hands held him in a way that he was barely able to move and it was making him furious, scared even as he didn't know what to expect. It all clouded his thoughts, the pressure of the moment weighing him down.

"Fuck you then, all of you assholes! I won't have this shit!"

The corporal was silent for a while and Levi twisted his head around to see what he was doing, which wasn't much. He looked at Levi with almost thoughtful eyes – Levi found it frustrating that nothing of his anger was to be seen in his eyes. They were calm, contemplating even, and when he spoke up so was his voice.

"Do you really want to blow this? This might indeed be the only chance you get for changing your life."

It was unnerving and it made Levi even more furious, he tried tearing at his arms again. But the calm words somehow found their way into his mind, diving into his clouded thoughts that were so full of rage and frustration and fear that he could barely see straight. He shook his head, not willing to let the man manipulate him any further. He knew Irvin was doing it again, addressing a part in him that was willing to listen and he hated him for it.

"But not like this! I won't be handed over to the fucking MP no matter what, do you really think I'll LET you?! I don't care who the fuck he is, he has no right to say-"

The man cut right into his words with his calm voice. There was a seriousness about it that made Levi listen, even though he gritted his teeth and hissed at the corporal.

"To say WHAT? To say you're scrawny, vicious and insolent? He does, as it's true. To say that he'll hand you over to the Military Police if you don't behave accordingly? He does have the right, you're a criminal. You killed people." He snarled at the taller man when hearing those words but Irvin didn't let him mouth any of his thoughts. "I know you didn't do it for fun and I can imagine your life pretty much sucked so far."

He was surprised about his choice of words, he hadn't heard the posh bastard use such language up to that point. Seething at him Levi struggled again but the more he struggled the more strength left him, making him more aware of the pain that was shooting up his arms every time he moved, the overall oppressive feeling of being forced against the wall. Frustration and a sense of defeat was tuning his anger down, making him spit his words at Irvin with a distinctive touch of suppressed despair.

"You have no fucking idea you son of a bitch."

Irvin looked at him, not tightening his grip again. Levi didn't want to see him anymore and averted his eyes, no longer feeling the urge to watch him because he sensed that he other wasn't doing this to injure him or cause him any kind of pain.

The corporal's grip at his arms slightly loosened which gave his arms a little relief but wasn't enough to make him try to free himself again.

He heard the other's voice speak up again, calm as always. But there was something else, a soft touch to it that made Levi listen carefully.

"Why are you so intent on fucking this up, then? It's your chance to prove to everybody what you're capable of, without having to fear that they hunt you down for it. It's your chance to change things for you."

He stared at the wall, thinking about the words and part of him was screaming at him that this man… was right. He wanted a different life – but the other part in him, the one that was so stubborn and intent on surviving and mistrusting anybody and anything still screamed NO. He shook his head, willing those thoughts away. He was confused, emotions were twirling so high inside of him that he was afraid of being swamped by them.

It all came down to what he wanted, he realized. It was still his choice. If he wanted to take this chance, no matter what it came along with, with the submission to a system and superiors and rules – or if he wanted to go back to the streets, living by his own rules and running from the Military Police until he either died or they eventually caught him.

Looking at it that way… he didn't need long to make a decision. He wasn't happy with it because neither option really pleased him but he was choosing the lesser evil.

He slowly, and it afforded a lot of will-power, relaxed between the corporal's body and the wall, showing him without words that he had thought about it. He knew Irvin would understand his conclusion, the observant manipulative bastard that he was. And he did, his grip slowly loosened and Levi suppressed a relieved sigh when he was able to slump his shoulders and the throbbing pain dulled a bit.

Irvin released him eventually, stepping back and giving him space, saying: "Just stop struggling."

Levi turned around and pressed his back against the cold wall, noticing the heat that had been radiating off the corporal's body only now that it was no longer there. He crossed his arms in front of his chest, desperately trying to maintain his composure on the outside while he was failing completely on the inside. Pressing his arms close to his body he knew that this wasn't a gesture of stubbornness, it was one of defense.

The corporal stood a few steps away from him, keeping his distance now that Levi was calm. Blue eyes were looking at him, calm and honest as always. Even though it unnerved him to no end he noted that the calmer Irvin was he was, too.

"And stop fighting me. I think what happened to you is very unfortunate but I had nothing to do with this. Neither did Dallis Zacklay or any other member of the Recon Corps. I'm not the right person to take your frustration and insecurities out on."

Levi glared at him for the last comment but even though he tried to deny it he knew Irvin was right. He hated to be lectured but there was nothing he could say to object him.

He averted his eyes, fighting down the rising feeling of guilt. He really didn't need that feeling to mix into the rest, it made everything even more complicated. 'Your thankfulness towards corporal Irvin should be endless. Don't be a disappointment.' The Commander's word were echoing in his head and as if Irvin had heard them as well he chose this moment to speak up again, bending down to pick up some files that had slid off the desk when Levi had crashed into it.

"He does have a point, though. It's not only yourself that your decisions will have consequences for. Which is not why I'm asking you to be a little more prudent about the way you act, this is absolutely not about me. I want you to think before you act for your own sake. Just bear in mind that everything you do falls back to me, too, somehow."

He looked at Levi and leaned back against the desk, placing his palms on the wooden surface on either side of his body. Levi held his gaze for a moment and then averted his eyes, even though there was nothing accusing to the way he spoke and looked at him he couldn't look at him and hated himself for it. He shouldn't be feeling what he was feeling but he couldn't help it.

"About that Military Police thing: You won't be handed over as long as you function, I'll make sure of that. Trust me on this, Levi. And I'm sure you will do great."

He closed his eyes for a moment and then looked back up at Irvin, those honest cerulean eyes were still gazing at him. Levi was at a loss of what to say; there was so much going on in his head, so many thoughts and questions making his head spin. He just knew that in a very twisted way he did trust Irvin Smith; he believed in his words. He just wasn't used to feeling this way.

The only thing he could muster up was a nod – and that seemed to suffice the corporal. His lips split into a slight smile and this time Levi was almost relieved to see it.

"Good."

The only affirmation he got, but that was enough for Levi.

The corporal looked around the office and caught a glimpse of the clock which made his eyes widen.

"Gods, it's late… I think we should catch some sleep, it's going to be a long day tomorrow."

Sleep… the very last thing he felt at that moment was tiredness. He knew that he should be exhausted but his senses were so alert that he couldn't imagine falling asleep soon. He followed the corporal nevertheless when Irvin motioned for him to do that, arms still pressed against his body. A strange numbness had settled over him, as if the outburst of so many emotions in the last few minutes had accumulated in feeling none of them anymore. In a way he welcomed that feeling, it was way better than the twirling of emotions that he couldn't make a sense of. But it left him cold in a way, unable to process anything of what he should be feeling.

He followed Irvin to the man's bedroom, his face firmly set into the neutral, bored look he usually gave everyone and everything. As much as there was going on in his mind nothing of it showed on his face.

He chose to stand in the doorframe and watched Irvin walk over to the large wardrobe, pulling out a few blankets and a pillow. Watching him walk over to the vacant one of the two beds that were in the room it finally dawned to Levi that he was supposed to sleep here. He pointed it out to the corporal, making sure.

"So… we both sleep here?"

Irvin placed the blankets and the pillow on the bed and turned to look at Levi, inclining his head.

"I think that's least complicated. I don't know which rooms are vacant, if there are any, and you already know where the bathroom is."

Levi felt discomfort creep up his spine when he thought about sleeping in this room, let alone in this building. He wasn't used to any of this.

"Aren't you afraid that I'm going to stab you in the middle of the night?"

His voice was steady, just as he expected it to be. He had never been allowed to show emotions, the moment you let the enemy know that you were afraid it was over. If he was good at something then it was just this, seeming way more confident and calmer than he actually was.

Irvin frowned a little but smiled doing it, shrugging his shoulders.

"I think if you really intended to stab me in the middle of the night it wouldn't matter where you sleep, you'd find me anyway. I spare you the trouble of searching for me, this way."

His pleasant sarcasm was something he would probably never get used to… but at least the corporal didn't seem to be still angry. Even though Levi was sure that the man was as good at hiding his real emotions as Levi was, he was just doing it differently.

"That's too kind."

The blond man's lips twitched and he went over to his wardrobe again.

"Anytime."

He pulled out another stack of clothing that he held out to Levi.

"Here, that's more comfortable to sleep in."

He stared at him, unable to believe that he had bought even more stuff for him. Not being in a mood to pick another fight over the fact that Irvin couldn't have known that he was coming but HAD somehow, having been so sure that he had already bought clothes for Levi because he was a manipulative bastard, he just accepted them. Irvin looked at him and then nodded in the bathroom's direction.

"You go first."

Levi hesitated a moment but slipped out of his shoes and went to the bathroom eventually, closing the door behind him. He leaned against the heavy wood and closed his eyes, rubbing his face with his palms. He needed to calm down, now. The whole situation seemed to be crushing him, it was a lot to take in at a time. The thought of sleeping caged inside a room, and sharing that space with another person, was almost unthinkable. He wasn't used to any of this – it was a huge change for him and he was sure that only was the tip of the iceberg, there was so much more coming up.

He took a deep breath, pushed away from the door and moved over to the opposite wall, as far away from the door as he possible could, and hurriedly changed into the clothes Irvin had just given him. He felt exposed, constricted, knowing that there was someone else on the other side of the door who could barge in any time. While he was rather sure that the man wouldn't do that because he had no reason to he still felt threatened and quickly put on the new clothes, feeling relieved when he was ready.

There was not much he could, or would, do otherwise so he folded the other clothes and left the bathroom with them.

The blond man was sitting on the edge of his mattress and looked up at him when Levi entered, a mug nursed in his hands. He had taken off his shirt, undershirt, shoes and socks, it was all lying in a messy heap next to his bed. Pressing the folded clothes a little tighter to his chest he went over to the bed he was supposed to sleep in and climbed onto it, pushing back until his back met the wall without taking his eyes off the corporal. Blues eyes looked right back at him and Irvin smiled before getting up, walking over to the bathroom and disappearing in it.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the wall, taking a deep breath to calm himself before getting up and placing the folded clothes on a chair that was next to the bed. After a moment of hesitation he stole a sip of water from the mug that Irvin had placed on a small table that was set in front of the window before returning to the bed. He crawled onto it and pushed his sheathed knife underneath the pillow – he felt naked without having it in reach. He then reached for the blankets, wrapped himself in them and huddled into the corner that the bed, standing next to the wardrobe, created.

It didn't take Irvin long to reappear and the man went back to his bed, extinguishing the torch that had lit the small room. As he didn't draw the curtains closed there were pale moon rays shining in through the window and allowed Levi to watch him lie down on his bed, sliding beneath the covers and stretching underneath them. Feeling his body relax slowly he lay down as well, unable to stop watching the other person. He knew Irvin wouldn't get up, come over and hurt him – it was just impossible to turn off his instincts that made him be alert, suspicious. He hadn't trusted anybody for years, had never even considered sleeping inside of a building because it made him feel caged; he would rather be outside in the cold, on a roof or a tree to lessen the chances of somebody going to kill him in his sleep. He had no idea when he had slept long and deep for the last time, probably never in the last seven years. Being in this bed, having clean, slightly scratchy blankets wrapped around him, warming him, felt great, just as cleaning himself with warm water and soap had felt great earlier – those were just things he wasn't used to. He wasn't used to having rules, having to obey and accept other people's decisions, to having people around him in the first place. All of this threw him completely off-balance – and scared him shitless, even though he hated to admit it. Turning his whole life upside-down was a good thing as his life was a crappy mess – it just came with the price of losing everything he knew, everything he had been certain about. And that was hard, he didn't know what was going to happen and what people expected from him.

But he was certain about one thing: he had misjudged Irvin a little earlier. He was sure that this man could lead his men to battle – he had seen a new side of him earlier, not the attentive and caring side he had seen and mocked before. Not that he wanted to add cold-hearted, brutal, ruthless or anything like that to his list of attributes describing Irvin but he HAD seen a dominant, aggressive, obstinate side of him that had somehow surprised him. And made his respect for this man rise by a good portion.

"Did I… hurt you earlier?"

He jumped a little when he heard the corporal's voice, the man hadn't moved at all before deciding to speak up. Levi could vaguely see him face the ceiling and he huddled closer to the wall, pulling the blankets around him like a cocoon. He actually sounded a little rueful, his voice was very quiet and Levi did roll his eyes even though his words somehow relieved him, touched him in a way. When he spoke, his voice was soft, equally calm and quiet.

"No, it's fine."

He heard him breathe, the quietness of a room almost stunning to him. It was never quiet outside, there were always noises – animals rustling through trash, people walking around, talking, screaming, the wind moving the tree's branches, the sounds of the river. He never remembered being anywhere this quiet.

"I wasn't going to, I just… needed a way to get you to listen and-"

He felt his lips twitch a little, a very unusual feeling as he never really had a reason to smile – but here in the dark, quiet room, where no one would witness it, he felt the urge to smile a little to himself.

"Your consideration really is awful."

He heard the other laugh softly and Irvin turned onto his side, his back facing Levi.

"Just do your best, hard work is always appreciated. You'll do great, I'm sure."

"You're repeating yourself."

He chuckled again and pulled his blankets higher, covering his shoulders.

"So you really did listen." He paused a few seconds to see if Levi would say something to that, but he didn't. He had listened and Irvin knew it perfectly well. "Goodnight, Levi."

He said the words back to him, quietly, and drew his legs up to his chest, curling into a ball. Still watching the other's silhouette he listened to him breathe, sliding his hand underneath the pillow to brush his fingertips against the metal of his knife. The corporal's breathing even out, becoming deep and regular and Levi was rather certain that he fell asleep within minutes – a state that he was very far away from. But he found that the longer he listened to his steady breathing the more his muscles relaxed and he tried closing his eyes – only to feel them fly open at the first rustle of cloth he perceived. The corporal had moved, he had turned onto his stomach in his sleep. Levi took a deep breath and closed his eyes again, trying to tell himself that everything was fine, that he could go to sleep without fearing that somebody might come to hurt him – when Irvin exhaled deeply which made his eyes fly open again. He wanted to groan in frustration but he was afraid to wake the other so he settled for staring at his broad back. One of his hands came up and fingers curled in his dark hair. It was a habit he had adopted long time ago, knowing it somehow calmed him a little when he had trouble falling asleep, when feeling unbearably miserable in general. It didn't do much for him this night, though – he would have to wait for exhaustion to make him pass out.

He had no idea for how long he had been lying there, shifting around on the hard mattress in a way that he was always able to keep an eye on the second bed in the room and trying to go to sleep, when it started. It started out lightly, a building pressure in his middle that got completely unbearable within minutes. He stifled a whimper and apprehensively touched his stomach, crossed his arms in front of it and pressed them against his torso. He had never, in his whole life, felt so sick before. And his stomach didn't like the pressure he applied, not at all. It just took another second until he jerked up, scrambled out of the bed and rushed into the bathroom. He fell to his knees in front of the toilet and threw up violently, feeling tears stinging in the corners of his eyes when his stomach convulsed repeatedly. Digging his fingers into the edge of the toilet he waited for the next wave, feeling that there was more to come.

Oh god… Levi is way harder to write than Irvin. 8DDDD The little brat doesn't only give Irvin a hard time, me as well. XD

Hope you enjoyed reading anway!

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