The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
Check These Awesome Dance Moves
Link: Die, fool!
Medli: STOP! WE WERE ALMOST FINISHED WITH THE GAME!
Link ignores Medli jumps at Bokoblin and slices it in half. That's all. The other one starts crying and runs away somewhere.
Link: Wha-wha . . . ? NO! That was too easy to be true!
Suddenly some stupid looking birds fly in. They are holding huge ugly pig things(moblins). They look like Pumba from the Lion King on steroids or something. The birds drop the pig things in front of Link.
Link: I knew it was too good to be true. Hey, you guys! Are you tired?
Moblin: Actually, now that I think of it, I am quite tired. How about you Bob?
Bob the Other Moblin: Yes. Let's go sleep.
Link: Yes.
Romani: But you guys are supposed to be killing each other, Grasshopper!
Link: Says who?
Romani: Romani has heard legends of something called a "storyline" . . . sounds interesting, doesn't it, Grasshopper?
Link: Can you be quiet for a moment please?
The stupid moblins go in a corner and sleep. Link slices them up while they are sleeping. Now they are sleeping. I'd call it deep sleeping. Cruel joke joke joke!
Medli: STUPE! NOW I CAN'T PLAY CARDS WITH THEM! THEY WERE JUST ABOUT TO TELL ME WHY YOU SHOULD HELP OUR ISLAND! *thinking* Heheheheh . . .this should make him listen for once! Stupid little stupe . . .
Link: Why the diggity dog would I ever help your retarded little island?
Medli: If you do, you'll get a new weapon I have. And plus, you can't leave this place without that item. Heheheheheh . . . the Storyline told me this.
Romani: Aha! I told you the storyline is real!
Author: Ummm . . . Suddenly the legends of the storyline disappear forever!
Everyone forgets the legends of the magical "Storyline."
Medli: So what were we talking about again . . . oh yeah. So I have some items. You can have both items if you help my island!
Link: Yeah, sure, I'll help your retarded little island. Now gimme the -
Medli: A bup-bup! You must solemnly swear not to cheat me off! Pinkie swear! Swear on your life!
Link: Yeah, I solemnly swear, blah blah, pinkie swear blah blah.
Medli: you little - well, you'll get what's coming to you soon enough. Here it is.
She holds out a box. Link snatches it without evening thinking about what Medli just said and ripped it open.
Link hums the Treasure theme.
Doodoodoodoo doodoodoodoo
Doodoodoodoo doodoodoodoo
Doodoodoodoo doodoodoodoo
Doodoodoodoo doodoodoodoo!
Dah dah dah -
Link: AAAAAHH!
A bunch of keese fly out of the box and nibble on Link's face.
You got a . . . box of Keese? That seems a little weird that you would even carry that around all day . . . but Medli's weird, so it doesn't matter either way.
Medli is laughing like a maniac and crying with joy, and even Romani is giggling.
Link: AAHH - DAGNAGGITY - GET OFF MY FACE YOU STUPID KEESE - OOH - OOOOWWCH! NO, NOT UP MY NOSE!
The keese fly away, leaving Link with a bloody nose and worse. You don't wanna know what "worse" means. Link curses under his breath and breaths in deeply.
Link: *screaming* DAGNAGGITY DIGGITY FLIPPTITY TIPPITY STICKWICKTICKITY BIPPITTY DIPLIPPITY! CURSE YOU DAGNABIT ROOFS ISLAAAAAND!
Medli:*giggling* Calm down, stupe!
Link: YOU'RE REALLY ASKIN' FOR IT MEDLI!
Romani: Just give us the gosh-darn item!
Medli: *is stopping giggling* OK, OK, here.
Medli hands Link a frayed and measly looking grappling hook and an empty bottle. How lame.
You got the Lame Grappling Hook. It looks used and retarded. How lame.
Link: This is the item? Wow, Medli. Wow. It's amazing. Yay. Whoop-dee-doo. Yippee.
Medli: Just take the bottle!
Link takes the bottle.
You got a Lame Musty Bottle. It has a weird musky scent to it . . . how lame. Don't lick it. I repeat, DO NOT lick it, Link.
Link: Something tells me I should have got this a long time ago . . . oh well! Can I lick this, Medli?
Medli: Sure, stupe.
Link: You're a stupe!
Romani: Why do you want to lick the bottle, Grasshopper?
Link: It might taste like food! I'm starving! You know it's my birthday, right, Medli?
Medli: *gasp* It is? Oh, I'm so sorry . . .
Medli kicks him in the crotch again and runs out of the little arena pit thing.
Medli: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STUPE! HAHAHAHAHA!
Link: I HATE YOU MEDLI! YOU'RE DEAD MEAT, *censored**beep*!
Romani: Brrr . . . Romani was so caught up in all the excitement, Romani didn't realize how cold she was!
Link has curled up into a ball and is cursing some more and whimpering.
Link: *grumble* I just wanna drink the *beep* cocoa and the *beep* cider with Romani at my private oasis . . . is it too much to ask for *whimper*?
Romani: What, Grasshopper?
Link: Umm . . . . nothin'. Just, umm . . . we have to go to the place where something happens! You know, that, um, the place with the, the thing that . . . thing . . . that does the . . .
Romani: You mean the area under the dragon's tail?
Link: Yes! Exactly! Perfect! Precisely! Incredible! Now let's go . . .
They go to a few cliffs leading downward to a door. There was a pole sticking out the mountainside.
Link: Hmmmm . . . it looks like you'll have to grab on to me or something to get across. *thinking* This is gonna be epic!
Romani: OK.
Romani jumps on to Link's back.
Link: *gasp* No, I didn't mean it that way . . .
Romani: Jump, Grasshopper! Jump! And www . . . You're costume is still a little bit gross. And what's that weird smell?
Link swings the lame grappling hook to the pole and swings across.
Romani: Woooo!
Link grapples to the next few poles and goes down to the little cliff with a door. Romani jumps off Link lightly while Link gasps and pants for air.
Romani: That was scary, Grasshopper!
Link: *gasp*Yeah, I guess . . .
Romani: Romani held on super tight!
Link:Oh, I felt it. I peed my pants, if you didn't notice. *wheeze*
Romani: What?
Link: Umm . . . Nothin'. So let's go in!
The duo go through the door. Inside, it is a volcanic room with a large pool of lava. About the pool there is a pole to hook on to so they can swing across the pool and to the large door on the other side of the room. So they swing across the the big door and go to the big door.
Link: how do we get in?
Romani: Ask that guy!
Romani points to a Magtail with a key under it. It is talking to itself. Link walks to the Magtail and says, "so hey . . can I have that key?
Magtail: What key?
Link: There's a key under you, stupid.
Link kicks the Magtail into the lava before it can respond, grabs the key.
You got a Big Key! Now you can go drink apple cider with Romani when you finish the boss room!
Link walks to the big door and unlocks it.
Link: see you later, Romani.
Romani hugs Link.
Romani: see you soon, Grasshopper!
Link: *sputters stupidly*you too, Romani . . . *starts thinking* Tee hee! I got a hug from Romani! Now I just need the cider . . .
Link goes inside the boss room.
The boss room is huge inside. There is a big circle of lava in the middle. Above this is a strangely shaped hook. It sure looks weird . . . suddenly, a huge scorpion monster bursts from the lava.
Gohma: I AM GOHMA! YOU WILL DIE, POOPHEAD!
Link: Hey! Maybe I have to throw my grapple up at that weird hook thing!
Link tries it and and something roars. He goes anyways. The rock above Gohma falls onto his head. His shell cracks.
Link: Aha!
Link does this three more times until Gohma's sheep cracks off, leaving an angry and ugly monster. Link throws his grapple at it's eye a few times and it screechs in pain. Then Gohma blows up.
Link: WOO-WOO! CHECK THESE AWESOME DANCE MOVES, EVERYBODY! WOO-WOO!
Link does a stupid not so awesome dance.
The door opens and Romani runs in.
Romani:Awesome, Grasshopper! You did it! Let's get married, baby!
Link: Oh yeah! I've always loved you!
Then they get married. But sadly for Link (also luckily), this was just another one of his frightening fantasies.
Romani: GRASSHOPPER!
Link: Wha-wha . . . ? Oh. Never
mind . . .
Suddenly, the lava turns into obsidian and some swirly looking wind appears.
Link: well, let's go in!
They go into the wind and it whisks them away . . .