Fergus made it halfway up the long stretch of winding stone stairs leading to the top of the tower. He sat down for a rest with faithful Hades at his feet on the step below.

"Holy Hell, this little treat better be worth the climb."

Hades let out a series of vocalizations then rested her head on her master's knee looking up at him adoringly. Fergus scratched the top of her head. "You are a faithful bitch even if you are just a Hell Hound. If only you were human or remotely close to one." He glanced back at the stairs waiting for him and sighed, "Well we better get going. That crumpet isn't getting any younger."

….

Prince Castiel danced his way back into the room. Even using the disgusting privy at the Frisky Pickle couldn't ruin his good mood. He had made great strides in one night.

Castiel was no longer a virgin and he was just sure Dean didn't get him pregnant and even if the lothario did, Castiel was sure Dean would make an honest boy out of him. What in the world could ever go wrong!

He pranced over to the bed and poked at the form under the blanket, "Sorry to take so long darling, I had a lot of …oh what did you call it… baby batter to wash out of my butt."

When there was no answer he lifted the blanket and found a decoy Dean made out of pillows. Castiel was furious, he quickly dressed and found manservant Gabriel sleeping in another room with his thumb up a strippers ass.

"Wake up! Dean Winchester stole my virginity and now he's left to rescue Sampunzel. Well he won't get away with this, I'm going to rescue Sampunzel and bring him home to Mother."

Gabriel popped out his thumb and slowly sat up. He looked at the debauched little prince and felt sorry for the lad. "My Prince, sometimes men are cruel."

Castiel let out a loud sob, "Dean apparently just wanted a booty call and I gave away my virtue for nothing."

Gabriel was ready to tear out his hair. He paced the little room with a hundred thoughts bouncing around his head.

"Did he have protection?"

"Yes, I believe he carries a knife."

"No I mean a happy hat."

Castiel just stood there looking confused and blinking his big blue eyes, "A what?"

"You know, a scumbag, papa stopper, jimmy cap, rain coat, banana peel, willy wrapper, cock sock, love glove…get what I mean?"

"No."

"This is worse than I thought. I'll go saddle up my beard goat Ruby and get Daphne ready then off we go."

"Don't you mean bearded goat?"

Gabriel snickered, "Sure…bearded goat."

….

Alfie put on his half a walnut shell adventure helmet ready for action as they rode hard toward tower. "Faster Dean, poor Sam is probably naked and covered in glitter by now!" He waved his little paws in the air, "Oh poor virgin Sam."

Dean winced as his boner bounced against the saddle. "A naked virgin covered in glitter…well why didn't you say that before?" He pushed his steed harder, "Come on Baby I have a damsel to rescue!"

…

Fergus finally reached the top step and knocked on the door. Rowena called out, "Is that you my figgy pudding?"

"Open up Mother, I'm ready to collapse."

Rowena opened the door to a red faced and sweaty Fergus. "Goodness, why didn't you just pop up here instead of climbing the stairs?"

Fergus pushed past her and collapsed on the bed mopping his brow with a silk hanky. "Because you have the tower enchanted you miserable crone."

Sam backed himself up against the tower wall when Hades approached snarling at the pretty boy. She didn't like Sam one bit.

He pointed to the monster mutt, "See, I can't marry you. Your dog hates me."

Crowley finally took notice of his bride to be, "You are a delectable creature Sampunzel. I can't wait until you're with child. I always say, bitches are better barefoot and pregnant."

Sam screamed out the window, "Help, someone rescue me! I'm being held prisoner by a witch and a well dressed toad."

A salesman with a wagon load of grappling hooks happened to be passing by. He stopped and yelled up to Sampunzel, "Are you in need of rescuing lad?"

Sam zeroed in on the middle aged man with missing front teeth and a bald spot. "Um…no thank you, I want someone young and good looking. No offense but have you looked in a mirror lately?"

"But I sell a grappling hooks, I could have you out of there in no time."

Sampunzel rolled his hazel eyes at the dense man below, "Keep it moving pops, I have standards."

"Fine then you shallow boy. Stay stuck in that tower for all I care." The salesman left in a huff.

Crowley may have had a bald spot but he had lovely teeth. Sam picked the lesser of two evils.

The wedding date was set for the following Saturday to allow for the village people to join in the festivities. It would give Rowena time to put a notice in the Daily Pickle.

Fergus had them registered at Bait in Barrels, Medieval-Mart and JC Fugleys.

…

Dean and Alfie made it to the tower at the crack of dawn. Alfie scampered up the side to wake the late sleeper Sampunzel. The squirrel did a dance in his itty bitty tap shoes on a perky nipple waking the sleeping beauty instantly.

"Alfie you came back. Where did you go?"

"I found a handsome guy that I think could be your hero!"

Sam rushed to the window in his birthday suit and leaned out to get a better look at the hottie on the black horse.

"Oh my, you are handsome!"

Dean grinned up at the naked girly boy, "I can see your downstairs hair…nice. It's as pretty as the hair on your head."

Sam raised his arms flashing his pit curls, "How do you that?"

Dean adjusted his tight trousers. "Wow…just wow. I am so into hair you wouldn't believe it. Marry me."

Sam giggled, "First you have to say the magic words."

Dean fished a piece of paper out of his pocket that Milky Eye had given him in case he made it to the tower.

"Sampunzel, Sampunzel, let down your hair so that I may climb the auburn stair." Dean looked at the paper again, "Shouldn't that be golden stair…oh well. I guess you are pretty far from blonde."

Sampunzel dropped his braid out the window and the end just reached Dean, "Climb up but don't swing on it or anything, I have to hold the other end so you don't rip the hair right out of my head."

Dean stood on Baby's back and grabbed the end, "Ready?"

Sam grasped the base of the braid right before his scalp with both hands, "Ready."

Dean climbed as carefully as possible bracing his feet against the tower wall as he went.

Alfie extended a little paw, "Here Dean, grab my hand and I'll pull you in."

Dean swung his legs over the ledge and hopped inside. "Thanks anyway little buddy."

There was Sampunzel in all his nudie glory with arms open and a dimpled smile on his face. "Finally, a handsome hero worthy of saving me, let's get out of here so you can make good on that marriage proposal."

Dean twirled his finger in the air, "Let me see your sweet cakes…I hate to sound shallow but…"

Sam turned and slapped his prime meat, "Oh of course, you need to know what you're getting. I'm actually quite shallow myself."

Dean's emerald eyes were the size of saucers as he took in the perfect set of buns, "Awesome. I've only seen one other ass as fine as that."

Sam turned around, "Oh really, who?"

Dean smiled as he thought back to the incredible night with pretty Prince Castiel, "No one in particular." Suddenly he missed the royal cutie.

He shook off the feeling that he might actually be a major A-hole for taking the Prince's virginity and then leaving.

Sam slipped a shift over his head and grabbed his favorite hairbrush, "All set. Now how are we going to get down? I assume you have a plan."

Dean looked out the window and realized he couldn't actually get Sampunzel out.

"Uh…about that…"

….

The grappling hook salesman met the Prince and Gabriel going the opposite direction toward the tower.

"Could I interest you gents in a grappling hook?"

Gabriel pulled out his coin sack, "Give us two just in case."

TBC