When they were both buckled in, she turned the ignition, and immediately Kelly Clarkson blasted through the speakers.

"You had your chance, you blew it.

Out of sight, out of mind.

Shut your mouth, I just can't take it.

Again and aga—"

Ben blushed and quickly turned it off. "Girl music, right?" she said. It was what Ryan always called anything that sounded remotely 'anti-man', as he put it.

Ryan laughed as they pulled out of the parking lot. "A girl's got to have her tunes, right?" I did have a chance. And I certainly blew it. Ew, I'm identifying with Kelly Clarkson. Ew! I recognize that as being Kelly Clarkson!

"Oh, yeah. It's a real pick-me-up at two am."

"I can imagine. Though, personally, I usually go for Christina in the morning." He joked.

He always did have a good sense of humour.

As he spoke, Ben noticed something peculiar. "Hey, Ryan, how come you talk like that now?"

Ryan looked over, an eyebrow raised. "Like what?"

"I don't know, past month or so, you've had this weird accent. Like…New York or something." It was only after she spoke that she realized it was a Boston accent. Of course, his hometown.

"New York? Yeah, right. I'm Boston and nothing but, you damn Yankee." He laughed. "I don't know, a lot of people have told me that lately. Maybe because it's the way Madga talks and I've been spend—" he broke off in mid-sentence, his face pale white.

Ben immediately got the implication, and nodded her head solemnly. "The new girlfriend?" You don't care. He can date anyone he wants. What do I care? I'm happy for them.

Ryan took a moment to reply. "Uh, the new ex-girlfriend, actually." As of, what, eight hours ago?

Benny could barely keep the expression of victory off of her face. "Oh, I'm uh…I'm really sorry to hear that." Little lie, big lie?

"Yeah, it uh…" he shrugged casually. "These things happen, right?"

Magda slammed down her fork and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Ryan, are you seeing someone else?"

He looked up sharply at the accusation, his gaze fixed on her, undivided, for the first time since they had gotten back from their visit up North. After a brief, shocked silence, he replied, quietly but firmly, "No, Magda, I'm not seeing someone else."

Benny didn't respond for a long time. She considered asking him if he wanted to talk about it, but she knew as well as anyone that, regardless of Ryan's feelings, she didn't want to hear about it. Finally, she took a deep breath and said what was most likely the most true thing she could manage: "I'm sure it's her loss."

Ryan looked over at her slowly. It doesn't feel that way. He let out a bitter laugh. "Funny, how I always manage to sabotage my relationships."

Benny was silent for a long time, completely unsure as to how to respond.

She shook her head, as if trying to clear her mind, figure out what was going on with her boyfriend. "Then why are you so distant all the time? I feel like you're never listening, you're never here. Ryan, you've got to tell me what's going on!" She spoke clearly and decisively, but the emotive tremor in her voice was unmistakable. She hated to go through this with someone for whom she cared so deeply.

"I know it's not fair to you, hon, I just have a lot—"

"Don't you dare tell me you've got a lot on the go! Don't blame this on work, don't tell me you've been busy lately…it's clear that this relationship is unsalvageable; I just want to know why."

Benjamin Wallace had always been quick on her feet; she was rarely at a loss for words. But now she found herself perplexed: was Ryan trying to get into a conversation about their past…and potential future?

Figuring that she didn't have much to lose, she quietly responded, "You know, a month ago, or even a week ago—hell, even yesterday—I would have loved to hear you admit that it's your fault. To hear you take the blame. But seeing that you're as weak and vulnerable as the rest of us…Ryan," she boldly reached across the passenger seat and took his hand. "I see now that your actions, which have negatively affected at least two women that I know of, are only a result of your own fears. And for that, I sincerely wish you the best in reclaiming your strength, and overcoming whatever it is that prevents you from being in a long, healthy relationship."

She had needed to say it all along, but first, she had needed to feel it: forgiveness. She still loved him—hell, she loved him to death—but now she was beyond her anger, her bitterness, her hurt. The furious tears she had harboured so long, finally subsided as she felt the light pressure of Ryan squeezing her hand.

And it dawned on him, for the first time since they had gotten home, that she was right; the relationship was in ruins. And she did deserve to know why. But, how do you tell someone that you can't commit to them because you're in love with someone else?

"You really want to know?" God, he was tired. Not just sleepy, either; as the days passed, he found himself becoming increasingly weary, each day. Maybe it was the anti-biotic his doctor had put him on, since discovering a new infection in his old eye injury. And maybe he was just weary from all this bullshit. "The truth is…sometimes you just don't know what you want until someone else has it. And I know it's horrible, I know you deserve so much better than that…"

Magda reached across the table, took his hand, and for a second, he thought it was an act of reconciliation. But then she softly replied, "You're right. I do." She stood up, picked up her belongings where they lay on the linoleum floor, and placed a hand on his shoulder as she walked past him, towards the door. "Goodbye, Ryan. I hope you find what it is you're looking for."

No one spoke, and to an outsider, it would have appeared to be an awkward and uncomfortable silence, but both Ben and Ryan knew better. They sat in the car, holding hands, and realizing that all they needed in the world was right before them.

Ryan sat in the silence of his deserted kitchen for a long time, thinking. And for the first time since he couldn't remember, he mourned. He allowed himself to grieve his losses, his mistakes, and what appeared to be a very bleak future.

And finally they were big enough to reach out and take it.