Never Be Mine

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

~eight~

The conversation Katniss and I had while dancing last night was the most we've ever said to each other, and it's amazing that our first real conversation would be so insightful.

Katniss is not a words person, nor is she much for romance.

She's more about actions, which clears the air for me about a lot of things.

Tonight, she showed up in a longer, but still form fitting, orange dress. I just about lost my jaw. Orange is my favorite color, and seeing it on her did something to me that I can't even describe.

I later find out that Delly and Madge had gotten to her to dress her up again. Delly is the only other person that knows that orange is my favorite color.

Damn girls.

After dancing and socializing with other people, Katniss and I gravitate toward each other.

"You want to walk around?" I ask, and she nods.

We go into the Square and check out the booths. I buy some meat and some cookies from my parents' booth and then we sit down by a fire pit.

"So uh," I begin, looking around. "Gale isn't going to blitz attack me, is he?"

Katniss smiles. "No...why would you think that?"

"You haven't noticed that every time I've been near you he looks like he's ready to kill me?" I ask.

She shrugs and wrinkles up her nose, shaking her head a little.

"His bark is worse than his bite," she assures. "Besides, he's just...protective."

More like possessive, but I don't say that because I know that would hurt her.

"I've told him time and again that he doesn't have to protect me," she continues. "I mean, maybe at first, when I was just starting to hunt, but...I can handle myself now. I'm not that lost, desperate girl he met five years ago."

"We all did a lot of growing up," I say. "There's still some growing up to do."

She chuckles bitterly. "Not if the Capitol has anything to do with it..."

"True..."

"Honestly, it doesn't matter to me if they call my name," she confesses. "But Prim's name is going in for the first time this year. She just turned twelve."

"I'm sorry..."

She sighs. "I-I know that logic dictates that it's highly unlikely they won't pick her, but...it's still tricky. If they call her name...I can't even think about it. You know how it is...you've got brothers."

"Yeah," I say. "But they're both older...we don't really talk about the Games. Sal is too old now, and Arden's a last year, so...it's just me that's left. My brothers and I aren't close like you and your sister. They'd move on if I died in the Games. I mean, my dad would probably be sad, but mom, Arden, and Sal would probably just move on."

Katniss looks horrified.

"Peeta, that's awful," she says.

I shrug. "It is what it is."

"You're...you're so good," she marvels. "Doesn't it bother you? Make you angry that they feel that way about you?"

"Not really."

Truth is, I've absorbed enough of it that now I only have compassion for my family. I could be angry, but I don't feel that. I don't feel any bitterness. With all that goes on here, I'd rather just take it for what it is and love them anyways.

"It could be worse," I explain.

Katniss shakes her head, and she licks her finger of grease and spices contemplatively.

She's got to stop doing that. Like right now.

Not because I think it's disgusting, or unbecoming.

No.

She's got to quit it because it's...

Dear God...

"Um, so do you want to walk around some more?"

She releases her finger and she nods.

"Sure."

We walk around the festival grounds.

She plays a few games and wins a small jewelry box at one of them, and I win a gold locket, which I give to her.

I notice that she's got this little habit of stroking the ends of her hair either when she's thinking about something, nervous, or talking about something important to her.

"How come it took us so long to talk?" She asks me. "Like really talk?"

I shrug. "I don't know...well for me it was because you're always around Gale, and I just assumed that you two were..."

Katniss shrugs. "I don't know about that...I mean, Gale is my best friend. But that doesn't surprise me that you think that. Everyone thinks that there's some great romance between us, but we're just friends. I think even my mom thinks we'll be set sometime soon. I mean, if neither of us gets reaped. But...I don't think about that stuff too much, you know? I've got my mom and Prim to take care of...and sometimes I barely manage that."

"Don't say that, Katniss," I say more firmly than I intended. "You do a great job of taking care of your family. Don't ever say that. Why do you doubt yourself?"

She looks at me.

"Katniss...do you have any idea how...amazing you are?" I ask and then I feel my stomach swirl. God, did I just say that? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm coming on way too strong.

Katniss reamins quiet for a long moment, then she looks away.

"No one's ever...told me that," she says.

And that's a damn shame because she is.

"You have no idea what you do to people," I say. "The affect you have on them."

She pushes her hair behind her ears and she blushes as she strokes the end of her hair again.

"Thanks," she says.

We walk, and there is a beat of silence between us before I speak.

"I probably should have told you this earlier, but you look beautiful," I say, feeling a little more confident.

"This is all Madge and Delly," she chuckles. "They beautified me against my will...again."

"I'm sure they didn't have to do much," I say.

She stops and looks at me.

"How is it that you always say the right things?" She asks, seriously.

Up until the last few comments, I didn't think I was saying the right things. At all.

"I don't," I grin. "Sometimes, I'm not good with saying something either."

She smirks, then she shivers a bit and rubs her arms.

"Do you want my jacket?"

She nods.

I take off my jacket and wrap it around her shoulders.

"Thanks," she says.

Gale and Prim approach us.

"There you are, Catnip," he says, then he looks between me and her, then he gives me a cool stare.

"Hey Gale," she says, then she smiles. "Hey Little Duck. Are you having fun?"

"Yeah," Prim says, then she pouts. "I didn't win anything from the games, though."

"What about that bracelet?" Gale reminds her with a chuckle.

"You won it for me," she complains. "I want to win something on my own."

"Then go win, Little Duck," Katniss says firmly. "Don't give up. Ask mom if you can have another few coins. Go win for you."

Prim nods, then she takes off to find her mother.

Honestly, I get confused as to who is actually Prim's mother.

Now, with Prim scampered off, it's just me, Katniss, and Gale, and it is awkward.

"Let her play a few more games, then take her and mom home," Katniss instructs. "Mom's probably tired, and Prim's going to be in another thirty minutes."

"You coming with us?" Gale asks, his jaw clenching, glancing at me, then looking at her expectantly. "You aren't going to stay all night."

Katniss is put off by his behavior, and that only makes her dig in her heels.

"Why am I not staying all night?" She asks.

He looks between us again.

"W-well because...y-you never stay all night," he stammers. "And you said earlier that you couldn't wait to come out of that ridiculous dress."

"Well, I changed my mind," Katniss huffs. "And, I never said the dress was ridiculous."

"You hate dresses," he argues.

"Yeah, I do, but that doesn't mean I can't feel good in them every now and then," she retorts rather bashfully. "You're being a real asshole right now, Gale, jeez...I'm staying here. I'll come home when I'm ready. I can handle myself."

"I'll walk her home," I offer, and she glares at me. "I'll see that she gets home safely."

"Goddamn it, I don't need either of you protecting me," she huffs as she walks off.

Gale shakes his head. "Dammit...that stubborn-ass..."

"Gale, you can trust me," I assure, and he sighs. "You're right, everybody's here. She shouldn't walk home by herself. I'll see her home, okay?"

He clearly doesn't like the idea, but he knows that she's really not going to listen to a damn thing he has to say at this point.

"Fine," he gruffs. "You better watch after her tonight, or else I'm kicking your ass, Mellark."

"I'll stay with her," I promise. "Don't worry."

With that, he takes off.

For the first time in a long time, I'm angry at Gale.

I know that he feels the need to protect me all the time, but he's never treated me like a China doll before like he did tonight.

And in front of Peeta.

It was completely embarrassing that he made me seem weak, like I couldn't take care of myself...like I haven't been taking care of myself for the last five years. Gale knows what I'm capable of, he knows that I can put up a good fight if I need to.

Besides, we encounter more danger walking and hunting in the woods than we do walking home at night in 12. There's hardly that much crime that occurs. Life is already hard enough here without people hurting each other.

I think back on the encounter we all just had, and it was very awkward.

I know that Gale has feelings for me. I've known it for quite some time, just like I've known that Peeta has had feelings for me for a while.

Most girls would love being pursued by two guys at once, but it just makes me feel uncomfortable. With Gale, for me, the lines are clearly drawn.

I mean, I love him, but not in the romantic sense. I don't even know what sense I mean.

I like boys, but I've never given them much thought. I don't think about going with a guy and maybe being set and then married. It's not something that I want all the time like Delly or Madge. They can afford to play those childish games, but I can't. Most Seam girls can't.

When we do marry, it's out of necessity. Sure, there's a little love, but it's not the passionate, romantic kind. It's a different kind of love. It's the kind of love I feel for Gale.

We take care of each other, Prim loves him like a brother and looks up to him.

He's my hunting partner.

Sometimes I think I want to feel more for him, and maybe someday I will, but it doesn't matter because I'm never getting married or having kids. I'm not going to bring a child into a world where the Hunger Games exist.

I couldn't bear it if one or more of my children were chosen as Tribute.

I'm not giving the savages at the Capitol the satisfaction.

"There you are."

I look up and I see Peeta taking a seat next to me on the bench near the fire pit.

I level him with a look.

"Don't do that again," I say.

"What?" He asks.

"Don't treat me like I need to be rescued or something like that," I hiss. "I don't need that from you. I can take care of myself. Gale knows that, damn well knows that, and now you know too."

"Alright," he says. "You have my word. I'm sorry."

We sit in silence for a few minutes, then Peeta looks at me.

"He only does it because he cares about you," he explains. "A lot."

"I can look after myself," I insist.

Peeta chuckles. "That's abundantly clear."

I roll my eyes.

"Katniss, there's nothing wrong with being looked after sometimes," he advises. "You can't be strong all the time. You're going to need someone other than yourself one day. Embrace it...'cause the whole 'me, myself, and I' philosophy you've got can get pretty damn lonely."

Deep down, I know he's right somehow, but I refuse to admit it.

"Let's walk around some more."

I nod and I get up and we walk around some more.

We lose ourselves in the festival, dancing a few times, then we get more to eat, and play games.

We sit and we talk about all kinds of things, and I find that Katniss is even more intelligent than I previously thought. Talking with her is a pleasure because she's so mature, and she doesn't bullshit. She tells you what she's thinking and why, and she just knows things that I never thought about before.

Before we both know it, it's almost sunup, and we're both tired, but in a good way.

"Oh jeez," she says. "It's almost six...wow, we've been out all night."

"God...um, wow," I stammer. "I guess we better get home."

Katniss nods.

"Can I walk you home?" I ask.

She mulls my question over for a long moment, then she answers.

"Sure," she says.

I guide her gently through the crowd, and it eventually thins, then we're walking down the road to the Seam.

I've never been to the Seam before, and I honestly don't know what to expect.

We walk in relative silence, remarking about some aspect of the festival every now and then.

The Seam smells of coal, dust, and dirt. It's so gray and dull, and the houses are different. They look older, some of them run down, and smaller than the houses and apartments in the Merchant side of twelve.

The desperation is all around me suddenly, and I can feel the deep, collective ache of the people that live here. I am reminded once again of how fortunate I am.

I look at Katniss, take her in in this dress, how amazing she looks, and all I think is that she doesn't belong here.

It's so hard for me to believe that this is the same girl who nearly starved to death five years ago, who has been hunting to keep herself and her family well fed; it's hard for me to believe that she has to live like this.

She deserves so much more than this.

We stop in front of her house.

Katniss looks at me.

"Thank you, Peeta," she says quietly. "I enjoyed your company at the festival."

"I enjoyed yours too," I say. "Um...yeah. So..."

"So...I'll see you," she says.

She takes off my jacket and hands it back to me.

"Thank you," she says.

"You're welcome."

We just stand there, near her front porch for a long moment, and the first light of sun suddenly brightens the sky with brilliant shades of orange.

I have no idea what to do or say next...

I don't want to say that we'll meet up again because it wasn't a meet up...we're not going together. I'm going with Zulee-Mae...

I don't want to say that we'll hang together either because we likely won't...but the crazy thing is that I do want to spend time with her. I do want to go with her.

I'm a bastard.

Zulee's at home, probably sick as a dog, and I'm spending all night at the festival with another girl.

I'm officially a son of a bitch. An asshole.

Jeez, I'm in deep shit here, and I have no idea what the hell I'm doing.

I'm in the Seam.

With Katniss.

I'm inviting trouble, but I don't care.

Screw it.

"Um..." I begin awkwardly. "I was thinking-"

"I'll see you around at school, Peeta," she cuts across me, and then she turns and goes into the house.

"Okay," I say a beat later.

I look up, and I see her peeking down at me from her upstairs window. When she sees me, she moves away, the lace curtain falling back in place.

I should be feeling good, and happy after spending time with her and really talking to her for the first time after eleven years, but I not.

I'm confused, and I feel guilty, and I've got the sense that I fucked up something really delicate here.

I put my hands in my pockets and head home.