The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
Kalle Demos The Chessmaster
Romani: Good luck, Grasshopper! I would hug you, but . . . well, you know.
Link: *disappointed sigh* I know. How about a little kiss?
Romani: For sure!
And then . . .
Romani: GRASSHOPPERRRR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Link looks like he is about to hug Romani. Yes. Link is very weird. I already know. I'm the *beep* author.
Link: Wha-wha . . . ? Oh. Never mind.
Link and his creepy creeper fantasies . . .
Romani: So anyways, good luck, Grasshopper!
Link goes into the boss room. Inside is a tiny Korok standing on a big flower.
Korok: Help me, ya stupid little *beep* kid!
Link: Shut it, you vertically challenged Woodbaby!
The Korok is about to say something, but the flower it is standing on moves. The petals raise up and curl like a baba bud., and tentacles grow from under the flower. It is a monster! A big, big monster . . .
Kalle Demos: I am Kalle Demos! You shall die, troesposser!
Link: Wait! Umm . . . are you bored?
Kalle Demos lowers tentacles.
Kalle Demos: Kalle admits, "well actually, I am very bored. But why are you asking, troesposser?"
Link: I have a, um, game!
Kalle Demos: Kalle asks, what is it called, troesposser?
Link: I call it . . . um, Chess! That's it, Chess(Yes, Link did create chess! How would you not know that?)!
Kalle Demos: Kalle wonders aloud, "So how does it work, troesposser?"
Link: So, um, you have this board, right?
Kalle Demos grabs a large chunk of wood.
Link: Now, um, carve a, um, a pattern of squares on the wood.
Kalle Demos does this.
Link: *getting the idea of his game* So get some more wood and make any kind of characters you want.
Kalle Demos etches circles and shapes on their heads.
Link: Yeah, that'll work. Now let's get started on the rules . . .
Link explains the rules of this interesting game, "chess", to Kalle Demos.
Link: And that is how you play chess! I guess . . .
Kalle Demos: Kalle says in pleasant , "This looks cool, troesposser! Let's get started!"
They start the game of chess(I won't describe it: sorry, but again, this is a humorous parody, not a chess match). Somehow, Kalle Demos literally beats Link at his own game (Currently, Link doesn't have the mental capacity due to too much ChuChu Jelly, being naked for the whole day, and being out in the cold winter naked. And he's woozy from when Romani unexpectedly slapped him in the face. Wow, that was surprising, even for me, the Author. Poor Link. Poor, poor Link.).
Kalle Demos: Kalle Demos won! Kalle Demos says, "Thanks for teaching Kalle about this new game, troesposser!"
Link: No prob!
Kalle Demos:Kalle says with a heavy heart, "Now, um, sorry troesposser, but Kalle has to kill you!"
Link: Why?
Kalle Demos: Kalle admits, "Ganon hired me to fight you!"
Link: Well screw Ganon and play chess! I was going to take him down anyways! All I need is that stupid little woodbaby, Makar!
Kalle Demos: Kalle thinks for a little bit, and he says warily, "OK . . . here, troesposser. I guess I didn't really like the "Woodbaby" much . . .
Kalle Demos shoots the crazy Woodbaby Makar out of himself through the ceiling.
Kalle Demos: Kalle Demos tells the troesposser, "He should have landed in the Deku Tree's domain. Now let Kalle Demos get you back there as thanks to teaching Kalle a fun new game!"
Romani goes into the room.
Romani: Grasshopper? Everything going OK in here?
Link: When you're around, bebe, everything's better than OK. Heheheheheh . . . *starts having another mushy and weird fantasy we won't put into this story because I'm not evil*
Romani: Grasshopper? What are you doing? Why are you drooling?
Link: Wha-wha . . . ? Oh. Ummm . . . nothin'.
Romani: And why is this big boko baba here? Why is he not dead yet!?
Link: I showed him a game and made him happy! Now can we go? I need to pee. And I'm sure you don't wanna watch . . .
Romani: OK, OK! I'll go!
They let Kalle Demos grab them and shoot them to Forest Haven.
To Link, it feels like a few seconds and he is suddenly standing in front of the Deku Tree with Romani.
Deku Tree: Wha-wha . . . ? Link! How did you get here? Makar, did he escort you here? What happened?
Makar is is standing behind Link. When Link looks at him, Makar looks at Link so murderously, Link whimpers and sniffs and his nose starts bleeding.
Deku Tree: Stop crying Link! And why is your nose bleeding?
Link: I don't know!
Deku Tree: OK . . . so, um, let us start the ceremony!
Makar: *probably fake crying* WAAAH! O Great and Powerful Deku Tree, I am so sorry for going so close to the Forbidden Woods! Please forgive me!
Deku Tree: It is OK . . . I will beat you after the ceremony. Prepare your measly defenseless body for this hotness. Now play your *beep* song! Now!
Makar pulls out a violin bigger than him and plays an upbeat, catchy theme. Link doesn't like this, so he kicks Makar halfway through the song. Makar bites Link's leg(who knows how Makar would bite someone) and whacks him with the violin. Then, from there, it sort of turns into an all out Makar-Link fight. When they are done, Link's hands are throbbing, he has a black eye, and probably worse. Makar seems almost perfectly fine, despite the fact that he is crying(probably faking)and his mask is really torn. I wonder what's behind the mask . . .
Link: You little *beep* Woodbaby! I hate you!
Makar:*fake crying*WAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Deku Tree: LINK! Do not attack our Violin player! He is the only talented Korok!
All The Koroks: HEY!
Deku Tree: I mean, um . . . he is cool or something, so don't attack him!
Makar blows a raspberry at Link.
Link: I hate that little *beep*!
Romani: Calm down Grasshopper!
Link start muttering to himself and cursing.
Deku Tree: One sec, I need to grow my seeds for these *beeps* to spread the forest . . .
The Deku Tree becomes constipated and it rains huge seeds and the Koroks fly into the air and catch them. Then the Koroks fly off. Makar is still standing uncomfortably close to Link.
Random Korok: Bye, Mr. Naked Child! Thank you for giving us laughter!
And the Koroks fly off laughing.
Suddenly, something hits Link's head.
Link: Doh!
Makar: Ha ha! Loser!
Link holds his head and curses Formint Raveen and Makar.
Deku Tree: That's Farore's Ball or something, now take it and let me beat Makar already!
Link grabbed Farore's Pearl.
You got Farore's Pearl! The Deku Tree didn't need this because it was a bad Christmas present, and he gave it away to you!
Deku Tree: Oh, I almost forgot! Here are your new clothes! And your eskimo jackets are under that pile of leaves. Get em.
Link: Oh, so that's what you call "lost"? Really!?
The branch holding Link's new clean clothes rustled and his clothes fell into his arms.
You got Link's New Clothes! They look amazing on Link and feel really warm! And, um, now you can hug Romani . . .
Link: Aw yeah boyyyyyy!
Link puts on the warm snug clothes.
Romani: Woah, Grasshopper . . .
Link: What? What? It looks great on me, doesn't it? Doesn't it? Doesn't -
Romani: Um, Romani can't really answer that(that means yes). Now can I have my jacket?
Link picks both their eskimo jackets and hands the slightly smaller one to Romani.
You got back The Eskimo's Jacket! Now you won't be cold in the winter! Thanks again, Dumb Postman!
Deku Tree: Now go, go!
Link and Romani go towards the exit, but before they leave Link throws a rock at Makar. Then they go outside into the cold winter night (yes it is night again). Then Romani remembers . . .
Romani: Oh,Grasshopper! Romani almost forgot! I owe you a hug!
Romani hugs Link.
Link: *thinking* Score! *starts having another creepy fantasy*
Romani: Uhh . . . Grasshopper? Can we stop now?
Link is still hugging Romani.
Romani: Grasshopper? Hello?
Link: *chuckles stupidly* Heheheheheheheheh . . .
Romani: GRASSHOPPER!
Link is still not responding.
Romani:GRASSHOPPERRRRR!
Link: Wha-wha . . . ? Oh. Wait wait wait wait! I NEED TO GO PEE -
NOW!
Romani: Right now?
Link: OF COURSE RIGHT NOW! LET A MAN PEE IN PEACE! DON'T MAKE ME PEE ON YOU!
Link goes down the waterfall and pees in a Boko Baba. It springs out.
Boko Baba: Hey! What's going on? Stop peeing on me, you sicko!
Link: One sec . . . OK. I can kill you now.
Link slices off the Boko Baba's head and pulls his pants (tights and dress) back up. Then Romani jumps down the waterfall after Link. Luckily, she jumped after Link after he was done. If not, there would be troubles. I won't talk about these troubles. Read about these "troubles" somewhere else, I don't care where.
Romani: ready to go, Grasshopper?
(P.S. Whenever Link talks in the "deep smooth voice," I am calling it the Lil' Player Voice from now on. Link is a lil' player anyways. You know it's true, considering how many girlfriends he has)
Link:*Link in the Lil Player voice* I'm always ready for you, bebe.
Romani: Whaat?!
Link: Ummm . . . nothin'. Now let's go find Red Simba the Retard!
When they get down the the place where Red Simba left them, he isn't there(as Link suspected).
Link: *long nasal sigh* Wait one second. Stay here. Right here.
Link swims around the island. He finds a tall island. At a little place at the bottom, he also finds Red Simba chugging the apple cider somehow.
Link: HEY! WHAT THE DIGGITY DOG DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!
Red Simba: *stops chugging the cider* YAARGH! How the *beep* did you get here!?
Link: I always do! Captain Crawfish is amazing that way!
Red Simba: Stop referring to yourself as Captain Crawfish, you little creeper! You don't even have on the right costume!
Link: YOU'RE A CREEPER!
Red Simba: Only creepers do what you do! I know you stared at Romani for at least 3 hours before you went to sleep. I remember it well. Muttering away about stuff I won't talk about and attempting to hug her! I saw you! Luckily I made a few sharp turns and twists to throw you off!
Link: I knew Romani wasn't pushing me away! That's very reassuring. . . *starts having another creepy creeper fantasy*
Red Simba rams into Link and gets him into the boat somehow.
Link: Wha-wha. . . ? Oh, it's you.
Red Simba: Now come on! Let's get Romani!
Link: Romani? Heheheheheheh . . .
Red Simba: I really don't wanna know what you're thinking. You have a serious problem.
Red Simba sails to the place where Romani is waiting. Romani climbs into Red Simba.
Romani: Now where are we going next?
Red Simba: We are going to Gritfig Island! We might be too late if you fought Kalle Demos, so we must hurry!
Link: How do you know about Kalle?And Gritfig sounds wrong . . . shouldn't be Greatfish island?
Red Simba: I MEAN WHAT I MEAN AND WHAT I MEAN I SAID! NOW LET'S GO, CREEPER! PUT THE *beep* SAIL UP!
Link: Fine. Gosh. Hey, Romani?
Romani: Yes, Grasshopper?
(I don't know how Romani still puts up with Link patiently, but again, it's Romani)
Link: You do have a crush on me, right? Right? Right?
Romani: Err, Romani isn't ready not to answer that question(that means probably). Hey, is anyone else hungry?