Never Be Mine

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews, favorites, and follows! They are much appreciated.

~nine~

Talking with Peeta all night at the festival sparked something within me. I can't quite describe it, it's something so strange and unfamiliar to me.

I can't stop thinking about our conversations; he is so good with words, almost like a poet or a writer, only he never puts it to page. He knows just what to say, and there's something so heartbreakingly genuine about him.

Out of everything we talked about, I remember that he was most passionate and knowledgable about art. He told me about all the books he's read about art, about how it took him years to gain the skill, and how it was on his bucket list to get to the Capitol one day and see the art in the museums there. He talked about how his father taught him to have a delicate hand.

I can tell that he loves his father most.

Mr. Mellark is the complete antithesis to Mrs. Mellark.

Where Mrs. Mellark is rude, mean, and gossipy, Mr. Mellark is calm, generous, and watchful. He doesn't say much-he leaves all the talking to his wife-but when he does, it's usually kind words.

I wonder if Mrs. Mellark ever abuses him too...he's a big man, sure, but he's so kind and humble, like Peeta.

His brothers sound like they're kind of the same.

They're all big, though, but even though Peeta is the youngest, he's stronger, bigger, and faster.

While I liked talking to him, I don't know what he wants, or why he's so hung up on me.

I know that he's had a crush on me for the longest time, but he and I both know that Seams and Merchants don't mix...often.

He knows I've got Merchant blood in me, but it's not enough to just be a half breed. I live in the Seam, I'm a Seam girl, simple as that.

Prim could probably get away with it when she gets my age, but me? No.

I think about his eyes, how sweet they are.

Peeta's got these sky blue eyes that turn into a cerulean color when the sun hits them. I've never seen that happen to someone's eyes before and it's fascinating.

God...I feel that spark again, that good pang in my heart, that little twinge in my stomach.

This is strange.

I don't feel this way about boys...

"Catnip...Catnip..."

I blink a few times, and then I turn my attention to Gale.

"Have you been listening?" He asks. "You kind of drifted..."

"Oh, nothing," I say as we share bread in the meadow just outside the woods. "Yeah, I was listening."

He looks out at the woods.

"We should just go," he repeats. "Just pack up our stuff and head out at midnight. We should just go."

I'm doubtful of his plan.

"Can you imagine Prim in the woods?" I say. "Your mom? My mom?"

He chuckles. "True, but...we could teach them. Sure, they're squirmy, but at least they'll be alive."

"I guess," I shrug. "But what about the others?"

"What others?"

I look at him. "Gale...there's lots of good people here...we'd be leaving so many people behind."

"Katniss...yeah, it's sad but, what can we do?" He asks. "I mean, sure, there are people who hate what's going on, but that doesn't mean they're willing to leave. It's home."

"Sometimes I wish that we could just pack up and leave," I sigh. "But...there's still so much keeping me here. My house, my memories..."

Peeta, I think, and I quickly shake my head of the thought. I've been doing that a lot lately.

"Yeah," Gale agrees.

We see a hovercraft, and a few trucks drive in.

"Peacekeepers," Gale says.

We get up and run through the meadow and back through the fence.

Around here, most Peacekeepers look the other way when it comes to the Hob, or any other trading.

I don't know if it's because of the fact that they get something out of it, or if they feel badly about enforcing rules that would surely push us all into starvation because twelve is one of the poorest districts, but they've shown us more mercy than in the other districts.

When there is no significant commotion, I know that they've been sent just to do their due diligence and report that everything is copacetic in twelve.

We are allowed the comfort of carrying on.

Gale and I go our separate ways, leaving our talk of escaping into the woods in the meadow.

For the last few weeks, Katniss and I have been feeling the pull towards each other. It's becoming harder and harder to resist.

Now, when we look at each other, we both just smile or chuckle a little.

We still stay in our separate circles, and I'm still going with Zulee-Mae, though things have been different between me and her. She's been kind of cool towards me lately, and I know the reason. I'm part of the reason.

On a bitter cold afternoon after school, I walk home with Zulee-Mae.

I try to take her hand in mine, but she lightly smacks it away and she walks a little head of me.

"Zulee-"

She turns to me, a mixture of hurt and resignation in her eyes.

"Don't," she says softer than I expected. "Look...do you really want to be with me?"

I sigh and shove my hands into my pockets, and she knows from my silence what the answer to her question is.

She crosses her arms over her chest, and I can see her breath in the frigid late October air.

"I heard rumors," she continues. "And you know I don't get in to that petty bullshit...but people around school have been talking about you and that girl, Katniss...how you two danced and looked pretty cozy at the festival."

"I-"

She holds her hand up and I stop talking.

"At first, I was thinking that they're making shit up, shallow fools," she huffs. "But then...I stopped fooling myself. I stopped pretending that you don't look for her, that your eyes don't light up when you see her, that you and her aren't stealing glances across the room..."

She pauses and looks at me.

"Did you really like me?" She asks. "Or was I just a distraction because you've been pining after her for so long? And don't bullshit me, Peeta. Tell me the damn truth."

I swallow back the painful lump in my throat.

"A little of both," I admit, and she winces, probably with a pang of hurt. "I really do like you, Zulee-Mae. You're an amazing girl, and you're talented. We have so much in common. I-I admit that when I asked you out that I was angry at Katniss...and I was trying to just forget about how I felt...feel about her."

Zulee-Mae's eyes soften.

"You're in love with her, aren't you?"

"Yes," I confess. "I'm in love with her. Deeply."

Zulee-Mae steps closer to me.

"You're a great guy, Peeta," she says. "You're honest and sweet. I believe it..."

"I'm sorry that I hurt you, Zulee," I apologize. "That wasn't my intention."

"I know," she smiles sadly. "She's a lucky girl. Just...jump, Peeta. Go with her. Don't let all this fucked up shit about Seams versus Merchants stop you. I can tell that just talking about her makes you completely happy. You have to grab happiness where you can get it."

I nod. "Okay."

She sighs, then she leans in and kisses my cheek.

"Thank you," she says. "I'll see you around, Peeta."

"See you around, Zulee."

She gives me an encouraging smile, then she heads home.

Feeling emboldened by our conversation, I head home quickly, and as I start work, I decide that I will jump.