DISCLAIMER: No, do not own Tumnus or Lucy or Narnia, etc., etc.

Ack! The chapter you've all been waiting for... but I won't give anything away! No, I won't. Only that it's a bit fluffy, which I guess blows the whole thing. Seriously, I want to know: can you do a romance scene (not bedroom, just love) without it being fluff? Or is that basically the definition of fluff?

On a much less inquisitive note... Now there are only five chappies left... sniff I may extend it, though... If I get 200 reviews! Gives reader evil eye But no, I kid. It will end when its ready to end, sad though it may be.

Anyway, here is the next chapter which I sincerely hope you enjoy. My proofreader (aka Kristin) liked it, but I changed some stuff because this whole book is basically inspired by a dream I had (and my love for Tumnus) that is entirely this chapter. Well, not word for word, but you get the idea. In any case, if it sounds a little weird to you, it probably is. Dreams tend to be like that.

Plus, you remember at the end of Lion, Witch, & the Wardrobe Lucy and her siblings can't remember the lamp-post? (As I've often mentioned in earlier chapters.) This plays a pretty big role.

I do hope it makes enough sense and you thoroughly savor this experience:

Chapter Forty

Perpetual

Tumnus had been battling with himself for ever so long what to tell Lucy. Mere thoughts of her plagued his mind and kept him up all night. What would become of him if he continued like this? Lucy had noticed something was wrong and kept asking him, but he had no idea what to say. There was no way he could put into words what exactly he felt for her. Even if he did, what would she think of him then? She would never feel with the passion he had, and not for one so unworthy as he. Nonetheless, Lucy had demonstrated a sort of worry for him lately.

Not that he felt no worry for her, as well. She was acting so strange lately, and kept more and more to herself. She seemed almost fitful at points, and less of his teatime was spent with her in company. Tumnus began to wonder if he'd done something wrong, if he'd treated her unkindly in any way. Or...

His eyes widened horrifically as the mortifying thought burst in. Suppose... she knew.

She must never, never know of the way he felt. Tumnus would surely die if such a thing happened. The act would forever destroy their friendship. Furthermore, it was likely she'd want to see no more of him, and then he'd waste away. Without her, life held no joy, and he held no life.

But it couldn't stop him from contemplating that naïve dream that would enter his mind from time to time: of he together with Lucy. Holding her, inhaling that scent of wild violets that seemed to emanate around her, growing old together, simply being with her. Forever. He'd give anything to spend eternity with her, a whole eternity loving her like no one ever had. If his lips just pressed to her skin once...

Tumnus shook his head. But that would never happen, for she'd never feel as he did. It was impossible, that such a perfect, beautiful creation would ever find favor in a lowly faun such as he. She was, after all, a Daughter of Eve.

In any case, it was apparent that he must stop brooding on this matter. Nothing became of an empty dreams but empty reality, thus he made it a point to go for a short walk. Thus he stepped out the front door and into the woods reddening with ripe autumn. Fallen leaves crunched most delightfully beneath his hoofs, the fiery smell captured in the air. It was one of the finest autumns he'd ever seen. Yet the walk did little to deter his mind from that matter which kept nagging.

As he tread, Tumnus took note of the fine blossoms strewn over all gold foliage, a thin layer of early snow in sparse places. For sure, the most beautiful. Just as his Lucy was...

Tumnus sighed. He hadn't seen Lucy in a fortnight, and hadn't stopped thinking of her since. Perhaps he'd pay her a visit to Cair Paravel... But no. Then she'd get suspicious, and she mustn't ever know. It is a sad thought indeed to think of never being with the only one you love, but that was how this had to be. He was unworthy, being a faun, while she a human and a queen. And yet he loved her so... Her name spoken made his pulse stop and rush oceans at the same time. At the mere thought of her, a flame kindled in his heart and would never extinguish.

A deep, hollow sigh heaved out from Tumnus, holding no hope. Of course such a thing was foolish. The misery ached everywhere, but he kept walking with his head his hands. It hurt. Oh, it hurt. Tears were poised to tumble from his hurt eyes, his legs weak and rubbery, but ready to run. And so he ran almost against his will, attempting to stop at no avail. Each corner he turned along the winding path brought more panting and less moisture to the aridness growing in earnest in his mouth. Another corner to turn, then another and another–

He stopped.

For there, before him, was she.

She did not notice him, for she lay resting beside the small path in a verdant bed of leaves. He meant to disappear quietly before she realised his presence, but no movement came. He was frozen, stationary in his steps. He could do nothing while she lay there, beauty in flesh. Just one step to take him away from this place–

Lucy lifted her head from the pillow of fallen foliage and, to Tumnus's horror, spotted him. 'Tumnus!' she cried, startled, and hurried to her feet to straighten her skirts in all of a hustle. 'I'm terribly sorry. How improper of me. I didn't even notice you standing there; silly of me, really, but–'

'Forgive me, Lucy,' said Tumnus gently. 'I didn't mean to intrude... shall I, uh... give you some time along with the leaves?'

Leave you some time alone with the leaves? Tumnus, you idiot! He'd meant to be witty, dashing, but the more he thought about it, the more stupid his words became. Could I have been any more foolish?

But Lucy didn't seem to think him foolish. On the contrary, she laughed fully, using all her teeth and the full stretch of her graceful, childlike face. 'No, Tumnus,' she chuckled. 'The more the merrier, and I'm quite sure the leaves would enjoy your company as well.'

Tumnus smiled, supposing Lucy would suspect less if he continued acting in his usual demeanor, but suppose he acted too informal? Then what would become of the deed?

'Tumnus, you look a mite uncomfortable,' noted Lucy as the faun sat on a cool boulder. 'Is something the matter?' Gingerly, she took her place beside him and brushed some early frost from the stone's smooth face.

'Nothing at all, I'm afraid,' Tumnus lied, but frowned. 'Though I must say you look a bit under the weather yourself.'

'Oh, I don't know!' Lucy sighed fretfully. 'It's just... with the Autumn Golding Ball and all the court matters and... and everything... I don't really know what's going on. And then these dreams that I keep having...'

'Lucy, what of these dreams?' asked Tumnus, furrowing his brow in concern. 'What are they?'

Lucy shook her head wildly, reminding Tumnus almost of a lion. 'They're just so... confusing. And–' She looked Tumnus directly in the eye, blazing hotly. 'Something's wrong.'

'What?'

'Something's wrong.' Lucy began wringing her hands. 'I don't know what it is, but... it's almost like something's slipping away. I can't remember things about myself that I should. I'm losing my memories,' she whispered urgently. 'Anything about my life before... I don't know. Anything before here, before Narnia, before I was a queen. I can't remember my mother or father, or my first words, or Susan and Peter before they were fourteen, Edmund before he was eleven... And yet I must have known at one point, because there's this big, empty space in my mind. Something's missing from me. I asked Susan, and she doesn't know what I'm talking about. Nor do Edmund and Peter.' She bit her lower lip in earnest. 'I was somewhere before Narnia. But... but that only sounds silly. That can't be right, can it? I've been here all my life.'

Tumnus thought hard, but his memory was shadowy as well. The matter was beginning to frighten him. What force could erase memories? 'No, Lucy,' he said, voice low. 'You haven't.'

Lucy's eyes widened. 'Then where–'

'I don't know, Lucy. I really don't know.'

Lucy buried her head in her hands, crying into them 'What's happening?' she moaned softly, a sob escaping her.

Timidly, Tumnus place a hand on her shoulder. 'Shhh,' he said comfortingly, and then a thought occurred to him. Perhaps... 'There is yet hope. They say the Wishing Stag had been sighted in the Lantern Waste.'

Lucy's head swept to meet his gaze. 'Really?'

'Yes. I... I think you'd consider going to hunt for it with your brothers and Susan.'

Hope settled over face. 'The Wishing Stag...' she breathed. 'It would... tell me what's happening...'

'Indeed he would,' said Tumnus. 'And more.' Absentmindedly, he plucked a stray leaf from her shimmering hair and tucked the stand back into place behind her ear.

Lucy caught his hand in a flash, gripping it tightly, as though it might make all the troubles disappear. Her eyes, doe-like and crystalline with tears, bore into his intensely, as though she were hanging by a thread. He could count each tear on that pale face, each hair on her head. 'Tell me everything will be all right,' she whispered.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. 'Everything will be all right,' he whispered, and drew her closer. 'It'll be all right.'

She pressed her face up against his shoulder. 'Are you only telling me what I want to hear? Do you really think it will be?'

'I know.'

Sighing almost contentedly, Lucy drew in to his chest and wrapped her arms around him. 'Thank you, Tumnus.'

Gently, Tumnus pulled away from her embrace, leaving Lucy a little confused. Without really following his actions, he cupped her chin and pressed his lips to hers.

For a startling few moments, he couldn't move. It was as though he wasn't sure what had happened and whether or not he'd really done it while remaining frozen. But then the absolute reality hit him, and he let himself melt into her.

Lucy broke away, leaving Tumnus blinking at his completely dreamlike state. She looked utterly confused, but there was no denying the perpetual euphoric aura surrounding her.

'Tumnus–' she breathed, but didn't have the chance to finish.

'Lucy, you are the most wonderful person I have ever met,' said Tumnus loudly, the words swimming freely from his blessed lips and each word pronounced with total assurance. 'You're beautiful and kind and... and you give me this unshakable feeling whenever I think of you that nothing can ever go wrong and everything is like Christmas, only it's never cold. Can't you see it?' He grabbed both her hands, speaking inches away from her glorious face. 'I love you, Lucy. I can't even remember how long it's been; it's just that overwhelming. I... want to be with you. Forever. And even further!'

He kissed her again, then again, but she seemed so distant. Blank. Her eyes were open, but faced to the leaf-strewn ground. He leaned forward even closer. 'Please, Lucy,' he whispered. 'I know it's stupid of me. I don't really think there's any way you could possibly love me, but... but if there's the slightest chance, if there's any hope at all...'

'Tumnus, I...' she looked down at their interlocked hands. Timidly, she bit her lower lip. '... I can't even begin to imagine my life without you–'

He almost shouted with joy and tried to kiss her again, but she wouldn't allow it.

'But I — I don't know what will become of it,' she stuttered. 'I love you, Tumnus. Please understand that. But there will be people out there that won't want to hear it. And there are... there are people who would want to end it. If I could make it any simpler I would, but there are... obligations that I don't know what to do about... There are matters for being a queen that I don't want to face–'

'I'll face them with you, Lucy,' he said gently, rubbing a thumb over her hand. 'We'll see them through together.'

She frowned and looked away. 'I don't know what's going to happen.'

He reached out and held both sides of her face, wiping away a tear from her eye. 'No one ever does, Lucy,' he smiled.

'But... I don't know if I can... I mean...' Lucy gave up and wrenched her whole being away from him, standing in a worried slouch. 'I'm missing. It isn't like there's a piece of me gone; there is. I just... I don't know if I can let myself love you, because I'm not really loving you with all of me. And that's how love should be; with all of our love, and all of ourselves. I'm missing. I can't even remember...' She sighed and shook her head, then began to walk briskly away.

She was leaving... Lucy, no... don't go... We can get through this... He needed to stop her, bring her back, but his legs wouldn't move...

'Lucy Pevensie, I will love you till the day I die!'

She halted. Pivoted to face him, eyes wide and staring incredulously.

'Even longer than that,' he breathed as she hastened back to him. 'I–'

'Tumnus, what did you say?' she said, an independent strongness in each syllable.

'I said,' he sighed, 'that I will love–'

'No, before that. What did you call me?'

He paused, then said it: 'Lucy Pevensie.'

'Pevensie.' Lucy began pacing. 'Pevensie, Pevensie, Pevensie... I recognise that name... It's – mine.' She almost smiled, but instead looked deeply at him. 'It's me.'

'You have always been you, Lucy.'

'No, but it's... that's what's been missing! It's me! But it's not all of me... There's something else...'

'What else can there be?' he asked.

Lucy sighed, and sat back down next to him, smiling again. 'There is you, and there is me.' With an incredible deepness she kissed him. 'That's all that matters now.' She sighed almost regretfully. 'But soon, when they find out...'

'We would not have been drawn together if there wasn't a decent reason to draw us apart.' Tumnus pulled her back into a close hug. 'If you want us to be a secret, we can.'

She smiled, though it was shaky, and let herself be forgotten in another beautiful kiss. Each dilemma became as thing of the past in that incessant bliss. Now that they were together, she wouldn't let him slip away. No, love was too precious to dissolve.