A/N: So this was an experiment in writing a couple things:

A.) A semi-drunk Shikamaru. I wanted to see him with lowered inhibitions, to see him stumbling around in that brilliant mind of his – slow for him, but still faster than most people.

B.) A Shikamaru who hadn't found his calling as a ninja yet. Despite his complaints of the lifestyle, I don't think he would have been happy doing anything else. So I wanted to write that lost person, searching for something that made him feel alive. But that is only a backstory.

C.) A femme fatal Ino who saves Shikamaru's butt. And an Ino who could see the potential in Shikamaru even when he doesn't see it himself.

Anywho, let's see what you think! Definitely rated T.

Chapter 4

Theme: Alcohol, a Bar, or a Party

"You can't look away, try as you might;
her gaze like a rocket, her lips dynamite."

Four beers deep and I wish I hadn't come. But to be fair, that's not the beer's fault; the regret was born the second I left my apartment and was dragged by my best friend to what could easily be considered the sketchiest bar in town.

Not that I am an expert on sketch. But if I had to rank this dive on a scale of one to sketchy, it hits a solid 9.5 – the half point away only because no one has thrown up around me yet.

Throwing back the rest of my cheap beer, I watched as Chouji talked to Hinata a few yards away. She's a girl in our class that Chouji thinks I'd really hit it off with. He's most likely talking me up to her as we speak. How troublesome.

"…highest IQ score in decades…" I make out a few of his words over the thump-thump-thump of the music, and now I'm certain he's talking me up. It's probably not possible to roll my eyes as hard as this would warrant.

I know he has my best interests at heart, and Hinata is an amazing girl – if a little shy for my taste. But I didn't want to come here, and I certainly don't appreciate the emasculating idea of having to have someone else do all of my talking to women for me. That, however, has never stopped Chouji from trying.

I turn to the bartender to get another beer (maybe five beers deep will turn this place into a good time) when I see her across the dingy room.

A platinum blond with the longest legs I have ever seen is perched on a barstool, cocktail on the table in front of her. Her silver dress rides up her thighs slightly, and her matching silver heels look like they could kill a man.

One long finger is playing with the condensation on her drink and by everything that is decent I can't stop staring at her.

She is riveting.

Ice blue eyes suddenly catch mine and holy crap she is looking at me. In an underwhelming display of manliness I choke on my beer. Coughing and sputtering, my heart flip-flops when I see her giggle.

"Hey! Shikamaru, you remember Hinata, don't you?" Chouji is suddenly there next to me and I rip my gaze away in a flash like a guilty child.

"What? Oh, hey." There they are, and Hinata is smiling up at me shyly.

"It's n-nice to see you again, S-Shikamaru-san." Her awkwardness should be adorable, and for any right-minded man, it would be. But my mind is swimming with visions of silver and platinum and blue - and I think I'm paranoid that they can both tell.

"Hey, Hinata. Uh, you can just call me Shikamaru. If you want, I mean."

I started this conversation on an already-awkward note and apparently have no plans to turn back now. She blushes and looks at her feet. Either Chouji is an amazing wing man, or she's feeling as awkward as I am. I'm gonna take that genius brain of mine and bet on the later.

"Shikamaru, Hinata has to take Calc. 3 next semester. I told her you were a great tutor."

The best that can be said is that Chouji certainly means well in his eternal attempt to get me a girlfriend. And he's not a bad wingman. So I should probably give this poor girl a chance. I take a giant gulp of my beer and smile.

"Yeah. If you need help, I guess I'm the guy to ask." I rubbed the back of my neck awkwardly, and grinned at her the best I could. Four and a half beers is suddenly more than I thought.

Chouji gives me a half smile, as if to say, "That's the best you've got?" I try to shoot him a withering glare without Hinata seeing.

He just pats me on the back and says, "He's being modest. Shikamaru is the best you're going to find. Why, he passed that course with flying colors, and most of the time, he was sleeping in class! Not that he's a slacker – well he is – but he's just bored."

I find myself not as irritated as I should be with a comment that's certain to put a girl off, as well as a bit of a personal attack… and also a little too truthful. But it just doesn't phase me in the way it's supposed to. So what if I find academics boring? So what if math is too easy? Does that sound cocky? Maybe to be safe, I'd better roll my eyes at his comment.

And that's when I see her again, out of the corner of my eye, talking to some meat head.

Great. It figures a girl that stunning has some big, beefy boyfriend. Well, it's not like I ever thought anything would happen anyway: that would be setting the bar way too high. But still, no need for my fantasy to be dashed before my eyes, come on.

Chouji pats me on the back again, jerking me back to the conversation that is practically going on without me, and says, "I'm going to go get another beer. See you guys in a bit." I know he won't be back. He's done this before – with Tenten, Temari, and even once with some girl named Tayuya that he thought would be a good idea.

Chouji always seems to be "looking out for me" in the girl department, but finding them in places like this really didn't seem like the best idea. Tayuya had been a disaster.

But I can't deny I was just looking at a girl here.

And Hinata wasn't a bar girl, really. She was a girl in one of our classes. Plus it's not like that platinum-headed girl is even in my league.

So I turn back to Hinata, who is really quite pretty as she blushes, looks at the floor, and tells me she's a nursing major at Konoha University.

I find myself telling her – admitting – that I still don't know what I want to do yet. But she smiles and says I have plenty of time. Which isn't true, but she's nice to pretend.

Maybe tonight doesn't have to be so bad.

So I spend another beer and a half talking with Hinata. It's pleasant, albeit hard in this loud bar.

And yet, somehow, an hour or so later (if my internal clock is any judge at all), an indignant "No!" cuts through the throbbing music and the soft tones of Hinata's voice.

I look up, instinctively searching for the source without realizing it. My eyes find her again. The meathead is grabbing her arm and yanking her off the stool. She's clearly irritated and doesn't want to go. But he's pulling her towards the back door and those tall heels aren't getting her any traction.

A twisting in my gut that feels like more than too much beer has me putting my glass down on the bar harder than necessary and stepping down from my stool.

Hinata asks me what's wrong, but I barely hear it.

"Sorry – I gotta go… help." My words are barely coherent; the majority of my focus is on the back exit and turning over possible scenarios in my mind.

I make my way across the room, shoving against the throngs of drunk dancers, trying to follow the path the girl was taken. Chouji intercepts me near the door and grabs my arm. I shrug it off.

"Dude, what gives?"

"Sorry, I gotta go – that girl was just dragged out back." Is there guilt that my answer makes more sense to Chouji than poor Hinata? Or have I just become more focused?

Either way, I brush past him before I can hear any more. It's been too long since she disappeared behind the exit sign, and who knows what can happen in a sketchy alley in the span of moments. Possibilities flutter through my mind like book pages flipping in the wind until my chest is constricting with the idea that I may be too late to help.

My heart in my throat, I get to the door and slam it open.

And it's just in time to catch a punch with my face.

.

Everything goes dark for a bit, and I barely register a gasp and a loud crack as I try to hold my head together. Stumbling, I fall to one knee. The noise from the bar is still making my ears ring (or was that the punch to the skull?) and it takes a second for the scene to fade in from the black.

When my vision blurs back in, she's towering above me, her eyes filled with worry. She stands there like some sort of warrior woman and behind her, on the ground unconscious, is the muscle that dragged her out here, blood trickling from his forehead.

It occurs to me in some sort of off-handed way that makes me think I've jarred a part of my brain loose that this vixen and Hinata are two very different types of woman.

I feel like an idiot when I say, "Are you alright?"

She gracefully kneels in one quick motion, and takes my head in her hands.

"I am so sorry! I- oh my goodness, never mind me, are you alright?!" Her big blue eyes bore into me; I'm already seeing stars, and her face this close does nothing to help my addled brain gain perspective.

"Yeah. Troublesome... My head is broken, but other than that, I think I'm fine." Am I funny? I don't think so. She sighs and holds out her hands.

"Can you stand?" Reaching out and taking both, I heft myself to my feet. Everything is still spinning and my head is throbbing. I also get the added bonus of knowing I looked like an idiot just now in front of the most stunning woman I have ever seen.

But she's smiling at me now and my blood feels like molasses.

"I saw you staring at me inside."

Whoa, Shikamaru, you gotta wake up.

"I…" Don't choke on your own tongue now, buddy. "I was worried when I saw him drag you out here."

Her teeth are as perfect as the rest of her, and her grin is overwhelming.

"That is really, really sweet." I grunt humorlessly in the back of my throat, because it could not be more obvious that my help was not necessary. But her smile lingers on me anyway, and she reaches a hand up to my head, where the blow fell. I expect to flinch away from the pain of her touch, but it doesn't come. Instead, I feel a warm, soothing balm as her fingers gently graze my temple. Dizzy, I stumble backwards a step.

Dizzy, dizzy, nothing but dizzy since I laid eyes on this chick.

"I…" she just smiles at me coyly and stoops down to riffle through the guy's jacket. For a second, I think she's stealing his wallet, and I don't know how to file this away with the image of her I've already concocted.

When the only thing she pulls out is a folded-up piece of paper, it's like a puzzle falling into place that spells out how stupid I actually am. I've spent too much time staring at those long legs to notice the blood on her shoe; to notice that my head doesn't hurt nearly as much as it did a second ago; to realize that she knocked that brick wall of a man out in one hit. The math slowly adds up and I feel like the slowest person alive as I say,

"You're a kunoichi." She looks up at me and that curtain of blond hair fans across her back. Her lips shine in the moonlight and I feel both faint and suddenly alert all at once.

She stands again and walks towards me slowly.

I'd take a step back if I thought it would actually help protect me. Or if I could even pretend I didn't want her coming closer. A kunoichi… everything about that idea makes me feel alive. I should be worried, scared, on-edge. But it's like this woman has suddenly become sexier than ever. She's close enough now that I can smell her perfume, and she looks up at me under these impossibly long eyelashes.

"You're quick." I certainly don't feel quick. But there's a note of respect in her voice and if I didn't know better I'd think there was a hint of arousal there as well.

"So you planned this, then." I think I'm talking just to keep her around at this point. If I were being logical, I'd want away from any imminent danger. But I'm betting that she is a Konoha ninja, and not a spy. After all, she's still here. And she just healed my head.

But more importantly, just being in her proximity is more intoxicating than being with any girl Chouji had ever tried to set me up with – and just the way her lips quirk up in the corner is more stimulating than any conversation I'd ever had on any date I'd ever been on.

"Well, not the part where you got punched in the head, but yes. This was a mission. A seduction… of sorts." She turns to look back at the unconscious man on the ground and says, "But some guys don't want to get. They want to take. It's all about knowing men."

I can't help the sneer that pulls at my lips. "Real men don't need to force women. Only shitheads take."

She turns back to me, her eyes dancing in the glow of the street lamp. "You're not like that though. You're a real white knight." I scoff again, but don't look away, and neither does she.

The fleeting thought that she is as bewitched by me as I am by her flickers hopefully across my mind.

"Believe me. I've done a hundred of these bait-and-switches. And never has a handsome stranger come to my rescue… Until now, that is." Her assessment is overly generous, but with the wonder in her eyes and sudden smokey sound of her voice, I won't complain.

She shifts her weight, and the shimmery silver dress slides across her skin like mercury. I itch to run my fingers over it… under it.

She only begins to step closer.

"What's your name, White Knight?" Who am I kidding? I can't even keep my eyes off of her, and I certainly can't keep my hands off. The second her chest brushes against mine, they slide across her dress to grip hips.

She lifts her own hands to cup my face, eyes filled with fascination as she runs her thumb across my lips. Against her hand, I mumble, "Shikamaru," and the shock of this sudden intimacy is making me heady.

Her bangs obscure one of her eyes as she looks up at me, and I feel like I'm reeling for a second. Stupid beer. Ah, but we can't blame the beer for those eyes, can we.

"Well, Shikamaru, heroes should always be rewarded, don't you think?" And she sounds breathy, and yet her voice is heavier than before.

The logical Shikamaru is screaming that she's quite possibly faking and that this is dangerous and stupid. But drunk Shikamaru says, whatever, that guy doesn't know what he's talking about.

"Depends. Are you going to reward me, Miss…"

"Ino. Just Ino."

"How were you planning on rewarding me, Ino?"

And she just grins this feral grin that sets my blood boiling. Standing on her tip toes, in those impossibly high shoes, she crashes her mouth against mine.

Oh, but it is good. Are there words for this? Her tongue, her everything – sends a tingling feeling racing through me, as though I am numb to everything but her kiss and her hands in my hair. I can't seem to touch her enough – to hold her closely enough, to kiss her enough.

She tears herself away as the backdoor slams open again, slips from my grasp like a wisp. Which is a faster response time than I can even dream of right now.

"Shikamaru?" Oh great. So here's the cavalry.

"Shit." She mumbles under her breath, and I can tell an assessing look when it consumes her face. Her cover isn't supposed to be blown like this, certainly.

"Ch-Chouji-" And then Hinata pokes her head out behind my best friend, who's standing there, holding the door open and probably just trying to figure out what to think. And even though it takes longer than usual, things seem to slow down and my head clears just enough.

"Hey guys." I have to act relaxed, not rattle off explanations like bullets, as if I – we – have something to hide.

"Shikamaru, what happened?" Chouji is looking from me, to Ino, to the guy on the ground, and then back to Ino again. (Who could blame him?)

"Well, like I said, I saw her get dragged out here by that jerk, and I followed." Hinata was staring at me with the widest eyes I'd ever seen.

"Y-you kn-knocked him out?" Yeah, that part didn't seem so likely.

"It was lucky, I guess. He had his back to the door, and I just hit him over the head." I look over at Ino. She's looking at me with amazement, and I can't tell if she's faking or not. But her hands are clutched together, and she turns to Hinata and Chouji and blurts out,

"It was amazing! If he hadn't been here - if he hadn't come, that… that thug was going to… to…" And then she lets out a wrenching sob that shocks me with its vulnerability.

Damn this woman is good. And Chouji and Hinata have gone from disbelief to sympathy in the span of a second. I step towards her hesitantly, and put a hand on her back. She immediately leans in against my chest, grabbing fistfuls of my shirt, sniffling occasionally.

"Wow, way to go, Shikamaru. It was lucky you saw that across the bar." And Chouji just has to throw in a wink for good measure. I hope to hell I'm not blushing.

I try not to look at Hinata as I say, "So I figured I ought to take her home and make sure she gets there safe. I don't think it's a good idea to leave her alone."

Hinata nods at me, and it crosses my mind that there's a solid chance she thinks I'm nuts and is more than happy to get the hell out of here. Chouji puts a hand between her shoulders and steers her back inside as he says, "Yeah. That's a good idea, man. Be safe." But he grins at me in a way that kinda makes me want to hit him for so accurately guessing my feelings.

The second the door slams, Ino straightens up and untangles herself from my mock-embrace, walking off and picking up her purse. I let out a breathe I didn't realize I was holding.

"Shit. Come on, Ino. That was dumb. I can't believe I let that happen." She's berating herself and I am being unequivocally sketchy as I stare at her backside.

"But you!" When she whirls around to face me, I'm positive I turn bright red. She just stares at me for a moment and doesn't seem to notice. "You really saved my ass!"

I stumble over my own tongue trying to find something to say that doesn't have to do with her ass, but she laughs and continues: "I was supposed to get in and get out – be gone a half an hour ago." She smirks and lowers her chin, gazing at me through her eyelashes.

"But then mid-mission, you show up, full of chivalry and... and sexiness. And I completely forgot… to get… going…" She's walking towards me slowly and I can hardly breathe. I'm sexy?

"And then you came to my rescue again." All I can think is that she really didn't need that much rescuing, but she bites her lip and the silence feels like a coil being wound tighter and tighter and I lose all other trains of thought.

And then she reaches out her hand and grabs me by the collar. She practically talking to herself as she smooths out my shirt, but I don't really care, what with her hands on me. I hardly dare to move, least I break this spell. "I've already broken so many ninja codes tonight, and nothing that bad has happened. And they do say a girl should take time for herself every once in a while…"

Then she looks up into my eyes, my guts tie themselves in knots, and she says words that melt my insides.

"Shikamaru, I think you're right. I think you'd better… take me home."

And a thousand thoughts rush through my head: is this a good idea? What do you mean is this a good idea - look at her! But is this appropriate? She's drunk (no, she's sober –you're drunk) – you're not looking for a one-night-stand (who says it has to be?) –

But she leans in and bits my earlobe, and priorities shift. Further.

"Let's go."

It's later, when I'm kissing her against the door to my place that she says, "If anyone asks?"

I grunt my reply against the soft skin of her neck and respond, "I had no idea you were a ninja."

She runs her hands up under my shirt and purrs, "Good boy…"

It's while under me on the mattress when this gorgeous vixen smiles against my ear and whispers, "You'd make a good one, you know? A ninja, I mean." And I smile, enjoying the genuineness of her comment, mentally trying on the idea for a moment, and liking the fit of this world of adrenaline and adventure.

But there are far more important things to focus on right now, and so I turn my head to sear my lips against hers. And we don't talk about anything else for a long while.

But later still, against the cooling pillows she whispers, "Have you ever thought about becoming one?"

I boldly wrap my arms around this woman I just met and pull her against me. And into her hair I sigh, "I am now."

A/N: One of these days I'm just going to bite the damn bullet and write an actual lemon. In the meantime I'll just hide behind my citrus-flavored stories.

I think this is a fun little set of one-shots. As for themes, I'm still open to suggestions. And as always, let me know what you think!