The Wind Waker: Captain Crawfishes Adventures
The Forsaken Fortress (For real)
Hey everyone! For the people that reviewed the last chapter, thanks a ton! Now as a heads up, this chapter is pretty long. So prepare your minds. Don't forget to leave reviews and that I'm coming up with new stories and chapters right this second. And don't you even think that I'm not active. Don't you even think it. I'm active, and I can't wait to post what I'm working on. Sorry, but I just had to say something before my "break." Now read! READ, I SAY!
Link is still throwing a tantrum and since Romani is too sweet and innocent to know what Link knows, she is just furious.
But in truth . . .
Link: HEY! LISTEN UP RETARD!
Red Simba: Wha-wha . . . oh. It's you. *thinking* Man, that was a good fantasy . . . I wish I could do that to that *beep* Link and his annoying girlfriend.
(Ha! Tricked you there, didn't I? I bet you didn't expect another chapter)
Red Simba was having a fantasy of leaving Link and Romani in Hyrule while playing his Ocarina. It was fun while it lasted . . .
Link: Finally! Now let's get out of this dump!
Red Simba: HYRULE ISN'T A DUMP, YOU IDIOT!
Link: Well, just look at this place! It's empty and boring and ugly! No one lives here because it is retarded!
Red Simba: You little - let's go.
Link and Romani jumps into Red Simba. Then he sails into the golden circle with them. They are in the boat. Not out. In. Just to make sure you understood . . . so anyways, they appear back above the surface.
Link: Wait, how did we get back up here?
Romani: Grasshopper, we traveled through time! We are time travellers!
Red SImba: Shut up, you idiots!
Romani: You're mean! *stifled sob*
Link: Stop being "mean" to Romani, you *beep*!
Red Simba and Link: I hate you!
Romani: Can we just go already?
Suddenly, it starts raining freezing rain and the wind starts blowing hard. Then a red frog in a cloud floats up.
Red Frog: What are you *beep*s up to? Get the *censored* out of the *censored* way!
Link: Shut up, you retarded frog! I'm the Hero of Winds, fool! Talk to the finger!
Link gives the Finger to the Red Cloud Frog. It's eyes glow red.
Red Frog: Well I'm, Cyclos, the God of Winds, you idiot, and you're dead meat!
The Frog (get it? Hahaha! Stupid joke) Of Winds floats up in his cloud and summons a cyclone.
Link: This is retarded!
Link shoots Cyclos Red Cloud Frog with his gun a few ten times. The cyclone stops and the Red Cloud Frog flies down.
Cyclos: Wha-wha - whaaaaaaaat?! How did you shoot me?
Link: Duh! We all saw you fly up to the top of the cyclone. It was obvious.
Cyclos: Well, you cheated! You can't shoot -
Suddenly a slip of paper floats out from Cyclos's cloud. Link grabs it.
Cyclos: Give that back, you *censored*!
Link: Hmmm . . . I think it is a song!
Link pulls out his Wind Waker and follows the instructions on the paper.
Cyclos: GIVE IT BACK, YOU *beep* KID!
Link: No! Now watch this!
Link plays the song perfectly. The frog screams in uncontrollable madness.
Cyclos: GIVE ME BACK MY BALLAD OF GALES! THOSE CYCLONES CAN ONLY CARRY ME ACROSS THE OCEAN!
Link: Sorry, chum! But you are a failure as a wind frog!
Suddenly, another cyclone comes down and carries Link into the sky. Link passes out from spinning around so much.
When he wakes up, the trio is on a high platform that is near a big door.
Red Simba: Hey! We somehow landed on top of the -
Link throws up on Red Simba. Red Simba screams like a girl.
Red Simba: AAAAIIII! ITS IN MY MOUTH! GET IT OUT GET IT OUT GET IT OUT!
Romani wakes up. She doesn't throw up, because interestingly enough, Link has a weak stomach where Romani does not. But they are all very dizzy.
Red Simba: I really hate you, Link. I'm gonna kill you! I just got a paint job!
Link: What is this? Where are we?
Red Simba: We are at the Forsaken Fortress. Exactly where we planned to go! Now go inside here to rescue your sister. I think this is her cell . . .
Suddenly, a weird thing that looks like a knight appears in a blast of smoke.
Not So Scary Knight: I will keel you! You will die!
Link: No!
Not So Scary Knight: Yes!
Link: No!
Not So Scary Knight: Yes! You be keeled now!
Link: Keel yourself!
Not So Scary Knight: Wait, what is my purpose? I feel like I was meant for more than keeling peepul.
Link: I don't know. Ask this retard.
Link kicks Red Simba. Red Simba bites Link's leg.
Link: Owwww! *censored* you!
Link yanks his leg out. It is bleeding.
Link and Red Simba: I hate you!
The Not So Scary Knight starts crying.
Not So Scary Knight: What is purpose of my life?!
Link: Go sit in a corner and -
Red Simba: No! Watch your language, young man!
Link: You're not my dad, retard!
Red Simba: Well I'm the only one who actually needs you, so don't be a *beep* about it! NOW GO SAVE YOUR SISTER AND KICK THIS IDIOTS BUTT ALREADY!
Link: *whimpering and sniffing* Well, fine. Big meanie.
Romani: Yeah. You are mean, Red Simba! Stop it!
Red Simba: Oh, so I'M the mean one now?!
Link: I'm leaving! I am clearly not wanted -
Red Simba: NO YOU'RE NOT!
Romani: No! Romani appreciates you!
Red Simba: Don't inspire him!
Link: Yeah! Don't inspire me, Romani!
Romani: Um, I'm trying to help you, Grasshopper.
Link: I know! But I still - it didn't - I worked - he - corner - I'm done! I just gonna rescue my sister and her money, and we will be done, Red Simba! I can go back to my trashy island with Romani and we can -
Red Simba: Don't finish that, you perv!
Romani: Wait, what is perverted about going back to Link's Island?
Link: I don't know!
Red Simba: A lot of things. NOW -
Not So Scary Knight: That is it! I go now to think aboot my meaning of life! Here is hammer. Take it.
The Not So Scary Knight throws a friggin' huge hammer at Link. It slams into Link's head.
Link: OWW! *whining*That huuurrrt!
Link grabs the hammer and puts it somewhere in his pants (tights and dress).
You got the Skull Hammer! That stupid knight threw it at you, so make sure to kill him dead sometime . . .
Link: Now just let me rescue my sister in peace! Jeez!
Link kicks the door open and goes inside. Romani follows him. Inside is a cage. Aryll is doing something inside. She is "playing" with some dead seagulls and whispering to herself. The other prisoners are sleeping or something. Romani goes up to the cell.
Romani: Awwww . . . this is your little sister, Grasshopper? Why would she ever be annoying?
Link: You'll see, Romani . . . Aryll, um, what are you doing, you weirdo?
Aryll turns around and throws the dead seagulls somewhere.
Aryll: BIG BROTHER! I KNEW YOU WOULD COME!
Link: Shut up! You're gonna make that fat bird come back!
Aryll: YOU'RE THE BESTEST BROTHER EVER! AND DID YOU GET A GIRLFRIEND? HOW!? CAN WE KEEP IT? CAN WE? CAN WE?
Link and Romani: IT ISN'T LIKE THAT!
Link: Yet . . . heheheheheheh. Now how do I get you out of here . . .
Link looks at the door, hoping it will open.
?: Don't just stare at the door, frogspawn!
It's . . . Tetra. She brought the dancing perverted nitwit Gonzo. That idiot Gonzo.
Link: I knew you were a stalker and had a crush on me! Everyone does, heheheheheh . . . I'm irresistible.
Aryll: ANOTHER ONE? CAN WE KEEP IT TOO? I LIKE THE OTHER ONE BETTER! IT'S NICER!
Tetra: Don't make me stab you, frogspawn. And this is the brat you've been trying to save? Wow.
Link: *chuckles*Now look, little lady, I've learned some things. Take a long look at this *censored* hot sword.
Link shoves the sword in Tetra's face. Tetra snarls and pulls out her knife. Pulling out her knife is a normal reaction to Link for her. But then her eyes widen in shock and she puts her knife away somewhere.
Tetra: What the *beep* . . . how could you possibly get that sword . . .
Link: I know it's hot! But I am the main attraction. Heh heh.
Tetra: Stop ruining the moment, you idiot. Now Gonzo! Get his sister and take her to the pirate ship!
Gonzo: Like, OK.
Gonzo picks up Aryll who starts screaming and kicking him.
Gonzo: Ow! Stop, you little -
Aryll: *screaming* NOOOOO! I WANNA GO WITH LINK, YOU *censored* *censored*!
Link: Aryll, where the *beep* did you learn those words!
Aryll: *normal again* From Billy-Bob The Seagull and you, big brother!
Then she starts throwing a fit again and kicking and biting Gonzo.
Tetra: Your sisters a little imp too, isn't she? I guess she got it from you, frogspawn.
Romani: Now, wait a second! Who are you and why are you here?!
Link: Yeah! Why are you really here?
Tetra: I was following you to see what you were up to. I knew you were going to do this . . . I knew you were gonna die when you were going to fight that retarded bird. I can't wait to watch!
Link: You little . . . I'm gonna kill you so hard -
Suddenly a loud screeching sound tears through Links words.
Tetra: Yeah, that's my cue. Good bye!
Tetra runs out the door and locks it from the outside. Romani snickers a little.
Romani: Is that your girlfriend or something? Fiery one.
Link: NO! NEVER ASSOCIATE ME WITH BEING TETRA'S BOYFRIEND, FRIEND, CHUM, ALLY, OR ANYTHING THAT INCLUDES ME AND TETRA IN A RELATIONSHIP!
Suddenly, water starts flooding up the tower and a huge bird flies down in front of Link and Romani. It is the Heckofarock King! Ganon named it that because, you know, he likes Queen.
Heckofarock King: SQUAAAAAWKK!
Link: Gah!
Link and Romani start running up the tower because there is some kind of staircase on the side of the wall. The Heckofarock King is trying to destroy the place where they are standing so they can fall, but the King is failing. Finally, Link and Romani get to the top of the tower. Suddenly, stones slide across the tower and the exit is sealed. But sadly, Heckofarock King flies out just in time.
Link: Shut up! Now I will kill you dead. But don't cry. Now just close your eyes . . . imagine you're in a field . . . and imagine you are lying in the middle of the field . . . the sun beating down on your face . . . you are growing ever so sleepy . . . your mind is growing much more tired . . . just go to sleep . . . go to sleep . . . Skittles and lepers, just go to sleep already! TASTE THE RAINBOWWZZZZ!
Then the Heckofarock King and Romani fell asleep. Link starts snickering.
Link: Ha! I knew it would work on the Heckofarock King! It worked on Aryll anyways . . .(that story is for another day)
Link goes over to Romani. He pinches Romani. She doesn't wake up.
Link: I won't resort to violence with you, Romani . . .
Link pulls out his gun and fired a few shots in the air. Romani still hasn't woken up yet. Then she shrieks.
Romani: YIIIII! WHATS THAT! Oh, hey Grasshopper. You sure are trigger-happy . . .
Link: Finally! Now let me do something before we go . . .
Link went over to the Heckofarock King, pulled out his friggin big hammer, and smashed the Heckofarock King's mask to bits. Then he smashed his face in. The Heckofarock King still hasn't woken up. Man, that little thing Link said was powerful! Then Link goes up the little bridge leading up to a weird pirate ship looking thingie, Romani following. There is a big door.
Romani: Good luck Grasshopper!
Romani hugs Link.
Romani: Grasshopper, are you sniffing my hair?
Link: Ummm . . . no.
Link goes in it. Inside, Ganon is playing Innuendo on a radio and singing to it. Ganon looks pretty, um, crazy. He has some kind of black robe. On the back it has the Queen insignia.
Link: Wait, dude. Dude. You like Queen?
Ganon stops playing the music.
Ganon: Obviously! They're the best band in history!
Link: I so agree!
Ganon: Hey, wait, you're that hero guy to save the world, right?
Link: That's me!
Ganon: Sorry kid, but I might need to kill you. That Stupid Storyline says so . . .
Link: Oh.
Silence.
Link: We are under serious pressure. You're, like, the only one who understands me! Hey, that's it!
Link starts humming Under Pressure.
Link:*dumduming* Dum dum dum dumdumdum dum.
Ganon starts playing Under Pressure on his radio.
Link and Ganon: *singing*
It's the terror of knowing what this world is about
Watching some good friends screaming -
?: LIIIIIIIINNK!
Link's pants buzz. It's that stupid stone. Who knows how Red Simba talks through it. I knew he was a liar . . .
Link: Huh?
Red Simba: FIGHT GANON ALREADY! KILL EACH OTHER! BLOOD! DEATH! MURDERRRR!
Link: Shut up, you sadistic retard!
Red Simba stops bothering them. There is silence again.
Ganon: Oh, and your sword doesn't work.
Link: How do you know?
Ganon: It doesn't hurt me.
Link: Oh.
Link: Hey, do you like MJ?
Ganon: No. He is so the worst.
Suddenly, someone jumps onto Ganon's back.
Tetra: NO ONE INSULTS MICHAEL JACKSON!
Ganon shrieks like a girl and grabs her and punches her in the eye. She flies next to Link, but gets up.
Tetra: Oww, that hurt . . . come on, frogspawn! Let's get him!
Link: *ignores Tetra* Wait, back it up. You don't like MJ?
Ganon: No. Do you?
Link: Of course, you idiot! How could you not?!
Ganon: Queen is in his shadow!
Link: Wow! I'm sorry, dude, but I don't think this'll work out. We are done.
Ganon: There never was a we!
Ganon pulls out two giant swords. But before he can do anything, something flies through the window, grabs Tetra, and flies out the other window. Then Link is also grabbed and flown out the window.
Link: OWWIE! My shoulders!
Link passes out.