She plunged her fork into the Tofurkey, not quite having the heart to take the energy to actually eat the meal. Maybe this is the reason I've lost so much weight; it's hard to maintain body fat when you never feel like eating.

"Honey, I know it's not fabulous but you could try and put some meat on those bones." chided Scott amicably. He had seen Benny upset before, but never had he witnessed her too unhappy to devour his famous "Tofurkey Delight".

"I'm sorry, Scott. I know how much trouble you went to, coming to see me and spending Christmas…" She sighed sadly. "Here."

"What, not a fan of Miami? Trust me, doll, it's better than the four feet of snow in Montreal." He meant it as a joke, but he could detect her sadness as she regarded her surroundings. "Oh come on, cheer up! It's Christmas Eve!" When she only looked up at him with a sad attempt at a smile, he pressed on. "OK, so what's bothering you so much that you refuse to inhale this meal I've so generously prepared?"

Knowing that his words were intended in kindness, Ben responded. "Just homesick, I guess. I mean, it's just not the same here." She thought for a moment. "I miss having frozen toes. Snowball fights. Wearing mittens. Ice skating on my pond. I miss my family, my home, my own culture," Scott was not surprised; Benny had mentioned almost immediately upon arriving in Miami how she longed for the Six Nations culture in which she was immersed in Saskatchewan. "I miss knowing everyone in town. Not locking my doors at night. I miss…" She broke off, both knowing what she was thinking.

"Ryan." Finished Scott, and, though her expression was one of denial, she spoke no words to indicate that it was not true.

> > > > > >

Ryan rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he stepped down the stairs. It was Christmas morning, but in the Wolfe household, it was regarded as a day of Hanukkah. Walking towards the kitchen, he smelled latkes and borscht--though he would never admit it to his mother, he liked beets enough to even buy them for his own home in Miami.

"Finally, he is awake! Ryan, we thought you were dead with all the sleeping you do!" His mother's face was bright red from continued exposure to the heat of the kitchen, but her expression was kind and loving as she wrestled her son--a good half foot taller than she--into an embrace, placing a wet kiss on his cheek.

"And he doesn't even think to wash his face! I excuse my boy; he is normally much more polite than this. Don't you say hello, Ryan?" She asked maternally as she indicated the guest seated at the table.

Ryan's jaw fairly dropped as he recognized the young woman.

"Maggie?" He took a moment to regard his first love, Magdalene Schmidt. She seemed somewhat flustered to see him, too; it had been years. "Hey, uh…hi!" Now it was Ryan whose face burned red. After all these years…

"Hey, Ryan. How are things?" She asked shyly, barely making eye contact. He found himself pleased to hear that she had retained her strong Boston accent. Then he found himself awkwardly stepping past his mother to move into a hug with this girl, who he had long loved, and never quite completely forgotten.

"Things are…uh…good, actually. Wow. It's really been a while." Great. The first time I see her in years, and I'm in pyjamas, with morning breath, and can't think of a thing to say.

"You children move to the living room." ordered Mary Wolfe. When met with alarmed looks, she insisted, "Out! I have much cooking to do for this boy, who eats nothing in Miami and comes home three times a year for some real food." With that, she shooed them towards the living room, where they sat awkwardly in comfy chairs, facing one another. Ryan was glad that she had sat in a chair, for he would have been torn as to whether or not to sit beside her if she had sat on the couch.

"I didn't expect to see you here." She said quietly, blushing.

"Yeah, I, uh…haven't been back in a while." Great response, idiot. "You still living in Boston?"

She laughed. "No, I moved out to Fort Lauderdale about a year ago. I'm in real estate."

For the second time in a matter of minutes, Ryan's jaw dropped. "You're kidding. I live in Miami!" He laughed. "What are the odds, huh?"

> > > > > >

"OK, girl, enough of your moping. I'm taking your ass out." Scott stated as he pulled Benny's hand, lifting her off of the couch where she sat, watching a Sex and the City marathon.

She looked up in alarm. "But where? Everything's closed on Christmas!"

He snorted. "Shows what you know. Get dressed. We're going dancing!"

An hour later, Benny stepped shyly through the glass doors of Club Cisco, a local dance club, and, according to Scott, the spot to pick up guys. Whether he meant for him or for her, she wasn't quite certain.

"You know, Scott, this isn't really my scene." How does he not understand that I went through a major break-up less than a week ago!

But Scott was already ordering drinks. A gin and tonic for him, a daiquiri for her.

Three daiquiris later, she was dancing with a cute twenty-something Hispanic man. Look at me, a regular hip-hop music video girl. He spun her outward, then brought her close, his hands moving slowly down her back. She noticed dimly how his face was buried in her neck as he grinded with her to the music. She laughed inwardly. What is it about him that doesn't make me pull away?

She excused herself at the end of the song and went to the bar to order another drink--and give her feet a rest. He followed her, and sat on the stool beside her.

"I never got your name." He said, flashing a beautifully manicured smile.

"What?" The music roared in the background, and she was rendered unable to properly hear him. In response, he grabbed her hand lightly and led her to the front of the building. At first she was startled, but relaxed when she realized that he was not taking her out of sight of the bouncer, who stood guarding the door.

"Sorry, I just had to get out of there." He said as he fished in his pocket. "Mind if I smoke?" When she shook her head, he pulled one out, offering her a cigarette as well. To her surprise, she obliged, taking it between two fingers. They lit up together and stood in silence a few moments.

"So what's your name anyway, Pretty Girl?" He asked as he ashed his cigarette against his index finger.

She smiled sheepishly at the nickname by which he had been referring to her all night, and responded in her most seductive voice, "Benjamin." How do you sound sexy when you have a boy's name?

But he just smiled, taking another drag, and said, "Benjamin. That's nice. I'm Adrián."

Her breath escaped her for a moment; his name was pronounced, "Adh-RY-ahn", and her heart flipped in the way that it did whenever she was reminded of Ryan. But she covered her momentary dismay by taking a puff of the cigarette and trying not to choke on the poisonous smoke.

"You from around here?" He asked.

She nodded. "Yeah. Moved here almost a year ago. You?"

He laughed. "You could say I'm 'right off the boat'. I used to live in Brazil, right? Just got here with my brothers three weeks ago." He contemplated for a moment. "I wonder how long it takes for the immigrant feeling to go away."

Benny sighed. "I've been here ten months and I still feel like a foreigner. Not a lot of people around here speak Ojibwa." When Adrián obviously had no idea what she was talking about, she clarified. "The Aboriginal group my family comes from. In Canada."

"Oh, so you know how it is, right?"

"Hm. I guess so." There followed a moment of intense eye contact, at which point Adrián dropped his cigarette on the ground, and, wrapping an arm around her waist, pulled Ben into a deep kiss.

His breath tastes like smoke. Mine probably does, too. Sick.

He ran a thumb over her cheek, causing her skin to involuntarily bristle. He's taller than Ryan by at least three inches. And bigger, too. It's nice to know that the guy you're kissing weighs more than you.

Benny caught herself thinking about Ryan, and her heart jumped as it had when Adrián had told her his name.

You can take the girl out of the love, but you can't take the love out of the girl.

> > > > > >

"Ryan, you are taking that girl out tonight." As with most things his mother said, it was an order.

Ryan smiled. "I'm way ahead of you, Ma. We're going skating on the canal. I'm picking her up at eight."

She was taken aback. "Oh. Well good. You wash your face and cut your nails first, though; that poor girl does not want to be seen with some sort of wild man who looks like he is from the forest!" Her accent was always more noticeable when she lovingly criticized her only son.

"OK, Ma, I'll get right on that." He replied with a hint of sarcasm. His mind was elsewhere, however, as he recalled the previous day, when he had sat with Maggie for hours in the living room, talking about old times, and new:

"You look great, Ryan." she smiled coyly.

"Huh? Oh, thanks…you, too. I mean…you really look nice."

Maggie blushed. "Mind elsewhere?"

"Oh, not at all." He smiled at her genuinely. "I'm here."

"Thinking about your girlfriend?"

"No girlfriend to think about." He was wise to her tricks, but grateful for her attempt at subtlety.

"Oh? I just assumed there was someone. It's a little sad to be alone this time of year, don't you think?" she looked down at her folded hands in her lap. "I know I get lonely."

> > > > > >

The water ran hot across Ryan's back as he got ready for his first date in months. His mind couldn't help but wander to the girl he would be taking out in less than two hours. She had slimmed down since he had last seen her, almost a decade prior. She stood at five feet, four inches. Shorter than Benny. She had an olive complexion, big brown eyes, and dark, wavy hair running down her back and shoulders. Not as thick and shiny as Benny's. Maggie was petite, far from full-figured, which suited her timid personality. Not outgoing like Benny.

Ryan smacked himself. You're not allowed to think about your ex-girlfriend when you're going on a date with your…he almost laughed. Maggie was his ex-girlfriend, too. It had been years since they had dated, but she still had that status to him. Still, he couldn't get Benny off of his mind. I wonder what she's doing right now. He felt a pang of jealousy. I wonder if she's with some other guy right at this moment.

After showering, Ryan brushed his hair and teeth, and got dressed. Green dress shirt. Black suit jacket. Denim jeans. In anticipation of the cold he would face out on the wintry canal, he grabbed a heavier jacket, gloves, and put on an extra pair of socks.

"Ma, I'm leaving!" He called as he exited the house, stepping gingerly over the icy driveway towards his parked Hummer. Simultaneously driving and reading the directions to Magda's house that he had scribbled onto some of his father's stationary, he backed out of the driveway and into the street. Six left turns later, he stood on the front step of her parents' new house, hopping between feet to keep warm.

"Hey, Ryan! I'll be right out!" She smiled upon opening the door. She wore a heavy wool sweater, fitted black snow pants, and a black toque. "You can wait in the car if you want," She grinned. "It's freezing out here."

They arrived at the canal shortly thereafter, and sat together in silence as they strapped on their skates. Once they got onto the ice, it all came back easily to Ryan. Just like riding a bicycle. Maggie, however, was not so lucky. She slipped immediately, falling face-first into Ryan's arms. He held her up, and for a moment, they just gazed at one another before shyness took hold and he helped her up.

"Come on, you can do it!" He cheered as he skated slowly backwards away from her. She started uneasily, sliding awkwardly, but soon got her footing and followed him down the wide canal. It was deserted that night, the stars twinkling in the brisk winter darkness, the faint sound of traffic in the distance. Ryan did a quick lap around Maggie, then slowed beside her. She looked over at him and smiled, then linked her arm through his.

"I'm having fun with you tonight, Ryan Wolfe." Her smile lit up the night.

"And I'm having fun with you, Maggie Schmidt." They were barely moving at this point, skating lazily into the darkness. Maggie suddenly stopped and turned to look straight at Ryan.

"You know, there's something I should tell you." Her face was serious and solemn as she gazed at him. His heart did a double-take. What is it? Is she seeing someone? Damn! "This isn't easy for me to say, but…" She bit her lip nervously.

"W-what is it?" He practically choked on his words, anxiety closing in on him.

"Ryan…no one's called me 'Maggie' since High School." She laughed suddenly, doubling over in a fit of uncontrollable giggles. Looking up at Ryan's shocked and relieved expression, she exclaimed, "I'm sorry, I had to! You should have seen your face!"

Ryan feigned shock, clutching his heart with one hand as he laughed loudly. "You can't just do that to a guy, Mag--" He raised an eyebrow. "What exactly do people call you?"

"Just Magda." She said, shrugging.

"'Just Magda', huh? When did that happen?"

"When I went to University. I guess I just introduced myself as Magda, and it caught on." She moved closer to Ryan, her face inches from his. "It's cute that you call me Maggie, though." She could feel his warm breath on her face, they were so close. "I don't mind."

His hands were trembling. Have I honestly forgotten how to play the game! What does she expect me to do? It was never like this with Benny. He found himself suddenly pressing his lips to Magda's, just to cease the thoughts racing through his mind. The kiss was passionate but short and somewhat chaste. When they parted, her eyes were still closed, her chin turned up to reach his face. He just looked at her in the second before she opened her eyes.

She is beautiful, though.

"It's nice to see you again, Ryan. Let's not be strangers."

> > > > > >

Benjamin woke up with a headache and that peculiar feeling you get when you know that something you can't quite put your finger on is out of the ordinary. Tracing her thoughts back in time, she remembered the previous night, the kiss with Adrián, giving him her number, then stumbling home with Scott in the early morning. She groaned as she rolled over in bed, not out of regret, but shock that she, normally so reserved when it came to "putting herself out there", had had a casual encounter with a complete stranger, to whom she had willingly provided her phone number--her cell phone number, that is. Neil had taught her at least that much caution.

Scott walked into her room, sat softly upon the mattress beside Ben.

"How ya feeling, hon?" He asked as he ran a hand through her hair, which she noted needed desperately to be washed.

She smiled at him, revealing a set of teeth which she noted probably needed to be brushed. "I'm pretty good." She tried to suppress a laugh at what she had done the night before; her behaviour the previous night was out of the ordinary for her. Scott's smile, however, caused her to laugh out loud, rolling in bed with a fit of laughter, as Scott joined in raucously. They laughed together for several minutes, and then sighed as they caught their breath. They lay together on her duvet as they reminisced over old times, Benny happier than she had been in a long time. Discussion led to the previous night, and they couldn't help but burst into laughter again.

"It's good to have you back, Ben." He kissed her forehead. "I'm making pancakes if you're interested."

She nodded in agreement. "Sounds good." She raised herself from the bed and gazed out the window for a moment. "He's a nice guy, you know."

"I noticed."

"I think he actually likes me, too." She looked over at him and smiled. "I know you don't believe me, but I think he's interested in more than just, you know…" She knew how she sounded.

"Who are you trying to convince, Ben?" Scott walked to the window, looked out with her. "It's OK to be human, you know."

She glanced over at him sharply. "What?" She faked a laugh. "You're a crazy one, you know that?"

He just looked at her sadly. "Ben, you're not expected to just…move on from the most significant relationship you've ever--"

"Scott, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't even…I've already forgotten Ryan!" She could hear the tone in her voice, knew how ridiculous she sounded, yet she was desperate to cling onto the illusion that she didn't care about Ryan. She sighed loudly. "I'm not ready to…" She broke off, gazing out the window but seeing nothing but Ryan. Ryan opening the door for her. Ryan blushing when he told her he loved her. Ryan laughing as he watched 'Ren and Stimpy' re-runs…

"It's OK. I know." Scott held her while she cried silently, still not admitting that, despite all the things she was capable of, all the things she had accomplished, she was unable to forget the simple fact that she was alone.

I can tough it out, I can put on a smile, I can refuse him the satisfaction of knowing that I miss him, but that doesn't mean I can get over him.

> > > > > >

"Hey, Ben, how was your time off?" Asked Eric Delko pleasantly as he entered the DNA lab where Ben pored laboriously over the results with which Valera had provided her.

Benny looked up brightly and smiled. "It was great. Just what the doctor ordered. And yours?"

"Oh, you know, it was pretty good. Spent some time with my folks."

Benny smiled at him and went back to work. She noticed that he made no move to leave the lab, but she didn't look up, for fear of awkwardness. A part of her knew what was coming.

"So, uh…what are you up to this weekend?" He asked hesitantly.

She thought for a moment. "Nothing comes to mind." Unless Adrián calls me.

"Because I was maybe thinking you'd want to do something. I have these tickets to Clapton, and I heard you were kinda a fan."

She looked up, mouth gaping. "You're kidding me!" Clapton is God!

Eric grinned. Victory. "Yeah! I have a friend at ticket master, so he lets me know when there's an event, and I get wicked seats."

Benny playfully shoved his shoulder, still in disbelief. "You're kidding me!"

"Don't believe me? I'll pick you up at seven on Friday to prove it!" He was fully on his game now, playing it like a pro. Like always. Eric Delko, for all his vices, really had a way with the ladies.

"That sounds great! Wow, Eric, I don't believe this! You're the greatest!" She stood on tiptoe to wrap him in a grateful--if somewhat platonic--embrace. "I look forward to it!" she exclaimed, as Ryan entered.

It was a moment of extreme awkwardness as Ryan surveyed the situation: his recently parted ex-girlfriend, hugging his long-time quasi-nemesis, whose ex-girlfriend he himself had taken out less than a year prior. There seemed to be only one course of action: ignore the situation.

"Delko, I've got the print results off of your murder weapon. Matches a Dean Parker? I've got Tripp on him right now." And with a nod to Ben, who he had not officially addressed since entering, he left, slamming the door slightly behind him.

Eric and Ben smiled at each other awkwardly, each wondering if the situation should be formally recognized.

"I should, uh, go with him." Stammered Eric, no longer the cool and suave token minority.

Ben nodded slowly. "Yeah. I guess you probably should." At least the stupid ass knows now that there are other guys after me. That'll teach him to take me for granted.

"So. Friday. I'll pick you up at seven?"

"Yeah." Then, more enthusiastically, "Yeah, I'm looking forward to it."

He's not Ryan, but he's not bad. And easy on the eyes.

> > > > > >

"Ben! I hear we're partners today!" Exclaimed Calleigh brightly. You could always count on her to at least plausibly feign happiness and enthusiasm. She was truly a merit to the team.

"Yeah, props to Horatio for hooking up the two brightest members of his team!" Retorted Ben playfully. It was a running joke between herself and Calleigh that they were the most valuable CSI's, due to their gender.

The two women walked out of the building together into the bright January sun. Walking towards Calleigh's Hummer (it was granted as a given fact that the senior officer would drive when carpooling, which resulted in a low expenditure on gas money on Benny's part), they got to talking.

"So Delko tells me that he's taking you out on Friday," began Calleigh cautiously. They were close, but close enough for her to tread on this territory?

"Oh, yeah…it should be fun. I love Clapton!"

She seems more excited about Eric Clapton than Eric Delko. Does she realize that this is a date?

They got into the vehicle, and as they were pulling out of the parking lot, Calleigh asked the question that had been pressing on her mind since Eric had told her that he was taking Benny out.

"Does Ryan know about you and Eric?"

Benjamin looked over sharply, frowning. "Why would Ryan care?" Has he said something about me? Does he still love me?

Calleigh narrowed her eyes, surprised that Ben would ask. "Well, you and Ryan broke up, what? A week and a half ago? And Eric and Ryan…they've had problems before. They don't always get along."

Ben's heart sank. So much for Ryan wanting me back. Not that I care. "Well, Ryan's a big boy, he can take care of himself. Besides, if he didn't want me going out with Delko, he could have pulled his head out of his passive aggressive ass long enough to say something." She hadn't meant to sound so bitter, but there were few people to whom she could vent her usually undetected rage and hurt.

Calleigh was taken aback. She seems so mature sometimes, I forget that she's barely out of her teens. Poor kid. She's a child in an adult world, recovering from an adult relationship. "You're right. Ryan's just going to have to get on board." She smiled at Benny, who tried hard to smile back.

It was a silent ride the rest of the way to the scene.