Saturday, 8 am, Ben's room
"These jeans are totally doing it for you," Leslie notes as Ben pulls up a new pair. Great way to start this weekend, he thinks, Wesley's hot cup of tea all over his thighs. Exactly the kind of breakfast with the kids he'd hoped for. "You look like a sexy pirate.""Oh, really?""Your butt looks about three times as cute in these as in the other pair. Maybe four. Or five hundred.""Then I'd say these jeans are doing it for you."She laughs and, leaving the bed where she's made her seat to watch him change, she walks up to him and slaps his butt (playfully, thank God, because she's pretty darn strong when she puts her heart into something). I have the perfect wife, Ben tells himself as he has thousands of times before, still just as into my butt as she was when we got married and even before… My cute little weirdo. This is the goofball he loves and when she bites her lip and looks up at him, he suddenly finds himself wishing he hadn't put on a new pair of jeans so fast. He grabs her by the waist, pulls her closer, and leans in to kiss her, her eyes twinkling with excitement… and then the doorbell rings."Bucket of crap!" Leslie curses, and really, they have the time for one quick peck on the lips because there is no way he is leaving this adorable little woman unkissed when she says things like this."Mom!" Steven's voice calls out through the hall and the staircase. "Chris and Ann are here!""Ann's here!" Leslie cheers and claps her hands. "Okay, we are taking a raincheck, and I am going to have the most amazing weekend ever seen in the history of weekends! I'M COMING, ANN!"She rushes down the stairs and she's pulled Ann into a bear hug before Ben even enters the room. It looks vaguely painful in its intensity."Ben! I am so thrilled to be here."
Chris's smile is so wide it looks like his cheeks might hurt.
"Hey, buddy! Nice to see you again today.""And with my son Oliver! Ollie, come over here, come say hi to Ben!"Chris's son was talking with Sonia and his sister, but looks their way and gives Ben a shy smile. He excuses himself to the girls and joins Ben and Chris, passing by his mother still in a vivid and intense embrace with Leslie, with a mildly conceited envious look on his face. From what Ben gathered in the year they've been living in Pawnee again and spending a lot more time with Ann, Chris and their children than they ever used to when they lived in Michigan and Ben and Leslie in Washington, Oliver is a sweet sensitive child who loves big hugs. The kind of child you would expect Ann Perkins to have, really."Hey, Ben.""Oliver is ecstatic to be here, aren't you, buddy?""Yeah, sure," Oliver mutters and Chris messes up his hair with the same huge grin plastered on his face."Well, I'm sure we'll have a good time," Ben says with a smile."We absolutely will! A great weekend, just us, my best friends and our sons, all together here for a whole weekend! Is that the dream or what?""Yeah, Dad, totally," Oliver says and escapes the conversation as fast as he can to go find his mom.
Ben supposes he's a bit cranky to be ripped from home for a whole weekend. Although the boy isn't a complete social mess like Ben can be on occasions, he isn't the most outgoing kid of their bunch and he would probably like nothing better than bury his head into a good book for two whole days. Then again, Ben tells himself, Wesley isn't much more sociable. He promises himself to make the weekend fun for all people involved: that's the first step of the Knope GGG binder anyway.
Saturday, 8:27 am Leslie's living room
"April! You came!"
Leslie pulls her into a hug as soon as she crosses the doorstep, catching Roberta between them.
"You invited me, it's not like I could just stay home."
Leslie just laughs and, as always, so does Roberta, her sweet little high-pitched giggles. She's very responsive to other people's joy.
"Well, don't just stand there, come in, come in! Hey, Jack!"
"Hi," Jack mutters in his shy voice, even though it's Leslie and he's known her for his whole life. He's never liked waking up early.
After a big hug for Andy, a bigger one for Jack, Leslie leads them to the living room where everyone is chilling − April notes with a pang of envy that Ann is talking with Sonia. Ugh. And here she thought Sonia was a great kid. Only one year since Leslie left for Pawnee and her cool kids are already on a slippery slope.
"Look who's here!" Leslie calls out to the rest of the room and they all turn their head. April and Andy are met with smiles from all of them − even people April doesn't care for.
"Auntie April!" Sonia shouts and stands up at once.
"Uncle Andy!" Steven shouts and stands up at once.
"Jack!" Wesley shouts and stands up at once.
"And Robbie's here!" they all shout and run to Andy and April to greet them and the kids. Loud kids.
They get swamped with hugs and cuddles. Jack gets picked up and covered with kisses, Roberta gets patted on the head and kissed because there is no way April is giving up her baby to these crazy kids after hours of not being able to hold her in the car.
"How was the ride?" Ben asks.
"Extremely eventful, Ben," April replies. "Car rides are so fun, I thought I'd die of excitement."
Andy and the triplets snicker and so does the other girl, the one that April still has to get to know, the other Leslie.
"Well, nevermind, then," he gives her his incredulous eyes but shrugs.
"Soooo, are you psyched for the weekend, April? Are you? We're gonna have so much fun!" Leslie asks once she's forced April into the most comfortable chair in the house − for the baby, she always says, you want to be comfortable for the baby.
April rolls her eyes and smiles.
"Sure, weirdo."
"You kidding, babe?" Andy chimes in. "You've been talking about it all week! You were so excited!"
"Shut up!" She slaps his arm but the harm is done.
"Aww, April!"
And she's done for another Leslie hug.
"I totally agree with you, April!" Chris says even though no one asked him anything. "I am so delighted to be spending time with my friends, too. I might even get to know your little buddy!"
"Yay!" Andy cheers.
"No!" April replies. "Jack, whatever you do, just stay with Daddy or Steven and Wesley, okay?"
Jack hasn't reached the age where he understands everything she says yet, but he nods along anyway. He's currently trying to climb on Wesley's lap, unsuccessfully. Ann's son actually picks him up carefully to snuggle him in between him and Wesley. That is pretty cute, she has to admit, but keeps that thought to herself. No way she's saying anything nice to him right now − Ann might think it's a compliment on her and take that as an opportunity for some bonding.
"So, are we going soon? Cause I have a blood ritual I need to get started in the woods as soon as we arrive."
Ann gives her that weirded out look she always did − April likes to make her uncomfortable, mission accomplished − but the kids just snort so she says nothing and shakes her head.
"Don't you wanna get a cup of hot chocolate first or something before leaving?" Leslie stops pouring the hot beverage mid-cup, that she probably intended to give her.
April sighs. She really doesn't want to be spending too much time here, with too many people.
"One cup?" she considers. Leslie makes the best hot chocolate, though, so the compromise isn't hard to make.
"Just one," Leslie promises. "Then we're on our way."
Saturday, 8:42 am Sonia's roomSonia isn't one to tolerate a messy room, a messy plan, a messy life, so when her mom tells her they are leaving in ten minutes, she walks up the stairs to fetch her already prepared backpack and her seven blankets (including the beautiful afghan her mother made for her when she was a baby, a beautiful shade of yellow that reminds her of wildflowers) folded nicely next to it. This getaway seems like a great idea for so many reasons. She can't wait to be on her mom has made sure to drill her on all the activities — she is going to be some sort of co-organizer. In the end, there is a prize to be won for the best weekend, girls or guys, and prizes are something she takes as seriously as one could. She's prepared, she's motivated, and nothing is going to dampen her spirit."We got a code C on our hands, So!" Steven barges into her room and throws himself on her bed, his back against her pillows, leaning up on his elbows. His suddenness made four stuffed toys fall off their perfect range by color, and she sighs as she picks them up."I'm just about to leave, what do you me to do about it?" She swats Steven's head to push it away and make room for the toys.
"I dunno, like talk to him? Oh, what about a Triplet Summit? He might like that."
"No, he wouldn't, Steve. Wesley hates talking about his feelings."
"Oh, right."
She goes through her pre-departure checklist − everything seems to be in order.
"Look, you're gonna be here with the boys all weekend. I'll be gone. It's an all boy matter anyway, so you don't need me."
"But you're the one who gets him to talk!"
"That's because he is scared of strong women. Actually, I wonder if that plays any part in it…"
"Interesting, but beside the point. Let's just think about what to do for a moment here, you're the one who loves coming up with strategies."
She sighs. There isn't a "Help Wesley" checkbox on her list.
"You know, Wesley's our brother. And I consider him the weakest of our bunch. We have to protect him. You're the middle one, you know him better than I do, and you're gonna be there all weekend, this one's on you. Just be there for him, try to make him get what he wants and gryzzl me about any situation update. Okay?"
"I'm the middle one? We're triplets!"
"I said, okay?"
He sighs and gets up.
"Okay…"
"And get out of my room."
"Yes, boss."
She leaves the room before Steven − she knows he won't stay there long if she gave a direct order. Down the hall, Aunt April has Uncle Andy pinned against a wall for a quick make-out session before leaving. Sonia taps her shoulder.
"We're leaving in five minutes."
April nods and goes back to kissing.
Sonia's parents are in the kitchen, apparently making last minute checks. Her father is looking overly confident − too much so. He won't get this one: the Great Girls Getaway is going to be far better than any boys weekend ever organized.
"Mom, are we ready?"
Her mother is holding Roberta in her arms and cooing at her in some sort of undignified baby talk. She looks up to Sonia, still tickling Robbie's sides lightly and making her giggle.
"You got the marshmallow?"
"Yes."
"Blankets?"
"Yes."
"Hooks?"
"Yes."
"Chocolate?"
"You were supposed to get the chocolate."
"Oh, right. Ben, do I have the chocolate?"
"How should I know? I'm planning my own amazing weekend," he says and winks. "You do have the chocolate."
"Great. Then we're ready, sweetie!"
Sonia nods and goes back to the living room.
"The girls are leaving right this instant. If you wanna say goodbye, now's the time," she calls out.
After two big hugs from her brothers, one from Oliver, one from her dad, ten from Uncle Andy and one from Uncle Chris, she embarks on Ann's car with Leslie, with no stops planned until the cabin. The Great Girls Getaway has officially started.
Saturday, 9:23 am Leslie's car
"Can you pass me the snacks, please?" Leslie asks.
April is looking at her daughter on the back seat with fondness and doesn't quite seem to hear her. If there's one thing that makes Leslie happy about this weekend, besides winning and everything about it ever, it's seeing April and her kid. That was the one thing about campaigning for governor and moving back to Pawnee that she missed: April Ludgate. To see her grow and evolve and become a mother was the most amazing thing Leslie has experienced with her, and she wishes she could still see her at work every day like she used to, such a long time ago. Then again, she is the governor of Indiana now, so it's a compromise she's willing to make.
"April?" she asks a second time and April snaps out of it, shakes her head lightly and turns back to Leslie.
"Yeah?"
"Can you pass me the snacks?"
"Sure," she hands Leslie a bag of candy Leslie prepared for the ride, that April has been eating here and there since they started driving.
"Thanks April."
By the time she eats her first candy, April has already turned away, this time to watch the scenery. It's not completely unlike April to stay silent like that, but it's not really the kind of weekend Leslie wants her to have.
"Hey," Leslie says.
"What?" She asks and taps the window with her fingers.
"Are you happy you came?"
"Sure."
April's eyes, her beautiful brown eyes, are a mystery to her, even after all these years of friendship. She cannot guess what's behind them to save her life.
"April, is something going on?" She tries to sound compassionate and undemanding, because April can be like a skittish animal sometimes and she doesn't want to frighten her. Not before the greatest weekend in her life.
"No, it's just…" She sighs and turns back to her daughter, who is sleeping in the car seat like an angel.
Leslie takes another piece of candy and waits for her to be ready.
"Andy wants to get back to work," she finally admits. "And he doesn't know what to do."
"It has been a few years he hasn't had a stable job," Leslie says slowly.
"And we filled him a file at the foundation, but I'm responsible for his case and I really have no idea."
"What are you leaning towards?"
"Well, he likes jobs with kids and music and games. He says he'd like to wear the costumes he made himself and eat cookies. And I can't find anything that fits the bill."
"Oh, April. You are an intelligent resourceful young woman…"
"Stop."
"…You're a mother of two, a successful career woman and most important of all in this particular case, a devoted wife. You will most certainly find something perfect that makes Andy fulfilled and happy."
April closes her eyes thoughtfully and nods.
"I'll figure something out."
Leslie smiles and takes another gummy bear.
"Also, what was that Andy said about you talking about this getaway weekend all week?"
"Ugh, I'm gonna murder him."
Saturday, 9:27 Ben's living room
"Okay, guys," Ben calls out and the boys turn their heads. "Let's get this started!"
"Oh, can I do the gongs every time we start something?" Andy asks. He grabs a couple of pot deckers from the counter and bangs them together. Ben winces at the loud noise, but Jack claps his hands and shrieks like he does when he's excited, so Andy does it again."Andy," Ben says with a sigh, "Can you not...""This is fun, Ben!" Andy bangs them a few more times, like he used to do when he was pretending him and the triplets were a marching band when they were littler and he and April babysat them.
In the end, Andy accepts to sit down, but the more Ben explains, the less he understands the rules. He feels just like Jack. Unbothered, a little bit dumb, really wants to play with that football over there instead of Risk. There are too many things to remember in not enough time, and Andy is good at remembering stuff but not boring stuff like this, too many actions every turn, too many dice to roll.
"Do I have to play?" he asks.
"Daddy, daddy!" Jack says as he often does, for no reason, and Andy picks him up for a nice good old snuggle.
"See, Jackie doesn't want me to play!"
"You don't like Risk?" Steven asks as if that's the most absurd thing he's ever heard in his life.
"Andy, I think you should play with us," Chris says with a big beautiful grin. "This game is extremely thrilling. It is literally my seventh favorite boardgame!"
"Aww," Andy says. "Okay, then, but I call playing with the blue little dudes!"
"But I always play with the blue ones!" Steven whines.
"Well, he called it," Wesley says in his smartass voice.
Andy does get to play with the blue little soldiers, but only for a couple turns − it becomes obvious to everyone that he has no idea how to play and is just basically trying to keep Jack from eating the pieces, blowing raspberries on his tummy to make him giggle and tapping on Wesley's shoulder when he's not looking to mess with him.
"Andy," Ben sighs after Jack pinches his arm and Andy laughs for the third time, "Do you want to take a break from the game?"
"Oh my god, Ben, yes!" Andy says, grabs his tiny son under his arm and runs away. He doesn't stop until he's reached the backyard, finally getting some fresh air. Still tight in his grasp, Jack is breathless with excited giggles, the kind of sound Andy craves to hear when he's having a bad day. Not that he's having one just now. He's at a friend's house with his son and he can still have some fun, even if the guys are playing a boring game on their own.
"Whatcha wanna do, Jack?" he asks as he puts him down on the lawn. Jack immediately starts running around without so much as a glance to him. He's about to go catch him and maybe tickle him when his gryzzlphone buzzes.
From: Cookie
Robbie just threw up on Leslie's shoulder. So proud of her.
[Attached picture]
Andy laughs when he looks at the evidence on the picture. Cute little messy girl.
To: Cookie
She's gross 3 3 Give her a million kisses for me. Love you :D :D :) :) Miss you 33
He puts the phone back in his pocket, and looks around, trying to spot his son.
"Find me!" Jack shouts from behind the wooden pole of the swingset Andy helped building years ago, before Washington, when they found out they were having three little babies.
"Mmh, where is Jack…" Andy ponders. "I can't see him anywhere."
He pretends to look around the small garden, encouraged by his son's high-pitched laugh.
"I think there's only one man for this kind of mysterious disappearing!" He takes his shades from his pocket. "Burt Macklin. FBI. I eat finding lost kids for breakfast!"
In the swoop of a hand, he catches Jack from the ground and sets him on his hips, then begins to observe him closely.
"Suspect found," he says into an imaginary walkie talkie. "Name: Jack-o-Lantern Dwyer. Approximatively twenty-two months of age. Black hair, brown eyes, adorable smile. What should I do with him…"
"Not Jack!" Jack shrieks. "J-Rex!"
He pulls up his tiny green hood that has a ridge of scales on it − a present from Leslie when Andy announced that Jack finally had a persona of his own: Jackosaurus Rex, the Dinosaur Boy.
"Aaaaah! No! It's a dinosaur! Don't eat me, J-Rex!" He makes gurgling sounds and pretends Jack is threatening to eat him. This kind of game can go on for hours, really. J-Rex feasts on Burt Macklin's hand − the left one, so it's all good. Macklin's seen worse. He's tough.
The morning is just a great play time for Andy and Jack. They run up the stairs (Jack is still trying to find the exact balance when he's running and Andy holds his hand for the last few steps) and explore all the rooms. In Sonia's, they play with old toys she keeps in organized boxes (Andy'll just blame it on one of the boys if they ask him who did a mess). In Steven's, they find some science thingies and Andy explains it all to Jack the best he can. In Wesley's, there's mostly books, and Jack reads one to him (or rather, makes up a story with his still very lacking vocabulary of an almost two year old, but that's okay, it's still the best story Andy has ever heard). Then they walk back down, into the kitchen. Andy pours them both another cup of cocoa − it's cold by now, but he likes it that way, and Jack loves doing what Andy's doing. He finds candy and eats some (okay, almost all of it), then they share apples, and Andy notices for the first time a picture of April and Roberta on the fridge with a note that's clearly April's handwriting.
Recent pic of Roberta. Thought you might want it for your creepy scrapbooks, you weird old cookie grandma. − The Devil
"Aww," Andy says. "See that, Jack?"
"Mommy and Robbie!"
"They're so pretty, don't you think?"
"Robbie is small."
"Yeah," Andy chuckles. "She's super small."
Nevermind that she's almost bigger now than Jack was at maybe one year old. April calls her their giant baby. She's got a big head and strong limbs − and is the most beautiful baby anyone's ever seen in the universe.
"Andy?" Ben calls out after what feels like an endless game − certainly an endless morning of fun with Jack on his part. "Do you mind coming back here? Leslie has these forms you're supposed to fill out."
"Coming!"
He puts Jack on his shoulders and, careful to lean down when they pass the door, he goes back to the living room where everyone is taking notes on pretty colorful forms that have Leslie's mark all over them. As far as he's concerned, Andy is rating this weekend as an A+ so far.
Saturday, 9:57 Ann's car
What started out as fun ride of chatting with the girls and singing out loud to silly songs takes a quick turn to craziness when Sonia uploads her tracklist called So and Benji's Cool Daddy Daughter Jamz on Ann's radio via gryzzlcloud.
"Are you sure this is what you wanna listen to?" Ann shouts over the deafening beat of 90s rappers."Don't you like it? It's so cool!" Sonia replies, her head nodding along with the rythm of the song. "Weren't you a teenager in the nineties?""Yeah... but the nineties were ages ago.""I think it's fun!" Leslie chimes in — not that she would ever say anything that might hurt Sonia's feelings. Ever since they came live in Pawnee, these two have become like their mothers' friendship come again, if they'd known each other as kids. And sadly, because of that, her daughter gets swept up in whatever weird thing Sonia might be into. It's lucky it's just weird rap this time, really. And even then, it can even be fun, Ann tells herself. After a few beats, even she gets into it.
"Here I go, here I go, here I go again!" she sings with the rest of them and giggles like a middleschooler when the song is over.
April's cabin is about an hour and a half away from Pawnee and it isn't long till Ann's Gryzzl Orientation System tels her they have made their last turn and will soon be arriving to their destination. And all that without a single "Are we there yet?". These kids really do grow up too fast.
"This place is creepy," Leslie declares the second she sets a foot outside the car.
Plastic skeletons (at least Ann hopes they're plastic), shapes of hands calling for help on the windows, pictures of serial killers all over the walls and a big warning sign against the ghosts: this really couldn't belong to anyone but April.
"Maybe that's just the outside…" Ann says, without much conviction.
"It's not," Sonia replies.
"Been here before?"
"A few times. Auntie April and Uncle Andy took us on vacation with them. Once I spent my pre-birthday Sonia Day with them here, it was awesome. Auntie April was dressed as an escaped convict the whole time."
"Well," Ann changes the subject because that freaks her out more than it should. "She gave you the spare key. Let's go inside, it's a bit chilly out here."
April wouldn't give her the key, even though she was driving, and her car left first thanks to the baby a surprise for April right before she was about to go with Leslie − dirty diapers, the one thing Ann doesn't miss about having small kids.
"Ugh, this place is weird," Ann can't help but cry out when Sonia leads them inside.
"And filthy," Leslie adds. "When was the last time they were here?"
Sonia walks up to a cupboard and pulls out a leathery notebook that's been made to look like a spell book, flips a few pages, and points.
"Last June, for a… visit to the local mortician, it says. I'm assuming that means they came to see Mom."
Ann takes the volume from Sonia to have a look.
"They keep a book log of their staying here? That sounds like something April would never do."
"Uncle Andy wanted to see if there is a pattern in his ghost viewings, so he began taking note of the dates they came here."
"Ghost?"
"Well, it's really Auntie April pulling pranks on him, but he's kept that journal for years anyway. I don't think she'll ever tell him it's her, honestly."
"That is… weirdly adorable," Ann admits.
Leslie, curious as she is, is already walking around the cabin, scruting every nook and cranny. Ann ashamedly admits she's a bit too afraid for that. Who knows what's hiding in here?
"Fonud anything cool yet?" she asks.
"There's a map of all murders committed in Indiana over the past century," Leslie says. "I don't see why anyone would wanna keep that. Or make it in the first place."
"Oh, well, April is… special."
Ann sits down on the dusty red couch. Something's under her.
"She's awesome, you mean!" Sonia says.
Ann pulls out what's hurting her thigh from under her and dropts it immediately with a shriek.
"OH. MY. GOD. What's she doing with a snake skeleton on the couch?!"
"Aww," Sonia says, "You found Slinky!"
"Okay, I'm not moving an inch till Leslie's here and tells me what's safe."
Just as she speaks, the wheels of Leslie's car squeak on the road outside. A return to sanity, Ann thinks, before remembering that it's Leslie she's talking about. Sanity is the last thing she can expect from this getaway.
Saturday, 10:53 am Ben's living room
Leslie's binder number three holds the forms for opinion polls that she wants him to give the guys after every activity. Just how many of these he'll end up filling with them, he has no idea. Leslie prepared polls after each activity (she required at least two activities before lunch, lunch counts as one as well, then at least four until dinner, which also counts as one, then two for the night… and all that just for Saturday) that everyone is supposed to answer.
"Okay, guys, so just take a pen and fill these in."
In a matter of seconds, Chris has filled his all in − he's recently got into speedwriting to go with his speedreading. He can fill a full page of writing in fifteen seconds, he says.
"I did enjoy this game thoroughly, Ben," he tells him when he hands the form back with big smashing As in all of the boxes and what looks like a heartfelt commentary on the back of the page.
"I'm glad you did! Shame you didn't win, but hey, not everyone can."
"Oh, I didn't win," Chris admits. "But my little buddy did, and that's just as good! I'm so proud of you, Ollie!"
Oliver gives a shy smile as Chris ruffles his hair. Ben actually helped him a lot through most of his turns. He initially pushed him into an easy starting point in North America, knowing he could spreak his reach more easily from there even though he's still unfamiliar with the game. The whole game, though, Oliver won on his own. Ben only decided against a particularly good move twice to make sure he wins. The whole point of picking Risk as a first game was that it was inherently imbalanced: he wanted Oliver to feel like this was fun, he wanted him to win.
"That was really good, Ollie," Wesley mutters, not looking up from his form. "You were great."
Oliver nods but doesn't answer, instead chews on his pen and puts down a B for the overall grade for the activity. Well, B is better than C, Ben tells himself. He hears a laugh in the kitchen and remembers that, yes, Andy was in fact invited and spent an hour and a half exploring the house instead of playing. He'll have to do some damage control later.
"Andy? Do you mind coming back here? Leslie has these forms you're supposed to fill out. There's a sheet for Jack to color while we're doing this, actually."
"Coming!" Andy answers and runs back into the living room with his son on his shoulders, a big grin on his face. Well, someone spent a good morning here.
It's not that Ben had a terrible morning. It's just that it's been overall awkward. Between Steven whining because he was losing (he was the first to be exterminated, out of pure bad luck), Wesley losing on purpose for whatever reason (because Ben knows he's great at this game, and there is no way he's ever going to lose as fast as he did if he's putting his heart into it), Chris completely oblivious to both of these facts, Oliver not saying a word and Andy gone, occasionally making noises that they all heard but no one dared comment on, this first activity has been strange, to say the least.
"Imma put A+ for fun, cause Jack and I had a ton of fun!"
"Dad, what does je ne sais quoi mean?" Steven asks.
"I don't know," Ben sighs. "Your mom made these categories. "
Wesley chuckles and pats his brother on the shoulder. Steven isn't the most bookish kind of person who would know that kind of thing. Good thing every triplet brings their own strengths to the family.
"It means…" Wesley starts.
"It means something you can't quite describe into words, but it's special and you hold it in your heart nonetheless," Oliver says and looks up. For a second he stares at Wesley, then looks back down at his form, checks the Yes answer box to the question "Would you like to do this activity again?" and hands the sheet back to Ben. His grade for this activity's je ne sais quoi is an A.
Saturday, 10:58 am April's kitchen table in the cabin in the woods
"I still believe this is stupid," April states when Leslie pins the red badge on her shirt. "I'm the only one who could even compete."
"Shhh, April, you've deserved this badge for the Most Charming Mother of a Newborn. Just accept it."
"Ugh."
"Come on, Auntie April, wear it proudly!"
"Why do we even have badges? Were you fired from the Pawnee Goddesses or something? Do you need to compensate?"
"I passed down the Pawnee Goddesses to Lauren five months ago, but thanks for asking. Okay, now, the most prized award of all… drumrolls please!"
Ann taps her fingers on the table, pretending to do drumrolls − April rolls her eyes.
"The badge for the Best Leslie is going to be given to…"
Ann's daughter bites her lip and crosses her fingers.
"Leslie Perkins Traeger, congrats!"
Immediately Ann starts clapping and cheering, soon joined by Sonia. Leslie pins the badge on the small Leslie's T-shirt and gives her a big hug.
What a ridiculous idea that all is. As soon as they arrived, Leslie set out to clean every part of the house with their help, and to all reward them with personalized badges afterwards. As if they were freaking Girl Scouts.
"Okay, last prize for now, sorry about that, you'll get more later, this last one is Cutest Baby!"
"Oh my god, this is getting out of hand."
"The winner is Roberta!"
"What a surprise!" Ann cries out and claps. Ugh.
"Don't get a badge on my daughter," April says. "She's a baby, she'll eat it and hurt herself."
"Oh, April. What a sweet innocent baby angel you are yourself, sometimes. I made her a wrath of crocheted flowers instead of a badge!"
Leslie places the crown (that looks like she made it herself) on Roberta's head, making her look like the queen April thinks she deserves to be.
"No choking hazard!" she says proudly. "What do you think, April?"
"Mmh," April groans. "Looks okay."
"I knew you'd love it."
April snaps a picture of Roberta, who is looking around eagerly, obviously very happy despite her ridiculous headgear. Adorable. She might use that as a wallpaper for her phone. But after this weekend − she can't let Leslie know.
To: Andy
[Attached picture]
It's only a matter of seconds before her phone buzzes.
From: Andy
Best bab Having fun with the girls? :) :D Love you 3
To: Andy
Leslie's turning crazy. Might try something funny to mess up with her soon.
From: Andy
Great idea! so smart 3 :D n_n You're the best babe. Gotta run, Ben is mad at me, talk to you later XxXxX 3
"April, can you stop with your phone for a second?"
"Sorry."
"As I was saying before someone stopped paying attention," Leslie side-eyes her. "First activity is a personal favorite of mine! Embroidery!"
"Oh boy," little Leslie says.
Ten minutes later, as her fingers have been stabbed with needles so often that she barely feels anything at all in the region, April tells herself that "Oh boy" was the right reaction indeed.