Hi everybody,

Another chapter finished up. This time we're going to see how Kate's doing.

I've got one question for you guys though. I've got a few messages stating that I should wrap up the journey a little. I'm asking all of you now: Should I continue as planned and write the whole journey out or should I do time jumps? I'm gonna wait until the end of the week and see how you guys decided. Since I already wrote a few chapters in advance, it could take me longer than usual to update since I have to re-write the chapters if you do want time jumps, just so you know when to expect a new chapter…

Anyway enjoy the update.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.

Chapter 8

It was quite late, but Kate couldn't sleep. She had spent the last hour turning restlessly around, yet sleep did not come. Giving up, Kate got out from under the covers and left the bedroom, moving into her living room, and aiming for her couch.

Almost instantly her hand reached for the single sheet of paper lying on the little table, without a doubt one of the reasons why she couldn't sleep. Castle's letter. She had finally read it, soaked up every word he had written to her, feeling childish for having waited so long to open it. Kate had read the letter over and over the entire evening, by now knowing the letter inside and out, however she still began to read it again.

Dear Kate,

By now you probably know that I'm not consulting with the NYPD anymore. In fact, I won't even be in New York when you read this.

I'm sorry that it came to this. You certainly deserve better than just some letter as a goodbye, especially after everything we have been through together. But I was afraid that if I had said goodbye to you in person, you would have been able to convince me to stay. To remain in New York, shadowing you.

But that is something I simply can't do.

I'm the reason you were shot. If I hadn't started looking into your mother's case, you wouldn't have been shot. Lying on the ground, while your blood ran through my fingers tainting everything that came in touch with it in a dark red. Seeing the life leaving your eyes.

I'll never forgive myself for that.

That is why from now on I will keep my distance from you. I will not get you into any more trouble than you already are in. I endangered you by pretending to be a cop. Pretending to be your partner.

But the truth remains, I'm not your partner, and I'm certainly not a cop. I'm just a writer who tried to get out of boredom by shadowing one – by shadowing you.

Believe me when I say that I will never forget you. You are the most extraordinary woman I have ever met. You have made me into the man I am now. You showed me a new and fascinating side of the world, and even when it is a very dark one at times, working with you brightened it up a little. You, and all the others in the force are the lights that make it bearable to live in that darkness.

The boys had to find a secure place for all the files concerning your mother's case and they gave them to me for safekeeping. Since I won't be here anymore when you read this letter, I'll tell you where you can find them. They're in my office at home. Just ask Alexis to give them to you. Tell her they're in the secret drawer. She'll know where to look for them.

Kate… I can't keep you from investigating your mother's case further, but I hope you won't. We have seen what they would do to keep you from gaining more information. So my request for you is to pull back. I know I'm in no position to ask that of you, but I can't help myself.

Choose life, Kate. Choose to be happy, because even though I never met your mother, I'm sure she would have wanted you to live a happy life.

I for myself hope you will find peace. Wherever it might lead you to. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

You will be on my mind.

Always.

Rick

Castle seemed to be really convinced that everything that had happened was his fault. He was a smart man, but at times he still was an idiot. Sometimes he took things to the heart without thinking them over. She'd talk to him when he got back from his adventure, tell him that he wasn't at fault for anything that had happened. Sooner or later she would have re-opened her mother's case on her own. He had merely moved things along. Still, he had to know that his presence had helped her. Before he had started to shadow her at work, her life had been grey. She had been okay, living for her work but still managing to go on. He had brought color into it again, shown her that she wasn't really living. And maybe she could persuade him into coming back. Kate had thought that she'd be alright without him, that she didn't need him. However, during her first case after the shooting and seeing the partnership of Ryan and Esposito, as well as the empty chair next to her desk made the absence of Castle all the more obvious. The absence of her partner.

Because that was who he was. Her partner. As odd as their partnership was, she wouldn't trade him for any real detective.

Kate heard her cell ringing from her bedroom and her eyes flickered towards her watch. She had been back at work sooner than everyone expected after her shooting. Though that may be because she led them to believe that she was ready, that she was alright and fit enough to be back at work. Although she had the sinking feeling that Dr. Burke saw right through her façade.

Walking back to her bedroom, Kate reached for her cell, seeing that she had gotten a text from Esposito. They had a new case, the address already sent to her for her to meet the boys at the scene. Since the case the boys had worked on when she had come back hadn't been that good and led her straight back to Dr. Burke's couch, she hoped that this one would end better. As much as she had tried, she just didn't seem to find her routine again. Yet she didn't stop the fight, gaining her life somewhat back bit by bit until now, when she reached a point where she believed that things will get better. At least most of the things.

As she arrived at the scene, Kate was immediately welcomed by a big gathering of people. Reporters trying to get some information about the victim, but most of them were probably just curious. How she hated those kind of people. Did they have nothing better to do than gazing? Besides it was in the middle of the night, what the hell were they doing here anyway?

"Detective! Detective! Detective. What can you tell us about this homicide?" one of the reporters asked, andif the reporter expected to get an answer from her, he was wrong. "Uh, no comment. Excuse me."

Kate ducked under the police tape that an Officer held up for her. The forensic team was already working the scene at full speed, and the alley was packed with police officers securing evidence."Officer Hastings, what's this all about?"

The young police officer looked like she was about to vomit any second, making Kate more and more confused since this wasn't Hastings' first crime scene. "You should see for yourself, Detective."

Beckett approached the body that was already covered with a yellow plastic tarp. Better said, the two halves of the body were covered. Blood puddles were on both sides of the halves, and the feet of their victim were looking out from under the yellow tarp.

"Uh, so he was..." Beckett started, but didn't really know how to formulate her question. This way of murdering was quite odd for this time they were living in, definitely the first time she was encountering a victim parted into two halves. Why did she always end up with the strange cases?

"Split right down the middle. From the top of his head all the way down to his-"

"Hey!" Ryan and Esposito cut her off simultaneously.

Lanie rolled her eyes. "Please. The guy was sliced in two. I'd say his unit is the least of his problems."

"Obviously you do not understand the sacred bond between a man and his unit." Esposito replied.

"Okay, so what was the murder weapon? Guillotine?" Beckett tried to get their conversation back to their case.

"A sword." Lanie reached for an evidence bag and passed it to her friend."Tip broke off in the body. Blood spatter indicates that the killer first lopped off the victim's hand, then took the big swing."

Kate observed the crime scene closer. This had something symbolic to it, after all who'd come up with the idea to cut someone in two with a sword? Most people would be stabbed once or even multiple times, but cutting straight through the middle of a person?"Esposito, this looks like it might've been a ritual killing, so let's get photos of all the bystanders in case the killer came back."

"On it." Esposito nodded."Meanwhile, the vic's name is Tyler Ferris. He just got out of Sing Sing a year ago for sexual assault."

"Okay, we got any witnesses?"

"Yeah. The girl he was in the middle of assaulting, a Marie Marcado."

Kate stared at the woman Esposito had pointed out. She was standing a little to the side, and the young woman looked a bit shaken. But who wouldn't after living through this kind of murder? First she had been bothered by their victim, then she had to watch him getting murdered in such a horrible way.

One more person in the world who probably needed to see a psychiatrist, Kate thought bitterly.

Ryan was currently speaking to the young woman as Beckett stepped up to them and after a quick glance at Beckett, Ryan signaled for the woman to continue with her story.

"I met him last night at Matt's Bar around the corner. He seemed like a nice enough guy, talking all big about his ship coming in. Anyway, it got late, I left with him, but that's when he started getting all super aggressive. I took off running. He caught me. I mean, God knows what he would've done if..."

Obviously at a loss of words, Ryan stepped in and ended the sentence for Ms. Marcado. "If Conan the Barbarian hadn't showed up?" Maria nodded confirming, though didn't speak up again.

"What did the killer look like?" Beckett asked and hoped that they could get a good sketch of the killer's face.

The witness shook her head. "It was so dark, I didn't really get to see his face." It would have been too good anyway, Kate thought.

"You didn't catch anything? Ethnicity? Age, weight, height?"

Maria glanced down to the ground in embarrassment, signaling Beckett that she wouldn't get any more useful information from their witness.

Some hours later Beckett found herself standing in autopsy. They had contacted the family of their victim, Tyler Ferri, and Ferri's mother was here to identify the body of her son. A task Kate always thought of as cruel for anyone who had to see their loved ones like this.

"Yes that's him." Mrs. Ferri confirmed, though her voice sounded unsurprised.

"Mrs. Ferris, we're very sorry for your loss." This part of her job was always the hardest one, being the bearer of bad news and having to tell the people that their loved ones would not come back to them.

The woman shrugged. "Don't sweat it."

Lanie and Beckett both looked, shocked, at Mrs. Ferri after hearing statement. "Pardon me?"

"These things can happen."

"Not in this century, they don't." Kate winced slightly as she said this. Normally this was something Castle would have said. Such comments were always his forte, not being able to keep from voicing them. Unbelievable how he had rubbed off on her.

"Don't get me wrong. I never expected my boy to end up in two hunks, but I always knew one day he'd end up there laying on a slab. Tyler was a no good loser. He made one dumbass mistake after the next."

"I see. Um. Do you know if he was involved in anything that might've gotten him killed?"

"Well, I certainly expect so."

"He told someone that his ship was coming in. What does that mean?"

"His ship was always coming in. That was Tyler. Always working an angle."

Kate grabbed her notepad "Ma'am, um, I'll need the names of all the enemies your son may have had."

"You're gonna need a bigger pad."

She couldn't believe it. This case just oozed with oddness. However the worst thing she had noticed throughout their investigation was that this case just screamed for Castle, almost tailor-made for him and his curiosity. With every new aspect Kate had thought about the things Castle would say, had almost been able to imagine him sitting in his chair chatting away giddily and making her smile at his excitement, despite that this was still a murder case.

But he hadn't been there.

He hadn't been there when she had examined the crime scene. He hadn't been there when she had found out that their killed had been dressed in a superhero costume carrying a sword. He hadn't been there when she had gone over to Comicadia, asking for the opinion of an expert regarding the costume of their killer. He hadn't been there when she had encountered the costumed person. And he hadn't been there when they had closed the case.

He just hadn't been there. Suddenly those six weeks seemed endlessly. An eternity without her partner.

A chill shot through her when she thought about him not being at her side for the rest of her life.

His empty chair seemed to mock her every single time she glanced at it, reminding her of his absence. It probably wasn't helping that this case involved a reporter. A reporter with a female friend at the police.

As she had walked Hastings to the elevator earlier the evening, she had thought about a lot of things. This had been only her second case after her long rehabilitation break, but it certainly hit close home. Too close and too real. A thousand things crossed through her mind and she couldn't find a way to quiet them down.

Especially as she had seen Hastings hugging the reporter. That scene had made her heart squeeze uncomfortable, and it somehow changed from seeing Hastings and the reporter to her and Castle. The what if.

Had they really wasted all chances to be like them? Where did they go wrong?

Kate had glanced one more time at the pair in the elevator, her shoulders sinking slightly.

A writer and his muse.

A cop and her writer.

The absence of her partner, of him, had never been as obvious as it had been just then.

Thanks for reading, guys. And don't forget to tell me how you like me to go on with this story. Short or full length?

Wish you all a great start into a new week :D