The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
Meeting Jabun
Red Simba: So what did Tetra have to say, Link?
Link: I gave her the Finger! And I'll do the same to you if you don't get off my back!
They are on the Great Sea. It is somehow still night and it is still snowing lightly. Romani is asleep. Link is tired, but Red Simba keeps bothering him, making his mood even worse and worse.
Red Simba: And how did you -
Link gives him the Finger and curls up to go to sleep. Red Simba stops the boat abruptly.
Red Simba: No, young man! I will not tolerate such extreme behavior from you! Now take that immediately, or we will sit here all night!
Link: *yawns* Sounds fine to me.
Link drinks some of the leftover purple stuff. Then he falls asleep.
Red Simba grumbles in annoyance and keeps going in the water.
Link wakes up at Outset Island. Romani is waiting at the little dock on Outset Island. Red Simba is humming some Beatles song Link doesn't care about. Link gets up, kicks Red Simba in the head just because he wants to, and gets out of the retarded boat.
Red Simba: Wha-wha . . . ? Oh. Wait, no! We have to go to Jabun!
Link: I'd like to prove a point to Romani!
Romani: What point?
Link: The point that I am the glue of my family! Aryll and my Grandma need me so!
Link goes to his grandma's house without another word, Romani following close behind.
Link walks inside. His grandma is sitting in a rocking chair dead(or possibly asleep).
Link:*triumphantly* See? She just can't even live without me!
Suddenly his Grandma mutters something.
Link's Grandma: So much fun today . . . golf, hiking, bungee jumping, and skydiving . . . glad kids aren't home . . . don't really like them or need 'em . . . *snore*
Romani: *chuckles* More like she can't live with you, Grasshopper!
Link: *whines* Stoooooooop!
Romani: Now are you ready?
Link: No! I need to do some things!
Link pulls out one of his bottle and steals some of his Grandma's Famous Soup.
You got Liquid Diabetes! This soup is literally good enough to die for! It is healthier than Liquid McDonalds though . . .
Then he writes on the door with green paint he pulled out of nowhere, "Link was Here! FOooooooOOOLlLlll! (exactly like that). Then he pours the whole bucket of paint on a bunch of portraits. Then Link paints a perfect replication of The Creation Of Adam and ruins it. I won't say how. He just ruins the painting because he is a jerk. (Link is a master vandal)
Romani: Wow.
Link: I know, right? Now let's get out of this dump!
Romani: Wow.
Link: I know! You just said! Now follow me!
Romani: Wow.
Link pulls Romani out of the house.
Then they go down to the docks where Red Simba is waiting.
Red Simba: Woah! Liquid Diabetes . . . that sounds cool! Can I try some?
Link: No! Find some McDonald's In a Bottle or something, retard!
Red Simba: But I need something less unhealthy! One guy took a bite; he was dead in the next day.
Link: Wow . . .
Romani:*is still surprised at the painting Link made* Wow.
Link turns around and shakes Romani really hard.
Link: ROMANI!
Romani: Wha-wha . . . ? Oh. Sorry Grasshopper. Romani just didn't know you knew were an artist.
Link: I am many things, young girl. I am an arsonist! I am a artist! I am an anarchist! I am a -
Romani:Young child . . . but we're the same age, Grasshopper.
Link: Well still.
Romani: Romani thinks - never mind.
Link: Now off to find Jabun!
Romani and Link jump into the retarded boat Red Simba, who is cursing Link and sulking because he can't get Liquid Diabetes.
Red Simba: OK . . . I guess we have to find Jabun back on this stupid island . . . Try sailing around the whole thing . . .*sad sigh*
Link: Stop being a wimp about not getting my Liquid Diabetes!
Red Simba: Well it's so tasty!
Link: *ignored Red Simba*Ready Romani?
Romani: Sure . . .
Link sails Red Simba to the back of the island. At the back, they find a whirlpool.
Link: What the *censored*! You never said there was a *beep* whirlpool
Romani: Come on Grasshopper! We can do this! It's just a stupid whirlpool!
Romani jumps to the place where Link should be steering Red Simba and steers instead of Link.
Link sits down and starts eating his stress-candy at super-human speeds (well I guess he is the Hero of Winds). Romani is too busy sailing the ship to notice and Red Simba is somehow absorbed in his horrible Ocarina music even though this is a life and death moment. But sadly, Red Simba drops the Ocarina in the whirlpool. Link hasn't stopped eating
his stress-candy yet.
Romani: *shouting* Romani has an idea! Grasshopper, try shooting your cannon at the big stone! I think that that stone is the one that Quill was talking about!
Link: I guess . . .
Link goes to the little cannon that pops out of nowhere and shoots at the rock. But he misses horribly and it hits the area way above.
Link: Woah, I wonder if I can hit the village!
Link starts shooting up really high as they get closer and closer to the center of the whirlpool.
Romani: Grasshopper! Shoot at the rock, not the village!
Link cackles like a maniac and shoots more bombs at the village. Then he covers four in some of the leftover purple stuff.
Romani:*singsong* Oh Grasshopper!
Link: Yeah? (Link is very absorbed in his game of Bomb Your Birth Town)
Romani: Romani has something very special for you if you shoot at the rock!
Then he shoots them at the rock reluctantly.
The rock crumbles and the whirlpool magically disappears.
Red Simba: Wow . . . and now you're a pyromaniac. I hope you didn't hit anything. Well, I kinda do, but still.
Romani glares at Red Simba. He glares back. Link glares at everyone.
Link: Why are we glaring?
Red Simba: I don't know. Let's stop.
Everyone stops. Then Link looks around.
Link: Wait a second . . . where the *beep* is the Ocarina Of Time!?
Red Simba: I lost it. But who cares? They probably have another in stock at the gift shop!
Link: What the *beep* is wrong with you?! Everything in that *censored* store is only stocked in one!
Red Simba: Oh . . . oh well then.
Link curses Red Simba.
Red Simba: Can I have some Liquid Diabetes now?
Link: NO!
Romani: Oh, here is Romani's surprise, Grasshopper!
Romani holds out something.
You got a Bottle Of Chateau Romani! It is named after Romani, so you are probably going to like it! This stuff is pretty much the beer of Hyrule(Termina, but The Hero of Winds doesn't know what that is)! The bottle looks really awesome! And . . . it smells nice too . . . *quote*
Romani: Why are you sniffing that, Grasshopper?
Link: I just needed to sniff it. *hiss* Don't judge me!
Romani:Err, OK? It's from -
Link takes off the cork for the bottle and is about to start chugging it but Romani stops him.
Romani: Wait! Only drink it when you are tired! It should give you a little boost . . .
Link: So it's like a mix of coffee and wine!? I'm liking this . . .
Romani: What?! How are you allowed to drink coffee and wine? You're only ten!
Link: Well my good ol "grandma" didn't stop me, did she? Heheheheheheh . . . and I don't drink wine! What kind of person do you think I am?!
Romani grumbles something about wine, coffee, Cremia, and milk.
Red Simba: Well? Let's go in, you twits! Go go go!
Link and Romani glare at Red Simba. He glares back.
Link and Romani grumble something about privacy and special moments and retardation. Then they steer Red Simba into the cave.
Link is disappointed by the cave. It is empty. But suddenly, a huge angler fish swims up. He is a big fat anglerfish with a huge bag of Fay's fried clamshells(hahahahahaha . . . get it?). It is Jabun . . . or something.
Red Simba: Jabun, O Lazy One, I have found a substitute for the legendary hero! This one doesn't like the Beatles . . . are you sure this is the right idea?
Jabun: Mhhghghghgghghggmmmmmm!
Red Simba: Sorry, but I don't speak your language, good spirit!
Link: *roll of eyes*Like, oh my gosh. You don't know the language of Couch Pottatoe? Wow. You really are retarded.
Link moans back at Jabun. Then they have a conversation. When it is over, Link turns around with a wicked grin.
Link: Heheheheheh! *whispering to Romani* So listen, we're gonna blast this stupid couch fish to pieces! It turns out he is a huge jerk and he doesn't even know who Queen is!
Red Simba: NO! You cannot blast a water spirit to death! It's illegal!
Link: It is? Oh well. There are hardly any laws in The Great Sea!
Link pulls out the cannon and blasts the life out of Jabun. Jabun gives a cry of fury and pain, a big blue orb shoots out of his Fay's fried clamshells bag, and he falls back underwater.
You got Naryu's Pearl! You blasted Jabun just hard enough to get this orb! But the real question is, now that you have all the pearls, what exactly are you going to do with them?
Link: Now can we go before he wakes up again?
Red Simba: What the *censored* are you talking about!? YOU KILLED HIM, YOU NUMBSKULL! HE - IS - DEAD!
Link: Well still! So there! *raspberrys at Red Simba*
Red Simba: You little - well, fine. Let's go. And let me steer us this time. We are leaving straight to go where I say so. Got it?
Link: Get yo face, fool!
Red Simba: *growl* GOT IT?
Link: OK, OK, I got it! Gosh . . .
They go outside of the cave. It is still snowing lightly, but the moon's position seems to have shifted.
Red Simba: I guess it is almost day or something. Yay.
Link: Aw man . . . now I won't be able to sleep for 24 hours!
Red Simba: *ignores Link * Now let us go across the Tape Sea!
Link:*ignores Red Simba's retardation* Wait a second . . . what do you mean? Across the Great Sea? How long is this trip exactly?
Red Simba: We will probably go to around the middle of the Tape Sea, near Dagnabit Island, and near Windfail Island.
Link: Well that does it. Good night Red Simba.
Link eats up a ton of the purple stuff and faints.
Romani: Yeah, sorry bud, but Romani needs some sleep. Night!
Romani mixes some more ChuChu goo and gets the purple stuff. Then she eats the last of the purple goop and some of her new batch. She also faints.
Red Simba: *sigh* Well, that sucks! Now I won't have anything to do on the whole trip! But . . . on we go, I guess.
Something slams up from behind him.
Red Simba: GAAH! WHOSSERREE?
Red Simba turns around. It is the Ocarina Of Time!
Red Simba: Great! Now Red Simba will - Oh, now Romani's got me doing that! *beep* -now I will have something to do on the trip!
Then he sails away from Outset Island playing Hey Jude again.