Jacob and Cassandra: Confessions Part Two

I was really supposed be in my own room at this damned hospital, but I snuck over to Jake's room instead. We were both stuck here for further observation after being rescued from the cave-in. They didn't like how long I'd been unconscious, especially considering the brain grape. I'm not sure why they decided to keep Jake since they'd already set and cast his leg. He was not going to be happy about having to use crutches for the next few weeks.

I'm pretty sure it will be a while before any of the nurses notice I'm gone, at least that's what I'm hoping because Jake and I need to have a serious discussion. It seems like we find ourselves in a position to have serious discussions more often than not these days. I don't know why it's so hard for us to keep things light between us, but apparently it's just not in the cards. You'd think our relationship would finally be on an upswing, but we always seem to start to move forward and then fall backwards moments later.

I hate having to corner Jake to have this conversation, but I know if I don't he'll just avoid talking to me until he thinks I've forgotten that he's holding something back. He won't ignore me, but he'll make sure to evade any hot topics. I don't know if I really know what I want to say to him. I just know that there was something he wasn't saying when we were in the cave together. Then again, maybe that's the problem with us in a nutshell. We only talk about serious stuff when we confront each other, and it's usually me doing the confronting. I really don't understand why we seem to be in this constant holding pattern because we work really well together; we know how to work through puzzles on a case without even talking, but we can't seem to figure out the social aspect of our relationship.

He's asleep when I wander into his room, so I figure I'll just sit here until he wakes up. I would have come here earlier, but I want as much privacy as possible and everyone was either in my room or Stone's during visiting hours. Which of course means midnight conversations. That is it would if he would wake up.

A few strands of hair had fallen across his forehead, and I can't seem to stop myself from brushing them back. It's kind of strange touching him in such an intimate manner; especially since he's still asleep. Granted I wouldn't mind a change in our relationship, so that little intimate moments, such as brushing hair from his face didn't seem so strange.

"What are you doing in here Cassie?" he asked, groggily, startling me.

"I wanted to talk to you, and knew if I waited until morning you'd just ignore me," I told him.

"You do seem to have a thing about talking to me. I told myself that I wouldn't mind one of these conversations when we were stuck in that cave if it meant you were awake. I might have been lying to myself," he said with a half-smile that was way too charming.

"Is it such a bad thing that I feel like I need a lot of clarification when it comes to whatever kind of relationship this is we have? You constantly confuse me Jake. I mean you tell me you don't trust me, but I think our job makes trust important. You're always trying to make things easier for me when it comes to my episodes. You act like you care." I could see him thinking about protesting what I was saying. "And don't tell me that it's the same thing as liking me. Just because you like me doesn't mean you care enough to be there when I need someone."

"Do we really have to do this here?" he asked, resigned to his fate.

"Yes. Otherwise you'll just keep putting it off until you think I've forgotten. I want to know to know what it is you weren't telling me before Ezekiel came through and rescued us. And here you can't run away from me." I can't help smiling at the thought of him trying to hobble away from me on his broken leg. I moved his crutches next to the door when I came in, so I know he's not about to go anywhere unless I hand them over.

"There wasn't anything I wasn't telling you in that cave." I could hear the lie in his voice, plus he was avoiding looking me in the eye.

"I know you were talking to me while I was unconscious. I could hear you. I even remember some of what you said," I admitted.

"What did I say then?"

"That I broke your heart when we first met. There was something about lines of poetry, but I don't really remember that." I heard and remember more than that, but I want him to tell me, to really tell me.

"Yeah, I might've said those things."

"But you're not going to repeat them now that I'm awake enough to hear them for real, are you?"

"It was hard enough sayin' them the first time," he admitted.

"Why do you keep pulling away from me? Haven't I proven I'm not going anywhere, that I'm trustworthy?"

"Yeah, Cass, you have. And I want to be able to say those things to you, I really do, but I don't think I can."

"Well, that's more than you were saying when I asked you in the cave and a few minutes ago."

"I might have an idea, but you have to be patient; let me talk without interrupting. Will you close your eyes for me?" he asked me while trying to sit up better in the hospital bed.

"I can do that," I answered, letting my eyelids flutter closed. I was surprised when Jake reached for my hands before talking. With my hand in his I could feel him squirm around for a few moments as well.

"I don't know how much of what I said you really heard or remember, and I don't want you to tell me now. Just listen." He stopped talking which made me a little nervous, so I did the only thing I really could in this situation; I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"You're right, our line of work does require trust, and I do trust you. And I do care about you. I knew the moment I met you that you were someone special and I knew I'd never meet someone else who can come close to being as exceptional as you." There was a sharp intake of breath and I realized he must have jostled his leg. I started to open my eyes so I could help him get better situated, but he stopped me.

"Keep your eyes closed sweetheart or I'll never get this out. I'm okay, I promise." Once he was sure I wasn't going to get back up he started talking again, and my heart was racing in anticipation.

"It's so easy to make you happy Cassie, and when you're happy you have this smile that makes me think that just maybe anything really is possible. I love that smile. And while I live for the moments I get to see that smile I also know that it's just as easy to upset you, and I somehow am able to do that without much thought. I don't like when I hurt you like that, but if I've learned anything since meeting you, it's only because you care so much that anything I can say or do hurts you. You hide it all well, but your smile changes when you're just putting on a front for me. I can tell the difference, and those fake smiles break my heart because I know most of the time it's me who you're using the smile for. I know it's because there are so many things that I can't and won't say to you. Especially like now."

He stops again, but I can tell he's just trying to gather his thoughts, so I try to ponder what he's already told me. I never knew he could see through me so well, but I should have. Only someone who could read me like he does would know when I really need help and how to help me. I don't know if his words give me hope, or if he'll just hurt me again when all is said and done, but at least he's talking and giving me some sort of truth. Bottled up emotions are never good.

"Sometimes I think I should be better with words with the amount of poetry I read, but I guess just because you love something doesn't mean you can emulate it in life. You always tell me how I help you and catch you, but see you're the one that saves me; you save me from myself. You look at me and you see the person I've tried to keep hidden all my life. I know that I get to be that person now, but you see the pieces that I still try to conceal. You try your hardest to take those pieces and put me back together; you are the only person I know who sees the whole me. I don't know how you do it, but I like who I get to be when I'm with you."

Even with my eyes closed I have silent tears making their way down my cheeks. For someone who doesn't think he has a way with words he sure knows how to use them to his advantage. This is so much better than what I'd heard him say back in the cave. I want to wipe away the tears on my cheeks, but don't want him to notice them. He notices all the same because in the next moment I can feel him brushing my cheeks with his thumb. I can't help it, I have to open my eyes and see him. I don't know if I'm smiling, but I love the way he's looking at me, like maybe he's finally seeing the whole of me just like I can see in him.

"I didn't mean to make you cry Cassie."

"I loved what you said. I don't know what the tears are for. We're quite the pair, aren't we?"

"Yeah, we are."

"Beautifully broken pieces trying to figure out where we fit in the world."

"I pretty sure here and together is where we fit." And with that I knew I would never stop smiling because there's nothing that could shatter the happiness those words brought. Maybe I should corner him in the dark more often.

To my guest reviewer: Thank you so much, I'm glad that you've enjoyed the story and that you are happy with my characterization. Thank you also for the conversation ideas, I'll see what I can do.

I'm hoping the next chapter will write itself quickly. I hope you're all ready for a fun chapter because the next one will be Jake, Cassie, and Ezekiel playing a drinking game! Thanks for all of the favorites, follows, and reviews, I appreciate them more than you could know.