The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
The Hylian Gift Shop
Link: *thinking* I can't hold my breath much longer . . . that crazy boat! I'm gonna -
Red Simba: You can breathe, you idiot!
Link: Why are you calling me an idiot, retard!? Oh, I can breathe! You're actually right for once!
Then they land in a grey colored pond near a small building In fact, the whole place is shades of black and white. And the water isn't moving at all. Oh no . . . is this another Zelda Time Shenanigan?
Link: What is this? Is this what Outset Island looked like a long time ago?*whines* I don't like thiiiiiiiiss!
Red Simba: SHUT UP! PLEASE! OK, so anyways, all you have to do is go inside here.
Link: But where are we?!
Red Simba: The Hylian Gift Shop! Duh! Now go! You have to buy a new sword!
Link: But I don't need a sword when I have a gun!
Red Simba: Well it's not like your gun can repel evil! So go in there and get the *beep* sword!
Link: Well gimme some Rupees!
Red Simba: NO!
Link: Well you better pay me back, retard!
Red Simba: Isn't the fact that I've saved your life a few times already payment?!
Link: Of course not! I could save myself!
Red Simba: JUST GET THE *beep* SWORD! NOWWWW!
Link: Fine, fine! Jeez . . . but I expect some money when I get back!
Link jumps out of the boat and trudges to the gift shop front entrance. Inside, there are Moblins and Darknuts, but they aren't moving . . . I guess this is the 50s or something(Link has the notion that there wasn't color before he was born). There are masks and swords and snow globes and other trinkets were everywhere.
Link: Woah . . . what is this *beep*?
He wanders over to a mask that looks like a weird ugly version of him but with streaks on it's face.
Link: Woah . . . cool! It's like me, but cooler looking . . . fiercer looking!
Then he notices another one of the masks. It is shaped like a heart and has spikes around it. And it's eyes are bright.
Link: Wow, that looks retarded . . . but I'm touching it anyways . . .
Link tries to grab it but someone grabs his arm to stop him.
?: NOOOOOOOOO! DON'T TOUCH THAT!
Link: OK, OK! Jeez . . . wait, Romani?
It is Romani! Yay!
Romani: Don't touch that, Grasshopper! It almost destroyed my world! How is it even here?!
Link: Lemme touch it! It looks retarded!
Romani is still pulling Link back from touching it. She is pretty strong, so luckily Link isn't grabbing it.
Romani: But if it looks retarded, why do you wanna touch it so bad!?
Link: Actually, you're right! The mask is deceiving me!
Romani lets go, but at the wrong time. Link accidently punches the mask in the face.
Romani: *angry* GRASSHOPPER! You will destroy your world! Look at what you've done!
The mask blinks innocently.
Majora's Mask: Wha-wha . . . where am I? What happened?
It notices Link.
Majora's Mask: Are you the boy who put me down last time? Sorry about that. I had a little too much milk at the bar . . . that Crazy Not So Happy Mask Salesman let me have some Chateau Romani, and it got weird from there. I get a little crazy when I have too much milk.
Romani: *furious* What are you talking about, you stupid mask? You almost destroyed everything with a moon that looks like it's going to kill everyone! Now you're talking about drinking too much of the milk I am named after!?
Majora's Mask: I'm sorry, but I simply don't recall this. Do you mind if I can get back to my beauty sleep now?
Romani:*still angry* Don't be smart with me, you! Now why did you try destroying Termina?
The mask yawns. Then it blinks and it stops moving and goes to sleep.
Romani growls.
Link: Can we go now?
Romani: Yeah . . .
Link goes around the shop. Romani is still glaring at Majora's Mask. Link goes up to a place that is labeled, "Triangle Earrings." It cost NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN - just kidding. The price was, "Priceless." But the earrings are not there . . .
Link: Hmm . . . where have I seen triangular earrings . . . ? Oh well. I forgot.
Link wanders over to a painting of some weird scarecrow boy in the light of the moon.
Link: Looks retarded.
Link goes to the item across the room. It is a crossbow.
Link: Meh . . . I already got a friggin gun, so this is useless to me.
Romani has come over to Link.
Romani: Well what do we have here? That thing is mine!
Romani grabs the crossbow.
Romani: Oh yeah! Thanks, Grasshopper! My sister never lets me play with crossbows!
Romani hugs Link.
Link: Anytime! *giggles stupidly*
Romani ignores Link being stupid and looks around for Some more arrows. Then she wanders off somewhere or other. Link goes over to the next thing. It is a puzzle with a bunch of triangles on the wall.
Link: What is this?
Link slides the triangles around for thirty minutes while Romani practices with her crossbow on the Moblins and Darknuts. After that, Link gets grumpy and annoyed.
Link: Ugh! Screw this!
Romani: Calm down, Grasshopper!
Link: Well you try this!
Romani: Sure!
Romani cracks her knuckles as Link moves aside. Then she goes over to the puzzle and solves it in under thirty seconds.
Link: WHA-WHA - WHAAAAAAAT!?
Romani: Pretty easy, actually!
Suddenly, the wall slides up, showing a small elevator thing.
Link: What's this?
They go into the small elevator thing. Here are only two floor options: down and up. Down is bright, but up is not. Link presses down. There is a little thump and the elevator starts going down as some random song Link doesn't know starts playing starts playing(Outset Island theme).
Link: I don't like this music! I hate classical music!
Romani: Yeah . . . it is nice . . .
Link: But I said - never mind.
The elevator thuds again and there is a ding. The doors slide open. They go out of the elevator. There is a big room with a bunch of knight statues surrounding the center of the room. In the center is a blue hilted sword stabbed into a stone beneath it. There is a little price tag that says, "Master Sword." The price says, "The Hero Of Winds and 912 Rupees."
Link: Well I'm the Hero Of Winds! It's a hero's job to pull swords out of stones!
Link strides up to the stone and tries to yank the sword out of the stone. It barely moves. However, when Romani comes over to help, it slides out a little bit. Then the whole thing slides out completely.
Romani: YEAH! GIRL POWER!
Link: *muttering to himself like a weirdo* No fair! I'm the *beep* Hero of Winds! Isn't that what they *censored* wanted?
You got the Master Sword! Some other guy also had this sword at some point, but you are the coolest one to have it! Forget about that *beep*!
The swords that the stone knights are holding all point up, clashing together. Link ignores this and tries showing off his sword abilities to Romani, but he trips over his sword and smashes his face into the ground.
Link: Ow! My nose!
Romani: Are you ready to go, Grasshopper?
Link: I'd love to, but the door is blocked! I think I need to pay them!
Link walks over to the elevator. Like Link said, it is closed. But on the wall near it, there is a little box. Link sighs and drops 912 Rupees into the box, but Link grabs his Rupees back before the box slides into the wall and the elevator opens.
Link: Heheheheheh . . . stupid box. I'm amazing!
They go into the elevator. Link presses the up button, which is now bright. The musak starts playing. It is some song Link doesn't know (Rodent Ruckus theme, which isn't even from Zelda, but I love that theme). Then Link starts doing a stupid not so awesome dance.
Romani: What are you doing, Grasshopper?
Link: Grooving! This is my jeeyum(jam)!
Romani sighs. Then the elevator thumps to a stop and Link falls over.
Link: Owww!*whines* My butt huuuuuuuurts!
Romani: Come on, Grasshopper.
Link: OK . . .
Link gets up and goes out of the elevator. Outside, everything is in back in color. The Moblins and Darknuts are all gone. Probably because Romani shot them all with her crossbow more than once. Even for the Darknuts. So they walk out the gift shop back to Red Simba. He is still playing the Ocarina.
Link: Hey, retard! We're ready to rescue my sister!
Red Simba: Sorry Link. But that won't happen.
Red Simba floats into the golden circle. He floats away and the circle disappears.
Link: NOOOO! THAT SON OF A -
Romani: I HATE THAT GUY! NOW HOW WILL WE GET BACK?!
Then Link throws a tantrum of cursing and whining and rolling around on the ground. I don't even know half the words he says . . . I bet you don't even know.
Duh duh duh! I put a twist there, didn't I? Heheheheheheh . . .
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