Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters; they belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I don't get any money from this.
Warnings/ author's notes: All the same pairings are the same as before but with mentions of Anko/Lee and Shino/Samui. Sorry that this isn't an actual thought-out continuation of the story; I just had a bunch of drabbles that I didn't know what to do with that needed out of my head. Also, to Illuminated, I liked the idea of Lee/Anko so I may follow that up with a one-shot in the next couple months.
They lay sprawled out under the fan, staring at it in exhaustion. Ino shoves her shirt up to be caressed by the breeze as sunlight dapples her stomach. It had been a long day at hospital and afterwards it had been made even longer by Tsunade-shishou hauling them out for a round of drinks in celebration.
(The day was made the longest day ever when Tsunade-shisou started talking about all her exploits from her young, wild days. Ino usually loves gossip—even old gossip, although she is not stupid enough to call the things Tsunade-shisou got up to in her youth old gossip to Tsunade's face—but there are some things she does not need to know. Hearing about Tsuande peeking on the Third Hokage who Ino remembers as a kind, elderly old man as he bathed is one of them. Ino does not care that he used to be a stud.
Or see. There are things even Ino at her drunkest does not want to see. Watching Rock Lee try to serenade Anko is one of them. Lee is a sweetheart, but Anko is very scary. Thinking about snakes entwined with that bright green spandex makes Ino shudder. She decides to give Anko the "if you ever hurt him" talk at a later date; Lee deserves only someone as kind and tender-hearted as he is.)
"Sakura," Ino asks. "How goes things with Naruto and Tall, Dark, and Broody ?" (Newly-tall Naruto, who makes Ino sometimes feel uncomfortably hot when looking at his broadened shoulders, will always be that orange-covered midget to her. He doesn't get a sexy nickname…or ogled, in the slightest.)
Sakura groans and covers her eyes, "Yesterday, we made a bonfire and roasted marshmallows with Sasuke. Naruto and I tried kissing, but then Naruto tried to put his hand on my breast and I accidentally slapped him. It was a reflex, I swear! It's just he used to be my best friend and now he's my boyfriend."
Ino snorts. Well, at least Sakura isn't getting any either. Ino refuses to be the last one in the friend group to lose it. Hell, even Hinata has managed to sneak out to meet Kiba. Neji and Tenten got married then knocked up in a matter of two months.
"And then, I started apologizing to Naruto because I can't hit him anymore. It isn't nice ,and I don't want to be in the type of relationship. Naruto said it was okay and tried to kiss me again…And then Sasuke set all the marshmallows on fire because apparently it isn't fair for me and Naruto to get any with each other until Sasuke decides to put out as well."
"Wait, what?" Ino sputters.
"He's completely vetoed even holding hands until the third date. And the only things he counts as dates are dinners at four star restaurants," Sakura shrieks.
Ino hides a smile. Well, it looks like she is back in the running to win the race to lose their virginities. Still, she is Sakura's best friend and will give her the very best relationship advice ever. (Sabotage is fine on missions—not in whatever latest competition she and Sakura are having.)
"Sakura, is Sasuke-kun a virgin? I think you just need to romance him: rose petals, candles, the whole exploding tag. He isn't the type to want to fool around outside by a campfire," Ino says.
Sakura bites her lip and looks like she is planning something. Ino feels slightly apprehensive and decides to consider sabotage. Sometimes her relationship advise is a little too good.
xxxxxxx
Kakashi pushes all of his chips onto the table. "So Guy, that's Neji and Tenten, Kiba and Hinata, Shikamaru and Temari, Choji and Karui, Ino and Sai, and my team, though thankfully they haven't started anything that could create offspring—" Kakashi stops to shudder "—I win the bet."
"Not yet, my eternal rival," Guy proclaims, "I take you bet and double it. Shino and that lovely blonde from Cloud will be the next youthful pair to blossom from love in the air this springtime. The loser has to give Team 7 and Lee a speech on the wonders and danger of youth and romance."
"I take your bet," Kakashi says with a smirk. (Though who can actually tell? He is always wearing a mask.) Shino is completely silent and dorky; there is no way he could land a beautiful and skilled older kunoichi like Samui.
"I'd go into the ethical implications of betting on your student's love lives, but I'm not even going to bother," moans Iruka. This dynamic duo has already dried up Iruka's fits of spontaneous rage for the day.
…
Two weeks later, Samui twists her ankle and falls to the ground while training. A shadow falls over her and a tall stranger helps her up. She stares at her white knight (bug-infested shinobi) and then he takes off his glasses. She stares so more and does something she rarely does: speak.
"What, beautiful eyes," she breathes.
"Thank-you," says her stranger (Shino is so moved by actually being noticed that he decides to do something her rarely does to: talk. )
Shino and Samui walk off into the sunset. The two taciturn shinobi spend a lifetime together having beautiful non-conversations and traveling between their two villages on diplomatic missions.
…
Kakashi's cup cracks. It is a bad omen. He has now lost the bet and, as the loser, must explain the birds and the bees to his three adorable no-longer genin who will fondly murder him in his sleep for this and Lee who will ask enthusiastic questions (and Sai who will ask uncomfortable questions). He decides to pawn this task off on Yamato as he does all other unpleasant things. In the end, it hard to tell whether it is Yamato or Team 7 who is more traumatized.
Kakashi watches the aftermath and giggles into his porn.
xxxxxx
Ino's eyes move happily around the shop. Shikamaru and Temari are sulking (Ino and Gaara caught them the last time they tried to elope) in the corner, playing a half-hearted game of shogi. Karui and Choji happily taste wedding cake at the counter as Naruto loudly pontificates on the various variety of ramen that can be chosen for the wedding banquet.
She narrows her eyes at her greatest rival, "Camellias. They grow between Fire Country and Wind Country, signifying the union between our two villages."
Gaara looks impassively back. "Asphodel.*"
"With all due respect, you can't have asphodel at a wedding!"
"I like asphodel," Gaara monotones, "Temari said we had it at our mother's funeral."
"Funeral! Funeral!" shrieks Ino, "Not a wedding!"
After two minutes of a stare-down whose only equal was that of one Uchiha Itachi and Sasuke during their violent duel to the death, Gaara's pale eyebrow twitches. "Why don't we ask my sister since she is the bride?"
"Fine, but we also get my very good friend Shikamaru's opinion since he is the groom," Ino says huffily.
When they reach to grab the happy couple, there is a puff of smoke and all that is left is a pair of logs.
Ino screams, "They made a break for it!"
Feud temporarily put aside, the Kazekage and Yamanaka heiress storm out the flower shop. The room lets out a collective shiver.
"Have I ever told you Ino is slightly terrifying?" Karui asks.
Choji shakes his head solemnly.
xxxxxx
Kiba fidgets and a heavily pregnant Tenten fixes his yukata.
"Calm down; they'll love you. Just be yourself and everything will work out. Look at me and Neji."
Kiba, no longer brash and cocky, feels some of his old self coming back, "So how did you win these old stuffed shirts over? Did you bring flowers? Wine?"
Tenten shakes her head. "Well, I actually didn't meet Hiashi-sama until the contract was signed. Then, he just nodded his head and said that he could tell that Neji and I would make a fine family. I think that was Hyuga-ese for 'Thanks sweet baby kamis, I'm finally going to have grandbabies!' "
"Umm, but Tenten, Neji has threatened to violently kill me if I think impure thoughts about Hinata; won't her father be worse?"
Tenten smiles. "Don't worry. Hiashi-sama and Neji promised Hinata and me that there would be no maiming or killing any of Hinata's boyfriends. You are perfectly okay."
Later that night, a loophole is discovered. Nobody extracted any such promises from cute little Hyuga Hanabi. And with that, Kiba's doom is sealed. He finds out three years later violence is how the gloomy Hanabi expresses affection with those she considers family; this does not make him feel any better.
*Asphodel is said to be the Greek flower of the underworld, symbolizing the afterlife and oblivion—not really what you'd call a wedding-appropriate flower.