Your love echoes

Rating M

warning; course language, mentions and memory of self harm and alcohol abuse.

My beta spitefire47 is helping with editing of chapters.

chapter 11; if anyone is there, is it you?.

Beth was trying to think how to answer Carl, it wasn't a question she expected well not from Carl at least . For a 12 year old he was very observant with things around him and his parents. The guilt hit Beth full force, how will it affect him and at what cost, and Rick was with Lori.

She needed more time she didn't want to say out loud or wasn't ready to admit to herself she was falling for was like someone grabs her heart and squeezes it every time she sees him or hears him her heart melts. She didn't know for Beth has never had or felt like this around anyone, then here is Carl asking her the question she has asked herself time and again.

Just then Rick came into the room rubbing his hand over his face he sees Beth and sitting in the chair by Carl's bed Rick couldn't help but notice that was where they were not 5 nights ago. Carl looked curious and a little irritated, Beth looked taken back and was struggling, she couldn't look at Rick, she heard him enter but couldn't look at him, she was afraid just how hard it was to be around him, he would notice her breath hitching everytime he entered the room, her stomach in knots, she struggling to act normal when all she wanted was to be touched by him again. Beth wasn't ready for the questions Carl had asked, Rick could see she was completely caught of guard, he knew Carl would ask especially what his son would ask Carl was very aware and alert to things around him, smart too, it wouldn't take long for him to figure things out especially if Carl had been listening to Beth instead of sleeping.

Rick sighed he knew Carl would do this. Rick would have to talk to Carl, before they could answer anything. He and Beth had to talk about things and work them out for themselves and he needed to talk to Lori . Both things needed to be the right timing so for now Rick decided to change the subject to Lori.

''Hey, Beth where's Lori?'' said as he entered the room. Beth was grateful to Rick and for the change of subject . Now she wasn't ready to go there, not yet and not with Carl.

''Lori stepped out, she said would be back soon, but she didn't mention where she was going, did you find anything on Sophia yet?'' Beth answered ignoring the feelings around Rick and pushing them down.

Rick sighed shaking her head. "No not yet, Daryl got into some trouble, his okay, just a little banged up your dad is treating him now. But he found Sophia's doll near the creek, so that's something. We are gonna go back out tomorrow start a search near where Daryl found Sophia's doll,'' said Rick.

Beth was relieved to hear Daryl was okay, she also saw the way Rick was looking at his son, Carl had his head bowed not looking at him, Beth took that as a signal to leave, that Rick needed to talk to his son.

''I better be going, dad eats around time so I should go. I'm glad Daryl's okay.'' Beth said as she started to stand with a nod from Rick Beth left closing the door quietly behind her.

xxxx

Meanwhile Lori was cornered again by Shane and it was going on her last nerve

When will Shane except they were over? Lori knew things were never going to be the same with Rick . They had their problems, but they were trying for Carl and themselves. But she also knew it will never be the same and they would have to talk eventually . Having avoid the subject since Rick came back hit hard but the reality of Lori not feeling the same for him after almost 14 years of marriage broke her heart the fact that they will never be the same. She felt guilt and hated herself for letting things get out of hand with Shane, she wanted to feel something, anything, she had thought Rick was dead.

She has regretted it ever since, but now Rick was here alive, was here with them. She knew they would have to talk about things eventually he was just waiting for the right time even though they have tried since he had come back. Something was missing and they never got it back was it the passion? Or was it their love that changed? Making it a different kind of love? Then there was Shane it was the same

thing every time, she saw him Shane claimed he loved her and Carl. That he was… well is basically better than Rick at everything. Every time they fought it was about the same thing he could be a better father to Carl, love them and protect better. He could keep them safe if they would leave with him, leave Rick behind.

He was adamant that they belonged together but for Lori it was different she didn't think they did and Shane needed to accept that. She didn't see it happening with Shane, Lori knew one thing, no matter what happens between her and Rick. Lori would never take Carl away from him or keep Carl away from Rick, he was his father and Carl needed him and Lori was going to make sure it stayed that way.

'' I may not agree with all Rick's decisions, but I respect them, and you tearing him down on every decision he makes is not helping. We are over Shane. Rick is here alive, he is my husband I'm sorry but nothing is going to change that,'' Lori explained as she moved away from Shane. He lean in further into her personal space closing the gap.

'However long that lasts' Lori couldn't help think to herself before she continued. ''He is back and alive, we are working things out, Carl is his son, our son not yours. You are not going to blame Rick every time something doesn't go your way.'' Lori said only to push against the wall by Shane.

Shane held her to the wall, '' you don't really believe we had was real Lori. You know I'm right, that kid is dead and we are not going to find her. We may as well accept it and move on it would be a lot easier. I love you and Carl everything I have done is and was to protect you.'' Shane said as Lori pushed Shane away.

'' Even if it means the cost of someone's life? Things will never be the way they were, we will never be Shane, Rick is Carl's father, he is what Carl needs and nothing is going to change that. I don't know what will happen between me and Rick, but I do know I don't belong with you and another thing we are not calling of the search for Sophia. We will find her with or without your help'' Lori finished.

With that Lori turned her back on Shane and walked away she needed to check on Carl . With him it's his recent mood he won't even eat the food Lori sent in with Beth.

'' If you believe that your just as blind as he is. We belong together Lori you will see,'' Shane growled as he retreating back. If Lori heard it she did her best to block it out and continued her way to where Carl was.

Shane stood there looked into the dark, he will make them see, he will make them both see . He just needed more time to set his plan in motion, by the end game, he would have Lori and Carl at his side and rick would be dealt with. The group could survive on their own as long as he had Lori and Carl and Rick out of the picture. With that still playing in his mind, smiling to himself he walk back to camp but he can wait for now, everything is and will go to plan he will make sure of it.

What he didn't count on was Beth in the background, waiting to change everything for all of them.

xxxx

Beth had nothing to do but to be left with her own thoughts later that evening . Everyone turned in for the night, Rick and Lori took the spare room next to Carl's. Beth didn't want to dwell on the fact Rick was in the house just down those stairs, her heart beating a mile an hour, all the buckled knees, her stomach in knots every time she is near him and the melting around him. The safety, warm and soft touches, if she didn't know any better someone would take her for a love sick high school girl who had a crush on a teacher, or a parent of another student. Chuckling at what chaos a rumour like that would cause, but it felt nice she welcomed the feelings, never feeling anything like this for someone before.

All the feelings she felt was fear, hurt, pain, regret, anger, shame and guilt but never love or passion. Soft touches, romance, was it desire she felt as well? She never had been kissed, really kissed or had the safety or trust. Is this what love-falling in love felt like? Was she falling love with a man she hardly knew? but he had been there her three times in her life when she felt hopeless, helped her, brought her back, was shot and was - is still here. He found his way to their farm of all places, he gave her hope that world wasn't all chaos and cruelty in this new world but good people stuck in it as well.

Getting ready for bed, putting on her long selves nightie, and taking off her bandannas that were on her wrists, the thin scars up her arms. She had comfort in cutting for a while before she found drinking, Beth hardly remembers having a razor to her arm or legs any more, or the last time she pick a razor up.

There were also cigarette burns almost weaving through her thin scars and a scar on her other arm deeper and longer than the rest . Most of the cutting and burning was done by Liam.

Beth had a very hard time gaining back control of her life, and found she was almost addicted to cutting. She tried it on the top of her legs for a while, remembering the warmth of her blood running freely down her leg before checking it, and cleaning it and putting on dressings. Beth would sneak out of the house when the rest were sleeping and burn the bloody cloths.

The medium thin scars cross her legs were hidden by her jeans, than she found control and numbness in the alcohol.

Getting guys off or doing their assignments and tests for them to get a bottle of gin in return. That was what she thought she deserved, she had no other way out of it and after Ryan... no she couldn't think on him just yet it hurt too much. When it happened Beth life felt more out of control, but she will have to deal with it, remember it, remember him.

But Beth couldn't do it just yet she just can't, but Rick he been there very time. Maybe she can open up a little, talk and tell him little things, and go from there. All Beth knew was she wasn't ready to let Rick go, and owed to herself if it was what she thought she wanted, Rick to be part of her life whether it was as a friend or more, but she would keep her distance for now. She knew Rick still had to talk to Lori, and figure things out, but talking she could do, she meant what she said to Rick. Promising herself tomorrow she would to talk to him with that she settled down to sleep.

xxxx

Rick sighed as Lori got in to obviously had things on her mind, she turned to Rick, ''what did you and Carl talk about to today?"

"Carl was upset and shut down when I tried to talk to him,'' Rick sighed, turned (on his side to face Lori.

''I caught out Carl asking Beth personal questions, about her wrists other day and other things. I pulled him up on it, that and I think Carl is still angry I couldn't help Sophia he blames me that she is missing. He wants to go on the search tomorrow ." Lori sat up alarmed, Rick raised his hand stopping Lori, ''told him no, he may be healing, but not enough for that.'' Rick said.

Lori seemed to relax a little after that, but Rick had his mind on other things like the fact he heard Carl ask Beth if there was something between them. He will try to talk to Beth, but Rick was careful about what to say to Lori he will talk to her, but with Carl being shot and Sophia missing it wasn't the right time, but then again was there ever? Then Lori again pulled Rick out of his thoughts

''Daryl seems okay, are you going out again tomorrow to where Daryl found the doll?" Lori asked, Rick nodded, that was all Lori needed, to know Rick was determined. it has been almost a week since Sophia's disappearance and the doll was the first bit of evidence of where Sophia has been, since she went missing. With Carl shot, Daryl and T-Dog hurt, with the deaths and losses of people they thought of as friends and cared for, with exception of Ed of course the bastard. They had lost so much, Rick needed the hope; the doll gave him that.

Rick relaxed into the bed sighing, '' yeah but not until later, even if Carl is a little pissed at me I want to be there tomorrow. Maybe we can find something around the farm for Carl to do, I'll talk to Hershel,'' said Rick . With that he kissed Lori goodnight and settled in for the night. Rick was thinking of something else he was going to do tomorrow.

xxxx

Meanwhile no one saw Beth leave the house or see her head into the woods. Beth woke up in the woods with no memory how she got there, the little stream, with the grave marker in front her, putting her hand against the marker, '' rest in peace little angel'' then the name and date ''14/03/2011''. The memory alone of what it was, who it was to Beth, it didn't long for her to break down into tears rubbing the marker resting her head against it.

Just before dawn, not knowing how long she had been there. Beth heard the moans grabbing what look like a sharp stick. Beth ran for a cover in a shelter not far from the stream. That was her dark room for her , pictures, her and her mum and a few photos of woods, animals around the woods and farm and where her mum made her sun catchers.

Beth ran in closing the door behind her. 'Shit how many times is enough, and how did I get here? Did I sleep walk? I haven't done that in a long time why now? What I am I going to do now?' She thought to herself, then the banging started, maybe she could just wait it out, this was not the way Beth wanted to start her morning, damn.

xxxx

It was late in the morning, when Beth returned. Rick the group, Hershel and Maggie were all discussing and some arguing on how to go about finding Beth.

Not long after Beth appeared wet, shivering and cover in blood, with the bloody stick still in her hand. The last thing Beth saw people was rushing towards her not being able to make out who there searched for and saw Rick, before everything went black.

A/N; what do you think Beth is hiding, who is the grave marker for, what caused Beth to break down? Will Beth finally let rick in just a little? Stay tuned to find out. Till next time lovely readers, reviews welcome ox