The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
Help Us Mr. Naked Child!
Link wakes up. Something is poking him.
Link: Wha-wha . . . ? Oh. I forgot. And - OWCH! What is that!?
Romani is sitting in a corner looking embarrassed. A little wooden guy (a Korok) is poking him with a stick.
Link: Stop that! Why are you doing that anyways, you little imp?
Korok: I need to test humans! If I do this -
The Korok does it a few more times and Link gets up and throws himself into a wall. It just happened for no though . . . that stupid Korok must've hit some pressure spots or something else ridiculous.
The Korok laughs annoyingly.
Link grabs it's mask and tried to pull it off. The Korok stops laughing and squeals in pain.
Deku Tree: Now, now! Calm down, you two! Now, Hero, why are you here? Do you wish to be a model? *chuckles*
Link: Shut up! I want Farore's Pearl! Now give it to me, fool!
Deku Tree: Shut up and listen! I won't until I know you are truly the legendary hero and we do our ceremony!
Link: Well where are my clothes?
Deku Tree: They got ruined by those ChuChus. They are gone. But the Eskimo Jacket is just gone . . .
Link: WHAT!? I LOST MY JACKET?! I NEED THAT JACKET BACK RIGHT NOW! IT'S FREEZING OUT THERE! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU FRIGGIN TREE!
Deku Tree: *ignores the last part* One of the Koroks tried making clothes for you. You'll find -
A Korok floats down using some kind of leave propeller.
?: Sir, sir! Something amazing has happened!
Deku Tree: What has happened, Linder?
Linder: Sir, Makar fell into The Forbidden Woods! How cool is that?!
Deku Tree: I fail to see how you consider this funny. Do you consider this funny?
He nods his big ugly head at Link.
Linder: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH - OH - MAKE IT STOP - IT'S SO FUNNY - I'M CHOKING - I'M GONNA FALL OFF - MY LEAF PROPELLER - OH - IT HURTS!
Linder falls off the leaf propeller and crashes to the ground, still laughing/dying/choking/crying.
Link: WHY DO SOME PEOPLE FIND THIS SO AMUSING?! WHY IS IT FUNNY!?
Deku Tree: We haven't seen a *beep* human in a few thousand years! But it's not like we want to . . . ha ha!
Link: I swear I'm gonna -
Deku Tree: *ignoring Link* Linder, answer my question!
Linder stops being weird and answers the Deku Tree.
Linder: Whaddaya want, old tree?
Deku Tree: No! You don't talk to me like that, young sapling!
Linder: Well fine! Gosh . . . it's good because Makar was a little *beep* *beep*.
Deku Tree: Why did it have to be Makar? Why not you?
Linder: I told that little monster to go as close as possible and he would get a lollipop if he got close enough. And he did it.
Deku Tree: But Makar is a good little tree!
Linder: You are clearly confused. Makar is a little devil.
Deku Tree: Well we just can't start the Ceremony without him! It's not like any of you are actually talented!
Linder: HEY!
Deku Tree: Never mind . . . but still! He's the only one who knows how to do something . . . I forgot what it is. But it's something!
Linder: Stupid old tree . . . more like the Great Deku Nut! Heheheheheheheh . . .
Deku Tree: Shut up, Linder. Now, Link -
Link: How do you know my name?
Deku Tree: Your girlfriend told me.
(P.S.:Romani is still sitting in the corner, looking embarrassed.)
Link: No! It's not like that . . . yet. Heheheheheheheh . . . *Link starts having another weird fantasy we probably don't wanna put into this story because it's too corny and mushy: this is a humorous parody, remember that*
Deku Tree: Stop being a creeper, Link! And what are you doing? You're having a fantasy again, aren't you? The King Of Red Lions has told me about these happenings . . .
Link: Wha-wha . . . oh. It's you. *sigh*
Deku Tree: Now go get Makar now! And you'll have your Eskimo Jacket back and my stupid orb that I need to give away - man, that was a bad Christmas gift, Farore, but it works as a good Easter Egg, I would know - and your clothes back. We've resewed them for you!
Link's suit, fresh and not disgusting, pops up one of the Deku Tree's branches.
Deku Tree: Now go get this item I will pop out of myself. It will help glide to the Forbidden Forest.
The Deku Tree makes a constipated face and screeches in pain. A large leave pops up on The Tree's crown.
Deku Tree: Now get that by using these little plants called baba buds down there. Jump into them and they will launch Your girlfriend -
Link: NO! IT'S NOT LIKE THAT . . . yet. Heheheheheh . . .
Deku Tree:*ignores Link being a creeper* - can stay here or go with you. But it'll take long and it will be really boring using these retarded little baba buds. So use them carefully and don't fall to your death.
Link: Umm . . . OK.
Romani goes to the baba bud and launches up to the top. Then she is all the way up there.
Romani:*without turning around and looking down at Link: COME UP, GRASSHOPPER!
Link: Fine, fine! Gosh . . .
Link jumps into the baba bud and launches out, but he shoots straight at a Korok. The Korok looks up and squeals in surprise. Link rams into it and it flies into the Deku Tree's mouth. The Deku Tree spits out a sap-covered Korok. The Korok is making whimpering sounds and runs away.
Link: Doh!
Link goes in again and ruins things.
Six hours of pain and cursing later . . .
Link finally launches to the top where Romani is waiting. Or sleeping.
Link: ROMANI!
Romani jumps.
Romani: Wha-wha . . . ? Oh, finally, Grassh - Yiiiiii!
Romani turns around again quickly.
Romani:*without looking at Link* Umm, yeah, so I have a leaf or something . . . here it is.
You got a Deku Leaf! It's a leaf that can be used as clothing . . . and you can use it to fly or something, I forgot.
They hear a Korok screech something at them. They jump. The Korok is at a little passage below them.
Korok: Come down here, Mr. Naked Child!
Link curses the Korok for calling him a Mr. Naked Child, the Deku Tree for sending him on the stupid fetch quest, because his clothes are gone, and just because he feels like cursing.
Link: Ok, how will we both get across?
Romani: *trying to look down at the Korok without looking in the wrong way(you know what I mean)*Don't expect Romani to hang on this time, Grasshopper!
Link: I don't.
Romani: HEY DEKU TREE! CAN YOU MAKE ROMANI A LEAF TOO?
Deku Tree: Ok.
The Deku Tree becomes constipated again for a second and a Deku Leaf pops up at Romani's feet. Romani grabs it. Then she jumps off the crown and uses the leaf to glide to the entrance. Link jumps after her and glides after her. They land at the passageway the Korok is standing at.
Korok: Go out there, Mr. Naked Child!
Link punches the Korok off the cliff and he screams as he falls off. But, considering the fact that Link doesn't think before he does something, Link remembers that he punched wood. Literally.
Link: OOOOWWCH! That hurt! Stupid woodbabies . . .
Link curses a lot more. I'm not a bad person, so I won't repeat what Link is saying. So anyways, they go outside through the passage.
Outside is the little ledge leading to the ocean, a little island deep out there, and the Forbidden Forest. And sadly, it has started snowing again.
Link: It's way too c-c-cold! Now w-way am I d-doing this!
Nearby Korok: Mr. Naked Child, I made it you a grass coat! It might fall apart soon, but it who or still help . . . take it!
You got a Grass Coat! Now you might survive the cold winter night! And it looks good on you . . .
Romani: Woah, Grasshopper . . . that looks good on you! And Romani doesn't have to see you naked anymore! Man, that was weird . . .
Link: Now let's do this.
Link slips on some snow.
Link: Doh!