The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
Frogspawn's Return
Link is still staring at Romani. Red Simba is now humming Here Comes The Sun even though it is night, and it has been a few hours since they left Gritfig Island.
Suddenly Link starts singing I Want You Back loudly and dancing. The
Link:*still staring at Romani*
*singing*
When I had you to myself
I didn't want you around
Those pretty faces always made you stand out in the crowd
When someone picked you from the bunch
One glance was all it -
Red Simba: Stop that!
Link ignores him and sings the whole song. When he is done, he repeats it.
Red Simba: NOOO! NOT AGAIN!
Link: *singing*Won't stop 'till you get enough! OWWHH!
Then Link starts singing that song.
Red Simba: OK, OK! I'll stop humming! Jeez . . .
Link stops singing. Then he looks up.
Link:*still staring at Romani* Why is it still raining? It' been a few hours already!
Red Simba: Why is it still night? That - is the question.
Romani wakes up. Sadly, Link is still staring.
Romani: Wha-wha . . . *yawns* oh, good morning, Grasshopper.
Link:*In Lil Player voice* Why, good morning!
Red Simba:*coughs* Ahem, hem, creeper, ahem, hem.
Link: SHUT UP, RETARD!
Romani: Why are you staring at Romani, Grasshopper?
Link: I wasn't! I was, um, checking the water, for, um, fish to eat! Yeah! Fish! Yum yum! Yea, there was a mighty fine one on your side!
Red Simba: We are almost there! Hey Link, you should get some sleep.
Link:*suspiciously* Why do you care?
Red Simba: 'Cause I'm really getting sick of you and if you are awake any longer, you'll get hurt. Now go to sleep, or else . . .
Link: OK! Gosh . . .
Link curls up and sulks.
Link: Ha HA! There's no way I'm going to sleep!
Romani: Drink this, Grasshopper.
Romani hands Link a bottle of purple stuff. Link trusts Romani, so he takes it and drinks.
You got a Bottle Of Purple Stuff! You trust Romani, so you'll drink it . . .
Link chugs the purple stuff. Then he doubles over.
Link:*in a slurred voice* MAN! That stuff's - g-g-good! More!*hiccup*
Suddenly he faints.
Red Simba: What was that stuff?
Romani: Mixed ChuChu Jelly! Romani knew it would work . . . and Grasshopper needs some sleep anyways.
Link wakes up an hour or two later back in Red Simba. It is snowing lightly. He can make out the shape of Windfall Island and a large pirate ship.
Link: *yawn* Ohhhh, that was a good sleep. But I am mad.*whines* I don't wanna go to sleeeeeeep!
Romani:*ignores Link* Good morning Grasshopper! Are you ready to go find the pirates?
Link: I guess so. *yawns again*
They get out of Red Simba, who hadn't said anything.
Link: What's wrong with the retarded boat?
Romani: He is moping. He is mad Romani doesn't like the Beatles.
Red Simba: *wail* WHYYY, FARORE? WHYYYY?! (Even the retard Red Simba isn't stupid enough to curse Farore)
Link: Oh, shut up, you!
Red Simba pulls out the Ocarina Of Time and plays Hey Jude, horribly failing.
Romani: Romani also had to suffer with this madness the whole trip. You know, you're really insulting the Beatles by playing that, Red Simba.
He keeps playing the Ocarina, messing up awfully on some notes.
Link: Let's get away!
Link and Romani run away to the closest shop.
Romani: Let us in!
?: Like, no way! Only, like, pirates, can like, get in here, like yeah.
They go away from the door.
Link: I know that guy! It's a stupid pirate who likes dancing! His name is Gonzo! We found those *beep*s! Now I can kill them for launching me in a barrel into space! But how do we get in . . . ?
Romani: Romani knows a way!
Romani goes to the edge. There is a little cliffside that leads to the back of the bomb shop. Romani brings out her Deku Leaf and glides across the gap because that is simply the easier way across. Link follows her across.
Then she goes to a wall at the back. There are vines leading to the roof. They climb up these vines. When they are up, Link signals Romani to stay there. Then he crawls into a little hole for him to crawl into.
Inside, Tetra and her pirate crew are carrying boxes. An ugly monster with big hair like Mickey Mouse's ears is tied up and wriggling around in a corner. Tetra is leaning on the wall doing nothing, because she's Tetra, but her pirate buddies are doing all the heavy lifting. But Gonzo is dancing. As always. . . idiot.
Gonzo:*dancing to some random song nobody really cares about* That was, like, cool how you, like, tricked that stupid, like, Rito guy!
Mako The Pirate: Why, thank you!
Gonzo:*stops dancing* Yeah, if you and Miss, like, Tetra had a, like, kid, he would so be the, like, coolest pirate, like, on the sea!
Gonzo starts giggling stupidly. (Why Nintendo? Why?)
Mako: Shut up, nitwit! And isn't that a little illegal? Miss Tetra's only 12! And, well, no offense, but that is, um, a bad thing. I forgot the word for it . . . I guess you're perverted. (It's true! Gonzo has fantasies about Tetra having a baby with an adult!) Miss Tetra! Listen to this perverted moron!
Tetra:(keep in mind Tetra has been listening to this whole awkward conversation) Get back to work, slaves! And stop making perverted jokes, Gonzo! It's not funny, it's retarded!
Mako: You hurt my feelings! I'm not a slave!
Tetra: You are a moron. Well, you're smart, I guess. Gonzo is a perverted moron.
Mako: But we are trying to help you! Don't you want the treasure?
Tetra: *distractedly*: Yeah, I want the, you know, treasure . . .
Tetra looks down and somehow notices that Link is up there. She looks up and widens her eyes. Then she grins evilly and winks. Link doesn't really get that and he doesn't like Tetra, so he gives her The Finger. Then he sticks his tongue out.
Tetra stares daggers at Link. Then she makes a fist and punches it into her hand. Then she glares harder and looks back down.
Mako: . . . Yeah, I think we should stay for a New Years Party too!
Gonzo: I know, like, right? Hey Miss Tetra, can we, like, have a, like, New Years Eve Party?
Tetra:*annoyed* Sure. It's too snowy to go out anyways . . .
Gonzo whoops and cheers. Then most of the pirates run out the shop. Tetra follows close behind. She turns around to Link and makes the hand-across-throat gesture before she goes. Mako lags behind to talk to Gonzo The Perverted Nitwit.
Mako: Yo, can you slide me the password again?
Gonzo:Like, you forgot again? Like, really? Like, it's *beep*! Like, seriously old man . . . not, like, that hard to, like, remember.
Mako: I'm not that old! I'm only 27!
Gonzo: Like, what?!
Mako: Ha! You idiot . . . do I look 27 to you?
Gonzo: Like, then, like, how old are you?
Mako: I'm not sure. I forgot.
Gonzo: Oh. Like, wow.
Gonzo walks out carrying the barrel. Mako follows him outside.
Link jumps from the ledge he was hiding at on to the floor. The ugly guy is still wriggling. Link doesn't rescue him because he doesn't like the guy. Why? Just because Link is mean. And I don't think anyone really likes that guy anyways. So he goes outside where Romani is waiting.
Romani: Hey Grasshopper! Romani saw the pirates come out . . . that big one, Gonzo, looked pretty weird . . . why was he giggling like that?
Link: He's sort of a perverted idiot. He wants another pirate who's, like, 47, to marry Tetra. Tetra is 12 or something.
Romani: Eww! That is perverted!
Link: Let's go inside that pirate ship! I heard the password, so this should be easy.
Link and Romani go to the pirate ship they saw docked in at the island.
They jump aboard and go to the door that leads under the deck. Link kicks the door(Link is extremely bad tempered right now).
Niko: What be the password, yargy bargy?
Link: *beep*! Now let me in, stupe! And yargy bargy isn't a pirate thing! It's a Swedish Chef thing!
Author: Hey! How do you know who Swedish Chef is? Err . . . everyone forgets about the existence of the Muppets!
Link: What were we talking about . . . oh yeah! So let us in already, stupe!
There are loud clicking and clanking sounds. 5 minutes later, the door unlocks. Link and Romani go inside.
goes down into Niko's room, hoping he isn't in the room. But sadly, he is.
Niko: SWABBIEEEEE! YOU'RE ALIVE!
Link: You're still here? Get away, fool!
Niko:*ignores Link and notices Romani* And you got yourself a girlfriend!
Link and Romani: It isn't like that!
Link: *muttering to himself* Not yet, at least . . . heheheheheheheheheheh!
Niko: *ignores Link again* Hey, wanna do a test - I mean, um, a, a, another thing I made?
Link: NO WAY! I hate those! They are a huge waste of time and space!
Link ties Niko up with the grappling hook.
Niko: Ha! I knew you were going to do this to me! That's why I made the course harder! The only way You can get across is by doing it! *does annoying laugh* And now there aren't any platforms to keep you up! Heheheheheheheheh!
Link: I'm really not in the mood for this!
Link jumps off the platform and uses the Deku Leaf to get to the other side.
Niko: *whining* Heeyyyyy! You're cheeeeaaaatiiing!
Link: Great! Cheating is for men!
Link opens the chest in the room.
You got the Bombs! Now you can blast Tetra's retarded pirate ship to pieces like she blasted you to space . . . revenge is sweet, isn't it?
Suddenly Link's pocket vibrates.
Link: *panicked frenzy*Oh no! Farore is after me again! I was the one who fried Orca's dog! I stole Aryll's Easter Egg and ate it! I made The Finger at Aryll and Gramma when I was 6! I'm sorryyyy!
Link curls up on the ground shaking in fear and whimpering.
Tetra: It's me, you idiot frogspawn!
Link stops cowering in fear and whimpering and curses Farore(not again!). The roof above him bursts into flames and Link hears thunder. He jumps and whimpers again.
Tetra: Ha ha, frogspawn . . . I managed to slip this stone in your pocket before we launched you off the ship! And I can see and hear anything and everything you've been doing!
Link: Even my fantasies!?
Tetra: What the *beep* are you talking about, Frogspawn?
Link: Fshewww . . .
Tetra: Now get the *beep* out of my *beep* ship before I *beep* come back!
Link: Wash yo mouth, dope!
Tetra: *whistling* Woohoohoo, goin' down the stairs, Woohoohoo, trudgin' through the snow, Woohoohoo, goin' in the ship -
Link: OK! Sheesh . . . Romani! Let's go!
Romani and Link go away from Tetra's ship.
Link: Aha! I've been hit with the most delightfully devilish thought!
Romani: What is it, Grasshopper?
Link: I almost forgot to bomb Tetra's ship!
Link lights the bomb and throws it at Tetra's ship. It blasts a huge hole in the side of it.
Link: *Snickering* Heheheheheheheheheheh . . . Crazy old pirate girl. Wonder what she'll say now!
Romani: Romani doesn't think that was such a good idea, Grasshopper.
Link: Oh, you'll see . . .
Suddenly a wooden plank cracks on Link's headache.
Link: Owwww!*whining*I need a stress fooooood!
Link cries and whimpers and curses his bad luck.
Romani: Try eating this, Grasshopper. It might make you feel better . . .
Romani holds out a box of something. Link grabs the box and opens it. It is . . .
You got a Box Of Stress-Eating Candy! This is a box of candy Romani specialized just for you! How kind! It has your favorites, including Skittles, Twizzlers, Extreme Airheads, and Sour Patch Kids! Man, you sure love dem Sour Patch Kids! Dem Sour Patch Kids . . .
Link starts eating the candy super fast. Then he starts to calm down.
Link: Hey . . . it worked!
Romani:*proudly* Romani knew it would! Now let's get out of here before Tetra comes . . .
They go down to the beach where Red Simba is waiting. The retarded boat is still trying to play Hey Jude.
Link:*screech* RED SIMBAAAAAAA!
Red Simba: Wha-wha . . . ? Oh. It's you. *sigh* Ok. Jump in. Let's go.
Link and Romani jump in and they sail off.
Red Simba: Wait, where are we going?