Skies grew darker/
Breaking up with her was the hardest thing that you had ever done. You reason with yourself every day after it happened that it had been the best thing to do; after all, she is in Lima, and you are in Louisville, and it had become nearly impossible for the both of you to keep in contact every day. You wanted to spare her the heartache of having to wait for you to get on Skype, only to fall asleep because your cheerleading practice had run overtime, or because you were drowning in assignments and could barely make it back to your room, much less find the time or energy to scissor-Skype. She deserves so much better you tell yourself, as you toss and turn in bed, trying to put the image of a crying Brittany out of your mind. At first, you think you have it easier; school is getting increasingly busy and you always have something to do or somewhere to be. Thoughts of things other than Brittany occupy your mind and you don't know just how much you miss her till it hits you like a punch in the gut a month later.
When you get the call from Mr. Schue asking you if you could spare the time to come back to Ohio and play Rizzo in Grease, you aren't very surprised. After all, who else in the Glee club had the talent to play Rizzo like you did? You tell yourself that you are only going back as a favor to those "Glee club losers" (as you fondly like to call them) but deep down, you know that there is only one reason that you would step foot into McKinley again.
You arrive at the school, nerves settling in the pit of your stomach. Okay Santana, calm down. You've performed dozens of times, you've had kick-ass solos, this should be a piece of cake. Calmly, you walk into the classroom where you are greeted by the members of the Glee club. Your heart starts to beat faster at the sight of Brittany seated in the back row. Your heart gives a sharp pang at the empty seat next to her, but before your brain can process it any further, Mr. Schue stands up and enthusiastically addresses the Glee club.
"Okay guys, we have the honor of having our very own Santana Lopez back to help us with the part of Rizzo!" He claps his hands together and gives the club his trademark "We can do this" face of encouragement.
"Well, I figured this role is as good as any to take on, and I had some time on my hands so why not." You say, shrugging your shoulders with feigned casualness, while your eyes remain fixed on Brittany. She is beaming from ear to ear, and you can feel a smile tugging on the corners of your lips and despite your best efforts, you let it break and spread over your face, and for the first time since you broke up with her, your heart starts to soar. The spell breaks abruptly when Teen Jesus (what's his name again? Jose? Josh?) asks if that was the only reason why you came back to Lima, and before you can shoot him down with some badass response, Brittany comes to your rescue.
"The important thing is that she is here, so the show can go on." She sys quickly, shooting you a look that said I know you want to possibly hurt him with your vicious vicious words right now but don't. I got you. Slightly mollified, you decide to let it slide and nod in agreement.
On the night of the show, you sit backstage, dabbing on your makeup for Rizzo's performance. You're not nervous about singing tonight, but your stomach is fluttering. As you take deep breaths in an attempt to calm yourself down, the source of your stomach's flutters appears behind you and wraps her hands around your shoulders.
"Hey, you." She says softly as she seats herself beside you.
"Hey, B." You murmur, a soft smile gracing your lips.
She cocks her head to the side and gazes at you for a few seconds. "I'm glad you're back, San." Here, she ducks her head and looks at you almost shyly. "I've missed you."
More flutters. You groan inwardly as the butterflies turn into freaking large moths flapping around your insides. "I've missed you too Britt-Britt." You take her hand in yours and give it a squeeze. "Honestly, you're the only reason I decided to take this role anyway." You admit.
Brittany nods her head and you know that she had already figured it out the moment you stepped into the classroom. "So…" she says slowly, "I'm not dating anyone now. Boy or girl." She adds quickly, her eyes searching your face for a reaction.
"I'd be fine if you were, Britt," you tell her, "but I'm glad you're not." You know that your eyes betray you by telling her so much more than you had let on, but somehow with Brittany, you never really needed a lot of words.
You gaze at each other, and you are almost tempted to lean in for a kiss, but before anything happens, Mike pokes his head around the corner.
"Santana, you're up in one."
"Thanks, Mike. I'll be out soon." He disappears and you're left alone with her again.
"Are you nervous?" she asks.
"Nah, this should be easy; it'll be like singing America all over again."
Brittany looks at you ponderingly. "America was happy though. This song is supposed to be really sad." She stands up to leave, but before she does, she bends down and gives you a hug. "You can think about us," she says quietly, "and how we aren't together anymore." She gives you a sad smile before whispering "Good luck, S" and walking away, her hand brushing against your back. You can feel your back burn from where her hand caressed it and you know that throughout the entire performance, all you would be thinking about would be her.
Three months later, when you come back again to Lima for Diva weekend, you're fuming on the inside because you had just found out that Brittany was now with Guppy Lips and although you weren't exactly angry with Brittany, you were hurt. You would never admit in a million years, but it stung to have found out from post-Goth Tina about her and Sam, and not from Brittany directly. You decide to hatch up an elaborate plan to bring a bevy of Louisville's finest cheerleaders with you and perform a song that Brittany would later on call "the best moment in show business history." You even pay one of your cheerleaders to pretend to be your girlfriend in a bid to make Brittany jealous, which seemed to work.
After your showdown with Sam, you find Brittany in the auditorium alone. You smile at her a little sheepishly, knowing that she had witnessed your little duel-duet earlier on. She looks at you with those bluer-than-blue eyes, nothing but honesty and love in them and says,
"I'm not gonna break up with Sam. I can't do that to him."
"Look, B. I know, and it's fine. I didn't come back expecting you to take me back or whatever, I just…wanted you to aim a little higher is all." You say nonchalantly, although your insides are twisting painfully. "Besides, I already have a girlfriend and she –"
"I know you paid Elaine to pretend to be your girlfriend." She interrupts you gently. "And I know that you dropped out of school."
You sigh inwardly, wondering for the billioneth time how Brittany manages to see through all of your bullshit. She notices the way your face subtly changes and reaches out and takes your hands in hers.
"Look," she says earnestly. "I think you need to leave Lima and go to someplace that's as big and amazing as you are. You deserve that. You should go to New York and live your dream of being on that show where they criticize people all the time and make them cry because of all the mean things they say."
You chuckle, despite yourself. "You mean American Idol?"
"Exactly!" She crows, laughing along with you. "But seriously," she continues again. "You're so talented, Santana. And Lima is way too small for you. I'm too –" here, she cuts herself off. You know what she wanted to say and you want so badly to tell her that she could never be too small for you, but you restrain yourself and wait for her to finish.
"You should find yourself a cool girlfriend too," she continues, "to go with a brand new city that you're going to. But not a best friend though, 'cause that part is already taken."
You squeeze her hands tightly, trying to convey to her all the things you knew you couldn't say at the moment. "You're my best friend Britt. And you really are a genius."
"Duh." Her tone is light, but her eyes have grown a little sadder, as if she knows what's going to happen next.
You lean forward and press a kiss against her lips before pulling her into a tight embrace. I love you lingers on the tip of your tongue but you bite it back and hug her harder before letting go. You watch as she turns and walks away, every fiber in your being is screaming at you to run after all and never let her go, but you know that you need to do this, for her. For you. Just before she turns the corner, you see her turn her head, as if to look back at you, but she doesn't. And for the second time, you watch the love of your life walk out of it.