Hi all, this is a very short chapter. I just wanted to briefly explore Hawkeye's feelings about the baby and becoming a father. I'm really looking forward to writing more for you all. The italics are Hawkeye's thoughts.
…..
Once the expectant parents got home, they confirmed the pregnancy with their fathers. Both were absolutely thrilled to say the least. They were both sworn to secrecy until Margaret passed the first trimester.
As Margaret prepared some snacks for the men of the house, Hawkeye went out for a walk.
As Hawkeye walked along the shores of Maine, he realised his feelings were all mixed up.
I'm so excited to be starting a family with Margaret, but I don't know… How can I be a good father to my child when I can't even look a kid in the eye anymore? Won't I suffer an overwhelming sense of guilt each time I look at my baby? Will I be able to even hold my baby? Am I capable of loving this baby?
Hawkeye hadn't realised that he had stopped walking at the spot that he and his mother used to share. His mother had ever only taken him there, not even his father knew about it. It was their place. Hawkeye couldn't believe how appropriate him being there was.
Mom, if you can hear me I'd really appreciate your help. You're going to be a grandma. I know you'd be so thrilled if you were here, gushing over this baby and wanting us to leave him or her with you all the time. I know you'd show Margaret so much love too. A mother's love, which unfortunately she has been lacking, even though her mother's alive... I never doubted how much you loved me Mom. I hope you knew how I felt … and still feel about you. Look… I'm rambling again. Mom, I'm scared of being a dad to this baby. What do I do?
Hawkeye suddenly felt a sense of love, unconditional love. He didn't know where it was coming from but he liked to believe it was his mother giving him a sign that everything would be ok.
Mom, I guess that's it huh? You're sure I will be a good dad to this baby and that I'll love him or her with all my heart and soul. I know you are. I'm still scared, but I know that I have to be there for Margaret and this baby no matter what. I'll be alright… Thank you.
Hawkeye turned back to the house, gave a quick smile to the sky, and walked back to his home where his wife and family were waiting for him.