AN: Happy times will come I can assure you. Thanks for the kind words as well.

Chapter 4

Today officially marked Jane's third trimester. She was 27 weeks pregnant, tallying up her seventh month. To say things had been hectic in the past weeks would be putting it mildly. Maura, bless her, had been a trooper. It obviously didn't help matters that Jane was in the midst of a summer pregnancy. If they didn't have other more pressing issues to consider they might have contemplated timing the pregnancy a bit differently. But who after having lost a child would care that they would be pregnant during the summer season the second time around?

...

''Its freezing in here,'' Angela pointed out the obvious as she made her way through to the kitchen. ''It's nearing 85 degrees outside and you have a sweater on Maura, is everything alright?'' the bags in hand were set on the kitchen counters as Angela straight away got to business.

''Jane was hot,'' Maura sighed, not having enough strength to offer more. Clearly she was exhausted.

''Oh sweetheart. What's happening?'' The Rizzoli matriarch quickly abandoned her work in favour of comforting her daughter in law.

Once settled in the warm arms of Angela, Maura broke down in tears. She used the end of her sweater to wipe at her eyes as Angela cradled her gently, not pressuring her to begin talking just yet.

''What's wrong?'' she eventually asked. She had spoken with Jane a little over two hours ago and knew that everything was alright with her health; she wasn't in labour or anything, so there was no need to panic.

''Jane and I had an argument and then everything just sort of went downhill from there,'' Maura said in one breath.

Angela was not notorious for being patient, but life was teaching her to practice the skill the hard way. ''What did you argue about?''

''She's been very emotional these past...two weeks I'd say. So sensitive and extremely on edge. One minute we are happy and laughing and the next she is silent and giving me attitude or crying or just trying to pick a fight with me for no reason''

''I can understand how stressful it must be for you,'' Angela smiled at her pitifully, knowing fully well how wonderful and horrendous a time it can be. ''I won't say I understand completely how you feel, because I was on the other side of the equation,'' she laughed lightly. ''but I do know a lot about what Jane is going through. Being pregnant makes you feel all these things that you can't control and you just want to become how you were before but you can't. And at the same time you want to be pregnant and you want your child but you also want him or her to just get out already''

''But what can't I do to help?'' Maura asked helplessly. Angela was just confirming to her that there isn't anything anyone can do, but she was still very desperate for an answer. Any bit of information would do really.

''What were you arguing about?'' Angela inquired.

''It's silly really,'' Maura shook her head as she wiped her nose with so paper towel. ''I was on the phone with Patricia and Jane said I was making noise''

''You hardly speak that loud Maura''

''Well that's my point you see. She picks unnecessary fights with me. I walked out of the bedroom to come downstairs and Patricia was saying something that I laughed at and Jane just lost it. She said that she was getting fat and I was no longer interested in her and had my eye set out for Patricia''

Angela couldn't help herself, she laughed out loud at the mere absurdity of those words. ''She didn't?'' Angela laughed

''Those were her words exactly. She says that's why I was so quick to say Patricia was the right person for the job''

''Oh dear, my daughter is losing her mind''

''Angela!'' Maura almost stomped her foot. The poor blonde really needed advice. She was of course chuffed that Angela wouldn't even for a second entertain the thought that she would do such a thing, but that information didn't really help her on a practical level at that moment.

''Ok. How about we cancel our lunch with Patricia today and you and Jane can have some time to sort things out?'' Maura looked a bit sceptical. Would it really help, she wondered? ''I'll ring her and reschedule. And maybe you can take Jane out somewhere. Its been so hot and you guys have been really reluctant to do anything. Go outside, have some fresh air and dinner will be ready when you get back. Ok?''

''I guess going out could do us some good. I don't know if Jane will want to though. She says it's so hot outside and that August is officially her worst month of the year''

At least they both got a good laugh out of that.

Maura made a cup of tea for herself and Jane while Angela spoke with Patricia and rescheduled for the weekend.

As it turned out, Patricia was exactly what they were looking for. Jane and Maura went as far as interviewing Mary, just for the sake of comparison, but their mind was already made up. Patricia graduated in Nutrition and Diabetics from NYU's college of arts and science. As well as being diabetic herself, her mother was too. In the last three years she had set up a restaurant and small grocery shop in Kenya with all the food recommended for diabetics. Maura couldn't have been more thrilled to have someone around the house that was very conscious of eating practices (her wife needed another eye on her). In addition to this, Patricia had a daughter of her own – a child she bore at 18 who lived in Kenya with her parents. In a nutshell: she was perfect. She didn't mind that they were lesbians, she was educated and kind and old enough and experienced and just genuinely nice. It also didn't hurt that she was really pretty, and her job was set to begin as soon as the triplets were born.

She was due that afternoon so she could see around the place and they could explain her duties and wages in detail. They also needed to iron out a calender for her days off and holiday periods etc. In the evening all the guys were to come by for dinner and she would get to meet the rest of the family (including Korsak, Frost, and Nina). Their other close friend, Amanda; they had still not heard from. Frost had traced her phone up to the airport on the day she left. Unfortunately none of them had any contact details for her in Canada. So all they could do was wait, and hope she would return at some point.

''I made some tea,'' Maura said loudly before she even got to the bedroom. It was her way of warning Jane that she was approaching. How had their life come to this, Maura briefly thought.

''Glory baby, you slipped away
As fast as we could say baby, baby
You were growing, what happened dear
You disappeared on us baby, baby…''

Maura immediately heard those lyrics waft into the quiet room. The day was certainly not going to get any better she knew – in a whole different way though.

''Jane,'' she whispered, but her wife quickly shushed her and beckoned for Maura to come and sit with her on the bed.

''…Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe
Until we're home with you
Until we're home with you…''

In front of Jane where she sat half cross legged where several photographs splayed haphazardly. When she lifted her face up to meet Maura's eyes, the blonde gasped at what she saw. Jane's face was practically swollen from crying.

So this is what she had been up to the whole time Maura was downstairs. The blonde suddenly wished she hadn't run away but instead stayed and argued with Jane for however long until they both got tired.

''…We miss you everyday, miss you in every way
But we know there's a day when we will hold you, we will hold you
And you'll kiss our tears away, when we're home to stay
We can't wait for the day when we will see you, we will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you, until mom and dad can hold you
You'll just have heaven before we do
You'll just have heaven before we do
Before we do…''

They had played that song over and over again at their daughter's funeral. And listening to it was a sure way of messing up at least the next three days to come. Maura picked up a random picture. There staring at her, was Jane and herself leaning over the tiny coffin, weeping.

''…Sweet little baby, it's hard to understand it
'Cause we are hurting, we are hurting
But there is healing, and we know we're stronger people
Through the growing, and in knowing…''

They listened to the song in silence, reminiscing about the tragic event in their life that they would never forget. Looking at the picture they took before closing that coffin – forever – Maura cried out loud as she settled her head on Jane's legs and let her wife gently run her hand through her hair.

''…I can't imagine heaven's lullabies
And what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing
Heaven is your home
And it's all you'll ever know
All you'll ever know…''

''We won't ever completely get over this will we?'' Maura asked, short of breath from the crying.

''No,'' Answered Jane a little more clearly. She'd had a head start with the crying and had calmed down now. ''I keep telling myself that we are blessed and lucky to be having three children now. But is it right really, that getting triplets is the price for losing our little girl?'' Not quite the right way to look at it, but Jane still did rationalise it that way.

''I don't know. I wanted her. And I want these three as well,'' Maura sniffed, sitting up so she could see Jane. They smiled a sad smile at each other knowing that had it been a different conversation Jane would have laughed and said 'you sure are greedy Doctor Isles'.

There was nothing to joke about in this instance.

''Would you like to go out somewhere?'' Maura asked as the song came to an end on Jane's phone.

''Patricia will be here shortly…and isn't everyone coming over later''

''We cancelled that,'' Maura replied flatly, feeling a tinge of anger from their earlier argument.

''I'm sorry Maura.''

''Its fine Jane,'' Maura dismissed.

''No it isn't.''

''It's over now. Let's just forget it''

''Maura,'' Jane took hold of her hands, stroking them tenderly. ''I've been so difficult and I know it. Most times I can't control it, but that shouldn't be an excuse. I've treated you very badly, and I'm so sorry baby. You have been so patient with me, and I never once said thank you.'' Maura smiled, knowing it was all true but not having the heart to confirm it to Jane. ''thank you. For your understanding and patience. What I said earlier about Patricia, that stupid of me. I can't take it back, and I know part of you will always be wondering if I'm wondering whether you are attracted to her or not. It's not like that, and I know it. I'm so sorry for even voicing such a thing. It was very disrespectful and I wish I could take it back''

''You can't take it back,'' Maura said earnestly. ''But Jane, you must know that there couldn't possibly be anyone in the world I could ever want to be with other than you. Do you know what sort of, to use your words, shit we have been through?'' Jane was too surprised by the curse word to answer. ''We go back years ago my love. To Hoyt, to shooting yourself, your family drama plus my family drama, work, and then Paddy. If there was a time I was going to be with someone else, it would have been when I left for Paris. Which coincidentally was when you were with someone else.'' Maura didn't mean that as a jibe, and Jane knew that. They had been through that conversation already – the Jane being with Jason thing. ''When I heard you were in hospital, I took the first plane out to see you. And in that moment I knew I wouldn't be leaving you again. Because if after one year I could instantly drop everything just to make sure you were alright with my eyes, surely it meant that you mean the world to me''

If Jane didn't have pregnancy brains she would have whipped up something nice to say back, but all she could do was use her actions to kiss Maura. Which suited the blonde just fine.

''Now, if you feel inclined to make it up to me I have just the thing''

''Anything,'' Jane said eagerly.

''Come out with me. I feel like going to the park and just sitting on a bench in the sun for a while.''

''I could do that, yes''

''And we could get some ice-cream and I'll read a book''

''Now we're talking,'' Jane started getting up, liking the idea already.

Maura gathered up the pictures on the bed as Jane freshened up. It was going to take a while obviously. Jane was, to put it bluntly, huge. You'll just have heaven before we do, Maura trailed her finger over the words on the cover of the program booklet to their baby's funeral. Closing her eyes she inhaled deeply and sent a quick prayer to whoever could hear her that her three babies would be alright.

And so they set off to the park. If they had known it was the last day they would be seeing the park in at least half a year, they would have stayed much longer.

AN: That song is Glory Baby by Watermark. I happened upon it on youtube. Honestly, its so sad those parents who lose their children who are still born, or born too soon, or those that survive a few minutes or hours after birth. *sigh*