"Roger, are you OK?" Charlie asked going into the bathroom hearing him throw up.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just have to get used the these new meds. I'll be alright." he said getting up from the toilet to wash his mouth out.
"Baby, you've been sick like this for almost a month. When are you going back to the doctor?" Charlie asked looking up at him.
"Next week." he said looking over at her.
"I'm going with you." she said leaning in the doorway with her arms folded.
"Charlie, I'm gonna be fine. Don't worry. I just have to..." he started before she cut him off.
"Get used to the new meds, I know. But Roger I don't like you being sick like this." she said as he spit his mouthwash out of his mouth.
"Baby, I'm fine. I gotta go. I'm meeting Michelle at the studio." he said standing over her putting his arms around her.
"Roger I wish you would put that off until after you're feeling better." she said looking up at him.
"No. I'm fine, really. I want to do this with her." he told her caressing her hair.
"If she knew you were sick, I'm sure she would want you to put it off too." she said as tears came to her eyes.
"Charlie, we've been over this. I don't want Michelle worrying about this. I'm gonna be fine." he said pulling away from her.
"Roger, please. You're pushing yourself too hard." she cried looking up at him as he paced the room.
"Charlie I promised her we'd do this. I've never gone back on a promise I've made to my daughter and I'm not gonna start now." he said getting frustrated.
"Roger, she'll understand. She's 19, she's not a little girl whose gonna be heartbroken if her daddy doesn't take her for ice cream." she said taking his hand.
"I know she's 19 Charlie. Why do you feel the need to keep telling me that?" he said looking down at her.
"Because I think you forget the fact that she can handle a lot more than you think she can." she said looking up at him.
"We'll see how the doctor goes next week and if there's anything to tell her, I'll sit her down and tell her then, OK?" he asked wiping the tears from her face with his thumb.
"OK." she said as he leaned down to kiss her.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Roger, I'm sorry your t-cells are lower." the doctor said looking down at his chart.
"How low?" Charlie asked quietly holding back tears.
"The new meds aren't working. The HIV is progressing." he said as Roger looked down.
"How long?" Roger asked looking up at him.
"6 months, maybe a year." he told him as Charlie started crying.
"Aren't there other meds you can put him on?" she asked through her tears.
"I'm afraid not Charlie. The meds he's on now are the only ones designed to stablize his t-cells." the doctor said leaning against the wall.
"Yeah, and those are making him sicker." she said looking up at Roger who had tears in his eyes.
"Roger, Charlie I'm really sorry." he said as they looked at one another.
"Thank you doctor." Roger said hopping off of the table and grabbing his jacket.
"Roger, I can put you on something that could help keep your energy up." the doctor suggested as Roger put his jacket on.
"No. No more pills. I don't want to spend the time I have left sick and throwing up. I want to spend it with my wife, my daughter and our friends. Please." he said looking up at him as Charlie just sat in the chair looking up at him.
"Roger, if he can give you something that's gonna help you do that, just let him." she said standing up.
"Charlie, I'm not gonna waste my time kneeling over the toilet. I wanna spend it with you and Michelle. I'm not taking anymore pills. I have to be at the studio in an hour. Michelle's meeting me there after her last class." he said opening the door.
"I want you to come back in a month, OK Roger?" the doctor asked looking up at him.
"He will be thank you." Charlie said looking up at him.
"Take care of him Charlie." the doctor said looking over at her.
"I will." she whispered as she followed him out of the clinic. "Roger, wait." she yelled as he walked ahead of her.
"Charlie, I have to meet Michelle at the studio and I still have to stop at home and pick up my guitar." he said still walking.
"Roger, would you stop please? I'm getting too old to be running after you." she yelled stopping in the middle of the sidewalk.
"Charlie, I'm sorry. I just need to finish up this demo." he said walking back to her.
"Roger, we need to talk to her." she said looking up at him with tears in her eyes.
"I'll tell her. I just want to finish up the demo first and then I'll tell her everything." he said caressing her face.
"No, I can't do this anymore. I can't act like nothing's going on anymore in front of her. You said you would tell her after the doctor." she argued pulling away from him.
"Baby, we're almost done with it. I want her to have it before I make her world come crashing down." he said as she walked away from him.
"Roger, what is having the demo gonna do? She's still losing her father." she yelled as she turned around to face him.
"I don't know. But at least she'll have something of me." he yelled back as she walked away from him. "Charlie, where are you going?" he asked walking after her.
"I need to talk to someone who's not in denial about the fact that my husband is dying." she yelled rushing away from him going towards Collins apartment as he stopped in the middle of the sidewalk watching her leave. He swept his fingers through his hair in frustration. How was he gonna tell his little girl that they only had another 6 months to a year left? He wouldn't get the chance to see her graduate college or walk her down the aisle at her wedding. He began walking back to their apartment to get his guitar and meet Michelle at the studio. He broke down. He couldn't believe he was miss out on so much with her. They were going to miss out on a lot. He didn't want to miss out on finishing up the demo with her, so he cleaned himself up and left for the studio. They only had a couple more days left until they were done with it. He didn't want her to remember them doing it when he was sick. He wanted her to remember him the way he was.
When Charlie arrived at Collins apartment she knocked on the door. "Charlie, what's the matter?" he asked seeing her face red and swollen.
"Roger's meds aren't working. He's lower. He won't face it and I don't know what to do." she cried as he took her into his arms.
"What do you mean he won't face it?" he asked bringing her into the apartment.
"He's in denial. He won't tell his daughter until after the damn demo's done and he won't take the meds the doctor wants to give him for his energy." she cried as she sat in his arms on the couch.
"What do you mean he won't tell Michelle?" Collins asked looking down at her.
"He doesn't want to tell Michelle. I can't stand this." she told him still crying.
"Baby, you know Roger. He doesn't like to upset Michelle." he said rocking her back and forth.
"Collins, her father has 6 months to a year to live. No matter when he tells her it's gonna upset her." she said crying harder into his chest.
"Maybe he feels that if she had the demo losing him won't be so hard because she has something to hold on to?" he said looking down at her.
"How is having this demo gonna make losing him any easier? He's her father Collins, no matter when she loses him, she's gonna be devastated." she cried looking up at him.
"Of course she is, but maybe Roger's logic is, if he tells her before the demo is done, she'll remember him being sick when they did it and he doesn't want her to remember him that way." Collins said caressing her hair.
"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard." she yelled getting up from the couch.
"Charlie, you have to understand the way Roger thinks. He doesn't want to leave his daughter with nothing to remember him by." he said looking up as she paced the living room.
"I understand perfectly. Roger is putting off telling her thinking it's gonna be easier once this damn demo is done, but he doesn't realize that he is her father. His blood may not be running through her veins, but he is her father with every fiber of his being. It doesn't matter when he tells her, she's still gonna be heartbroken because she's gonna be losing her father." she yelled crying.
"Yes she is Baby, but you have to let Roger tell her when he's ready. He's just not ready to face the fact that he's gonna miss her college graduation, her wedding, all the important events in her life that are yet to come." he told her getting up to comfort her again.
"I just wish he would stop trying to protect her from all the bad things that can happen in this world. He can't protect her from this. No one can." she cried looking up at him.
"Or you Baby." he said wiping her tears with his thumbs.
"I'm not ready to lose my husband at 36 years old. I always thought we'd have more time." she said still crying.
"I know." he said holding her closer to comfort her.