CHAPTER 12

It was hard for Clary to wake up as she hasn't slept well last night. Memories of what happened yesterday flooded her head whenever she closed her eyes. She can still hear Aline's voice ringing the hurtful way of how she sent her messages clearly, but more prominent was how Jace asked her, almost begging her to listen to him. Her heart was telling her to hear out what he had to say, and that she believed him when he told her he cared about her. But her mind was dictating otherwise, reminding her the last time she let her heart ran over her head. It resulted to making a fool of herself to continue a relationship which only resulted to lies, pain and heartache.

She tossed and turned from her bed and peeked at the clock which made her almost literally jump. She should've been up 30 minutes ago, and she needed to ready her drawings and layouts before meeting up with Aline. She groaned to herself, thinking about seeing her and working with her. She wanted to be as professional as possible and not to let her personal affairs hinder or affect her. She was also nervous about working with Jace's mother wondering how she will be as a client and as a person.

She dragged herself out of the bed and took a quick shower. She blow-dried her hair and pulled it in a high ponytail and settled for a blue cropped shirt and black leggings.

Leaving her room she can hear voices downstairs, the familiarity made her heart beat faster. Magnus was talking to someone, she became anxious as she already knew who he was having a word to. She took a deep breath and walked towards the stairs and she stopped right in front of the topmost step.

"I think she's still sleeping," it was Magnus' voice she identified, sounding a little defensive.

"I understand, but I am willing to stay here in the living room and wait for her to come down," someone responded. Jace. The voice was so familiar that Clary could even here it in her sleep. She swallowed hard as she was having a debate with herself whether she will go quickly back to her room to lock herself in, or just go down. Her mind and her heart are battling and Clary knew that if she followed her heart, she might have already been flying down the stairs.

"I can sense how badly you wanted to talk to her, but as I have mentioned, she's still asleep and I don't think it's a good idea to come and barge here," Magnus was reasoning out. She was waiting for a response but after Magnus finished talking, it suddenly became quiet.

Clary crouched a little and peered to see if Jace had already left. But as she was ducking her head, she looked at the left and almost fell backwards as she saw Jace directly looking at her. She saw him moving and started to walk towards the stairs. Magnus was about to move behind him but he held out his hand indicating for him to stop as he quickly glanced at him. "Magnus, just stay there. This is between Clary and I." He turned his back to him and hurriedly ran towards the stairs while Magnus stood still his mouth gaped at the sight in front of him.

"Clary! Clary, please I just wanted us to talk," he called out and started ascending on the stairs. Clary rose up to her feet and before she can reach her door, strong arms were already wrapped on her waist and her back was pressed onto Jace's chest.

"Please Clary, let me talk to you," he pleaded as he leaned his face on her head. Clary didn't respond.

"I have wanted to do this, I want to be this near to you," he murmured through her hair. Clary shivered at the touch of his skin on hers, feeling the urge to face him and embrace him back. He felt her body tensed and they stayed close together for a few seconds. She couldn't think straight as she was hyper aware of his nearness, warmth radiating from his body. She couldn't understand what she was feeling at the moment. She was confused with how he was acting and at the same time devastated about the situation that both of them are in. She still couldn't brush off the fact that Jace had not been totally open to her, particularly with his relationship with Aline. But should she blame him for that when she let herself feel something for him?

Clary peeled off herself off from Jace's arms and turned around so that both of them were facing each other. He reached for her face but she retreated. "This is not right." She whispered.

"Clary, please, I am begging you. Listen to me please," he pleaded while he held out his hands, and the sight made her heart twist in pain. It took so much self-restraint to not run and envelope him in her arms.

"Please, don't make this hard on us," She groaned sounding helpless.

"I just want you to hear me out, I have so much to say. I wanted to tell you a lot of things, things that I had held back for so long. Let me just tell all of those to you, and if you still don't… if you want me to leave you alone after this, I'll respect your decision." He reached for her shoulder and squeezed it. All of her resistance crumbled like a sand wall; she looked up at him and nodded, and gestured for him to follow her in the bedroom.

Clary walked inside and sat down on the edge of the bed while Jace followed not bothering to close the door behind him. He pulled out the drawer chair and settled right in front of her. They stayed silent for a few minutes, while he was waiting for a sign that she's ready to listen to him. She diverted her eyes on her hands as she felt him staring at her. The silence was almost deafening and she knew that he was waiting for her consent to talk to her. She gave him a sideway glance while biting her lip nervously and gave a small nod. His shoulders slumped as he exhaled while closing his eyes indication of being relieved.

"Clary, I… I wanted to apologize for not telling you about Aline, about my relationship with her. I never meant to hide it to you. I just didn't find the appropriate time for me to let you know that she's there and that I was still in a relationship with her when we met." He started as he reached for her hands and enclosed them with his. His touch sent electricity through her but she didn't pull away.

"The thing is, before my trip to Los Angeles, our relationship changed not for the better but for the worst. I was contemplating then whether I should continue, or if I should tell her that I can't do it anymore…" He paused and looked down at both of their hands unaware that he was tracing circular patterns on the side of her thumbs which made her shiver.

"Our relationship underwent adversities, and the last time that it had been on the rocks, it left a nasty mark. As much as I tried to bring everything back the way they were before, everything blew in my face. I realized that I had just continued dragging myself into being in relationship with her. I became uncertain to the point of concluding that she was not the person I wanted to be with." He continued his gaze suddenly at the window of the bedroom. She raised her head and looked at Jace. "It was hard to pretend that I can still go on being with her, and to make matters worse, our families were interfering. And as an only child, I always consider what my parents had to say. Our families planned on that we should get married soon, as it would strengthen both companies they owned. Both parties will benefit from it business-wise." He looked distressed and she just wanted to reach out to him and hold him but she controlled herself not to.

He brought her hands to his lips and kissed the back of her hands, and she felt butterflies already swarming in her stomach. He looked intently at her from her eyes down to her lips, which made her heart swell. She didn't want to misinterpret his expression but she can only see adoration in his eyes.

He finally spoke. "But I don't want that Clary. Aline wants that, but I don't." He shook his head with a frown on his face. She couldn't help but feel a little happy hearing that Jace doesn't have feelings anymore for Aline but the thought also made her feel horrible. How could she feel good about it when she knew that someone will end up hurt eventually?

"When I found out that I was going on a trip to Los Angeles, I was somehow thankful that I am going to be away, that I can finally ponder on if I'll still give Aline and I another try, or end it by the time I get back." He placed her hands on his lap and he suddenly smiled at her. She looked at him a little puzzled. "And then I saw you," she gasped, surprised by his revelation. "I am not like that with a stranger. I could've just helped you and walked away, but I didn't. I couldn't explain why, but I… I became fascinated, you captivated me." His voice was full of emotions. "I have never felt this thing before, believe me Clary. I had been attracted with a few in the past, but it's different with you, you had this pull on me." He explained his eyes glistened when he mentioned her name. "I should've just let you walk away and never asked for your number, but I knew, I was sure at that time I'd be damned if I didn't. That I'll regret it if I don't see you again." He paused and golden eyes met with green ones, both expressing mixed reactions.

"Jace, I…" Clary stopped talking as he spoke right away. She pulled her hands from his lap but he caught her right wrist.

"I need to tell you this. I need to tell you everything, even if this might be late." He appealed and he took her silence as a signal for him to go on as he let go of her hand.

"I let myself believe that if I knew you and spend time with you, my feelings might be changed, that it was just plain physical attraction. But I was so damn wrong Clary. As I spent more time with you, the more that I realize that my feelings became stronger. Sooner than I expected I had this resolution that it was not just attraction or not just your pretty face and that rocking body of yours that drawn me more to you, but for who you are as a person." He said with admiration in his tawny eyes.

"And you didn't know how much it bothered and devastated me to hear that your ex-fiancé broke your heart. I couldn't believe that someone, this Sebastian guy would do something cruel to an amazing woman like you. You don't deserve to be treated like that Clary." He shook his head, his fist clenched. "I was damned when I saw you with Sebastian when he went to your apartment. I wanted to rip him off of you when he clung at you and begging to win you back." he sighed closing his eyes as he continued.

"And what shattered me the most was when I saw the compassion in your eyes for him which made you forgive him like that. You didn't know how much that sight of you with him crushed my heart. It was like being stabbed over and over again." His voice was full of pain.

"It was one of the most devastating moments in my life. The angels knew how I wished I were in his place. I would've treated you right. I would not do anything deliberately to hurt you." He crossed the space between them and placed both of her hands on her shoulders while she met his gaze.

"Even it had been painful, I told myself that I am never going to have you. And it's not just because I am still in a relationship with Aline that time, but it was because the woman that I wanted so much in my life was still in love and getting married to another man. That man who just brought pain to her heart and tears to her eyes." His expression pained and his voice cracked with so much emotions.

Clary's eyes lingered on the beautiful man in front of her. She was not aware that tears were already falling, and Jace reached for her face to wipe them off. She couldn't believe that all those time, He harbors deep feelings for her. But how can she notice that when she tried so hard to convince herself that he was just being friendly to her, and there was another man that she kept on dwelling on? She felt a sudden regret that she chose to be with Sebastian, and if she hadn't, things could have been different. But she also knew that if they let themselves yield to whatever attraction they have for each other, it will just make things more complicated. It was still not right since he was still with someone, and the last thing she wanted was to be a reason of a break up. She knew that she's better than being the one who got in the way.

"Jace, I don't know…" she whispered. She moved a step backward from him and spun around so that her back was on him and she wouldn't be able to see his face. She couldn't let her guards down and be betrayed by her feelings for this man; the feelings that she denied and concealed.

"Are you still in love with him? Are you still with Sebastian?" He suddenly broke the silence his voice cracking with sadness. She shook her head calmly. How badly she wanted to kiss him and tell him that he was the one she wanted to be with had they been in a different situation. That even she has forgiven Sebastian, he kept on filling her mind. But she also knew that she needed to use her head before her heart. If she wanted to make her life easier for a month, she had to not let Jace's feelings or hers affect her.

He waited for an answer but he failed to get any. "Or is it true that you called off your engagement with him?" He asked further and saw Clary's expression darken.

"I don't think it's your business if I am still with him or not." Her voice was calm but threatening.

Jace paced towards her as he grasped her elbow, making her turn around to face him. "I ought to know Clary. Please, let me know." He pressed while leaning over his breath fanning her face, his ocher eyes staring at her green ones. She swallowed hard, clutching the side of her leggings tightly to suppress herself from closing the gap so that she can kiss him.

"What is it to you, if I am with him or not?" She asked trying to distract herself from his proximity.

"Because I need to know Clary, if there is something in it for the two of us." He leaned closer his nose almost touching her cheek. "I am crazy about you. I want to be with you so bad. I may not have done this right at the beginning, but I want a chance with you. Please, give me a chance, if there's still a place in your heart for me." He pleaded his voice came out husky with emotions.

She closed her eyes, intoxicated by his nearness. She can smell him more, a combination of vanilla, sunshine, and musk. She stayed silent, afraid that she would be betrayed by the emotions stirring within her if she opens her mouth soon. His breath was warm on her cheek and jaw, which ignited intense sensation in her.

His eyes lingered on her face studying her facial expression. His hopes suddenly ran high that she might also have feelings for him but he didn't want to assume too much.

But the way that she closed her eyes and the sudden rapidness of her breathing as his face came closer to her, he can tell that she was affected physically and perhaps emotionally.

Realizing that she should think straight rather than surrender to her feelings for this man, she jerked her head back and pushed him away.

"What you're feeling for me is not right. You still have Aline, she'll be hurt, and all of us will be hurt in the end." She explained. Jace's face tensed, hurt visible in his eyes.

"I explained everything to you Clary. I broke it off with her a day before you came here. She was stubborn enough not to accept that what we have should've been finished a long time ago. It's you I want to be with. I never wanted anyone this much, only you." He replied desperately.

She looked up and pinched her nose getting frustrated by the way their conversation is getting to.

"I don't want to be involved in a complicated situation. You of all people should know what I have been through with my previous relationship. I used my heart instead of my head, and it resulted into making a fool of myself, getting hurt for being weak and trusting." She pointed at her head and heart while reasoning out.

"I am different than Sebastian. Don't shut me out just because someone hurt you and played you around." He replied, raking his hands through his hair.

"How can I let you in Jace, when you still have unresolved issue with Aline? I don't want to be called the bitch who stole you away from her. Do you think things will be easy for us? Or would people be easy on us? No, I don't think so. Because feelings are not enough, and you should know it!" She responded her voice rising, she didn't notice that she was already shaking. The words coming out hurt her more that she expected.

He moved closer to her and he held him in his arms, while burying his face in her hair. As much as it saddened him, he knew that she made a very good point. He was a jerk for pushing too much; he was selfish and wanted things his way without considering her feelings. "I am so sorry Clary. I didn't mean to be forceful. By the angel, I have been a selfish bastard." He whispered in her hair. She closed her eyes and didn't resist his embrace as she sobbed into his chest.

"I told you earlier that if you wanted me to leave you alone after hearing me out, I will accept your decision. If that's what you want, even if it is hard and painful." He continued as he placed a soft kiss on her head.

Clary looked up at him tears forming again in her eyes. She already pushed him away, and the fact that he will stay away from her because of her doing felt more pain than she thought would. It was the last thing she wanted him to do, but she knew that it was the only way to make things right. He gently let her go and turned his back and started walking away.

"Jace," she blurted which made him stop and turn around. She can see the sorrow in his face, making her heart break into pieces. "I am sorry," she whispered holding back a sob.

"You don't have to be. I am the one who should apologize. Again, I am sorry." He answered and he continued to walk out of the door.

She was left alone, trying to hold back her tears.

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"You didn't finish your food." Magnus observed while gesturing at her plate. She gazed at him with puffy eyes, which earned a sympathetic look from him.

"Why do I have to be in this situation?" She groaned.

"Do you feel something for him?"He asked while looking intently at her. She just kept quiet avoiding his eyes.

"Clary?" He called her name again.

"I will be a pathetic liar if I say I don't. It's more than being attracted, Magnus, it's something stronger. I am afraid where my feelings might lead me. I don't know how longer I can suppress what I do feel about him." She confessed.

"Why do you need to hold back your true feelings for him, when it's obvious that he's crazy over you?" Magnus rolled his eyes and a playful smile on his lips.

"Because everything's wrong, this situation that we're in. We would be hurting a lot of people, and I had been through a wrecking relationship with my ex-fiance Sebastian. I don't need to be in a complicated relationship like the one Jace and I would be having just in case we pursue this thing that we have for each other." She muttered. Magnus snagged her plate and started eating the remaining food.

"Whatever you say. It's hard to avoid him. You might be lucky enough to see him almost every day. And judging his behavior, he seems persistent and persuasive, so if I were you, bite your tongue and just let things be the way they should be. And worst of all, you have deep feelings for him and that would be more interesting." He replied.

Clary shuddered at Magnus' words. It was inevitable for them to see each other frequently and deep down she knew that she cannot trust her heart not to concede to what she felt for Jace.

She told him how she came to know Jace from their first encounter until the last day they saw each other before coming to New York. Magnus looked entertained with her story and by the time she finished he had this wondering look on his face.

"I can't help but think that this all had been planned." He observed.

She raised an eyebrow. "Planned?"

Magnus rolled his eyes. "Clary dear, think about this. I think Aline knew about you and Jace, the way she acted and talked to you, there were always some meaning or intentions of letting you know that she still had him." He explained.

Her face gone pale. She suddenly felt cold realizing what he said made sense. And now, she felt more conscious than before on how to act towards Aline especially when Jace is around. This will be harder than she expected.

"She doesn't need to feel threatened because Jace is hers. In the end he will still choose her." She wanted to be sound convincing but her voice came out shaky. If that is the case, why does it feel like something is pricking her heart.

"You try convincing yourself more Clary dear, because the way you said it and the way I see the look on your face while saying it, I can tell that you don't want to say it at all. What's there in your heart is telling otherwise." He stated.

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The rest of the day had been tiring for Clary. She started on possible layout for Aline's home and she had never been more exhausted than before. She usually enjoys thinking and putting out her creative ideas on her layouts and drawings, but this one had been so hard for her. The hardest that she had encountered in the span of her career as a designer.

Thoughts had bothered her while working. Her mind conjured images of Aline with Jace kissing each other, laughing together, and doing things that two people who were in love would do. And as crazy it might be, she thought she's going to explode by the mere idea that Jace might have ran to Aline by now. He might be with her now since she pushed him away despite his confession that he had deep feelings for her. His face and his words earlier kept on popping in her head, and it made her felt miserable and confused.

Clary stop it, she hissed to herself. She shouldn't be thinking about Jace if she wanted to survive the whole month of not giving in to her feelings for him. After all she already made it clear to him that she didn't want to be involved in his complicated relationship. She needed to start setting aside on what her heart feels and Jace's feelings for her because that's the logical thing to do.

She gathered the papers in front of her and placed them in a folder. She'll present them to Aline tomorrow and hopefully she wouldn't bump into Jace at her home. It would be too soon to see him and it wouldn't do well to her. She almost jumped when she heard her phone rang. She cautiously looked at the screen to see who was calling, wary that it might be him, but she let out a sigh of relief when she saw that it was Simon who was calling her.

"Simon!" Her greeting sounded like a squeal.

"Hey Clary, how have you been?" He asked sounding a little concerned.

"I am... um... I'm okay," she replied sounding unsure.

"Are you sure? You sound like you're not that okay?" He asked. She could imagine him frowning.

"Yeah, I am fine, Si. I missed you that's all." She answered trying to sound cheerful.

"Alright, I missed you too. Sorry I wasn't able to get back to you right away, I was kind of held up at work. Why don't I visit you when you don't have work?" He suggested.

"That's wonderful! I might be free tomorrow night. You know Dumont?" She asked.

"Is that where you're staying?"

"Yes, our clients provided our accommodation for free. I am staying here with Magnus, the architect from the Firm." She explained.

"Oh, okay. Yeah, I know Dumont, it is popular here. I'll visit you tomorrow then." He said.

"Great, I'll see you tomorrow Si,"

"Clary?"

"Yes?"

"I know Jace is based in New York, have you already seen him?" He asked curiosity apparent in his voice. It took a few seconds before Clary answered back. "I have seen him," it was barely a whisper.

"What? He saw you first! That's not fair. Was he the one who fetch you at the airport?"

"It's a long story, I'll tell you everything tomorrow, okay?" she sighed.

"Alright, alright, see you Clary. Bye."

"Bye Simon." She said and both of them hung up.

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Jace was restless after his conversation with Clary. He couldn't help but himself at fault for his misery. He should've been man enough to have ended things with Aline and have taken things one step at a time with her. He knew that she came from a devastating relationship and he couldn't blame her if it was too much for her to give her trust to him. He asked Hodge to drive his car and drop him somewhere he can forget just for the time being.

He found himself at Renwick's, sitting at the stool in front of the bar ordering for vodka. He ordered something similar to what Clary got the night they saw each other at Pandemonium. He told himself that it was not a good idea to head there and drink his misery away, but he wanted a diversion and alcohol seemed to be a good company tonight. He asked Alec and Isabelle to go with him but both of them told him to go home and sleep it off then deal with his sorrow the next day.

He lost track of how much vodka he already consumed. There were a few girls who tried to get his attention but he was sober enough to politely decline them, as there is just one person in his mind that he would rather have it. He gestured for another round of vodka when a very familiar voice came up from his behind.

"Do you feel sorry about what you did to me, that's why you're drinking your ass up?" she asked, her voice was hoarse and he could feel her breath almost on his nape.

"What are you doing here?" He growled. She flinched at his sudden rudeness.

"I want to keep you company tonight Jace, I miss you," she replied as she leaned to him, her lips almost touching his ears.

He drew back wanting to have some distance between them. "Aline, don't you just ever quit? How many times have I told you, I want to be out of our fucking relationship! How many times do I have to put that into that pretty head of yours?" He snapped, placing his hand at the back of her head.

"You really don't mean that Jacey. I knew at the end of the day, I am still the one you want to be with." She purred as she tried to lean close to him.

"You are crazy Aline! I don't want you anymore. I have already broken up with you, so go ahead and find someone who will put up with your junk!" He said through gritted teeth as the effect of alcohol gushed through him.

She gave him a wicked smile. "Do you think I didn't notice how you were looking at the little redhead who happened to be my designer? Didn't you think how much of a coincidence it was that I personally chose her for the job? You don't know what I am capable of doing Jacey. I am not stupid. I wouldn't just let you dump me like a rag doll." She warned while placing her fingers on his cheek and chin.

He jerked his head back and sat silent at her accusations and threat. The last thing he wanted to happen was for Clary to be involved in whatever Aline is planning on. Both of his hands were curled into fists as he tried to control his anger towards her.

He downed the tequila one after another he glanced sideways and saw that Aline was sitting on the stool beside him. "Go home Aline,"

"Yeah, that's what I am going to do!" She snapped as she swiftly placed a peck on Jace's cheek.

"I am not done with you," she said with a threat and started walking away.

He didn't bother looking back, and suddenly he felt dizzy. The bartender was mouthing something to him he couldn't comprehend and that was the last thing he saw before everything turned to black.

A/N

I am so sorry that it took more than a month for me to update. The original version of this chapter was included in my hard drive which was messed up, and unfortunately can't be opened anymore. I had to re-write this together with chapter 11. I couldn't go online frequently due to work load and duties at home. But nothing to worry because chapter 13 will be posted soon.

Again, thanks for the reviews. I love your reviews, keep them coming in.

To xoxNxox– Yes, Aline's a b*tch and should back off. It was already in her face but to stubborn to accept the fact that Jace and her were history.

lovelydreams98 - Yes, Jace needs to pull his act together. How can he prove to Clary that he is worth a shot at romance?

Faith13, PrincessJojo – I know, I want more Clary and Jace as well and let's see if they will be able to build a relationship since everything is complicated and

Clary is hesitant to give Jace a chance. For Alec and Magnus, let's see if there is something in store for them.

Many thanks for the reviews EverlastingWhisper, hollows-addict89, KyKat and from a Guest. KyKatI want to slap Aline so hard as well.