The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfish's Adventures
Don't You Dare Do Anything Wrong!
Link: Wh-why the *b-beep* are w-we in th-this c-c-c-cold weather?
Medli has taken Link to the Dagnabit Roofs Cavern entrance.
Medli: I came to tell you my whole personal life!
Link: I don't care about your friggin personal life! Now what do you want!?
Medli: I, I - pick me up and throw me to that little cave up there.
Link: Say what now?
Medli: PICK ME UP AND THROW ME TO THAT LITTLE CAVE UP THERE!
Jeez, stupe! Are you deaf and dumb?!
Link: *ignores this* With no pants on?
Medli: Who cares about pants? Those are retarded!
Link: Oh, so clothes are retarded? Self-dignity is retarded!? *whiny* And it's distraaaaacted!
Medli: Shut up and pick me up! And if you do anything wrong, I will beat you to a pulp, stupe!
Link: You're a stupe!
Link grumbles something that we probably don't wanna hear, Medli crouches, and Link picks her up.
Medli: Good, stupe! Now throw me at the wall! I'll fly there!
Link: What the *beep* is wrong with you? You can't fly! And I don't like this! It's awkwaaaard!
Medli: Watch and learn, stupe. Watch and learn. Now throw me NOW!
Link throws Medli straight into a wall.
Medli: OOWCHIE!
Link: Umm, *beep*? Are you OK?
Medli gets up and seems quite dizzy.
Medli: Hey, why are there three of you, Link? Tee hee hee . . . *giggles stupidly some more*
Link shakes Medli hard.
Link: MEDIL!
Medli : Wha-wha . . .? Oh, it's you.
Medli kicks Link in the crotch really hard.
Link: YEEEEEOOOWWWWWW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?
Medli: That was for THROWING ME INTO A WALL, STUPE.
Link: I swear, Medil, I am really going to -
Romani jumps from the ledge.
Romani: Hiya Grasshopper! Medli. Ugh.
Medli: you little -
Link: Ladies! Calm down . . . We don't have to fight over me!
Medli: Why the flippity dipstick would I fight over you, stupe?
Romani: I'd fight for and over you anyday, Grasshopper! (Awww! Romani likes Link! I don't get how she likes him, but don't question Romani. I wonder what Romani looks like in Wind Waker style anyways . . .)
Link: Aww, shucks, Romani! Color me flattered!
Medli: Shut up sicko!
Link: you're a sicko!
Medli: You're a sickerer sicko!
Link: You're the sickererest sicko of sicko-city!
Medli: You're the sickitity sickiesterest sicko president of sicko-state!
Link: You're sickititickity sickiesterestestiestiest sicko of sicko-finity world of sicko-ness! Triple sicko-FINITY AND BEYOND!
Romani: Guys! Stop being stupid! But you're fine though, Medli.
Medli:*annoyed* Why exactly, farm girl?
Romani:*smugly* 'Cause you have been your whole life. OHHHHH!
Link: OHHHH! SHE JUST GOT BURNED! BURNED WITH A FIRE ARROW! BURNED LIKE BACON, BABY! BURNED LIKE . . . LIKE . . . never mind.
Medli: THAT CRACKS IT, FARM GIRL!
Romani: BRING IT ON, BIRD-BRAINS!
Link: Yay, they're gonna fight! I should probably stop them from fighting . . . but I'm not such a good person, so . . . GO ROMANI! WOO-WOO!
And the fighting begins. A half hour later, they are done because Romani beat Medli up. Again.
Medli: I hate you all. I thought I could give you a chance, Link, but - you know what? Just throw me at the *beep* cave!*screech* NOW!
Link:*alarmed* Yiiiiii! Fine. Gosh . . .
Link picks up Medli, who is gnashing her teeth and cursing Link under her breath, and he throws her at the cave. Suddenly, her arms turn into big white wings and she does some sort of weird flailing motion and somehow "flew" over to the cave.
Medli: *gasp* Fshew! That was tiring. So anyways, Link -
Link: What? How are you tired!? And what kind of flight was that!?
Medli: Be quiet, stupe!
Link: And now my arms hurt . . . you're super heavy! Lay off the bird seed, *beep*!
Medli: Link, don't make me come down there again . . .
Link: HA! And what can you do to ME? What? What? Romani whooped your non-pants butt! Wait, why did I throw you up there again?
Medli: So I can get to the dragon Valoo!
Link: No one told me there was a flippin' dragon involved in this junk!
Medli: We didn't need to, coward!
Medli runs down the cave and that's the last they see of her.
Link: Maybe we can try to steal that kid's ball?
Romani: Oh yeah, Komali! I need to teach him about the world!
Link: I need to get his ball!
Romani:*uncomfortably* Orb, you mean.
Link: Yeah, whatevs.
They go back to the other side of the cold cave and climb up the broken bridge and go back inside. They go to Komila - er, Komali's - room and Komali as still rubbing his ball inside. He is still muttering.
Komali:*muttering* Me and Medli - tee hee hee, that sounds dreamy, just the day when -
Link: Komali!
Komali: Yeah, it'll be peachy, and I'll say -
Link: KOMALI! LISTEN, FOOL!
Komali:Yes, heheheheh, And we'll eat creme brulee, yes, that my father prepared and she'll say -
Link: KOMALI!
Komali: Wha-wha . . . ? How long where you standing there!? *notices Romani* Ah, a girl!
Komali hides under the covers.
Link: Long enough to be freaked out.
Komali:*muffled* What do you want from me?
Link: How many times will I have to *beep* tell you?! I - want - your - BALL!
Romani: If you give Link the ball - umm, orb - I'll tell you about the world!
Komali: Wow . . . please do!
Komali throws the ball at Link's head. Sadly, Link is too stupid to catch it.
Link: OOOWWW! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!
Komali: *ignores Link* So tell me about the world!
Romani: *whispers to Link* I'll keep him busy. Now go!
Romani: *at Komali* So let's start with the moon!
Komali: *still under covers* Woah . . . sounds weird?
Link rolls his eyes and goes out of Komali's room. Then he sees a huge barrel that says Apple Cider.
Link: Yay! My cider! I should probably carry this stuff somewhere.
Link goes outside into the freezing winter. Somehow, the whole place is already covered in snow and snowflakes and ice are blowing everywhere. Link jumps down to the beach but Red Simba is gone.
Link: Oh no . . . wh-where is that re-re-retard n-n-now?
Link swims around the island. Finally Link finds a little cove in the back. Somehow, Red Simba is playing cards with a bunch of fish and a frog in a cloud.
Red Simba: So I said, "It's not a gun, stupid! It's a conductor's baton!"
They all laugh.
Link: Actually, I s-said th-that you were use-use-useless and r-retarded!
They stop laughing.
Red Simba: What? How'd you find us?
Link: J-just take th-this ball *puts the orb in Red Simba* and this c-cider*puts the cider in Red Simba*. Now g-g-g-good riddance!
They are silent as Link goes. Then a fish says, "So anyways, Mike, I heard there was a Triumph Fork on -
Link is now too far away to hear the guys laugh and talk about stupid stuff. He goes back around to the front of the island, climbs up the cliffs, and goes back inside. When he got inside, he walked to Komali's room and went inside there. Inside, Komali and Romani are still talking about the world.
Romani: And there these animals called cows and, boy, those are so -
Link: Romani! Time to go!
Komali: Aww . . . but what about cows?
Link: What's a cow?
Romani:*gasp* Romani is ashamed of you Grasshopper!
Link: We need to go to Dragon Roost! I have a feeling . . .
Romani: But Medli's up there!
Link: I know, but something is
wrong . . . it feels like we need to go up there!
Author: Well there's a little thing called the storyline, and you UTTERLY DESTROYED IT!
Link: huh? Who's that?
Author: Errrrr . . . Everyone forgets there is an author and Author uses plot fix!
Link and Romani disappear and are suddenly in a pit thing.
Link: oh no . . . what is this?
Medli: oh, it's you Link.
Medli is playing cards with some pig monsters (bokoblins, I think). They grunt. Then they get up and pull out swords.
Link and Romani: Uh oh.
Link: Hey fellas! Why can't we talk about this?
The monsters don't say nything.
Link: That's it! YOU GOIN' DOWN, FOOL!