Chapter Two: And That's A No On the Pizzas and Stadiums

"No, pizza is definitely out." Olivia's voice was firm as she spoke into the phone. Although people who knew her well could detect a definite smile in her voice and in her eyes.

"But you love deep dish." She rolled her eyes as she smiled to herself. These Skype sessions between visits were one of the only things that kept her sanity intact while the two of them were navigating this long separation. Olivia would be very glad when the whole long distance situation was over and they could be together.

Where together was now the question. It had come up several times but neither of them had seriously talked about it. And she knew it was ridiculous – they were getting married, for God's sake, this was a discussion that should have really been had when they were dating. But, at the time, neither of them had really wanted to face the scenario that one of them would have to leave or transfer from their unit.

Olivia had thought about leaving New York many times. After Nick's departure – the loss of yet another partner – it had cropped up even more often in her mind. And then there was the additional pressure of becoming Lieutenant – did she even really want this? Or was it something she was simply being forced into because of the very real possibility of a new person taking charge?

But New York had been her entire life. She knew this city like the back of her hand. It was home. And the thought of leaving all she had ever known honestly terrified her. Her squad - they had been the only real family she ever really had. Serena hadn't been much of a mother, having been too caught up in the bottle to really parent effectively. Olivia had loved her but had hated her at the same time. And Simon? The few times they had seen one another hadn't been pleasant and, finally, tired of being his go-to whenever he had gotten in trouble, Olivia had told him to straighten out his life or don't talk to her again.

She hadn't heard from him in almost a year.

Family. So fucking complicated.

Chicago was a beautiful city, home of the most wonderful deep dish pizza she had tasted in her life. It had its own unique character, from Soldier Field to the Magnificent Mile and the Shedd Aquarium.

Noah had loved the Shedd. He had shown special interest in the sharks. Olivia wasn't sure whether or not she should be concerned. But he had absolutely loved it and she had bought him a stuffed shark plushie from the gift shop. Noah refused to go to bed without it now.

Her brow furrowed in concern as she pondered the whole situation.

"Earth to Olivia." Jerking upright, she realized she had forgotten she was still Skyping Hank. "Everythin' okay there, Sarge?" Even over the video chat, she could see the look of concern in his brown eyes.

"Yeah, just thinking about food." She lied. Now was not the time to have this discussion. Because have it they would. There was no way they could honestly proceed without one of them making a decision.

Funny how it had been much easier to decide Henry Voight was the person that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with than it was to decide whether to move or not. Both enormous decisions but one was definitely harder. And not one Olivia felt like she was ready to make.

"I think we should go with chicken. Or fish." She said.

"Are you fucking serious?" He made a face. "Couldn't we at least have some red meat and not that pansy-ass crap food?"

"Fish is delicious, Hank Voight. And so is chicken."

He still had a disgusted look on his face. "Red meat, Liv, for the love of God. We're already going to have some of those teeny snacks...whaddya call 'em?"

"H'ors d'oeuvres."

"Yeah, those. At least have something more filling."

Olivia sighed. She could argue that fish or chicken was just as filling and, honestly, she'd rather have fish because, one, it was delicious, and, two, it was healthier.

"Why don't we compromise?" She suggested. "How about we give them a choice? Fish or steak? I know that it might get pricy but..."

"Forget about the damn price." He waved that objection aside. "Let's just do that."

Well, that was easy. Much easier than the discussion we really need to have.

"I have to go, Hank." She said quickly, seeing Rollins standing at her door. "I'll see you soon."

"Looking forward to it." He smiled. "Next week?"

"Absolutely."

And, signing off, she waved Rollins in. "What can I do for you, Amanda?"

…...

"And there was this one thing they did down in Georgia for this wedding that was seriously amazing. I think there were pictures of it in a magazine. I'll show you sometime."

"That's...quite all-right, Rollins." 20 minutes and a few animated monologues about wedding later, Olivia was pretty sure she had a dazed look in her eyes. "Back to filling out that paperwork."

"Thanks, Sarge." Rollins grinned. "I'll keep you posted. And I'll try to find that magazine for you. I'm not kidding – the layout, the spread, the whole thing was incredible."

"It's okay, Rollins." Olivia smiled. "I'm good."

"It's not a problem at all, Olivia." Rollins smiled. "You know, I'm really happy for you. Monogamy wouldn't work for me – just not my thing – but you deserve it." Olivia looked at Rollins, really looked at Rollins. There was no hint in her voice or her appearance of anything but sincerity.

For the first time in a long time, Olivia felt a hint of that old kinship between her and the young detective return. It had been a while since they had felt comfortable with one another – too many things had happened over the years, trust had been broken and things had never been quite the same between them since the incident with her gambling.

Olivia realized suddenly that, in her own way, Amanda was extending an olive branch. She wasn't the type to sit and have a chat about issues and her feelings – Olivia knew that. But behind that tough and guarded exterior was a genuinely smart, talented, and good person. Olivia also knew that Amanda was trying to remedy her mistakes of the past, trying to earn her way back into Benson's good graces.

While that would still take more time, Olivia tacitly recognized the olive branch for what it was. A rapprochement of sorts.

"Thank you, Amanda." She smiled. "Truly."

"Sure." Rollins said, a little awkwardly. "I'll get to that paperwork then."

Liv nodded and got back to her work.

…...

"If I have to hear one more goddamn word about what food we should or should not have, I'm going to scream."

"Too many cooks, huh?" Fin grinned, leaning against the door.

Olivia exhaled loudly. "Understatement of the year."

"Carisi bring up the cannoli again?"

"For the fifth time." She sighed in frustration. "Why can't they mind their own business?"

Fin chuckled. "C'mon, Liv, you know that's not how things work around here. Everybody's wantin' to know everybody else's business. It's what we do. 'Cept me, I don't give a fuck about this wedding shit."

Olivia laughed. "Bless you, Fin."

Fin unfolded his arms. "Does he make you happy?"

Olivia smiled, a real smile, one that touched her eyes. "Yes, he really does."

"Then I don't give a shit if you marry in a Pizza Hut or Yankee stadium. If you're happy – that's all that counts."

"Thanks, Fin." Liv gave him a small grin. "Although, please do not mention marrying in Yankee stadium to Hank."

"Got it." Fin said solemnly. "No Yankee stadium. And, Liv, for what it's worth...don't listen to all of 'em. You just do your thing, babygirl."

"What would I do without you?" She looked at him fondly.

"Hell if I know." He scratched his head.

"You'd make a hell of a number two, Tutuola." She said.

"Fuck, Liv, don't make me take that Sergeant's exam. You know I hate the paperwork."

"You're the only one I trust to take care of the others if I'm gone." She said seriously.

"You're not goin' anywhere." Fin said. "Are you?" He asked, a little more uncertainly.

"We haven't discussed it." She sighed.

"Liv." Fin stared at her hard. "Don't put this one off. You gotta make up your mind. Or he does."

"I know, I know." She said, sliding back her chair and looking at the window. "It's just...this squad, this life, they're the only real family I've ever known. My whole life is here."

"Your life's with him now though." Fin pointed out. "And I'm guessin' you haven't had that conversation because you don't wanna choose."

Olivia knew he was right. "I hate it when you're right." She grumbled.

Fin grinned. "Yeah, you really couldn't live without me."

"Don't let it go to your head."

"Got it, Sarge."

She smiled as he walked away. And then she sighed again, knowing that she really needed to have this conversation with Hank. Sooner rather than later.

…...

"So that's a no on Yankee stadium?" Hank grinned as he ran his fingers through Liv's hair.

She heaved a huge sigh. "I told him not to give you ideas." Dammit, Fin.

"Don't blame him. I can be pretty persuasive when I wanna be." He winked, shifting Noah to his other knee.

"He really likes you." Olivia smiled, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"He damn well better." Voight said.

"Hank. Language." She chided.

He rolled his eyes. "He's not even talking full sentences yet."

She sat up and glared at him. "Do I need to remind you of the infamous 'no' incident?"

Hey, I like that word, mommy. What does 'damn' mean? Maybe I'll try it out later...

Hank looked innocent. "Other people say no around him too."

"Henry Voight."

"Okay, okay, I'll watch my language." He grinned. "But just for you."

"Thank you." And she kissed him.

Noah started babbling frantically. No, please, no kissing mommy. I'm only sixteen months, I shouldn't be seeing that!

"You want to play, kiddo?" Hank asked him, bouncing him on his knee.

No, actually. I want you to stop doing that thing with my mommy. I like you and all but...just no.

Hank looked at Noah thoughtfully. "How about a little bit of ice cream?"

Are you trying to bribe...WAIT, ICE CREAM. YES, PLEASE.

"HANK." Olivia said.

"A little bit of ice cream won't kill him, Liv."

Yeah, mommy, ice cream has milk. Milk builds strong bones. It's good for me.

"I'm trying to keep him away from sweets."

But why? They're so good.

"C'mon, Liv, loosen the reins a little." Hank leaned forward and kissed her.

Ew. I don't want to see that.

"Oh, all-right, just this once."

Hm. Maybe he should keep kissing mommy.

Except for the fact that this is the tenth time Hank has persuaded her to let him give Noah ice cream. "But you and I really need to have a discussion about this parenting thing."

"Sure. I'll be happy to give you some advice." He smirked at her. And walked off before she could swat him.

…...

"Wow, that was..."

"You were..."

"Amazing." They both finished at once. Noah, surprisingly, hadn't stayed up much later after his ice cream, causing Hank to give Liv a "see, I know what I'm doing" face. Then she had swatted him. And somehow that swat had turned into her grabbing his ass and he grabbed hers and the rest was...well...unsuitable for family viewing. But delightful.

And as she pulls him into her, he starts whispering things against her neck, her throat. For the most part, it's all pretty dirty which turns her on even more. But the dirty talk is punctuated with "I love yous." And it's the most beautiful thing she's heard in her whole life.

"I'm a little amazed we made it to the bed this time." Hank observed, trying to catch his breath, his burly chest covered in sweat.

"Well, not that I'm against sex on the floor, but that rug burn last time really hurt. My ass was sore for days." She complained, collapsing against him, lightly kissing his chest, feeling his heart beat furiously against her mouth.

"You shoulda called me up. I coulda kissed it and made it better." He smirked.

She just rolled her eyes in response.

Olivia propped herself up on an elbow, looking down at Hank with a "I just had the best sex of my life" smile on her face, hair falling around her shoulders. Hank reached up and played with her hair a little, a smile playing about his mouth, a softer smile than she's really ever seen from him, except around Justin and his grandson. He still couldn't believe how lucky he was, that this woman, this gorgeous, sexy, smart-as-a-whip New York cop had agreed to marry him.

Hell, even Olinsky had made some comment about that.

"How the fuck did a bastard like you get a woman like that?"

He had shrugged. "Some of us just are luckier than others."

But even he asked himself the same question some days.

...

"You seem to be getting over jet lag quicker."

"Funny how sex does seem to do that." He grinned. "Or maybe it's just sex with you."

Olivia laughed a little and leaned down to kiss him slowly. He stroked her face with his hands as he tongue slips inside her mouth. And for a few moments all they do is kiss.

"God, Olivia." He breathed against her throat. "I can't wait to be with you all the time."

"Same." She whispered against his ear. "I love you but long distance..."

"...fucking sucks." He finished. Pulling back a little, he sat up. "Which is why this has to end."

"I agree...wait...what?" For one horrific moment, Olivia thought he meant "them." It was her automatic instinct to "worst case scenario" everything. There had been so many who had come into her life and taken her heart, promised to always be there, and then they'd left. She had spent more nights than she had cared to count picking up the pieces they had left when they'd gone.

"Not us, Liv. Jesus Christ." He put a strong arm around her and kissed her hard. "I'm talking about this distance thing. Because we've never talked about it. Not really."

A huge lump filled Olivia's throat and she swallowed hard.

Oh, God, she wasn't ready to make this choice.

"I want to move to New York."