Chapter Warning:

Sensitive topics:

– Attempted suicide mentioned in this chapter – please be aware of this, I do not intend to offend anyone with what I am writing.

– Self-harm also mentioned – as mentioned above I do not intend to offend anyone with what I am writing.

Chapter 2

"Ciel come on." Sebastian pleaded with the unconscious boy, Ciel was showing no signs of coming out of this unconsciousness. "Please, please, please don't do this to me, after all I went through to find you, I'm not losing you now." He almost seemed to beg. But his pleas quite literally fell on deaf ears. He turned to William.

"Where's Liz" he somewhat demanded, "She should be here by now. It doesn't take an hour for her to get back to hers from the park and then to here."

William shrugged a little, "It depends,"

"On what." Sebastian snapped back.

"Depends on if her aunt is driving, it has snowed remember." William took a harsher tone in response to being snapped at. He knew Sebastian didn't mean it, that he was just worried, but it still annoyed him. As soon as Sebastian heard William talking to him in that tone he looked to the floor.

"I… I'm sorry" he began, "I didn't mean to snap." He looked up at William again, watching for his reaction.

"It's alright." William replied, "You're my friend, and you're worried about your mate, it's perfectly reasonable to expect you to snap and be irritable."

Sebastian nodded quietly. "Do you mind calling Liz to see where she is?" He asked quietly.

"Sure" William replied, picking up his phone from where he had placed it on the table in the room and calling Lizzie. It rang for a minute or two, Sebastian could hear the ringing tone, before Lizzie picked up.

"Hey, what is it?" she asked.

"Urm…" William began. Pausing for what seemed like an eternity, he had never really spoken to Lizzie on the phone. He rarely spoke to her at university, although they are in the same friendship group.

"William?" Lizzie asked, "What do you want?" to him her voice was heavenly, but he soon snapped to.

"Sebastian was just wondering how long you were going to be." He asked, glancing at Sebastian who was sat next to Ciel's limp form toying with the boys midnight blue hair. William let out a sigh before stepping out of the flat for a minute. "He's… well you know what he's like when Ciel gets hurt."

Lizzie nodded on the other end of the phone, even though William couldn't see it. "I'm on my way over with Edward and my aunt." She began. "How you holding up?" William was stunned for a second. Lizzie had asked how he was feeling.

"Err, I'm okay I guess, but then Ciel is a friend so yes I'm worried." The poor fool was trying to act cool towards the girl he had a crush on. Lizzie laughed a little down the phone.

"Don't try to act cool Mr. Spears." She teased ever so slightly. "You are just a close a friend to him as Ed and I are. You're just as worried about Ciel as Sebs is."

"Yeah." William replied, a small blush on his cheeks, "I guess I am."

Lizzie sighed, "I'll be about 5 minutes, the snows making things a little awkward." She said, responding to his very first question of this conversation.

"Thanks, I'll go tell him that." He replied and hung up, then walked back inside to where Sebastian was, "She'll be 5 minutes, the snow was causing problems." Sebastian looked up at the other and nodded, if one was to look carefully they would be able to see the Sebastian was crying, a few tears snaking their way down his cheeks. William went over to him and gently pulled him into a hug.

"What if he doesn't make it?" Sebastian sobbed out on his shoulder. "What kind of boyfriend does that make me?"

William sighed and tried to sooth him, "He'll make it. Remember Lizzie's aunts on her way over. She'll make sure he survives." In all honesty what Sebastian needed wasn't the words from William, just the fact that William was hugging him, that was enough support for now. Sebastian knew he would be fine when he knew Ciel was safe.

5 minutes later, as Lizzie had said over the phone, there was a knock at the door, and William detached himself from the tightish hug that Sebastian now had him in and opened it. He let Lizzie, Edward and their aunt into the flat taking them to where Ciel was.

"What exactly happened?" Ann asked looking over Ciel's battered and beaten body. "Elizabeth didn't explain."

Sebastian looked at Ann, "He was attacked by a group of boys, they beat him and stabbed him" well that was as much as Sebastian could deduce from what he saw of Ciel's injuries. Maybe Ann could better see what was wrong. She nodded and set to work tending to Ciel's injuries.

Whilst Ann got to work, Sebastian paced around the room. William was sat on the sofa there and Lizzie sat next to him.

"He's really taking this bad isn't he?" Lizzie said to William,

"Yeah, he's worse than last time" he replied, he honestly was worried. "I don't know how much more he could take." Elizabeth nodded.

"I don't know how much more both could take, I'm worried that one of these days Ciel's going to end up very badly injured, or even dead, and Sebastian's just going to go over the edge." William agreed wholeheartedly with her,

"But for now we should just watch what happens, both of them are strong and they should be able to get through it" Lizzie nodded then leaned back on the sofa and fell into a silence, just thinking about things, the only things that could be heard in the room was Sebastian's pacing and Ann as she helped Ciel.

An hour or so later Ann came to the rest of the group, Sebastian was over to them like a shot, wondering what had happened. Many thoughts raced through the guy's head, was Ciel okay, any permanent damage…

Ann looked at Sebastian then at the others. "He'll make it." She said softly, "He's going to be weak for a few days, and his asthma is going to play him up, but his body temperatures at a level where it isn't concerning, and despite the injuries he had sustained he should be up and about in a few days. He usually bounces back quite quickly." The group breathed a sigh of relief, the most noticeable coming from Sebastian. "Sebastian can I have a private word with you?" she asked, motioning to the kitchen. She didn't really need to worry the others as well.

"Alright" Sebastian replied, walking into the kitchen, closing the door once Ann had walked through. She turned to Sebastian and sighed,

"Do you know about the self-harm?" Sebastian's eyes widened in shock when she said that, he had no idea that Ciel had resorted to such.

"n-no. I didn't." the shock of hearing that came out in Sebastian's voice.

"I would say it's been going on a while. He appears to focus around his right wrist. Luckily they won't scar, I don't think the injuries were deep enough for any visible damage, though the injuries to his chest and the place where he was stabbed, those wounds will scar. Also I had to remove a chunk of metal from him. It was part of the blade stabbed into him, it must have snapped off when it hit his rib." Sebastian nodded, listening to what she was saying.

Self-harm. I can't believe he would resort to that. He thought to himself though was snapped out of it as Ann continued her narration.

"It was Cole* and the others wasn't it." She said, Sebastian nodded,

"It's always them" he replied quietly.

"Why doesn't he inform the police." She asked, honestly curious as to why Ciel didn't.

"Because he's scared that they are going to do him more harm knowing that the police are involved." Sebastian replied, "Plus the police aren't exactly one of Ciel's favourite people in the world, giving the whole situation with his parents."

Ann nodded, "Is there any more news about them?" Sebastian shook his head.

"It's been 14* months, and it's really not looking good, but until I hear word that they are dead then there is still hope."

"Well," she began, handing Sebastian a piece of paper with her mobile number on it. "If you need to contact me, use that so you don't have to go through Elizabeth all the time. Also let me know if he gets worse." Sebastian nodded.

"Thank-you" he replied softly showing her to the door. Lizzie and Edward left with their aunt, feeling happier that Ciel was going to make it.

William looked at Sebastian, unsure if he wanted him to stay or not, Ciel needed someone to tend to him whilst he was in that state, and William didn't want Sebastian to do it on his own, he had university work he needed to do, but William didn't want to offend Sebastian by asking if he wanted some help.

Sebastian glanced back at William going and sitting back next to Ciel, "do you mind staying for a while?" he asked, mainly for the reasons William was thinking.

"If you want me to" William replied, Sebastian nodded, he needed someone else around after all he was still digesting the self-harm. William went and sat down in the lounge area, so he was somewhere close if Sebastian needed to call him, but far enough away for Sebastian to be alone with Ciel.

What the hell were you thinking? Sebastian thought to himself as he started toying with Ciel's hair again. Why didn't you tell me that you were self-harming, you idiot. You didn't need to resort to this, I've always promised to help you if you need it. Sebastian stopped his mental rant about how stupid Ciel was, after all he had been self-harming. No all Sebastian had to do now was to make sure that Ciel didn't do it again.

Several hours passed by before Ciel started stirring, the boy had been out cold for about 6 hours by this point, but thankfully he was coming around. Sebastian was still by him, holding his hand and stroking his hair as Ciel opened his blue eyes.* "Hey" he called softly smiling down at Ciel, "How do you feel."

"Alright" Ciel replied, "Sleepy though." He added, lying naturally, he wasn't sleepy. He just wanted Sebastian to leave his side.

"You've had enough sleep" Sebastian replied, "You should stay awake for a while."

"O-okay" Ciel said moving to sit up, which Sebastian helped him do since Ciel was a little weak. "Do you mind making me a cup of tea?" Sebastian chuckled a little,

"Sure" He replied kissing his cheek before going to the kitchen to make some tea. On his way he saw William curled up asleep on the sofa. He managed a small smile at that before boiling the kettle, enough for all three of them.

Whilst Sebastian was making the tea, Ciel shifted a little, trying to get himself out of bed. It took a minute, but he managed to get himself standing. Using the edge of the bed and the wall for support he made his way into the bathroom, wanting to look at the extent of his injuries.

He stood in front of the mirror as he gently removed his bed shirt, staring in horror at the injuries on his chest. Although the injuries had been cleaned and tended to, for Ciel they just proved that the boys were just getting worse, treating him more like an object rather than a person. He gently traced his finger over the deepest of all the injuries, thankfully there were only one or two of the deep injuries, they had gone deep in the skin, but not too deep merely deep enough so that blood could be seen seeping out when the injuries occurred, the rest of the wounds would heal with little or no scarring, most were just thin red raw impact lines from the whip.

Ciel bit back a hiss as he caught an injury, but it didn't affect him, much. I'm the boyfriend of the hottest boy in the university, he turned down every girl and guy who fawned over him when he met me, he said I was perfect, the most beautiful boy he had ever met. The most beautiful boy he had ever met, what a joke, just look at me, how can he say that I'm the most beautiful boy he had ever met, what with a body like mine. Ciel had slipped into self-loathing thoughts, natural though, he usually went through a phase like this after an attack, not that Sebastian knew that he had those thoughts, he managed to keep up a perky composure on the face of things, though he knew Sebastian somewhat knew that despite the charade he was putting on the boy hurt. Ugly, a burden, why does he stick around me, all I do is get him worked up and worried. He spends 90% of his time worrying about where I have been, whether I have gotten into trouble or not. Ciel couldn't remember what Sebastian had promised his parents, so much had gone on in the months that they had been dating.*

Ciel looked at his left wrist, clear of any sign of harm, he then looked at his right wrist, a testament to the many times he had let the self-loathing thoughts get the better of him. Was the thoughts going to get the best of him yet again…?

He looked at the sink in front of him, at the razor there, he picked it up, toyed with it in his hands for a few moments before breaking the casing and pulling the blade out, he went and sat on the toilet seat, staring at the blade for what seemed like an eternity, maybe I should, it won't hurt, it's never done in the past, my body's already a mess, one more can't hurt. He thought as he placed the blade on his wrist, tears by now were flowing down the boy's cheeks as he tried to, and failed at not crying, the boy's sobs starting to shake his body. Despite this, his hands remained steady as he dragged the blade across his wrist watching the blood seep out and start to fall to the floor.

Whist all this was happening, Sebastian had made the tea, taking one cup over to William and gently shaking him awake before giving it to him. Sebastian then went back into the kitchen and retrieved the two other cups of tea, taking them to their bedroom. What he wasn't expecting when he got there was to find Ciel wasn't in bed. He put the cups of tea down on the bedside before glancing around the room and noticing that the bathroom door was slightly ajar and the light was on. He walked over to the room and pushed the door open, a sudden anger coming over him when he saw what Ciel had done.

Ciel hadn't even looked up when the door to the bathroom was pushed open, his cries hindering his vision, as he stared at his hand, watching the blood run out. Sebastian paid no attention, not realising through his anger that Ciel was crying and having no idea what had been going through the boys head moments before, as he walked over to the boy and slapped him hard.

"JUST WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" Sebastian shouted at him, "DID YOU THINK THAT THIS WOULD SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS?!" Ciel didn't answer him, for Ciel resorting to self-harm had been a coping mechanism with everything that had happened. "ANSWER ME!" Sebastian screamed at him when he got no answer from Ciel.

"I am answering you." Ciel replied quietly, earning a glare from Sebastian,

"Like hell you are, talk to me about it." He responded. Ciel looked up at Sebastian out of his teary eyes,

"Just leave me alone. I don't want to talk about it." He said, trying to not let his emotions come through in his voice.

"No." Sebastian said sternly. "We need to talk about this,"

We, what 'we' Ciel thought to himself, it's my problem I don't need anyone to talk about it to.

Sebastian just seemed to get angrier with Ciel's responses, or rather lack of them. He slapped Ciel again, anger controlling him now. Well that made Ciel snap.

"JUST FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" He shouted at Sebastian, who refused to move from where he was stood, "I MEAN IT, GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE!" Sebastian huffed a little, seeing Ciel was being stubborn and stupid, he stormed out of the bathroom, slamming the door.

Sebastian went and slumped in the armchair that they had, earning a confused look from William. Sebastian noticed this, but didn't say anything for about 5 minutes, until he had calmed enough, "He's self-harming." Sebastian said to William,

"I know" William replied. Sebastian was… well he didn't know what to think.

"You knew about the self-harming?" Sebastian asked, William nodded in response. "And you never thought to mention it to me?"

"I saw the marks on his wrist one day at university, and I questioned him about it." William replied, "He told me and asked me not to tell you. So, as his friend I said I wouldn't say."

Sebastian growled a little. William didn't seem fazed by it though, after all he was only doing what a friend would do, he had promised to keep it a secret, and Ciel knew that he would, that's why he had told him.

"You shouted at him because of it." William stated, "He uses it as a coping mechanism, because he doesn't know how to explain how he feels. You probably have noticed how he manages to keep up a perky demeanour after the attacks on him."

"Yeah, I just assumed that it was because he was trying to show the others that they hadn't gotten to him." Sebastian replied.

"In a way yes, that's part of why he's doing it, but he's also doing it so you don't worry, he thinks he's nothing but a burden to you, especially with all the attacks he's getting."

"And how do you know this. Is it something else he told you?" Sebastian asked, slight jealousy there considering that Ciel had told William about the self-harming, and William seemed to know so much about what was happening.

William sighed and rolled up his sleeve and showed Sebastian the evidence from when he self-harmed. "Just observations I made about him, and thinking about how I used to react to similar situations. This was all when I was much younger though."

Sebastian nodded, so two of my friends have had a rough time. He was starting to feel guilty about the way that he had acted around Ciel, how he had treated him when he didn't know the situation.

"One more thing." William continued, "I don't know if he'll go this far, but it was something I tried, he might. Might resort to trying to suicide."

Sebastian gasped, running back to the bathroom, hammering on the door for Ciel to let him in, as when he had left Ciel had locked the door.

The boy wasn't paying attention to his boyfriend, he was now sat in the corner of the bathroom, with the blade against his neck. Sebastian was a fool for not considering taking it away from him. Ciel continued to cry, his thoughts had gotten even more self-loathing. I should just die. That's it, that's the answer to my problems, I should die, and then everything will be fine. I won't be a target for Cole and that lot, after all they had said 'just being born was enough for them to hate me'.

"CIEL OPEN THE DOOR." Sebastian shouted, snapping Ciel out of his thoughts, only for an anger to fill him, sending him back into the thoughts.

I won't be a burden to Sebastian, to no one, Sebastian would be able to find a better looking mate, someone more beautiful than me, there are always plenty of good looking guys and girls willing be his mate.

"Ciel please open the door." Sebastian said, his voice softer this time, apologetic. "Please, we need, I need to talk to you, I want to help you, and I promised you, and your parents that I would protect you."

Ciel still wasn't listening, he pressed the blade into the skin, drawing some blood, as he slowly started to move it across his neck.

Sebastian was getting worried by the silence in the bathroom. "If you don't answer me in 5 seconds I'm breaking down this door." He said, then waited 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… Ciel hadn't answered, so Sebastian kicked the door in. he was worried, worried about his boyfriend.

Once the dust had settled Sebastian's eyes scanned the room looking for Ciel, he sighed a little seeing him huddled in the corner, though his eyes widened when he saw the blade slowly moving across his throat, thankfully by this point Ciel hadn't gotten far. Ciel didn't seem to notice that Sebastian was there. Sebastian walked over to Ciel crouching down in front of him, trying to stop Ciel from going any further.

"Ciel…" Sebastian began, he knew it probably would take a lot to convince the boy to stop what he was doing, but he had to try. "Ciel, I'm sorry for what I said, for slapping you. I lost my temper, I didn't understand the situation fully." He paused watching for Ciel's reaction, after a second or two Ciel stopped moving his hand across his neck. Sebastian mentally sighed, but noticed Ciel didn't remove the blade from where it was.

"You don't want to, do you?" he asked, finally noticing the boy's trembling body, the tears rolling down his cheeks. How could I have been so stupid not to have noticed this earlier?

"Ciel, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." He continued bringing his hand up to caress Ciel's cheek, only for the boy to move his head away from the touch. Sebastian looked Ciel over seeing if he had injured himself any more than Sebastian already knew, whilst doing so he took a careful look at Ciel's chest injuries, realising instantly another thing that was probably going through, or had been going through his head.

"I love you. You know that right. It doesn't matter how many scars you have because I'll love you whether you have 1 or 100 scars. You're still the boy I fell in love with. You're still the most beautiful boy I've seen." He held his hand out to Ciel, letting him make the next move.

"You mean that?" Ciel somewhat choked out through the sobs of his.

"Yes." Sebastian replied, "With all my heart." Ciel shifted a little, taking the blade away from his neck and placing it in Sebastian's hand. Sebastian sighed in relief as that happened, bringing his other hand back up to Ciel's cheek and caressing it.

Sebastian tossed the blade away, pulling Ciel into a tight hug, "I love you" he whispered again, wiping the tears away from Ciel's eyes and kissing his cheek.

"I… I love you too." Ciel replied holding onto Sebastian tight, burying his head against Sebastian's neck.

"I love you." Sebastian repeated again, "and I'll repeat it again and again, even if you start saying I sound like a broken record, I'll keep repeating it to remind you, so that you always know how much I do love you."

Authors notes:

General note – I often refer to Ciel as 'the boy', Ciel is in fact 19 in this story, and I use 'the boy' to reference the fact that he doesn't always show himself as a 19 year old, sometimes, especially as a result of the attacks Ciel seems and acts much younger than he is.

*Cole – for those who haven't read the manga, and a reminder for those who have, Cole is a student at Weston College who causes Ciel some trouble. In this story he is just one of the group behind Ciel's misery, he also isn't the ringleader behind the pack.

*14 months – roughly the time, a little less, since Ciel started university, Ciel is in his second year at University, (its set around December time) his parents had disappeared roughly a month into Ciel's first year at university.

*Ciel doesn't lay claim to his purple eye at present, though things will change.

*Ciel and Sebastian have been dating for about 15 months, they met before university in their then accommodation, they shared a flat with 4 others, they hit it off to begin with, unofficially dating, but officially they have been dating a few weeks longer than Ciel's parents have been missing.