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Goodbye

The decision has been made, we had all agreed on it but now that the time was getting closer to going through with it…we were all starting to doubt our choice. How could we not….it's Chandler lying there. We've all be standing here in silence, just watching over him…. We're all praying that there will be a movement or something so that we won't have to actually go ahead with our plans. I turn my attention to my other friends, I suddenly start to feel insufficient. I've known Chandler for a few years now and we have become good friends but the others all have these amazing connections. Ross was his college roommate, Joey's is roommate now…he's become like a brother to them both….he actually is Rachel's brother, even though she had no time to really get to know him…And Monica…well…Monica was his soul mate.

Although, Chandler and I have never shared anything like he has with the others, I always thoughts we shared a lot in common. Particularly our childhood; both of us feeling abandoned by our parents…We both try to hide our true feelings…him with humour…me by believing in fate and that everything happens for a reason…but no matter how hard I try, I can't work out a reason for why this has happened.

It's time to say goodbye

It's time to let you go

My head is spinning with memories

Trying to remember the good times

Praying you'll be happy

Praying the rest of us will be fine.

Beep, Beep, Beep…I can't stand it, I can't stand the beeping…ironically that machine is the only thing that keeping Chandler alive. I look down at him, trying to work out what he's feeling or thinking…..I wonder whether he's letting himself go or whether he's fighting. It's hard to accept that the only thing left of my best friend is his lifeless body and one beeping machine.

I'm not the kind of person who believes in miracles. Being a scientist, I was taught to believe that everything happens because of the things we do ourselves but I'd do anything for a miracle now. Our lives will never be the same without him there… I've known him since college, it would be weird not hearing one of his jokes or see him do that stupid dance everyday. Besides, I don't know whether any of us will ever be able to over this… Phoebe's already had so many people she cares about die… Joey counts on him, they're best friends, they live together… how can he go back into that empty apartment, how can any of us… And Rachel… she's only just find out he's her brother. Then there's Monica, she's so in love with him.. But she never had the chance to be with him. I love them all, I need to be strong for them…to help them through this but I don't think I can… I don't think I can get through it myself… how can I help them?

Life will never be the same again after your gone

How will we carry on without you smile, your charm

Tell me why this had to happen

You were young, strong and loved

You had thing to do, dreams to achieve, the world to see

My best friends, my best buddy. I never saw this coming. I knew there was a chance that it might happen, but I didn't actually think it would. I thought that he would always be here and I know that this isn't his choice but its so unfair. Why did it have to happen to him. He's been so much crap in his life, he doesn't deserve this. He deserves to have some happiness for once. He deserves to able to get to know his sisters properly…to have a real relationship with Monica….he deserves to grow old.

My eyes won't leave his face, he looks peaceful and it actually makes me feel calmer….at least he's not in any pain. I'm trying to think what he would be saying if he was stood here. He always had this way of somehow lightening the atmosphere whether it's a joke or a dance or by doing something stupid. I wish knew how to do that, I wish I had that talent….I wish I was a little more like him.

Life can be so unfair

how you were taken from us is cruel

You were the one that made us laugh, made smile

We'll always have the memories

But they can never compare to you

It started as a crush which he didn't return but then we were both still kids, both us still immature. It wasn't until he lived across the hall that we become proper friends. Before that we were only friend because of Ross and then later Kip but when Phoebe moved out and Kip and me broke up that we actually got to know each other….That's when I first fell in love with him.

But I told him late. I think he knew all the time and I think he felt the same way but I should have said something earlier. Now I'm never going to get to be with him…I'm never going to go to sleep in his arms at night or wake up with him in the morning. We'll never have a wedding or kids. I just know that he's my great love and that there's no one else in the world that's going to come close to him and I just let him slip away because I was too scared to say something sooner. I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that.

My love for you is so strong and it'll never fade

I'll never experience a love like this again

For you're my love, my life, my world.

I'll never forget you, I'll love you always

My love, soul mate, my friend.

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him….I don't hate him…I love him. Why did it have to be like this. I know that he never asked for this sort of life… being rejected by his parents, passed off to another family. I'm pretty certain that he never expected me to turn out to be his sister and I can't really blame him for freaking out but why didn't he just tell me. I wouldn't have been angry with him…maybe at first I would have been shocked but I always wanted a brother. I can actually imagine what kind of brother he would be. Protective in a goofy sort of way. He'd be the one that would try and cheer me up but end up annoying me even more.

I'd do anything to go back in and time and change the way things turned out. I hate thinking that he felt like he didn't belong because he did. He belonged with the five of us. None of us exactly had the perfect childhood or the perfect families and we all preferred to send thanksgiving and Christmas together because we've become on big family. It's never going to be the same again. No matter how hard we try. No matter how many years past. I don't think that there is one of us that will be able to get over this….I know I won't… I don't think I want to.

I thought you knew you well

But know I see I didn't

I wish I could change that now

I don't blame, I don't hate you,

I love you, I hope you know.

The doctor walks towards the bed, everyone in the room watching him carefully, knowing what he was doing. He glanced up at them, seeing whether anyone has any last minute concerns but no one spoke. As he reached for a switch everything turned into slowly motion. All of a sudden the only sound in the room is the sound of cries.

Life will never be the same again

How can we go on when you're not around

You were such a big part of lives

But got to let you go, let you move on

So one last time we got to say to you

Goodbye

The door closed quietly behind them and all that was left was silence.

The End

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