The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfish's Adventures
Off This Stupidonkulous Island
Tetra: What!? Why would you think I'd let some stupid frogspawn brat come on my pirate ship!
Link: Cause I have a sword! I'm cool! And stop calling me frogspawn, Yellerbuns!
Tetra: Wait, what the *beep* did you call me?
Link: I have a nickname for everyone. Your nickname is Yellerbuns . . . Yellerbuns.
Tetra: SHUT IT FROGSPAWN!
Link: THAT'S IT!
Link stabs at Tetra and slices at Tetra. Tetra, unluckily, dodges it.
Tetra: You little . . .
Tetra pulls out her knife, but fortunately (for Link), the "dumb" postman flies over and grabs Link and throws his sword somewhere.
Dumb Postman: If you big fat ugly pirates pirates hadn't come to this Stupidonkulous island, his sister -
Link: My MONEY! Not the other one! MY MONEY!
Dumb Postman: Umm, yeah . . . so his sister and his money wouldn't have been kidnapped!
Tetra: But I hate him! He's the worst!
Link: Hey, what's that ugly fat thing behind you, Tetra? Oh, it's your ship. Tee hee!
Tetra: I swear, Link, I will -
Dumb Postman: Everyone calm down! Just let the kid on the gosh darn ship!
Tetra: HECK to the no! You'd have to pay me a thousand Rupees to do that!
Dumb Postman: That can be arranged.
Tetra: Well gimme the money, money, money!
Dumb Postman: Just take him!
Another pirate (Niko): But Miss Taitry, I need a new swabbie! I'll whip him into shape! Please!
Tetra: How many times do I have to tell you, Niko? MY NAME IS TETRA! TEH- TRA! IT'S THAT SIMPLE, BLOCKHEAD!
Dumb Postman: Oh, and long eared girls are taken to the Forsaken Fortress.
Tetra: What the word!? That's so far! And it's dangerous!
Dumb Postman: Still!
Tetra: Fine. But don't forget my payment. Extra for the Forsaken Fortress.
Tetra turns to Link.
Tetra: Bring a shield or something, stupid.
Link: Only if you -
Tetra: BRING A SHIELD.
Link: Only -
Tetra: BRING - A - SHIELD.
Link whimpers and runs to his grandma's house. Inside, his grandma is at the door.
Link's Grandma: Oh no . . . if you're here, something bad must've happened. What happened?
Link: Nonya business, fool! Now where the diggity dog is the family shield!?
Link's Grandma: Is this what you're looking for?
She is holding a weird slimy shield.
You got the Ruined Hero's Shield! This might be the shield that the legendary hero used himself, but it's caked in some kind of goo . . .
Link's Grandma starts sobbing.
Link's Grandma: Who would take such an innocent little girl? Now I only have you.
Link: I gotta go, bye-bye!
Link, being oblivious to the pain of others, leaves his house and leaves his grandma all alone. Then he runs back to Tetra, but she isn't there. Link panicks for a few seconds, but then he sees the pirate ship setting sail.
Link: TEEEEETRAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Link runs to the ladder as it is being pulled up and climbs onto the ship.
Tetra is snickering and giggling at the wheel.
Tetra: Hehehehehehe . . . I tricked that stupid frogspawn Link and that stupid Dumb Postman! Now I'll be rich and I'll never have to see that idiot again! Heheheheheh . . .
Link creeps up behind Tetra.
Link: Why hello, deary(ha ha ha: quote)!
Tetra: AIAIIIIIIIIEEEEE!
Link: HA! The look on your face . . . priceless!
Tetra: HOW THE WHAT DID YOU GET ON MY SHIP!?
Link: I'm Captain Crawfish! I always find a way! Now bow to Captain Crawfish, inferior Yellerbuns!
Tetra: THAT DOES IT! I WILL MAKE YOU HURT, FROGSPAWN!
Tetra tackles Link and keeps punching him. Over and over. Poor Link.
Link: OW, I - OOOHHH, MY STOMACH - NO, NOT THERE NOT THERE NOT THERE NOT THERE! YEEEOOOOOWWWWW! YOU UTTERLY DESTROYED MY -
Gonzo(the dancing pirate):Like, guys, stop, like, fighting!
Tetra punches him in the eye a few more times and gets up. Link spits out a few teeth and gets up slowly.
Link: Two times in one day . . . WHY!?
Tetra: There's a lot more where that came from, Frogspawn.
Link: Shut it, Yellerbuns. I'm leaving. My crotch needs to heal . . .
Tetra: I didn't need to know that, Frogspawn.
Link:*growl* SHUT IT.
Gonzo: Like, woah now, everybody!Like, we all, like, just need to, like, you know, like calm down and, like, dance!
Gonzo starts dancing some dance from some song.
Tetra: YOU'RE FIRED!
Gonzo: Like, I'm gonna go now! Like, Bye!
Gonzo dances away and Link goes below deck. There is a room and another one leading down, but the room is being guarded. Link runs to the guarded room.
Guard: Stop right there! This is Miss Tetra's cabin!
Link: I don't care, fool!
Link punches the guy in the face and he faints. Link goes into the room. Nothing much, just a picture of a triangle, some random lady no one cares about, and - Link?
Link: Woah . . . has Tetra been stalking me? Does she have a crush on me? This is creepy. Me go now (Yes, I typed it like that on purpose).
Link runs into the room downstairs. There is a big gape across the room. At the end is another little room.
Niko: Aha! You're here, swabbie!
Link sees a weird little guy standing next to him.
Link: What are you supposed to be?
Niko: What do you mean?
Link: Umm . . . nothing.
Niko: Now I have a little test -
Link: I HATE TESTS! LINK ANGRY!
Link picks Niko up, stabs his sword through Niko's shirt (not Niko, his shirt), and stabbed the sword into the wall.
Niko:*panicked* What are you doing, swabbie!? Get me out of here, swabbie!
Link: I ain't a swabbie! You a swabbie, fool!
Niko:*whines* Swaaabbiiieeee!
Link: Hmmm . . . I guess I can write a chick magnet song for the trip . . . who knows what's going to be out there!
Link pulls out some paper and a pencil and starts writing his "chick magnet" song.
A Few Hours Later . . .
Tetra: FROGSPAAAWN! GET UP HERE, FROGSPAWN!
Link growls and curses Tetra.
Link: And I was almost finished with my magnet . . .
Link gets up and pulls his sword out of Niko's shirt, who was sleeping.
Niko: Wha-wha? Oh, swabbie! Finally! Now why'd you -
Link ignores him and goes up the stairs and to the deck, but Tetra is nowhere to be seen.
Link: Where is that stupid -
Tetra: I'm up here, frogspawn! Now climb up!
Link: You climb up!
Tetra: I already did! Now it's your turn, doofus!
Link: I'll do it whenever I feel like it! Gosh! (hehehehe . . . quote)
Tetra: Don't make me come down there, frogspawn!
Link: OK, OK, just don't hurt me up again!
Link climbs up the ladder near the mast. Tetra is at the top.
Tetra: So Linky old-boy, we'll have some, ah, troubles getting in. I came up with an idea.
Link: So what is it?
At the back of the deck . . .
Link: Wait, why am I in a barrel? Fear tends to ruin my memory.
Tetra: We're launching you, frogspawn! Have a good trip!
Link: Wait, let me say something!
Tetra: What do you want, frogspawn?
Link: I hate you Tetra.
Tetra: Hate you too, frogspawn. Launch 'im off, guys!
Link is launched from the ship into the Forsaken Fortress. But sadly, Tetra's aim is so bad, he is nearly launched into space. And instead of flying straight north, he somehow flies east. That's how bad Tetra's aim is.
Tetra: *singing*
Ceeelebrate good times, come on!
(It's a celebration)
Ceeelebrate good times, come on!
There's a party goin' on right here
A celebration -
Gonzo: Umm, like, Miss Tetra?
Tetra: What?
Gonzo: Like, you, like, missed.
Tetra: Oh. Oh well . . . I guess.