It's been a really long time since I last updated this story! And I'm so sorry for that. Everything has been incredibly complicated in the last year and I found no time to continue, that's why I want now to retake this. Another reason is the reviews and fellow followers I earned with this one. I had them abandoned, I want to apologize for the waiting. I hope you still want to read what is John's secret, and in what way that will change both of their lives. So thank you so much for the waiting and for coming back to read chapter four of "The answer to your fears".

Chapter 4

John's shadow on the wall of the stairs makes the way to the bedroom less scary. Even beautiful. The moon doesn't even shine as bright as him... Sherlock follows him, taking the steps slowly, still the music on, making his heart melt every time he sees his flatmate move rhythmically, feeling those sharp singed words in his own body, as if they were written just for them both... He, finally, takes the last step, leaving the external sounds far behind. Nothing else matters. The only thing that exists that night is that bedroom. That bedroom, John and him. That's all. He closes the door, softly, still watching John's figure move unconsciously, still humming the song. His movements are so slow, showing his hurt with them. He's looking straight at the detective now, waiting, with patience, next to the closed window. Sherlock takes a few steps, making the distance noses are nearly touching, and their gazes are fixed one into the other's.

"Why didn't you let me know?" asks John.

"What are you referring to?"

"You know perfectly what I'm talking about" he says softly, with the truth written in his deep blue eyes.

"I thought you weren't ready yet. I didn't mind waiting a little longer, you were worth it" The tears in the shorter man's eyes make their apparition. "But when I... I saw you like this, all lost and silent, like a dead man, I couldn't help it. I felt... so frustrated, I wanted to take you in my arms and calm you until you said what was going wrong, because the only thing I wanted was to make that fear and endless sadness in your eyes disappear. You are the only one for me, John Watson. Nobody has ever been this close and this important in my life. You changed it all. And I would never let anyone hurt you"

The doctor was shaking, uncontrollably, looking straight into Sherlock's soul, tears rolling down his face. He raises his arms, and takes the detective's face between them, stroking those high cheeks which had always made him smile. The hands of the taller man remain now in the other's hips, making the distance now invisible.

All of a sudden, the doctor stands on tiptoe, and merely touches the dark haired man's lips. But, this time, he doesn't let the other go away. He takes the back of his head and waits, getting nervous with anticipation. Finally, their lips meet, just a gentle kiss for the first time. Eyes closed, lack of breath, only their mouths engaged, mixed, just pressing one against the other. Feeling the height difference, Sherlock makes the shorter man go up on his feet, making the doctor feel even more protected, overwhelmed, "safe and sound". They both know they could be in that position forever. Their lips try to move, carefully, but taking the passion one step further. The doctor opens his mouth, letting Sherlock's tongue inside, making the kiss deeper and warmer. Slowly… but fastening… More and more and more, gasping around, letting the hands go wild following their mouths rhythms, letting the moans leave them, forgetting to care about what the other would even think about those sounds, getting lost in the lust, in their bodies… Just them both against the night, that one they don't want ever to end. Sherlock makes their way to the bed, in the nearly full darkness of the night, the shadows as the only witnesses of their little secret. John lies on the bed, and Sherlock is on the top of him. For a moment the dark haired one breaks the lip contact and looks John in the eyes, seeing him breathing heavily, the surprise in his blue eyes, watching the detective carefully, expectant, hungry, but most of all… lovingly. It's then when the taller man wraps his arms tighter around his doctor, his friend, his lover, his John and hides his face between the blonde man's neck and shoulder, burying his nose, showing him how he can make him feel secure, showing him how much he wants him to be back, to forget his fears, whatever they are, and just trust him the way he did before all the pool situation. Feels a hand in his curls, merely shaking, touching him as if he was the most fragile thing in the world.

"My John" he murmurs against the neck flesh, leaving soft kisses, and having the idea of biting that tanned skin of his just a little… The gasp the doctor makes encourages Sherlock to do it again, and again, and a bit harder, in other points, using more or less teeth, mixing the tongue… The shorter man was a mess already. His breathe was completely irregular, and there were no sign of his blue eyes, they were completely dark with lust instead. The doctor's hands aren't shaking now. He takes Sherlock's shirt buttons, one by one, under the powerful gaze of the detective, the quiet and aroused detective. With an inaudible "plop" the shirt is removed, and the perfectly pale torso of the detective is showed to John, being all incredible just in front of him. The temptation is so big for him, he can't even stand it. With quickly movements, the blonde man incorporates and makes Sherlock sit on his lap, taking the role, touching all the way his detective's torso, caressing it, kissing, licking, tracing irregular figures with his fingers, getting to his nipple and making the pale man throw his head back, with a face expression of completely pleasure, letting a moan fulfill the entire room. John looks at the most erotic scene he has ever seen in his life, making him even harder… and hungrier. Sherlock lowers again his head, looking at the doctor as he never has done before… with desire, as a hungry animal.

His lips at John's ear: "I want to feel you from the inside". Bites the earlobe. The game begins…

"This is not fair, Doctor Watson…" breathes Sherlock as he makes the good doctor lay again on the bed, ripping his shirt off. John notices how Sherlock is looking directly at his scar, so tries to face the other side, embarrassed of his defect, of his mark. A mere grip at his chin makes him face that curly hair again to receive the sweetest of the kisses: one on the lips, one on the scar.

"Sherlock…" he says tenderly, his heart jumping of joy, of love for that mad man of his. His personal and favourite sociopath. His only consulting detective in the world. His.

Sherlock smiles at him and continues with the doctor's belt and jeans. It was a difficult job to do because of the prominent bulge in John's crotch, but not a real problem for the great detective... Sherlock starts caressing John's erection without taking off his pants, teasingly, first with his hand, then rubbing his nose and lips against it. The younger man can even notice the wetness through the fabric. They are both panting, feeling the arousal running through their entire bodies.

"S-Sherlock. Trousers. Off. Now" John isn't even able to form a normal sentence. His demand is accomplished by a nearly furious Sherlock for having to separate from John's arousal. In a few seconds he was on top of the shorter man again, completely naked for the doctor's delight. Sherlock's slim and long cock is so hard John doesn't know how it doesn't hurt (more or less as his). It's in that moment of getting lost in his own thoughts when Sherlock goes further, taking out the army doctor's cock, stroking it with his hand. John cries in ecstasy, enjoying Sherlock's touch as if it was the best feeling in the world. The detective's eyes drink from each of the shorter man's reactions and moans, feeling his desire and making his erection painful. His mouth enters the game... He licks the head of the good doctor's cock... A shiver goes through his entire body, catching his breath and making him moan as never before.

The taller man takes John full in his mouth, the warmth of his making John open aggressively his eyes for a moment, just to shut them again, trying to regulate his breathe and not to come right there, right now. Sherlock's cheeks are almost obscene while sucking his full length. The blonde man takes Sherlock's head, mixing his fingers with his messy curls, following the upside-down movement of the detective's head.

"Oh God, Sherlock..." he says in a heavy and quickly breath. If he doesn't stop he will finish very soon... The dark haired man increases the velocity, using his tongue at the same time. "Oh-h-h my... S-Sher... I-I..." With an almost painfully erotic plop sound, Sherlock stops working on John's cock, making the shorter man sigh desperately at the lack of contact. The delay is short. Sherlock goes on top of him, kissing him repeatedly, while his hand goes to his entrance... It's then when John's teardrops start falling, one by one, non-stop.

"John, John, John! Are you ok? Are you feeling uncomfortable?" says Sherlock looking very nervous, not knowing what to do in this situation, trying to comfort his lover and make his tears stop.

No, Sherlock, of course I don't. This is the thing I wanted the most thinks John, trying to stop crying. Only he knows the reason of those tears.

Sherlock takes off a few tears with his finger. "You aren't ready for this, are you? I should have thought about it... How stupid, stupid I-"he can't even finish his sentence, because the good doctor, with his eyes still full of tears, has both of their cocks in his hand, together, touching them both completely. The blonde man starts moving, creating a wonderful friction, inviting Sherlock to move, to feel, to end this, together, trying to make him understand that he isn't crying for not being prepared. He's been prepared for this since the first day he saved Sherlock's life. He's been ready to love Sherlock since the very first day he knew he was falling for him. Moans, still looking Sherlock directly, saying everything he can't express with words to him. Sherlock follows the movements, taking John by his hip, moaning softly at the friction, at the feeling of having John so close to him, so intimately close. He understands John's gaze. He's always understood it, and now more than ever. Leans down his face, touching the shorter man's lips, kissing him tenderly while the velocity of their movements increase. Sherlock feels so arousingly intoxicated with John's touch he could die. Between gasps, merely a whisper, the good doctor speaks:

"I- I love you, S-Sherlock" tightening his grip in both of their cocks, moving his hand faster, putting his free arm around the detective's waist, groaning louder, closing his eyes in pure ecstasy. Sherlock starts kissing John again: lips, cheeks, neck, ear. He stops there and whispers, breathless, trying not to moan in his little speech

"I l-love you, John W-Watson, ugh!" an erotic growl exits his mouth without noticing, biting his doctor's earlobe. He can't get enough of John's moans, which are now out of control, sounding erratic and sexier than anything. Sherlock won't last any more if he continues hearing the ex-soldier like this. "You're m-making me go m-mad. Oh, God, J-John...!" manages to say. The doctor's moans increase, near Sherlock's ear, feeling the precum wetting both of their bodies.

"Y-yes, John. C-Come for me" says the detective.

He can't stand it anymore. Faces the doctor again, watching his flushed cheeks, his chest moving upside-down so fast. With Sherlock's words still in his mind and a few strokes later, John cries in ecstasy, shutting so hard his eyes, letting the hot waves of pleasure fulfil his body. Sherlock comes as well almost immediately while seeing his lover end, feeling the warmth of their releases in his chest, seeing it running through John's fingers. He sighs, happily, trying to regulate his breath, lying his forehead against John's shoulder, kissing it slightly. The doctor's arms wrap around his body in a lovely way, burying his nose against Sherlock's neck.

"This is far more better than I imagined" says, muttered by the taller's skin. The detective kisses his cheek and smiles, naughty.

"So you imagined me in such a way with you? What a pervert you are, Doctor Watson" chuckles softly, joining John's laugh as well. "I've never been this close to anyone. I don't want to be this close to anyone else". John smiles even with his eyes at his words, trying not to cry again. A single tear runs down his cheek.

"Sherlock, I don't want to lose you" his voice cracks, making Sherlock kiss him desperately, trying to heal his pain.

"Why would you lose me? You're never going to lose me. Nobody could do such a thing" It's at this moment when John can't handle it anymore, and cries hard, sobbing, letting all the pain out in the shape of teardrops, hiding his face in Sherlock's chest and hugging him tighter, his whole body shaking. Sherlock's arms take him, one of his hands caressing his cheek, trying not to cry as well. He hates seeing John like this.

"John, you can't continue like this. I can help you. I'm sure I can. But I need to know, I need you to trust me. Please" begs nearly cracking his voice. John's body tries to be even closer to his, so the detective strokes his back carefully while giving him the sweetest kisses in the world in his hair and forehead. Hugs him tightly, and starts singing softly, whispering, trying to make the poor doctor relax, trying to make him stop shaking and crying.

Well, I've never been a man of many words, and there's nothing left to say that you haven't heard (...)

The doctor's shaking decreases under his touch and voice. But he still notices his tears fulfilling his eyes. He gives the shorter man another kiss.

But I'll sing you love songs 'til the day I die... The way I'm feeling, I can't keep it inside (...)

The sobbing has nearly disappeared, and now the doctor's face isn't hidden anymore. He lays it on the detective's chest, listening carefully, relaxed by the baritone's voice.

I'll sing you a sweet serenade whenever you're feeling sad

John chuckles at this point, as well as Sherlock, who touches the tip of his nose in a caressing way. The blonde man shuts his eyes, enjoying Sherlock's scent, recording this melody in his mind to keep it forever, whatever happens...

And a lullaby each night before you go to bed.

Notices the shorter man falling slowly asleep. Smiles at this picture, knowing he's the luckiest man in the whole world.

I'll sing it to you for the rest of your life. The way I'm feeling, I can't keep it inside. No I can't keep it inside.

Leaves a tender kiss in John's hair, and mutters: "I love you" before a sleepy John Watson manages to say "I love you too, Sherlock".

The detective closes his eyes, hugging John tighter, and falls asleep with a little smile in his lips.

But the only blue eyes of the bedroom open suddenly after a few minutes. John gets up, like an automaton, carefully to not wake Sherlock up. Puts on a t-shirt, grabs his mobile phone and goes to the living room. Touches the video camera icon...

-oOoOo-

Sherlock's eyes start opening to find his bed empty. Yawns and smiles, thinking He'll be making breakfast again, my poor boy. I should make it one day and surprise him. He rolls back to the opposite side and jumps at the touch of something in his cheek. A mobile phone. John's mobile phone. He sits down in the bed, mobile phone in his hand and looks carefully at the second thing left in the bed: John's old name tags, the ones he used to wear in the army. Sherlock takes them shakily, aware that something is wrong. He unlocks John's phone to see it has a video to display. He presses the play button.

Their living room appear, only with a light. It's midnight. He recorded this while I was asleep Sherlock thinks. He continues watching, when John appears in the screen. The doctor sits down on his couch, not looking directly at the camera, clears his throat and looks up, fear again in his hollowed eyes. At this point, Sherlock starts weeping.

"You know I've been behaving strangely since the pool incident. I want to assure you one last time that you have done nothing wrong" his voice cracks, stops and tries it again. "You're the most perfect human being I've ever met. I know, I completely know, that you are-" sobs and lets one tear run down his cheek "That you are the love of my life. And I will never let anything bad happen to you. Tonight has become the best moment of my life, Sherlock. I've been waiting for you to tell me for a very long time. But you were worth it, that long or ever longer. You're worth always." A sad chuckle sounds from his mouth. "Maybe you think I'm an idiot telling all this stuff, all this romantic film thing, but I'm going to tell you something, Sherlock: this idiot you're seeing here, this fool is completely in love with you" his voice is a mere whisper because he tries not to crack again. He's looking at his feet "That's why I have to go. Now I can tell you, I can give you the answer to my fears." Looks at the camera, his eyes full of tears. "Moriarty made me the worst threaten he could have ever done. No, he didn't touch me, he didn't do a single physical thing to me. He just spoke to me. He told me that-" catches his breath, and tries again "That if I didn't become his pet and leave you here, he would kill you. And I'm sorry, Sherlock, but since the first day I met you I promised to myself to let that never happen" Smiles sadly. "This is the most heartbreaking decision of my life-" starts crying inconsolably, hiding his face between his hands and sobbing violently "I'd love to have died right there, in that bed you're sleeping now, Sherlock, with you by my side. That would have been the best thing in the world. I didn't want to wake up with tears in my eyes seeing your smile while you were sleeping. I didn't, Sherlock. But I want you alive" says, his voice being a mess of tears and sobs "Please, I don't want you to make any stupid thing. Don't try to find Moriarty. Don't try to tell Lestrade or your brother. Don't do a single thing. Let me solve the case this time, Sherlock" says with his eyes still wet, begging "Make it for me, my love. The only thing I want is to keep you safe and sound" The sound of a door opening makes John face the other side of the living room, give a quick nod and look again at the camera. He starts crying again, without sobs now, his voice a whisper "Don't ever forget how much I love you. And I will-" breaths and continues "I will bloody miss you... Goodbye, my Sherlock" He looks broken at the camera while somebody ends the video without being showed at the image.

The phone falls down the floor. Sherlock's fists are white while he grabs the tags fiercely. His eyes are full of tears, his eyebrows frown with anger. His whole body is shaking. John was trying to save him from that psychopath. He has been suffering all this time because he didn't want Sherlock to know, he didn't want him dead, he preferred to be tortured and go live a life full of terrible tortures as well with that mad man than to see Sherlock hurt or dead. He loved Sherlock so much he preferred to be dead in life, to make his own existence a hell. Nobody touches or threatens John. Nobody can manage to do such a thing before beating Sherlock. He has to save John. His John. His grey eyes look dark, still full of tears. John needs him. Moriarty has entered a game he can't even imagine what will deal. Still sitting down in their bed, still shaking, only a word full of anger and revenge exits his mouth:

"Moriarty"

I hope you enjoyed it! Thank you so much for the waiting, and for all the lovely comments and favs. The next chapter won't take me this long, I don't want to be like the Sherlock usual hiatus. The song Sherlock sings to John is extracted from "August: Osage County" soundtrack, the one Benedict Cumberbatch sings (and oh God how he sings it, I nearly died!)"Can't keep it inside". Thank you so much again; I'd love to hear your opinion about this chapter. See you in the next one! And, yes, there'll be more smut along the story, I promise. Love 3