Notes: The extremely belated 4th chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 4

Jim woke with a start. He gasped out. His lungs burned. The ice cold water... the drowning... Bones... Jo. He twisted. Only then did he realize he wasn't still pinned down by a large boulder anymore. Only then did he recognize the familiar hum... the familiar walls... the familiar beeping and even the extremely cold and sterile bio bed.

He turned his head and smiled. Bones was sitting in a chair beside his bed. He was passed out. Bones had a distinct five o'clock shadow.

Bones... Bones had saved him again.

There were more wrinkles on Bones' face. Even in his sleep, Bones looked older than the last time Jim had seen him.

Fuck…

He didn't even know what day it was anymore.

There was a familiar cry from Bones' office that broke the silence. Jim recognized it immediately as Jo's high pitched wail. Just as he was wondering how he could possibly get out of the bio bed without setting off the alarms, Bones jolted awake.

Bones' eyes widened. "Jim," he gasped out. He leaned forward. Their faces separated only by mere centimeters. Jim reached up and gently creased the side of Bones' face.

"I'm okay."

The cry from Bones' office intensified. "You should get her before she wakes everyone up." Jim muttered.

"Okay," Bones replied back. He cupped Jim's cheeks with one hand and with the other gently brushed back a loose piece of forelock from Jim's face. Bones seemed hesitant to leave. Jim gently reached up and ran his fingers over Bones' knuckles. "I'll be right here."

Bones nodded.

He gently squeezed Jim's fingers once before turning for his office.

However, Jim wasn't alright. The moment Bones left his side, his breath became shorter. His heart clenched. The events down on Loyan flashed back: the feeling of drowning in that cave, Jo's cries over the com link, because Jim knew even though Jo didn't understand she has been frightened, and the words he said to Bones thinking they would be his last.

"Jim!" Bones' shout snapped him out of it. It was then that Jim felt the tightening around his neck. He gasped as he took a deep breath. He hadn't even realized he had been holding his breath again.

Bones was at his side instantly. Jo pressed to his chest with one hand while he reached for his medical tricorder with the other hand.

Jo twisted her head around. Jim could see the large tears forming around her big blue eyes. Sometimes they looked bluer than his. Her face was red and tear-streaked.

Bones' outcry had scared her, and Bones' current frantic movements were escalating the problem. Her eyes were widening.

It seemed Jo's cries had wakened one of Bones' nurses. Nurse Dickson, one of Bones' older nurses who had been with them since the beginning, rushed in. "Doctor," she started. She hurried forward and started to reach for Jo.

Jo, who was normally open to other people holding her even strangers, let out a strangled cry and pressed her body against Bones'. The act stopped Bones. His tricorder was already whirling and downloading more in depth data to the display attached to the bio bed.

He gently pressed a kiss against her forehead. "Jo, don't you want to go with Auntie Dickson?"

Jo clenched tighter to Bones' uniform.

"Bones, I'm fine," Jim interjected. He wondered if at that moment they had forgotten he was even there.

Bones and Dickson both turned. "Captain," Nurse Dickson gasped. Jim wondered how she possibly could have missed he was awake.

"Like hell you are," Bones growled. "I stepped out of the room for a minute, and you almost stopped breathing."

Jim cringed. That had less to do with his physical health and more to do with...

Bones shifted Jo again. Jo screamed. It broke his heart, and he knew Bones was equally concerned. Jim had seen it before, in himself when he was little and his mother left him with Uncle Frank.

"Let her stay, Bones," Jim implored. Because even as the words left his lips, Jim realized it would be just as much for Jo's benefit as his own. He saw the realization in Bones' eyes.

"We'll be fine, Dickson." Bones stopped trying to disentangle his daughter from his chest.

"Okay Doctor," she replied briskly. Jim noted the exasperation that appeared on her face. She looked at Jim once more. He figured whatever she saw satisfied her, for she turned on her heels. Before she disappeared, she drew close the privacy blinds. Jim hadn't even noticed that they had been open.

Bones placed the tricorder down and sat back down on the chair. It seemed Jo realized she wasn't going to be removed and unlatched from Bones' shirt and twisted around.

She held out her arms imploringly. "Daddy needs to rest, pumpkin," Bones muttered. Jo dropped her arms. Her face twisted again. Jim reached over. Bones understood and shifted a little closer, so Jim could grasp Jo's little hand with one hand and Bones' with the other.

It felt good. It felt right.

They sat like that for a while. Jo dozed off in Bones' chest.

"God Jim," Bones muttered. It was so quiet that Jim barely heard him. There were tears in his normally vibrant hazel eyes. "You ass," he finally muttered out.

Jim ran his fingers over Bones' knuckles. He played particularly close attention to the calluses that had formed on the pads of his fingertips. His fingers had more creases and wrinkles. He picked up Bones' hand before gently brushing a kiss to each knuckle.

"Jim." Bones sounded so tired.

Jim slowly looked up. He scratched the back of his neck before wincing at just how sore he was.

"Sorry," Jim muttered.

"I know you have this need to be the hero, save everyone… be a martyr." Bones sounded so tired. He stroked Jo's barely existent blonde baby fluff. She let out a content sigh before sinking closer against Bones' broad chest. Bones looked down at their baby girl fondly. "I get that Jim. I really do. I know every day I have with you is a miracle, a gift..."

"Bones," Jim muttered out. His heart felt like it was shattering. He could detect the resigned note in Bones' voice. He watched as Bones shifted Jo in his arms. The little girl twisted her lips and stretched her arms but didn't awake.

Bones pressed a kiss to her forehead. At that moment, Jim felt the axis of his universe shift. Bones was right. It was a by-product of his upbringing, for no matter how much Bones had tried over the years. Jim couldn't understand why he mattered when he never had before. As a result, he had always treated his marriage just as hesitantly. He had always been too afraid to take the final plunge even after Jo came along. He realized just how easy it was tell Bones to take care of their daughter during that final moment, and it suddenly left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth.

All his life he had resented his father for dying, for giving up on life, for leaving them. That of all the things that anyone ever mentioned about his father and how alike they were, the most popular reason was, 'your father didn't believe in 'no-win scenarios', George Kirk had believed it when it mattered the most.

And Jim realized, today, he was no different from his own father. He had almost given up.

"I know you need space like we need air."

"Bones…"

"But God, Jo needs you, Jim. She ain't going to understand." The tears threatened to break free from Bones' eyes.

"Bones," Jim bit his lips to stop himself for saying words that would have no meaning. He knew Bones didn't want empty promises or half-assed ones that Jim couldn't keep. "I can't promise you tomorrow won't be our last day together or anything like that."

"I ain't asking for anything like that, Jim."

"But I will promise, I'll try my damn best to return to you and Jo. I ain't the same person I was back at the academy, and there are things I can't change." Jim rubbed his nose. "I don't know what our next mission will be like, nor can I promise I won't put the crew first." Jim tightened his grip on Bones' fingers. "However, unlike before I do have a reason to try... for you and Jo."

Bones sighed. He rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, Darlin'," Bones nodded. "Let me put Jo back into her crib. You should get some sleep."

At that thought, Jim immediately grabbed onto Bones' shirt sleeve. "Stay?"

Bones rolled his eyes. "Of course, I'll stay no matter how bad you are to my back."

Jim chuckled. "No, I mean here." He scooted over on the bed.

Bones hesitated. "These beds aren't meant for more than one person, Jim."

"We've slept in worse."

Bones raised an eyebrow; however, like most things Bones always gave in. Bones adjusted the bio bed settings before sitting down on the bed. He laid Jo on his chest before wrapping an arm around Jim. Jim smiled before pillowing his head against Bones' chest and wrapping an arm over Jo's tiny body. He fell asleep to Bones' warmth and the sound of his heartbeat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jim woke to silence and warmth. For a second, he thought he was back in his quarters. However as he opened his eyes, he noticed the familiar white wash walls and the hard, extremely narrow bed that he was sleeping in.

He smiled as he saw Bones sleeping next to him. Their baby girl was resting peaceful under his arms. He pressed a kiss to Jo's tiny forehead before burrowing further into Bones' chest.

He must have fallen asleep, for when he did eventually awake, it was to the sound of Bones' voice against his ear.

"Mornin' Darlin'." Bones' voice was particularly thick with his Georgian accent.

"Ugh," Jim moaned. He blinked. His eyelids caked with sleep dust.

"Here," Bones said kindly. He pressed a small straw against Jim's chapped lips. As Jim took his first gulp he realized just how thirsty he was. When he finished the cup, Bones gently ran his fingers through his bangs. "Get some more rest, Darlin'."

"Shift," Jim muttered. His throat still felt so raw.

"I took you off duty. Spock's covering for you. You're going to stay in bed and cuddle with Jo." Bones placed their sleepy baby girl on his chest. Jim smiled as Jo burrowed into his shirt.

"Okay, Bones," Jim answered easily, because he really did want to sleep and cuddling with Jo was one of his favorite things to do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Luckily, Bones finally sprang him from medical late that afternoon. He had slept through most of the day. The rest of the time, he watched Bones bustle around sick bay while Jo chattered away in her incomprehensible baby talk.

However when they didn't go to their quarters, Jim was confused. He was even more confused when Bones handed him a thick overcoat and proceeded to pull his own on before buttoning Jo into hers.

However when the doors opened, Jim's eyes widened. Before him a winter wonderland appeared before him. The ten deck Christmas tree was looming over it all. It was brimming with sparkling lights and ornaments.

Even the snow he had been trying to synthesize with the laboratory technicians was steadily falling from the ceiling. Hell, it didn't even feel sticky like their last batch.

Uhura and Spock approached them.

"What is all of this?" Jim asked, completely bewildered. He looked from Bones, to Jo, to Uhura, and finally to Spock.

"The Christmas decorations you had requested," Spock answered easily. Uhura chuckled. Bones was also grinning broadly.

"But... But..." Jim sputtered.

"It was Leonard's idea. It keep us all busy while you were unconscious, Jim," Uhura answered.

"Bones?" Jim turned towards his husband. He always assumed he had only been out for a few hours or a day at most, not days.

"We'll let you talk." Uhura patted his arm before disappearing.

Bones sighed.

"When we finally managed to beam you out, you had basically gone into cardiac arrest Jim. We... we thought we had lost you."

Bones sounded so broken. It suddenly made sense considering their conversation the previous night. "Bones, why didn't you tell me?"

Bones shrugged. "Didn't matter afterwards. We saved you. We'll always save you. I'll always save you."

But it did matter… it really did especially now.

Bones had his own demons.

Just as Jim was about to protest, Bones stepped closer and wrapped his arm around Jim's shoulders. Jo's tiny body cushioned between them. "We'll talk later," he muttered.

Jo let out an indignant squeak. Bones laughed as he pulled away. "Did you want to tell Daddy something?" He asked the little girl.

It seemed like they were having a silent conversation. Just as Jim was about to speak, she pulled out her finger from her mouth before twisting her torso towards him. Jim smiled back at her.

"Dada!"

"Jo?" Jim's eyes widened. He felt them become misty, and he knew without having to look that Bones' was fairing no better than him.

"Dada," she said again, clear as a bell. She beamed at him.

"Jo," Jim muttered. He pulled her into a tight hug and pressed kiss to the top of Jo's forehead before looking up at Bones. He seemed oddly relieved. "Bones?"

He shifted on the balls of his feet. "I did not know that was going to go work, actually. She's one stubborn little girl."

Jim blinked, confused by Bones' sentiments.

Instead of answering, Bones captured his lips with a kiss.

"Dada!" Jo squeaked again causing both her parents to laugh.

"I think we got a talker," Jim said bemusedly.

Bones laughed before kissing him again. This time when he pulled away, he muttered "Merry Christmas, Darlin'," into Jim's ear.

"Chris... Christmas..." Jim sputtered out, his eyes widening. Suddenly everything made sense. "You…"

Bones smiled. His hazel eyes twinkling with the Christmas tree lights in the back drop. "Come on, Jim let's join in the celebration. Crew really outdid themselves."

"Yeah, yeah they did." As Bones proceeded to take a step, Jim pulled him back. Bones cocked his head that smile still on his face.

"Thank you, and... Merry Christmas."

Fin