Katniss POV

I wake with a scream. I pull my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around them. Rocking back and forth "it's all my fault, it's all my fault. They're all dead and it's all my fault." I whisper frantically over and over.

It's been months and the nightmares show no sign of going away.

And I doubt they ever will.

Out of habit I take my pearl off my bed side table and start rubbing between my fingers, hoping it will help calm me down.

In my dream I saw the face of everyone I've killed, of everyone who gave their life for me.

So many faces...

It's just not fair, it's not fair.

I dig my face into the crevice between my legs and my torso, trying to hide from the world.

I'm alone in my bedroom, it's the biggest one in the house. My mom made me take it when we moved in, she said it was because I deserved it. Now I just think it was so she didn't have to listen to this, the sounds of my nightmares.

Not that it matters anyway, she left. Not that I'd want to be around me if I had a choice either.

I can't help the creeping feeling, the thought in the back of my head, the wish that I know won't come true.

I wish Peeta were here, I always slept better when I was with him.

But I doubt he wants to see me either, I'm not even sure why he stayed in his house in district twelve.

I try to calm my breathing but it doesn't work, I just see the faces and scream again.

After another half an hour of rocking back and forth on my bed crying I hear the front door close and the creeking wood.

My instincts kick in and I immediately grab my bow from the closet and sit on my bed aiming the arrow at the door.

My reflexes are sharp as the door opens but my mind works just quick enough to see who it is and I end up shooting the door frame.

The figure looks at the arrow not inches from his head before looking back at me, and what a sight it must be.

Tears running down my face, eyes puffy. Standing on my knees on my bed with my bow in hand. To anybody else I might look insane, but Peeta gets nightmares too.

"Are you okay? I heard a scream."

"Maybe because someone broke into my house." I say sarcastically, but he just shrugs and holds up his key. The key the capital gave him when we moved into these houses because they didn't want their 'love birds' to have any boundaries apparently.

"Not technically breaking in if you have a key is it?" He asks and I remain silent.

"What are you doing here?" I finally ask, putting down my bow.

"I told you, I heard a scream."

"I'm fine." I say quickly

"You don't look fine." He says gently as he comes closer to me, he looks as of he were approaching an animal that could kill him.

I don't exactly blame him, I'm not completely stable right now. And I did did just shot an arrow at his head.

When he sits down on the bed I let myself relax a little bit, I can still feel the tears silently streaming down my face.

"What are you doing up?" I whisper, and I know I look and sound pathetic at this point.

He shrugs "probably same as you."

But the way he looks at me when he says it I get a sick feeling in my stomach that his nightmare was about me, some memory that was twisted to make me look evil.

Roses still Make me sick, I don't think it's something I'll ever get over.

The look in his eyes change to something I can't quite read, he's looking at the bed.

He reaches out and picks up the pearl he gave me during the games, he holds it up to look at it and rolls it between his fingers like I had done so many times before.

"You kept it?" He whispers, probably not meaning for me to hear.

"Why wouldn't I? You gave it to me." My voice cracks due to the tears but I ignore it.

His gaze switches back to me and he puts the small stone on my bed side table.

He reaches out and gently wipes the tears off my face.

"It was just a dream Katniss, the games, the war. It's all over now." He whispers, trying to calm me down.

"That doesn't fix everything I've done Peeta." I can feel myself start to get mad, mad that I can never really fix all that has happened.

"I didn't say it would."

How is this helping? I want to ask but I really don't want to fight with him right now.

"Then what? How is it all okay?" I breathe out, my voice high pitched and cracking as I feel the tremors building up in my body about to spill over.

"It's your life katniss, obviously you've made mistakes, who hasn't? But what you chose to do after those mistakes is up to you. You can learn from them and move on or you can dwell on them for the rest of your life coming up with every way you could've done it right. It's in the past, treat it that way." He stands up, but not before he grabs my hand pulling me up with him.

"I brought something to show you" he says and I nod, following him trying only to focus on the warmth his hand puts into mine.

When we get there I see its one of his paintings.

It's all of us on the 75th games, holding hands. Only four of us made it out alive.

"These people believed in you Katniss, they didn't die in vain and it sure wasn't your fault. Everyone who died, everyone we lost was because of snow. They just wanted something better." He goes on "don't dwell on the mistakes you've made, focus on all the good you've done."

By them I've calmed down and he helps me back to bed, I go to ask him to stay with me it he's already gone.