Thorin announces their departure to the guests and urges them to keep feasting, somthing they no doubt will do. Shana escorts Emma to Thorin's room while Elrond's sons follow them unconspicuously. They stand outside her chambers while Emma and Jalila walk to the bedroom where Jalila takes of Emma's dress and puts her in a long, white evening robe.
**"Emma, will you be alright?"**
**"I probably will. I doubt he will kill me."**
**"You know what I mean."**
**"I will get over it."**
**"Alright, I will leave you then, I think I hear him coming. Please send a servant for us whenever you need us. Our rooms will be made ready during your honeymoon, so tonight we will not yet be in the next room, but I believe there is a servant outside of these rooms whom you can send for us."**
**"Thank you Jalila."**
And then the handmaiden takes her leave, leaving Emma all alone in the room while she hears Thorin approaching, the sound of his heavy boots on the stone floor echooing through the royal corridor. She gets into the bed and pulls the covers over herself just before he enters the bedroom and closes the door. She is glad that the room is only sparely lit, so she does not have to see how he looks at her. He takes off his clothes, only leaving his undergarments on and lies next to her on the bed, pushing his arm under her head.
"Did you have a nice day, Emma?"
"I did, your highness."
"And are you happy with our marriage?"
"I am if you are, your highness."
He has seen how she pulled up the blankets to cover herself and he now notices the small tremble in her voice.
"We, eeeh, we don't have to do this tonight, you know. We could just put, eeh, something on the sheets as proof."
Emma says nothing, afraid that if she speaks, he will know how scared she is, how vulnerable she feels and how insecure she is. She has of course seen other dwarrowdams, and she knows she does not look like them. Her belly is flat, her breasts are smaller than theirs and her hips do not nearly stand out like theirs do. She now knows why, but it does not lessen her insecurity; on the contrary, it only worsenes it. How can Thorin find a half-elf attractive?
Thorin strokes her cheek, but she is afraid to look at him. She does not want to make this decision; she wants him to make it. It has been so easy, letting everyone around her make decisions for her. She does not have to think for herself, she can not be held accountable and the responsability for all those decisions lies on someone elses shoulders.
"We could wait untill you feel more comfortable with me."
"If that is what you wish, your highness, then that is what we shall do." She manages to squeeze out in a small voice.
"Look at me, Emma." He urges her, but she does not, instead, she keeps staring at the wealthily decorated canopy hanging over his bed. Their bed now. The bed she is supposed to share with her husband, doing Mahal knows what.
"Look at me. He urges gently again, and now she does, although her eyes do not meet his. "Set the pace for me, tell me if I go to fast."
"I—I don't know-"
His calloussed thumb strokes over her bottom lip. "I know." He says, and then he kisses her, seeking entrance to her mouth with an unpatient tongue.
He feels desire buring inside of him, and he has to hold himself back from taking her immediately. Oh how he has waited for this moment, How he has waited to finally make her his. He only hears the whispers of the voice somewhere deep inside of him telling him that it would be better to wait, that she is not ready and does not fully consent. But as strong as the mind may be, the flesh is weak and he is powerless against his desire, can not hold ground against his lust. So he softly kisses her, telling himself he will stop if she resists, pulling the covers away from her and exploring her body with his hands.
Then, he carefully opens her robe. He can see her completely naked now, and it makes her feel even more vulnerable. She pulls up her legs and puts her arms over her breasts, but he pushes her legs apart and sits between them, softly taking her arms and putting them next to her. Her perfect body only fuels the flame of lust inside of him, and he starts kissing her nipples, rolling the little pearls between his tongue and his lips, cupping her breasts in his hands.
Then, his mouth trails down, over her belly and to her thighs, kissing them and nibbling at her skin a little bit, avoiding touching her sex just yet. He looks up at her face, and sees that she is looking at the canopy above the bed with an emotionless expression, so he lies next to her again, looking in her eyes.
"Just tell me if you don't want it yet. I would completely understand if you don't."
"It is fine, your highness. Do whatever you please." She says in a small voice, gazing downwards.
"I only want to please you, but I do not have the idea that you like it."
"It is just new to me, that is all, your highness."
"Are you sure that is all?"
She nods, so he kisses her again, now stroking her body with his hand, slowly making his way to her sex. He starts rubbing her clit, and to his satisfaction he feels that she is getting aroused, her slit becoming wet. Feeling her arousal, he can't hold himself back anymore and takes of the last piece of clothing, freeing his rockhard erection. He lies on top of her, resting on one elbow while positioning himself at her entrance.
"It might- it might hurt a bit. But it will be alright" He breathlessly says.
"I know, your highness."
And then, he wants to enter her. But as she feels the pressure, she involuntarily digs her heels into the bed and tries to slide herself up towards the headboard. He puts an arm around her waist, holding her still but also forcing her hips to tilt upwards a bit, and pushes again, this time entering her. As he does, he feels she is resisting his intrusion. She tries to wriggle out from under him, and her inner muscles are clenched, which makes it even greater for him but more painfull for her. She cries out in pain, but he muffles the sound with a kiss, entering her mouth with his tongue and stroking the side of her face with his hand.
"Shhh, just relax, it will get easier."
But she does not look at him, instead turning her head to the side. He kisses her now exposed neck and starts to move slowly, the friction and her tightness sending gulfs of pleasure through his body almost immediately, causing him to groan from deep within his chest. As she silently prays for it to be over soon, he starts to move faster, untill he reaches his climax and groans out, his head in his neck. But then he looks at her, and sees tears rolling over her cheeks.
"Mahal, are you alright?!" He utters, seeing what he has caused, and he wipes her tears away and strokes her hair and face.
She nods, but her face shows that she is in pain. He pulls out and lies next to her, still stroking her hair.
"I will get the servants to draw you a bath while they change the sheets."
"No need to bother them with it, I shall do it myself, your highness." She says, and she walks to the bathroom.
When she gets up, quickly pulling her night robe around her, she feels the burning and aching feeling inside of her, making it almost impossible to walk. But she does not want him to see, so she walks as straight as she can.
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Meanwhile, Elladan and Elrohir, Elrond's sons, have been standing outside of the royal chambers, cursing their elven hearing. The moment they heard her muffled cry, they started to feel uncomfortable, almost shifting at their feet. Their discomfort only grew hearing the sounds coming from the bedroom, inaudible to anyone that does not have elven hearing, and when they hear sobs coming from the bathroom and see a servant coming out of the chambers holding what appears to be a sheet with bloodstains, they look at eachother and then quickly walk back to hall where the wedding feast is still going on, orders to guard her or not. They see their father talking to Gandalf, both of them looking rather serious, and sit next to him. Elrond looks at his sons.
~"Why are you not watching the royal chambers?"~
~" There is no point, as she can always get out through the passageways, and we do not wish to hear our sister during her wedding night."~ Elladan says, barely disguising his disgust.
~"Excuse me?"~ Elrond utters.
~"Who would want to hear their sister cry while her new husband has his way with her?!"~ Elrohir hisses.
Elrond wants to jump up, but is held back by Gandalf. ~" Leave it to her, it is her choice. Things might not be as they seem."~
~"If I see her to be unhappy tomorrow, I will tear up the contract and take her with me!"~ Elrond hisses at him, anger beaming from him.
~"I doubt you will see her tomorrow, or the rest of the week. They have their honeymoon now, and it is tradition that the newlywed couple does not leave their chambers for at least a week, often two weeks."~ Gandalf chuckles. ~"It will be fine after that, you'll see."~
~"I have yet to see her smile, Gandalf. It is her weddingday, and no smile has left her lips all day. I should have refused my consent yesterday. You told me she would be happy for us to come, that she would come with us."~ His tone is uncaracteristically bitter, almost accusing.
~"I believed she would be, but what man has ever been able to claim knowledge about the workings of women. And I told you yesterday you were handeling things badly. How is it, my old friend, that after millenia of perfect restraint, you have let your emotions get the best of you?"~
Elrond grumbles a bit, but does not answer Gandalf.
~" Talk to her brother tomorrow. He will set your mind at ease, you'll see."~
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Thorin takes the sheets of the bed and hands them to the servant waiting outside the room, ordering him to bring them to the counsel. He has seen the amount of blood on them, and knows Emma must be in pain. As he closes the door, he walks to the bathroom. But when he stands at the door, he hears her crying. For a moment he hesitates, trying to decide if he should leave her alone or console her, but then he enters the bathroom, takes his robe off and sits behind her in the bath. She sits with her legs pulled to her chest, her arms wrapped around them. When she hears him enter, she tuns her back to him and tries to wipe away her tears, but they keep a split second, he looks at her, noticing the pale white scars scattered on her lower back, standing out clearly against the lightly tanned skin, and he struggles to hold back a gasp. But then he puts his arms around her, trying to sooth her.
"I'm—I'm really sorry about this." He whispers. "It was not exactly what I had planned." And he presses a kiss on the nape of her neck.
She is sobbing now, and he feels her body shaking against his.
"Tell me what is wrong, are you in that much pain?"
But it is not just the pain that is causing her to be emotional. She has a tangible feeling of loss caused by him taking her virginity, something that she was always told was the only thing of value about her. On top of that, she feels a terrible shame about the whole thing, about him seeing her naked and the activities that followed. And then there is everthing that happened between them on their journey, the way she was pressured into this marriage and some elf showing up at her door and claiming he is her father. Everything has caused one big emotional turmoil inside of her, that she can not just push away like she normally does. But she can not tell him; she can not share her feelings with him, so she says nothing and just shakes her head. He pulls her close to him, holding her tight and softly kisses her neck again.
"It is me, Emma. Not king Thorin, not even Thorin Oakenshield, but me."
The only response he gets is a small sob that makes her back tremble against his chest.
"It will be alright, azyungal. If you do not want to, we will not do it untill you are ready. And I will try to be your One again."
He feels her stiffen as he says it, and he chuckles a little bit.
"I always wanted to go to your father's estate, so I would be able to see you again. I enjoyed your company so, you brought light to my life. I think it must have driven your father mad, him being inspected so often, but I could not help myself, I had to see you."
There is a silence, but he lets it linger, patiently waiting for her to speak, to show her feelings that hide behind the mask of indifference and cold distance. "And then you stopped coming."
"I had nothing to offer anymore. My kingdom and my position were gone; I was merely a blacksmith working for men."
"I did not like you for your kingdom or your position, but for you." Emma whispers.
He presses another kiss in her neck. "And will you like me again?"
"Too much has happened, your highness."
"I beg of you, just call me Thorin. Call me whatever you like in public, but when we are in private, let us go back to a simpler time."
She says nothing, and lets him continue. "I know I can't change what happened, but I will do anything I can to make you feel happy again. So tell me, what can I do, I am at your command."
She sighs. "What do you want from me, Thorin?"
He smiles as he hears that she has finally stopped calling him 'your highness'. "I want us to be happy. I want us to have the marriage you imagined us to have when you were younger."
"What do you know about what I wanted when I was younger?"
He chuckles. "I could see it on your face. And your half-brother showed me your diary once, filled with things like: 'Mrs. Emma Durin', 'queen Emma of Erebor' and 'Emma, wife of Thorin'.
She turns around to him. "He did what?!"
Thorin grinns as he sees the shock on Emma's face and softly kisses her, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. "Relax. He tried to embarass you, but little did he know that it actualy made me very happy. I took you shopping after that, remember?"
Emma thinks back to the sunny day that Thorin took her to the city and bought her a diamond hairpin. She knew it wasn't a courting gift, but when she was alone, she pretended it was. A fainth smile appears on her face.
"What are you thinking of?" he asks as he tries to look in her eyes, but she looks at her hands.
"About the pin you bought me."
"And?"
"And nothing."
He rises a bit, kissing her forehead. "Come on, let me take you to bed."
He sees the smile on her face fade, and understands what she thinks he means. "I-we will not do anything anymore untill you want me. I just want to hold you while we sleep." He says and he gets out of the bath, offering his hand to help her out. She hesitates for a second, but then takes it.
In the bath, the water and foam had concealed her naked body, which is now fully on display as she gets up, She tries to turn away from Thorin, uncomfortable with him looking at her. He pulls her close to him, and she feels his chest against her breasts. She tries to look away, but he cups her jaw and pushes it up so she is forced to look in his eyes.
"Don't feel ashamed."He says softly, and he picks her up and puts her on a sofa in front of the fire where he starts drying her of, meticulously rubbing every inch of her body with the towel. As he is done, himself being dried of by the heat of the fire, he picks her up again and lies her on the bed, snuggling next to her and pullings covers and furs over them, holding her in his arms.
Like that, they fall asleep. When Emma wakes up the next morning, she feels his strong arms around her. Thorin feels her move and slowly wakes, smiling as he sees her face.
"Goodmorning, azyungal, did you sleep well?"
She feels her face getting red as she remembers the night before, and she looks down. However, as she does, she realises she is looking at his penis, and she quickly shifts her gaze, not knowing where to look now. He chuckles a bit as he sees her panic.
"Is something wrong?" he says with a slight grin.
"No, no, nothing wrong." Emma squeels out as she settles her eyes on the canopy, deciding that is the safest option.
"Would you like to have breakfast?"
Emma thinks. Normally she would have already ran for an hour by now, and she is feeling restless. However, she knows it would be quite strange for her to go running on the morning after her wedding, so she just nods.
Thorin gets up, puts on a robe and sticks his head out of the door to ask one the the waiting servants to bring them breakfast.
"Eeeehm, what is the plan for today?" Emma asks him when he closes the door.
"The plan? Well, normally we are just supposed to stay in here for a week or two. You could get your mark today. Did you already think of the design and where you want it?"
Emma did think of it actually, long and hard. "I was thinking the Durin seal on the back of my neck, just below my hairline. But not too big."
Thorin looks at her in surprise.
"You do not like it?' she asks
"It is not that. It's just-unusual, that's all. Normally women want something really big on a really visible place; so everyone knows they are from the house of Durin."
"I do not need a mark for people to know I am royalty." Emma smirks. "How long do you think it will take?"
"I think an half an hour or so, as it is really small."
"And who will do it?"
"Dwalin will. He has a lot of experience with tattoos, did most of mine."
She looks at his tattoos. They cover most of his upper arms and chest, accentuating the strong, hard muscles. From the images and runes, she can understand they commemorate his comrades fallen in battle and the battles themselves. Bad memories, etched forever into his skin. She wonders if anything that has happened during the journey or the battle has been eternalised on his skin yet, but she can not see. Her ponderings are disturbed as a servant knocks. She jumps up and quickly puts on a robe before sitting at the table. Thorin opens the door and breakfast is served for them. They eat quietly for a while.
"The dresses you gifted me, can I choose which ones I want?"
Thorin looks up from his food. "Of course. I can send for the seemstress today. She will take your measurements and she has a book from which you can choose. Do you want me to make an appointment for your for this afternoon?"
"Yes."
Thorin gets up and sticks his head out of the door again, ordering the servant to bring the seemstress this afternoon, and then adding that he also has to go and get Dwalin.
"Put some clothes on then, azyungal, Dwalin will be here shortly."
Emma gets up and picks out a dress. But as she looks at it, she realises that she has no idea how she can put it on by herself. She sees Thorin looking at her, and smiles a bit.
"You have no idea how to put on your own clothes, do you?" He says with a small chuckle.
"I know how to put them on, I just can't do it by myself."
"Then why do you wear such contraptions? Would it not be far easier to just wear some trousers and a tunic?"
"Are you mocking me?"
"A bit, yes."
She steps into the dress and pulls it up under her robe, then taking the robe of. "Just fasten the laces in the back for me?"
He gets up and looks at the strings he is supposed to pull. It does not seem too complicated, so he just pulls the first one, evoking a moan from Emma.
"That would be a little too tight." She says breathlessly.
"O. right. sorry." He says, adjusting the laces.
As he is finished he looks at his work. It seems to look fine, but when Emma looks in the mirror, she snickers. "Tradition or not, the next time I'm getting my ladies to do this."
But the conversation is cut short as there is a knock on the door.
"Enter." Thorin says, and the door swings open with Dwalin sticking his head into the room.
"Everybody decent?" he asks, causing Emma to blush.
"Aye." Thorin says. "Come in."
"So I am to do the tattoo for the lass? Can't you do it yourself?"
"Very funny. Just get on with it."
"What do you want Emma?" Dwalin asks her, but before she can answer, Thorin already speaks.
"Just a small Durin seal in her nek, under the hairline."
"How small?"
Thorin and Dwalin are now both looking at her. "The size of your thumbnail, I guess." She says.
"Are you sure lass? Do you not want something bigger, something more visible?"
She shakes her head.
"Alright, lie on the bed then. Did you ever have one before?"
She shakes her head again.
"It's just a bit annoying, but remember: you have to lie still." He says as he takes a needle and ink out of his pockets. Het puts the needle in the fire first and then in the ink.
"Put your hair aside."
She does, and he gets to work. He was right, it is quite annoying, but not really painfull. After half an hour, Dwalin is done.
"Looks nice." Thorin says, peering at her neck. "But it is a bit small."
"It is." The two dwarves are looking at Emma's neck with some disappointment in their eyes, but then Dwalin shrugs and leaves the room.
Emma wants to say something, but there is another knock on the door.
"Enter." Thorin says again
"The seemstress has arrived." The servant announces.
"Let her in." He sighs.
"I am going to take a bath or something while you pick your dresses, it's not really my thing."
The next two hours, Emma's measurements are taken and she tells the seemstress which dresses, fabrics and colors she wants.
"How long before the first one is ready?"
"I will have it done within the day, your highness."
"Thank you."
The seemstress sees it as a dismissal and takes her leave, and a little later Thorin comes back into the room, naked...
"So, eeeh, what are we going to do now?' she asks
"We are in a room together and we are not supposed to leave for another six days. Come here." he says, as he pats on the bed.
Hesitantly she walks over to him and lets him put her on her belly on the bed. As she is lying there, he takes off her robe. She tries to hold on to it, but knows she can not make it too obvious that she does not want to.
"I told you we would not do it anymore until you want me, trust me." And he starts rubbing her back, relaxing her tensed muscles and making her fall into a relaxed slumber.
Whem she is completely relaxed, he moves on to her legs, starting with her calfs. Slowly his hands move up, his thumbs touching the top inside of her thighs, but not further than that. It causes a small tingle of expectation between her legs, and she breathes in deeply, but his fingers do not go further up, which leaves her both disappointed and relieved. He then lies next to her, taking her in his arms and like that they fall asleep. It is the first time in a very long while that she sleepes completely at ease.