Never Be Mine

By: Michelle Rose Landau

Summary: The only way she'll notice me, the only way I'll know she's interested either way, is if I just talk to her...Love, sex, marriage, and family in 12.

Genre: Romance/AU; there's still Hunger Games, but Katniss and Peeta won't be Tributes.

Pairing(s)/Characters: eventual Peeta/Katniss, Gale/Katniss, Gale/Madge, OC/Tributes

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games series. They are the sole creative property of Suzanne Collins.

~fifteen~

The air is so bitterly cold, it burns.

The first big snow of the winter is coming soon, I can tell.

Winters are harsh, and the snow piles up so fast. Last year, there was a blizzard that blew through that seemed endless. Even the Capitol was covered in snow. There were several people that died because of lack of food, or lack of warmth. They were mostly Seams.

Power went down for days, and we're preparing for the same thing this year as much as we can.

At school, everyone huddles inside during lunch now. The lunch room is crowded, but it's warm.

The various couples are all together: Theo and Kitty (jury's still out on whether it's a match made in heaven or hell), Arden and Jorleny, Sander and Molly, Batter and Clea.

It kind of irritates me that Katniss and I can't spend time together. I know that if Katniss and I were seen together ,and people knew that we were going together, that the news would get back to my mother before the day's end.

I'm not doing this because I'm worried about what she'll do to me. I'm worried about what she'll do to Katniss and her family. My mom can be so hateful, and I wouldn't put it past her to do something really ugly to Katniss.

Eventually, it's going to get back to my mom, but I need to wait until she's not pissed enough to cause a ruckus.

But it's miserable not being able to be with Katniss.

We've been phoning each other every night for a couple of weeks now, and it's been good; we've talked about all kinds of things, and we've learned more about each other, but I just want to be with her.

I look across the lunch room and I see her with Gale, Madge, and Delly, and she looks over at me. She nibbles at her bottom lip as she looks at me, then she smiles nervously before Madge and Delly tug her over to some other part of the lunch room.

I wave to her, and she waves back.

In class, we don't make eye contact, and it feels a little like before, when she barely acknowledged my existence. Even though it kind of feels that way, at least I know that it's not my reality anymore. I'm still amazed that Katniss said that she will go with me.

It's all so new, and I wonder how this is going to go for us.

I think about what Gale said to me, about Katniss being more like her mother than she knows. It's so true; she has the capacity for breaking down and losing hope in her, and the last thing I want to do is cause that to happen. I would hate myself forever if I hurt her, and I won't. I love her too much, and I value her too much. I can't see myself hurting her in any way. It even hurts me to think about it.

At the end of the day, Arden and I head straight to the bakery.

When we walk in, we see Mom stalking over to us.

"Which one of you did the inventory?" She asks.

Arden and I look at each other, then Arden speaks up.

"I did," he says.

She smacks him hard in the head with the clipboard, and Arden steps back.

"You didn't order more sugar!" She yells. "We're going to run out! Damned idiot!"

She keeps hitting him, and I'm frozen.

My dad comes into the kitchen, and he grabs her arm and pulls her away.

"Enough," he says, and she wrenches her arm away. "He made a mistake."

"Shut up Hearn," she growls, then she goes to the front.

Arden rubs at his head, and he looks a little stunned.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah," Arden says. "I'm good. Let's work."

We get to work, and Sal and I look after Arden while we work.

Sal asks Arden several times if he's okay, and Arden shakes it off.

I feel anger, and it's deep and molten. It's stirring within me again, and I don't know what to do with it. I feel as angry with her as I did when she got after me, and I don't understand it. I don't know what to do with it.

We finish our work, Sal cleans up, and I help balance the books. Arden is looking pale, and he goes upstairs.

Once the bakery is closed, Sal and I go up, and dinner is waiting for us.

"Where's Arden?" Sal asks.

"He isn't feeling well," Dad explains.

The wind whistles outside, and the sky is dark gray. Nervousness churns within me, mixing with the anger and frustration I feel and I'm feeling kind of sick too. I eat dinner anyway, then Sal and I clean up.

We go upstairs to our rooms, and I see Arden sprawled out on his bed.

"You okay?" I ask.

"Yeah," he sighs. "I think she knocked something loose."

I sit on my bed, just looking at him.

Today just isn't sitting well with me.

I take out my sketchbook and I begin a new sketch. It relieves some of the tension I feel, but I'm still not at ease.

Suddenly, Arden gets up and bolts from our room, and in the next moment, I hear him puking.

Sal comes out of his room and goes into the bathroom.

Arden pukes again.

I go downstairs and I grab a cup and fill it with water. Dad comes over to me.

"He alright?"

"I don't know, Dad," I say, then I rush back upstairs.

Sal steadies Arden as he pukes again.

"You finished?" Sal asks.

Arden nods, and Sal flushes the toilet.

I give Arden the water, and he takes it with a shaky hand and takes a sip.

"How are you really feeling?" I ask.

"I'm a little dizzy," he says. "I've got a massive headache."

Mom did a number on him, and it only stokes the anger inside me, and I can't breathe. I see Sal's mouth moving, but I can't hear what he's saying to me over the sound of blood rushing in my ears because my heart is thrumming.

"Peet?"

I hear his voice, but it's muffled now.

"Yeah?"

"Help me get him back to bed," Sal says.

We both help Arden back into bed, and Dad comes into the room with a tray. There is a cup of tea and a plate with a couple of slices of bread left over from dinner.

Arden is weak, and Dad sighs.

"I'm sorry, son," he says.

I don't blame Dad, I just wish that he'd deal with Mom in some way.

I look over and see Mom in the doorway to my room, and she looks concerned, but not remorseful. I look away from her, hoping that my anger isn't showing.

After about an hour, things calm, Arden is resting, and I'm alternately working on a sketch and watching him.

My thoughts turn to Katniss, and the meadow, and before I know it, I'm starting a new sketch of the meadow, but not just with her, but all of us are there.

I sketch Sal and Constance, Arden and Jorleny, me and Katniss, Dad and Mom. I picture us just...happy.

It's late, and I'm still up.

Everyone is asleep now, and I check up on Arden.

He's out like a light, and he seems okay.

I quietly get up and head downstairs to the phone.

I dial Katniss, and after a single ring, it's picked up.

"Hi."

I smile. "Hi...you sound really awake."

"I took a nap earlier," she explains. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You sound like there's something wrong," she says.

I sigh.

"Arden's sick," I say quietly. "Mom...she got mad and smacked him damn hard...I think there's something really wrong."

"Jeez," Katniss says. "Did you call the apothecary?"

"No," I say. "But I think Dad will tomorrow. Arden puked earlier, and he's got a headache."

"It sounds like a concussion," Katniss says. "He'll probably phone for my mom. She's got some remedies."

"Okay," I say. "How are you?"

"I'm good," she says. "I miss spending time with you though. I hear your voice all day long, but we're not talking to each other. It's weird."

"Yeah, it is kind of weird," I chuckle. "I don't know if I can do this too much longer. I feel like a coward..."

"Peeta..."

"I do, I want to do right by you, and you deserve respect," I say.

"I don't want you to get hurt. I don't care what your mom says or does to me, I just don't want you to get hurt."

"If it's not one thing, it's another with my mom," I say. "It doesn't matter what I do."

"Still, you have to live with her," Katniss says. "I-I don't mind...it's okay, we're not doing this because we want it to be this way."

"I'm sorry that things are going this way," I apologize.

"Don't be sorry," she says softly. "I should probably let you go so you can look after your brother."

"Okay," I say. "I'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well, okay?"

"Alright, you too," she says. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I grin.

We hang up at the same time.

I go back upstairs, and I check on Arden.

He's still out, and he's breathing normally, so I feel a little better.

I get into bed, and I think about Katniss, I think about my anger toward my mother.

What I want, what I need, outweighs my fear. My need to do the right thing for Katniss makes anything that might happen seem like nothing.

Thank you for reading!