"Charlie, are you here?" Maureen called out looking around the apartment. She didn't see her but she could hear her crying from somewhere. "Charlie, where are you?" she asked looking around. She finally found her in a corner behind the stairs. "Charlie, are you OK?" she asked rushing over to her.
"No, my husband is dying, my daughter cries herself to sleep every night and there's nothing I can do to fix any of it. I'm so helpless Maureen." Charlie told her crying into her knees that were up against her chest.
"Oh honey, I know. Let it out." Maureen said wrapping her arms around her to comfort her.
"How could I be losing him Maureen? I love him more than I've ever allowed myself to love anyone in my life and he's gonna be gone soon. I'm not ready to be a widow Maureen. Does that sound horrible?" she asked quietly as she looked up at her.
"No sweetie, it doesn't. Yours and Roger's time is too short. You should die very old people, not like this." Maureen whispered beginning to cry with her.
"Maureen why? I feel like I just found him. We're not ready." she asked crying more.
"I know sweetie." she said rocking her back and forth as she laid her head back down.
"Charlie." Roger called out coming down the stairs carefully.
"He can't see me like this. Maureen, stall him. Please." Charlie whispered looking up at her as she wiped her eyes.
"One second Roger." Maureen called out wiping the tears from her face as she got up. "How do you feel sweetie?" she asked looking up at him.
"I'm fine Maureen, where's Charlie?" he asked seeing that she had been crying.
"I'm right here Baby. What are you doing out of bed?" she asked putting on a brave face.
"Baby, have you been crying?" he asked looking down at her as he reached the bottom of the stairs.
"I'm fine Roger. Are you hungry? I'll make you some soup." she said avoiding eye contact with him.
"Charlie, come here." he said putting his arms out to her.
"Roger, I'm fine. Really. Why don't you sit down? You don't want to tire yourself out." she said taking his arms and leading him to the couch.
"Charlie, would you look at me a minute?" he yelled frustrated at her avoiding him.
"Roger, please." she asked looking everywhere but at him.
"Charlie, look at me." he asked firmly as she looked up at him. He could tell by her red eyes and blotchy cheeks that she had been crying. "Talk to me Baby." he said reaching up to caress her face.
"I can't Roger. Please, don't make me OK?" she begged starting to cry.
"Charlie, I love you. You know you can tell me anything. You always could. Why were you crying and why don't you want me to know you were?" he asked taking her into his arms.
"Because I don't want you to feel worse than you already do. As hard as this is on me, I know it's worse for you." she said looking up at him as tears ran down her face.
"Baby, you're allowed to cry you know? I don't want you acting like everything is OK when it's not. None of this is OK. Especially for you. I'm so sorry Charlie." he whispered pulling her close to him.
"Roger, I can't do this right now, OK? Michelle's gonna be home from school in a little while and she can't see me like this." Charlie said wiping her face as she pulled away from him.
"Sweetie, why don't you go for a walk or something? I'll stay here with Roger." Maureen suggested breaking her silence.
"If I'm not here, Michelle's gonna thing something's wrong." Charlie said looking over at her.
"Baby, don't worry about it. Maureen and I will cover for you. Why don't you go to the loft or something?" Roger said looking down at her.
"OK, if you're sure?" she asked looking up at him.
"Baby, you have been holed up in this apartment for months waiting on me hand and foot. You need time to yourself to take care of yourself." he said caressing her face.
"OK. I won't be gone long. I promise. I just need to get myself together. I love you Roger." she said looking up at him.
"I love you too Charlie." he whispered leaning down to kiss her.
"Call me if you need me." she said looking over at Maureen.
"I will sweetie. Go, he'll be fine. I'll take good care of him." Maureen said as Charlie grabbed her pocket book and her jacket before leaving the apartment.
"What was that all about? And don't lie to me Maureen, remember I can see right through you." he said going to the couch to sit down.
"She knows she's losing you and she can't do anything about it. She doesn't think it's fair that she has to lose you this soon. And it's not." she said sitting next to him holding back her own tears.
"Do you think I'm making a mistake by not going to the hospital?" he asked sitting back on the couch as tears filled his eyes.
"No Roger, it's not about that. You know you being in the hospital is not gonna stop her from feeling that way." Maureen said looking over at him.
"But at least she wouldn't have to take care of me and watch me die." he said as tears fell from his eyes.
"Roger, you know she doesn't mind taking care of you. But you're dying and Michelle's not taking it very well and she's helpless to all of it." she said looking over at him.
"The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt her. After I finally let go of Mandy, I promised her it was over. I was never gonna hurt her again. I swore to her I was never gonna leave her. And now here I am. Leaving her. What the hell am I doing?" he asked crying into his hands.
"Roger, you listen to me, OK? And I mean really listen to me. It took you a really long time to go on with your life without Mandy. Even when you were with Mimi, you were still with Mandy. You tried to save her because you couldn't save Mandy. But when you got with Charlie it was about your attraction to Charlie. She didn't need you to save her. She just needed to be loved and you let yourself love her. Without the ghost of Mandy hanging over you. I remember that day in the car on the way to Scarsdale. All you did was call out Charlie's name. You kept apologizing to her. That was the first time I saw you drunk and not have to hear about how much you missed Mandy. I knew you were over her. You just needed to allow yourself to be over her and with Charlie you did. You're not leaving her Roger. Every minute you've had with her is gonna stay with her forever. You're gonna live on in her heart and in your daughter." Maureen told him crying with him.
"But Maureen, they didn't sign on for this, you know? Watching me die like this." he said wiping his eyes.
"They love you Roger. There's nothing those girls wouldn't do for you. So don't you dare be sorry, they're not. They live for you just as much as you do for them." Maureen said wiping her eyes.
"I know Maureen, but this is too much for both of them. Watching my daughter shut off from having a life and my wife shut off from me. They don't deserve this. Any of it." he said frustrated as Maureen looked into his green eyes.
"I know Roger. They just need to be here for you for now. We'll take care of them. You know we will." she said reaching out for his arm.
"Thanks Maureen. They're gonna need all of you when all of this is finally over." he said as Michelle came into the apartment.
"Hi dad. How do you feel?" she asked dropping her bookbag next to the door.
"I'm OK Babygirl. How was school?" he asked feigning a smile.
"It was OK. I couldn't wait to get out of there today. It seemed to drag on." she said going over to him.
"Hi Aunt Maureen. Where's mom?" she asked looking around.
"She went to the loft. Uncle Mark wanted to show her something, so Aunt Maureen's gonna hang out with us." he said as Michelle sat next to him.
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"Mark, can you show me the film you have of Roger and Mandy?" Charlie asked sitting on the couch at the loft drinking the tea Mark had made her.
"Why do you want to see those?" he asked looking over at her.
"I don't know. I just want to see how him and Mandy were." she said putting her tea cup on the coffee table.
"Did Roger say something about her?" Mark asked sitting closer to her.
"No. I just think I need to see them together. I mean, she was the love of his life and everything." she said with tears in her eyes.
"Charlie, you know that's not true. You and Michelle are the loves of his life. Mandy was his first love." he said reaching out for her.
"Mark, please. Just show them to me. I need to see them together." she said wiping her eyes.
"OK Charlie. Gimme a minute. I have to go find them. We haven't watched them since Roger finished withdrawal." he said getting up from the couch.
"Thanks Mark." she said leaning her elbows on her legs. She had heard so much about Amanda in the last 9 years, but had only seen pictures of her. She had never seen her and Roger really together. Pictures were a lot different then seeing them on film. She could never bring herself to ask Roger to see them. She knew how hard it was for him to get over her and didn't want to open up those wounds for him again.
"I found them." Mark said holding an arm full of films.
"I didn't realize you had so much of them." she said looking up at him snapping out of her thoughts.
"Yeah, well when she gave me my camera, she told me she was pregnant and they were getting married a week later. I didn't know how my parents were gonna react so I didn't think I'd be seeing much of her after that. I took all the film I could of them." he said wheeling the projector over to the wall then loading it up.
"Where they happy Mark? I mean, really happy?" she asked looking up at him.
"Yeah, they really were. I had never seen her so happy." he told her quietly.
"Good. I'm glad she had him in her life." she said looking up at him as he started the film. A scene of Roger and Amanda at the diner feeding each other french fries was first. "She was so beautiful." Charlie whispered as tears came to her eyes again.
"Yeah she was. She loved him you know. No one at our school gave Roger a chance, but she did. She saw the good in him and it changed him." Mark said sitting next to her.
"And he changed her, didn't he?" she asked crying as her eyes stayed glued to the images on the wall.
"Yeah he did. They lived and breathed for each other back then. Losing her took a lot out of him." he said putting his arm around Charlie pulling her close.
"I see why he was so in love with her." Charlie said leaning into him.
"He loves you and Michelle. You know, how much he loves you two, don't you?" he asked as she watched the film.
"I know Mark. I used to be so jealous of her, you know? I mean, he loved her so much and I knew he always would. There were times I would see him looking through all of his old pictures of her and just the way he looked at her. I wished he looked at me like that, you know? But then he after we got married, he started looking at me like that and it was a nice feeling, you know?" she said looking up at him.
"He needed to face Mandy and finally say goodbye and he did that. After that, he was truly able to move on with you and Michelle." he said caressing her hair as she laid her head on his shoulder.
"I see why he used to call me Mandy. I resemble her so much." she said looking at the film.
"You do know that's not the reason why he started dating you, right?" he asked looking down at her.
"Yeah, I know." she said smiling up at him. "He started dating me because I gave him a hard time." she said laughing now.
"That you did sweetie." he said kissing her head as they continued watching the film.