The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
Don't Touch My Ball!
Link: Aaaaah . . . this cocoa hits the spot!
Recap: Link is sipping cocoa and licking a popsicle. These are also some of the Rito tribe specialties, if you didn't know. But sadly, Quill (or "Dumb" Postman, as we know him) comes back out and ruins the moment.
Dumb Postman: Hiya, Link! So the ol chiefie wants you to come in! And you'd better do it soon . . . it's almost winter here!
Link: What the - ? What the *beep* is wrong with you, Dumb Postman? It's not even cold!
Dumb Postman: Up north, winter comes real fast-like!
Link: Your face comes real fast-like!
Dumb Postman: *ignores that* Now Link, just follow me inside, man!
Link: Fine! Gosh . . .
Link shivers.
Link: Brr . . . it's freezing!
Dumb Postman: I told you it comes real fast-like! Now come on, kid!
The Dumb Postman goes inside. Link curses Dagnabit Roofs island's weird weather and goes inside. Inside is a bunch of Rito talking and carrying mail and doodling on paper and stuff. There is a big fat one with a retarded red scarf standing in the middle.
Link: Hey doofus! You in the red!
The fat one with the retarded red scarf turns around.
Fat Rito: What do you want, stranger?
Link: Dumb Postman invited me in. I need a ball. Gimme a ball. It's big and orange. Wait a second . . . Are you the chieftain? Is that *beep* Medil your daughter? I hate her! And how the *beep* are you the chieftain? You're too fat to fly!
Chieftain: *angry* Hey! I'm trying to drink less hot cocoa! And that little *beep* Medli isn't my daughter! I have one wimp of a son . . . his name is Komila or something, I forgot. I haven't seen him in a few years.
Link: Does he have a ball?
Chieftain: Errrr . . . that's kind of a hawkard question. HA! JOKE JOKE FUNNY FUNNY!
Link: Shut up, that wasn't even funny! That was retarded and overused! And how is he even born? Clearly, all the female Ritos are extinct or something.
Chieftain: I don't really know . . .
Link: Is Medil the *beep* your son's mother?
Chieftain: . . .
Link: And is -
Chieftain: Just stop asking questions and listen, or you're not getting that ball!
Link: Well, fine.
Chieftain: Take a letter to that stupid kid. I don't feel like doing it myself 'cause I'm horrible "father" -
Link: You sure as heck are!
Chieftain: So please, destroy me and that kid's relationship.
Link: Why not? Oh yeah, because I don't have the right, ah, motivation. Know what I'm sayin'?
Chieftain: Whatever you want, you can have. How about a barrel of our homemade apple cider? Or how about a petite and yummy creme brulee?
Link: Apple cider, for sure!
Chieftain: Good. Your order will be ready in a moment.
Link: Good . . . it's freezing out there!
Romani limps into the room shivering.
Romani: W-wow! It was j-just warm and-and s-sunny out th-there! W-what ha-happened?
Link: Weather is really weird on this stupid little island.
Chieftain: HEY!
Link: Why are you limping? And where's Medil -
Romani: MEDLI, g-grasshopper. And MEDLI -got Romani a little b-bit.
They go to a little hallway leading to a door.
Link: Whatever her name is. Did you whoop her non-pants butt?
Romani: Probably . . . R-romani really d-doesn't like that l-little*censored* *censored*.
Link: OH MY GOSH! HOW DID YOU LEARN THOSE WORDS!?
Romani: Red Simba taught it to me!
Link: I'm gonna kill that -
Romani: What? Is it not a good word?
Link: It's one of the worst! Really . . . don't say that ever again!
Romani: Sorry, Grasshopper . . . so where are we heading?
Link: We have to give some stupid kid with a ball -
Romani: Can you not say it that way, Grasshopper?
Link: We have to give some stupid kid with a orb - is that good?
Romani nods.
Link: A letter from his "father." Hey, wanna look at the letter?
Romani: Umm . . . I don't think we should -
Link: Oh, it's fine! It's not like he's a good father anyways!
Link reads letter aloud.
Link: Komila, get some wings ya stupid *beep*. When I got my wings, I did it in, like, a few seconds. So hurry up, will ya?
Romani: Wow . . . that's harsh.
Link: I told you he isn't a good father.
Romani: OK . . . is this Komila or whatever's room?
Link: Probably . . . let's just get this over with so we can drink cider . . . together. *Link giggles stupidly*
Romani: What was the last part?
Link: Ummm . . . nothin'.
They go into the room. In the room, there is a kid sitting on his bed rubbing a big orange ball. It is glowing. There is also a cupboard full of . . . ducks?
Link: What are you doing, weirdo? And why do you have a duck fetish?
Komila: Shut up and let me rub my ball.
Link and Romani: Ummm . . . that sounds awkward.
Komila: You know what I mean or something. *long sad sigh*
Romani: Aww . . . cheer up, little guy! It's all gonna be OK!
Komila: And as for you -
Komila looks up.
Komila: Oh no! It's a girl!
Komila hides under the covers.
Romani: Huh?
Link: This guy is socially awkward. I mean, he rubs a ball all day!
Komila:*muffled* What do you losers want?
Link: I want your ball! Gimme it!
Komila:*whines* NOOOOOOO!
Link: I have to bring you a letter from the "Father". Oh yeah, it's winter. And what's your name again?
Komila:*ignores the last two and pulls off the covers* Gimme the letter, stupid.
Link: Fine!
Link throws the letter at the annoying, socially awkward bird kid.
Komila: Watch it!
Komila punches Link in the head.
Link: Owwww! What's wrong with you?! Go outside and play in the snow or something!
Komila: Owet side? What's that?
Link: You know . . . the place outside your little room? Have you at least seen the Sun?
Komila: I'm the sun though! But I haven't seen what I look like . . .
Link: No, you're a son, you retard. And find a mirror or something.
Komila: Then what does the other one mean?
Link: Wow . . just read the *beep* letter.
Romani: The Sun, Komila -
Komali:*hides under the covers* It's KOMALI! And can you move away from the bed please?
Romani: - is a wonderful thing in the sky! It is what you'd call a star! And outside is the place outside of your room! How awesome is that?
Komali:*muffled* Wow . . . that sounds amazing! I wanna go now! But, but . . . how big is it?
Romani: There is a lot of stuff outside, like people and -
Komali:*takes off the covers* People? Woah . . . what's a people?
Romani:*puts hand on Komali's shoulder* People are like me and Link and -
Komali: PHYSICAL CONTACT. SPACE BUBBLE BREACHED.
Romani: *takes hand off shoulder* OK? So they are -
Link: OK, that's enough! You can teach him about the "great outdoors" or whatever after I give him this letter!
Someone walks into the room as Link hands Komila - er, Komali - the letter.
It's that *beep*, Medli. Ugh.
Medli: Link! Follow me, now!
Link: OHHH! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR EYE?
Medli: Our friend Romani here gave me a black eye and some other things.
Link: What does that mean . . . ?
Komali: M-m-medli! W-what are you - you - you doing here!? You're embarrassing me! I don't want you to see me like this!
Medli: Like what? You wear the same *beep* thing every *beep* day of your *beep* life! So it doesn't even *beep* matter!
Komali: Well, well, w-well - still! Since I have a crush on you -
Medli: Huh?
Komali: Um, um, um . . . *whine* STOOOOOOOPPP!
Komali starts rubbing his ball again, but harder and quicker. Then he starts muttering something weird to himself and pees his pants(weirdo).
Medli: Hey, Link! Follow me, stupe! I have . . . something to tell you . . .
Link: Well, fine. Gosh.
Link followed Medli out of the bedroom.
Link: Umm, Medli?
Medli: What, stupe?
Link: Is Komali your son?
Medli slaps Link.
Link: Owwwie!
Medli: What kind of question is that, stupe? We're the same flippin' age! And we look literally nothing alike!