No I'm not a liar
Just don't know how to tell you the truth
All we need is time
We don't know why we do what we do
But we do
As she lay in the hospital bed all alone, she yet again wondered why she'd done what she'd done. Max's words from earlier in the day had really hurt her, although she knew she fully deserved anything he threw at her. She hadn't meant to lie, she'd tried both at their flat and outside the registry office, to tell the truth and yet the words seemed to stick in her throat and instead be replaced by phrases like 'I love you'. She knew that time was a healer, but it remained unclear as to whether it would be mending her broken heart or Max's trust in her.
On a night like this
Just don't know what I'm trying to prove
No we can't predict
The reasons why we do what we do
But we do, but we do
As she opened her eyes again, they fell upon the man she'd been most desperate to see and yet wasn't quite sure how to face. The chair that was previously beside her, now sat at the other side of the room, as far a way as Max could get while still in the room. The man in front of her was a shadow of the man she'd known, she'd broken his heart and it was obvious. He watched her expectantly, waiting for her to make a move, she knew she had to do something to prove that she wanted him and only him and yet she didn't know what to do. She loved him so much and yet she'd cheated and she couldn't even begin to explain why.
"I love you Max." Zoe whispered.
When you fall in love
You can't help it when you act like a fool
When you look above
You see the reasons why we do what we do
It'd been only a matter of hours since she'd been discharged, Max had stood in the room and made out that he'd look after her to the doctor but had left once they'd got home. His wedding ring lay abandoned on his bedside table and his clothes lay half packed in a case on the end of the bed. Zoe moved the case to the floor, she wasn't going to physically stop him from leaving her but she knew she had to do everything that she could to keep him. She lay back on the bed, on Max's side where it smelt strongly of him. Tears pricked at her eyes as she realised that she may never get to cuddle up to him again. Staring at the ceiling was doing little to help her, she even thought about praying to the god that she had abandoned in her teen years.
Ain't got a shotglass in my fist
To spill it away on my business
Telling these strangers about you
I'm getting too, I'm getting too, I'm getting too Personal with you
It was 10 before she ended up in the pub, she'd got through two large glasses of wine before she decided that they just weren't strong enough. The shot glass of pure vodka in front of her was tempting and yet she wasn't sure, it was alcohol that had got her into her current mess. She didn't want to spill her heart out, she didn't want to end up in bed with a total stranger. She'd done both before, she'd poured her heart out to Max and now she was left hurting. She'd slept with a stranger and left Max hurting. She need him back, she loved him more than she'd ever imagined she could, she'd gotten personal with him and now he had the power to hurt her and completely shatter her heart.
Now I'm wondering
They can tell that I've been crying all night?
Cause I told myself
I don't love you, though I know it's a lie
Cause I do
She walked into work, she'd drank a little too much but she'd stayed in control. She'd stumbled back into bed around midnight and just cried for most of the night. Make up had covered the majority of the proof she'd cried, but there was little she could do with the puffiness that surrounded her eyes. Half of her wondered just how obvious it was that she'd been crying an how obvious it would be, she knew that Max would notice but he wouldn't say anything. She'd spent the night trying to convince herself that she didn't need Max, that she could live without him, but as he walked past her looking as broken as she did, she knew that she couldn't live without him. Lying to herself wasn't helping when all it took was him to walk past to undo it all.
Hear me out, hear me out right now, hey
Hear me out, hear me out now, hey
You've been running through my mind all day
Hear me out now, hear me baby
"Max?" She called after she'd seen a few patients.
"I'm busy." He told her bluntly, not bothering to even look at her, and instead stared at the floor.
"No ones needing to be moved right now." Zoe pointed out.
"Doesn't mean they won't need moving in a minute." He replied, finally looking up but he seemed to look through her rather than at her.
"Hear me out Max, you've been running through my mind since that night. Just hear me out." He went to say something, but sensing he wasn't going to say what she wanted, she interrupted. "Please Max, just give me that. Just 15 minutes and if you still want nothing to do with me, I'll let you go."
"Okay."