So I changed the name of story - previously 'In Love, In Fear, In Hate, In Tears' - which was going to be an angst ridden, downright depressing story. And now, the tone has changed. Not to say there won't be angst, because I can't help myself sometimes, but it's lighter now, and it deserves a more fitting title. Enjoy.
*0*0*
Goodnight From Me, Good Morning To You
*0*0*
The train station was as busy as you expected it to be that early in the morning on a Saturday, and shuffling through the other passengers and commuters, you made your way to where Rachel was standing, luggage in tow.
You had tried to be there early, but your back was killing you when you woke up, and you needed longer getting ready, so were held up.
However, your lateness didn't bother Rachel, by the looks of things, because when she finally saw you making your way towards her, she broke out into a ridiculous grin and practically squealed. It had you affectionately rolling your eyes, and holding your arms out, for her to hug you.
Finally having her there, right in front of you, after months of being apart, was just what you needed.
"I've missed you," she smiled, pulling back from the hug, looking sad as well as happy, and there were tears in her eyes, which made no sense, but there were tears in your eyes too, so it suddenly did.
"I've missed you too, and it's so good to have you hear." You gave her another hug, needing her to know that her presence was the best thing ever, before pulling back. "Now, let's get out of here. I have lots of places to show you, before I can show you off tonight."
"Karaoke still on?" she asked, looking hopeful.
"Yep." Mike had already sent you the text with the details, most of which you knew already, but you appreciated the reminder.
"I can't wait!" Nor could you. It had been so long since you'd seen Rachel sing, and you just knew she would have been so much better now that NYADA had begun whipping her into shape.
Leaving the train station, the two of you went back to your dorm, dropped off Rachel's luggage, and then went exploring. She wanted to see everything, from where you ate, where you walked to your classes, where you hung out with your friends, and then wanted to do more exploring across the city. You were happy to show her it all, even if each step made your back ache a little bit more, but that was nothing that couldn't be dealt with.
The fact that she was smiling like she was, reminding you of how far you'd come, you were going to push through it. It was easier than you thought, but she was the best distraction from pain you'd found yet, and you were glad that still hadn't changed.
Rachel was still Rachel, New York might have changed her a little, but she was still as amazing as she was the day you both parted ways to go to college, and she was still as great a friend, which was exactly what you needed.
*0*0*
The noise from B02 could be heard from up the hall, and Rachel was grinning like the Cheshire Cat. It did fill you with some relief, knowing that she was excited about the party ahead, and most likely going to have a good time. At least you didn't have to worry about that.
What you were worried about was standing three feet from the door when you came in. Granted, Mike was there, Tina was there, Sam was there, all smiling, all saying hi, all introducing themselves to Rachel, so it wasn't too bad.
But as usual, Santana knew how to put you on edge, and you now felt justified in your worrying.
"Look what the cat dragged in," Santana piped up, glancing Rachel over, and then back to you with a smirk on her lips. You rolled your eyes, and then looked to see if Rachel had heard her. She hadn't, thank god, as that would bring up too many unanswerable questions. "Who's your friend?" Santana asked directly, moving closer, getting in your space, and gaining Rachel's attention.
"Rachel," you began, giving your true friend a smile, "this is Santana. Santana, this is Rachel." The latter sentence was clipped, and the look you gave her spoke volumes, but in her typical style, her smirk didn't shift an inch.
"Nice to meet you, Rachel. Can I get you a drink?"
"Yeah, that would be great, thanks."
"Come on, you can help me by picking your poison from the poor selection we've managed to acquire," Santana added, nodding her head towards a table at the back wall, and Rachel smiled, moving to follow her.
That was probably the nicest you'd seen Santana ever be. What the hell was she playing at? Not trusting her for one second, and fearing the worst of what she might be saying to Rachel, you made to follow, but Mike got in your way.
"You. Me. Karaoke?" he grinned, and you accepted his outstretched hand with a smile.
He had been so excited about singing with you, after you confessed you really didn't want to sing solo, that you could hardly deny him. Plus, you were hoping this would be the only song you'd sing that evening, and if you could get it out the way sooner rather than later, that would be better all round.
Singing meant that you weren't able to focus on Rachel and Santana, mainly Santana, but it also relaxed you enough that you went on to sing another song, this time with Sam, before handing the mic over to someone else. You weren't a bad singer, but you knew you didn't have as good a voice as others in the room, and it was better with the attention off yourself, and back onto others.
Of course, Rachel was gutted she didn't get to sing with you, but with some convincing, she dropped the subject, and was all but ready to steal the mic so she could finally show the room what she was made of.
The girl loved a stage, loved to perform, and with such a friendly crowd, she was practically in her element as she belted out some of her best prepared songs. It wasn't a party without Rachel hypnotising the room, and you were so very proud of her. She was going to be such a star, the world was just not ready for her yet.
Feeling someone come and stand next to you, you thought it was Mike, but then the perfume hit your senses, and you tensed. It wasn't long after that Santana finally decided to speak, to put you even more on edge, and to bring back those violent tendencies you always seemed to get when she was around.
"Girl's got a set of lungs on her. I wonder if she's that vocal in bed," Santana mused, and you shot her a glare.
"What the hell are you doing?" you bit out, your head spinning from her words.
"I told you, Mike's really not my type." And then the penny finally dropped.
"Girls...girls are your type," you uttered, taken by surprise, because that meant...that meant…Rachel.
"More specifically, girls that aren't destined to be the next Stepford Wife." The dig was weak at best, but you got the point she was trying to make. "Your friend though," Santana hummed through her smirk. "Now she's a lot of fun."
"Don't," you growled, suddenly feeling very possessive over Rachel.
"Don't what, Quinn? What am I doing?" The mock innocence was more infuriating than you thought it would be.
"Leave her alone." That caused Santana to chuckle, and then she was back in your personal space, her body pressed up against the side of yours, and you froze.
"Hate to break it to you," she whispered into your ear, causing you to break out in goosebumps at her breath tickling your skin. "But she seems mighty struck by me. Even if I were to leave her alone, she wouldn't give up on me that easy. She's curious. I'd guess she's been to this rodeo before, but if not, that's even better. College girls experimenting are just so much fun."
You wanted to claw her eyes out, and punch her in the face, simultaneously.
Rather than start a fight, which you'd most definitely lose because your ribs were killing you, your back was aching, and you probably couldn't defend yourself even if you tried, you stepped back from Santana and shook your head at her, before moving away.
She was going to do whatever she wanted, like usual, and nothing you could say would deter her. There was no point standing around arguing with her. Not when there was fun to be had.
And that was joining Mike and Tina by the decks, where they were deciding on what song to sing together. Tina was pulling for classic ballad, but Mike wanted something a little more upbeat. Rachel had finished singing, finally relenting and giving the mic to someone else, but you felt sorry for them, because they were never going to top her performance. However, rather than seek you out, which you expected her to do, she went to Santana.
Throwing your two cents into Mike and Tina's conversation was a good enough distraction from the way Santana and Rachel were now dancing together, far too close for your liking, and that bitter taste in your mouth was something that definitely needed to be washed away with a drink.
But, you were going to have to take your pain meds when you got back to your dorm, so water for you.
"Don't want anything stronger?" Sam asked, waving a bottle of god only knows what. None of them were twenty one yet, so they had to be getting cheap booze from the back of a van or something. Whatever. You weren't going to be inflicting it on your liver tonight.
"No thanks. I'm actually not feeling that great, best to avoid it."
"Smart choice. And do you need anything? I can I can go and get you something, a bucket, trash can, something to be sick in?" You laughed, fobbing him off, and shook your head.
"It's not like that, I'm not going to be sick. But thank you, I appreciate the offer."
"No problem. Call if you need me, though." Sam gave you a mini salute and then took the drinks he had just made up back over to the couches, where the rest of the group were waiting on them.
It was in that moment of solitude that you finally felt all the pain in your body. There was nothing pulling your attention, and you could assess the damage. You were going to need to lie down, to take something, anything, to rid you of the pain, and you were going to need to sleep. With each breath, you could feel a burning pain; and that was never a good sign. Because then you could smell the gasoline as it spilled across the road, and God, your back was excruciating, and the blood was streaming down your face, in your eyes, in your mouth, and you felt your stomach churn.
"Sure you don't need that bucket. You've gone green." Sam murmured, coming back over, and it pulled you from your thoughts, as if waking from a dream suddenly, startled.
"No, no, thanks. I'm fine. I think I'm going to-" you didn't get a chance to finish, before Rachel was standing next to you, her hand on your arm.
"Are you okay?" she asked, looking at you with worry in her eyes. "You didn't look good for a moment there."
You did not want to ruin her night, too. So shaking your head, you put on your brightest smile, and lied your ass off.
"I didn't look good? Please, I think I'm the hottest person in the room," you teased.
"I'd agree," Sam piped up, and Rachel laughed at him, rolling her eye, before looking back to you.
"Honestly, I'm fine, don't worry. I just have some back pain, it took me by surprise. There is nothing to worry about."
"You're sure?"
"I'm sure. Please. Now, what are you drinking? Sam here is doing a pretty good job as bartender." Sam grunted in agreement in the background, and that was enough to pull Rachel's attention from you. Thank God.
You knew that you couldn't head away immediately, so instead, you made sure Rachel got another drink, and then headed back to the couches with her for a seat. There weren't any seats available, so you were going to sit on the floor, but then she was whispering something to Mike, and he moved out of the armchair to sit in front of it. Rachel then planted you in the seat, albeit rather carefully, and sat on the arm rest. All the while, Santana was watching with a curious frown, and you swallowed the lump in your throat, hoping she wouldn't ask.
She didn't, and that one was less thing you had to worry about.
It was another hour or so later when you finally needed to go. The pain meds took time to kick in, so you didn't want to leave it too late before taking them, as the pain was only getting worse. Excusing yourself, you went to dump your cup in the bin. Sam was back at the drinks table, and rose his eyebrows in question.
"I think I'm going to head away," you explained, only to receive an understanding nod.
"About time. You look like you need to lie down."
"That's exactly what I need." And you couldn't wait to get back to your dorm already.
"Take care," he added, just as you were about to move away.
"I will, thanks." You gave him a quick wave, and then headed back towards the couches.
"Rach, I'm going to go, are you coming or...?" you asked, leaving it an open question so she didn't feel obligated.
"I'm…" Biting her lip, Rachel moved from her seat, now the armrest of Santana's chair, to answer you without calling across a bunch of conversation. "I'm actually going to stay a little bit longer, Santana and I-" That was enough for you to hear.
"It's okay, you don't need to explain." Please. Don't explain. You could not listen to the end of that sentence.
"Are you sure? I mean-" Rachel frowned, looking concerned, but you waved her off.
"No. It's fine. Honestly. Have fun."
"But you're unwell, I should -"
"I'm just going to lie down and sleep. You won't be able to do anything for me." She bit her lip, and frowned, as if not buying it, but she knew better. "Come on, you remember those days where I just needed to sleep it away. This is one of those instances. Plus, you'll have a lot more fun here than being stuck in my dorm room at eleven o'clock on a Saturday night." She accepted the jest with a smile.
"Okay, if you're sure. Thank you, Quinn." Giving you a careful hug, you smiled at her and then went to make your leave.
Only, between you and your exit was Santana.
By the door, Santana was standing, looking far too proud. She'd obviously moved there just to piss you off, and you knew she was going to make some snarky comment as you were going to leave. So, steeling yourself for it, you made to leave.
And you were right, because once you were within two feet of her, Santana spoke.
"So she's not coming home with you, but rest assured, she'll certainly be coming with me." Her smirk was back, and the double meaning was not missed by you.
"If you hurt her, I'll gut you," you murmured, staring straight ahead, out the door and into the hallway.
"Ooh, kitty has claws. Meow," Santana mocked, and you knew if you didn't get away from her, you'd smash her face in. Not wanting to say anything else, you walked away, trying to shake off the anger and frustration.
It was then you heard a voice call after you.
"Q! I'll walk you," Mike said, sticking his head around the door, calling out over the loud music; and you dropped the glare on your face, to give him a thankful smile.
"You don't need to-"
"Please, I insist. Campus can be creepy at night. And it's no bother."
"Thank you," you replied, and the two of you made your way towards the exit. You definitely felt safer with Mike there, but you also wondered if that was just a plausible excuse Rachel had given him to ensure you got back alright.
You doubted she'd bring up the crash, it wasn't something either of you spoke about in great detail, and she certainly wouldn't share that information with other people, but she'd definitely given Mike some impression that you needed looking after, as it were.
Normally, that might have pissed you off, but tonight, you really appreciated it.
*0*0*
The following morning, you were up and showered by the time Rachel arrived back at your room. She looked well rested, with no obvious signs of sex hair and hickies, and didn't smell like a brothel, so you were somewhat relieved. Maybe you could pretend her and Santana never happened. That would probably be best.
Giving her time to freshen up and change, the two of you opted to go out for breakfast, and headed to a place nearby. It wasn't until the food had been wolfed that you were able to ask about her evening. And there was no other way than the direct approach.
"So how was last night for you?" You tried to play it off as innocent curiosity, but deep down, you were desperate to know. Why, you weren't sure, but that was a question for another time.
"It was great," Rachel began, smiling at you. "I had so much fun. Your friends are amazing," she gushed. "Especially Santana! I can't believe you didn't mention her to me before. I was worried about you, I thought you had no one who would look out for you."
"Santana looking out for me," you hummed, feeling like you had just been dropped on your head.
"Yeah, knowing you have her in your corner if you ever need anything is great. I'm jealous, I'd love to have a friend like her in New York. Kurt doesn't count, obviously."
"I'm very lucky," you deadpanned, but Rachel didn't pick up on the sarcasm.
"You are. I'd steal her if I could." Smiling at her, you shook your head, and then opted to ask another burning question.
"So what did you get up to after I left?" Fiddling with your napkin, in the hope to make it look less desperate, you awaited her response. But Rachel didn't pick up on your nervousness, which was a relief.
"Santana showed me some of her mixes, and let me play around with others." Of course she did. "Then she took off, so Tina and Mike walked me back, and I stayed in Tina's room. Her roommate went away for the weekend, so it was free. I would have come back here, but I didn't want to wake you up."
Wait, what? Santana took off?
She took off. She left Rachel. You thought they were going to...well, it was obvious what you thought. And Santana had even alluded to that so…
Playing catch up to the end of Rachel's sentence, you shook your head.
"No, no, you should have woken me, I wouldn't...I'm sorry that I left." Rachel's smile softened and she looked guilty.
"No, Quinn, I get it. You were in pain. You had to go. It was actually really selfish of me to stay like that. So I'm sorry."
You couldn't be mad at Rachel. It wasn't possible.
"Don't be. I'm just glad you had a good time."
"I had the best time. When can I come back?" You laughed and waved your hand.
"Whenever you want."
"I'll keep that in mind, but next time, you're coming down to me." That was fair, so you nodded, and then let her tell you just what the two of you would be doing.
For some reason, a reason you didn't quite understand yet, you were feeling relieved. Relieved about Rachel and Santana. Relieved they didn't...Just relieved. Yes, you were protective of Rachel, so that would explain it, but then again, she was a big girl so… Whatever, you were relieved, and sitting there, listening to her talk, you felt like things were finally back to normal for you.
That feeling continued throughout the day, and the tight hug goodbye at the train station didn't deter it. Saying goodbye to Rachel was never easy, but if anything this weekend made you feel like things were really going to be alright. Your old world and your new one had met, and there had not been a tragic collision, with blood, glass, and gasoline strewn across the tarmac. Instead, Rachel was going away with the numbers of Sam, Mike, Tina and Santana, who she fully intended to keep in contact with, and she just knew she would.
How she was able to be such a social butterfly, you'd never know, but you wished you could be more like that.
In time, perhaps.
*0*0*
Rosario Cruz met you again that Sunday night, but this time, it was the repeat of Saturday's show.
You had missed it, doped up on pain meds, sound asleep, dreaming of weddings and trucks. But now you had time, so with your headphones in, you settled in to enjoy. And you were not disappointed. Her set was gold all the way through, and then came her last song.
"Now time for a classic, which has over three hundred different recordings. The song is 'Always On My Mind' and I'm choosing the Pet Shop Boys version. Sorry Willie Nelson and Elvis, but this version I can dance to. And this song goes out specifically to the ghost of Grace Kelly, who I just don't know what to do with, but safe to say, you're always on my mind." The intro of the song began playing in the background, but Rosario wasn't done. "And hey, the rest of you, I don't want any comments on Facebook about being pathetic or abuse of power. If I can't play a song for a hot girl, then I'm playing this gig wrong. Now, it's goodnight from me, good morning to you, enjoy!"
The song kicked in, and you found yourself smiling. It was a classic, like Rosario said, and damn near everyone knew the lyrics, or had at least heard one version of the song. But this was the first time you'd heard this version, and she was right, it was a good song to dance to.
Nodding your head along to the song, you wondered just how much stick she was going to get for dedicating the song, and whether this ghost of Grace Kelly was worth it. She probably was. Girls like Rosario Cruz weren't the type to date the unseen, the wallflowers, the strangers in the crowd. But alas.
Someday, you'd get over the wallflower stage, of that you were sure, and maybe then, you'd find your own Rosario Cruz.
Until then, you were going to dance it out, because your roommate was gone, and the song really was just that good.
Maybe I didn't treat you
Quite as good as I should
Maybe I didn't love you
Quite as often as I could
Little things I should have said and done
I never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died
Give me,
One more chance to keep you satisfied
Little things that I should have said and done
I never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
*0*0*