The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
Gritfig Island
Romani:*waking up* What is that?!
The trio are sailing the Great Sea to Gritfig Island. And Link is trying to stretch his legs without kicking Romani and waking her up. And he is failing.
Link: Sorry, but my legs are really hurting! They are starting to -
Link gasps in pain.
Link: Owww! It fell asleep, dagnaggity!
Link curses a lot more.
Romani: Well please stop kicking around Grasshopper!
Link: I'll try . . . if only Red Simba here would let me take a stretching - ah, m' leg! The pain!
Red Simba: No!
Link stops kicking around.
Link: Well, fine. Gosh.
Silence.
More silence.
Even longer silence. Now things are getting boring . . .
Suddenly, it starts raining freezing rain.
Link: Oh, *beep*! Why does it have to be so cold out here!?
Romani: Yeah, it is freezing . . .
Link:*in Lil' Player voice* If you're cold, bebe -
Romani: No.
Link: OK, OK, I won't.
Red Simba: *coughs*Ahem, hem, creeper, ahem, hem.
Link: Shut up! It's just being a good person, right, Romani?
Romani: Um, I guess, but this is kinda different, Grasshopper.
Link: Well I can play any instrument! So there, Red Simba!
Red Simba: Oh yeah? Take this souvenir from The Hylian Gift Shop!
Red Simba tosses Link an ocarina with his mouth.
Romani: Hey! That's the Ocarina Of Time! How did you get that, Red Simba?
Red Simba: From the gift shop! There are many things there, like retarded looking masks, weird paintings, and some kind of triangle. The triangle cost a lot, but sadly I lost it somewhere.
Link: A triangle is on my retarded shield . . . maybe that has something to do with your triangle!
Romani: Play the ocarina already!
Link plays Saria's Song. (If you don't know what that is, search up Lost Woods on Google)
Red Simba: How the *beep* did you do that?
Link: I'm naturally gifted! When you listen to Queen, the best band in the world, you tend to have skills!
Link plays the main part of Don't Stop Me Now.
Red Simba: Gimme that, numbskull!
Link gives Red Simba the ocarina, and Red Simba plays The Song Of Storms.
Red Simba: Ha! Who has talent now?
Red Simba attempts playing Hey Jude, but he fails horribly.
Romani: Ow! My ears!
Link: Ha! What's so good about your Beatles now?
Red Simba: I really hate you Link . . . oh no!
Red Simba curses Link and Romani.
Red Simba: It is too late! You boobs took away all our time!
Gritting Isle is destroyed! The island is uneasily silent and empty, and no people are in the wreckage. Red Simba floats up to the ruined island in dismay.
Red SImba: I knew we had little time, but I never suspected -
Dumb Postman: HO, THERE! LINK!
The Dumb Postman comes flying in through the fog and rain. He is carrying a barrel of something. He flies down to where they are at.
Dumb Postman: *panting* Hiya, Link! *wheeze* So you've arrived! *hack* Um, is there any chance *wheeze* that you are looking for Jabun, the *wheeze* *cough* great spirit? Well he*hack* decided to*wheeze* move outta here. Just look at this*cough* dump . . . I guess that *cough* crazy shadow from *hack* the Forsaken Fortress *wheeze* is behind this *cough* insanity. But don't worry! *wheeze*
Link: Stop coughing and stuff! Now can I have the hot chocolate that I ordered yesterday?
The Dumb Postman pushes the barrel at Link. Link grins evilly, grabs two cups, and pours himself and Romani two. He drinks one, and he hands the other one to Romani.
Link: Is it still nice and hot?
The Dumb Postman nods, still panting from the long trip.
Link: Great!
In a second, his cup is gone.
Link: Mmmm, that stuff is good! And it really is warm!
Dumb Postman: So anyways, don't *wheeze* worry! Jabun's *cough* in a safer *wheeze*place.
Silence.
Dumb Postman: Don't you*wheeze* wanna know what the *cough* *wheeze* island is?
Link: Honestly, I don't really care. And why do we need Jabun anyways?
Red Simba: He has Naryu's Pearl! We need that!
Link: Yeah, but why do we need these pearls in the first place?
Romani:Yeah! Now that I think of it, why do we?
Red Simba: You'll see later! Now what island is it, idiot?
That was the last straw for Romani.
Romani:*screech* STOP BEING SO*beep* MEAN AND RUDE, YOU *censored* RED SIMBA AND LET ROMANI *censored*ASK THE *censored* QUESTIONS! *beep*! (this is the only time Romani blows up in the whole story, so don't expect anymore of it)
Everyone (including me, the author: I did NOT plan on writing that) is surprised at Romani's explosion of rage.
Red Simba: Err . . . OK.
Romani: *back to being cheerful* So anyways, Mr. Quill, what island is it?
Dumb Postman: Um, it's Outburst - err, Outset Island.
Link: Oh, *beep*! Do I really have to go back to that *censored* island?
Red Simba: Of course you do, bonehead!
Link: That doesn't mean much coming from a retard like you!
Red Simba: I hate you!
Link: I hate you more!
Romani: Stop arguing guys! So did you have anything else to say?
Dumb Postman:*is no longer exhausted* Well, I wouldn't go back there fellas! The cave he's hiding in is sealed with a mighty fine stone slab that repels nearly anyone! Why, now that I remember, even the big ol' pirates couldn't get in!
Link: What? How do they know about Jabun? What did you do, Dumb Postman?
Dumb Postman: Well, ah, I may have told them some things.
Link: You idiot! Why the - wait, by any chance, was the leader a girl with a serious tan and a bun?
Dumb Postman nods.
Link: Was her name Tetra?
Sadly for Link, The Dumb Postman nods again.
Link curses Tetra for being Tetra and Farore and the Storyline for letting them meet in the first place. When he almost finished cursing Farore, a bolt of green lightning strikes an inch away from him and he is on fire.
Link: AIII! OK, OK! UN-*beep* FARORE! UN-*beep* FARORE!
The fire goes away.
Link curses Tetra and curses something not very specific, it was probably Something bad about Farore and The Storyline.
Link: Stupid Goddesses . . .
Romani: Where are the Pirates, Mr. Quill?
Dumb Postman: They were last seen at Windfall island.
Romani: OK! Let's go then! Set sail, Link!
Link: s-set sail? Sure! *muttering to himself* Set sail . . . To me! Wow, she never said that before, what's next, another hug, another slap in the face, fun, fun, yes, not all are so fun, but worth it in the -
Red Simba:*cough*Ahem, hem, creeper, ahem, hem.
Link: SHUT UP! NOW CAN WE GO TO WINDFALL ISLAND ALREADY?!
Red Simba: We're waiting on you, you moron.
Link: Again, not much coming from a retard like you. For all we know, you could be a telekinetic boat! Oh wait, I forgot! You are!
Red Simba: *growl* Put - the - sail - up. You will NOT regret it.
Link: Well I -
Red Simba:*roar* NOW!
Link whimpers and puts the sail up. Romani stands up in the boat.
Romani: Goodbye Mr. Quill! Thank you for the information!
Dumb Postman: No problemo, kiddo!
The Dumb Postman flies away through the cold rain. Romani sits back down.
Link: To Windfall Island! Oh wait wait WAIT! DUMB POSTMAAAAANN!
The Dumb Postman does not turn around.
Link: Oh, that little . . . QUUIIILLLLL!
The Dumb Postman turns around and flies straight to Link.
Dumb Postman:*bows* Was I called for, Young Master?
Link: I ain't no young master! Shut up fool!
Dumb Postman stops the bow.
Dumb Postman: Whatcha need, kid?
Link: Come here.
Link whispers to The Dumb Postman.
Romani doesn't even try eavesdropping on Link because she knows better and her sister has definitely scolded her enough for that, but since Red Simba is retarded and likes the Beatles, he is trying to eavesdrop. Romani kicks him in the head to make him stop. Romani would not do this on a normal occasion, but since Red Simba is a retarded boat, she made an exception. Red Simba completely ignores this. Romani growls in annoyance. Red Simba leans in . . .
Dumb Postman: Wow! That's big! But aren't you a little too young for that?
Link: No! Youth will not get in the way of love! I have 2000 Rupees in my pocket - that good for you?
Dumb Postman: Kid, are you trying bribe me?
Link: What does it look like, fool!?
Dumb Postman:*ignores*Yeah, I'm not sure I can provide. Or, at least, I wouldn't be eager to provide. I not a fan of that . . but I'll help with the other thing.
Link: OK, great. Here's your pay, my good man.
Link hands The Dumb Postman a purple Rupee. Then they stop whispering. Links looks at everyone suspiciously.
Link: Was anyone listening to our conversation?
Romani kicks Red Simba again. He curses.
Link: I really hate you Red Simba.
Red Simba: I'll talk to you about that soon . . .
Link: Thanks Dumb Postman!
Link gets back into the retard Red Simba and they sail away.
Link: Good night Romani! *Link giggles like an idiot*
Romani: Good night Grasshopper!
Romani curls up. She is probably not asleep. Link engages in creeper activity once again(stares at Romani).
Red Simba: Stop that, creeper!
Link: Shut up, fool! I'm on watch
duty. . . *giggles like an idiot again*
Red Simba starts humming Hey Jude.
Link starts humming Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy. They glare at each other.
Both: Be quiet, stupe!
Link: Just let me finish staring at Romani!
Link goes back to staring at Romani.
Red Simba continues humming . . .