Days go by with an unchanging routine, and Kate is still gathering the courage needed to have the dreaded conversation with Josh. In the meantime, things remain the same between the two of them, with both working long hours in alternating shifts. Josh stays the night once or twice a week, but other than that, they rarely see each other, except for sharing occasional meals together. He always comes to Kate's apartment- it's never the other way around. Even at the beginning of their relationship, he was always the one to go to her place, because that was more comfortable for Kate. But ever since her trip to L.A. with Castle, she hasn't even set foot in Josh's apartment. She and Josh often go several days without seeing each other, and it seems like the promises made after his almost-trip to Haiti are gone, like a leaf on the wind.
On the other hand, Kate sees Castle on a daily basis. The writer comes to the precinct even on the dullest days, when there's only paperwork piling up on her desk. On those days, he brings her a cup of coffee or a hamburger, depending on the time, and leaves after keeping her company for a while. His presence makes even the most boring day enjoyable.
When Kate has a day off, they talk on the phone. And when she does have to work, but for whatever reason, Castle is not with her, they exchange frequent text messages, with the excuse of catching up on the latest developments in her cases or the most important events on their lives. They even chat about the not so important moments, like Alexis' dentist appointment or the baseball game Kate watched with Jim.
Kate no longer seeks excuses for those calls. In fact, she's the one who initiates them sometimes. She's already admitted, at least to herself, that she and Castle simply miss each other when they're apart and need to remain in touch.
With each new day, she becomes even more convinced that her feelings for Castle are very much real, and she could swear that the same emotion is reflected back at her in his eyes. Josh's name is never brought up in their conversations. They act as though he doesn't exist, and truth be told, Kate herself has trouble recalling her relationship with him sometimes.
Every day is the same with Josh. They both talk about work, and they eat and sleep together. Nothing else. Even the sex has been seemingly forgotten, pushed into the background. The relationship between them is not sustainable, and it is drawing to an inevitable close. Kate has decided to put an end to it, but she hasn't managed to summon up the courage to call things off yet.
One night, though, she just can't take it anymore.
Josh has just arrived, after yet another long day at work, and she's only been home for less than an hour. They haven't seen each other in a week, and they are sitting on opposite ends of the couch, eating a takeout leftovers as a late dinner.
Despite not having seen each other for a while, their conversation is stilted and awkward. After yet another awkward silence between them, Kate finally plucks up the courage to speak, setting her plate on the coffee table. If she doesn't speak up now, she knows she never will.
"Josh, we need to talk."
He sighs, setting down his own plate and turning to face her.
"I know," he agrees calmly.
But he doesn't elaborate any further, and she's grateful that he's letting her be the one in charge of the conversation. Kate is silent for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Finally, she takes a deep breath, deciding to be completely honest with him.
"This isn't working," she declares. "We barely see each other, and we don't even talk on the phone anymore. We don't do anything besides work and sleep. And even when we are together, we don't speak."
Josh is still staring at her, with an inscrutable expression, but he waits until she continues.
"We're stuck, Josh. Trapped in routine. I'm… I'm not happy. And I think we both deserve more than this. I think we could make this work, but…" she trails off, her eyes unfocused, lost in thought.
"Tell me something, Kate," Josh intervenes. "Do you really want this to work? Are you willing to fight for this, for us?" Kate looks down at the floor, choosing not to respond. "I know we've both made efforts to make this work, but I have the feeling that this isn't our only issue," he continues. "And I really don't know how to fix it. I don't even know if I want to."
"You're right. It isn't the only issue," Kate whispers. She hesitates, trying to figure out the best way to phrase her thoughts. "I just… what we have isn't enough for me anymore. I want more. The thrill and excitement that our relationship used to have is just gone, and I'm not sure if it can come back."
"Is the thrill just gone for us, or in general?" Once again, she chooses not to respond. He pushes, though, clearly dissatisfied with her silence. "Is there somebody else, Kate?"
She swallows and raises her head slowly, expecting to find Josh's eyes filled with accusations. To her surprise, though, there's nothing but understanding and a deep sadness in his gaze. She can't lie to him. He doesn't deserve it.
"I'm sorry."
There's no need to add anything else. He shrugs, almost imperceptibly.
"Me too." The expression written across Josh's face makes her think that he, too, knew that this conversation was inevitable. There's no surprise on his features, only sorrow.
Josh rises from the couch, and Kate follows his example. He makes his way to the front door without uttering a single word, putting on his jacket as he goes. She trails behind him, her shoulders slouched. As he gets to the door, Josh turns back to face her.
"I guess I'll have to come by and get my things… when would be a good time?" he asks.
"Whenever you want," Kate shrugs.
He smiles sadly and takes a step toward her, tilting his head to deposit a soft kiss on her cheek in an unequivocal gesture of farewell.
"Take care, Kate."
"Goodbye, Josh."
And in a blink of an eye, he's gone. Kate stands by the closed door of her apartment long after she's heard the ding of the elevator signaling his departure. She can't shake her sadness over the end of their relationship. Despite how hard things had gotten between them, Josh is a good person, and she really likes him. For the longest time, she thought that they could make it work, and the realization that it never can saddens her.
The distant ringing of her cell phone snaps her out of her reverie, and she shuffles absently into the living room to pick it up. She glances at the caller ID as she answers, and a smile brightens her face as she recognizes the caller.
"Hey, Castle."