Katniss POV
I can't tell if the primroses Peeta planted make me want to puke and scream and run away, with nothing but thought of how snow would be ever so kind to mock my pain.
Or if they make me want to cherish them and take care of them as I can no longer do with my sister.
I don't even know why he felt compelled to plant them, he knew her just about as well as Haymitch did, and that was more short conversations whenever they were around each other, never really taking the time to know each other.
I guess it doesn't matter, it helps me fill this house with her, makes me feel not so alone.
Well besides that stupid cat...
I sigh as I walk outside, and instead of venturing anywhere I plop down on the front steps and start playing with one of the aforementioned primroses.
As I twirl the flower in my hand I start humming the Hanging tree, I become mesmerized by the movement of the flower.
"Katniss?" A familiar voice questions and look up to see the face of a concerned Peeta. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah" I say quickly putting the flower down beside me. "Why?" I ask
"I don't know you've just been... Distant lately" he sits down next to me on the step after I make room for him.
Our elbows occasionally grazing each other.
"Because we're so close" I joke leaning back on my hands
He laughs and nods " yeah, I just mean you keep disappearing. For days, at a time. And your never really at home"
"I'm at home now, and I sleep here" I say obviously
"Okay your never IN your home, not when you don't have to be." I ducks his head fora minute, looking embarrassed he said anything at all.
"It's big and empty, and I'm the only one who lives there. I get lonely there" I shrug it off, feeling lonely is not a big deal. Nothing compared to what I felt during the games most nights.
"Besides, I thought you guys WANTED me out of the house."
"That's when you wouldn't leave it, you wouldn't even get out of that chair"
I shrug again and we sit in a silence for a while, I can't tell if it's awkward or comforting, maybe a bit of both?
"It's just..." He whispers and trails off and looks like he's putting his thoughts together "what happened to you, everything and then I don't know I figured you'd do something"
He ducks his head, again looking embarrassed.
"When my dad died my mom literally broke, I didn't have time to grieve him I was busy making sure we didn't starve. Taking care of Prim and my Mom... When I left for the games I made her promise to step up, and she did. But only for Prim. Now Prims gone, she's off acting like neither of us existed and well, I have nothing to do. Nothing useful to anyone anyway..." I spill out.
I haven't talked to Peeta like this since the tour. It's my turn to be embarrassed.
I look at him and it's obvious he doesn't know what to say, and as the silence grows it becomes more and more awkward. I sigh loudly, talking to him will never be the same.
"I..." He starts but seems to forget what he was going to say. Making this whole thing more awkward.
God I'm so sick of awkward.
This is snows fault, for doing this to him. Making him hate me.
But it's also mine, for not realizing I loved him until it was too late.
"I should go" he says as he stands up I nod and stand up with him.
We kinda go to shake hands but one of us puts up the wrong hand and so we both decide it's ours and switch off. After a while we settle on a high five and depart from eachother.
Me feeling more useless by the minute