A/N just a reminder if this is not your kind of story or you don't like this story please don't read it the warnings are there at the start of the story, and in the start of every chapter. they are not there to be ignored. To all the Other readers welcome lets get on with the story.
Your Love Echoes
Rating M
Trigger Warnings. Mild course language, mentions of abuse, and self harm, addiction of pain killers and under age drinking.
beta spitfire47 is helping with editing of chapters
chapter 15 secrets and true feelings pt1.
It has been a day since their kiss. Beth went in with a quick kiss to Rick's cheek. As she passed her father by, her knee was aching and had a little limp to her walk and of course her father noticed and fussed over her. Beth was still reeling from the kiss and everything else was white noise compared to the kiss. Beth was torn with what she wanted and what she believed in. The kiss felt so good...so right it was everything she wanted it to be and more she wanted which was nothing more than to kiss him. Again to do nothing else but kiss him and be near him, let him show her love, let him in and show him the real Beth green. To tell him things but then the was the other part of her the more moral part and was the part that believed in god and her faith. Promising herself she was not…could not be with him until after or if he talked with Lori and decided that, that's what he wanted. A part of her that could not be with any man that was married or with another woman or in Rick case a wife and child was involved.
Beth asked her father if she could rest for the day her knee ached something awful. Beth let her father check it over after she returned telling her father it was a result of clumsiness, which it was though it was a sharp corner and had taken some skin off and some bruising. It was sore, her father didn't ask about the run. Beth was hoping it was because her Father was starting to trust Rick and hoping that was all it was... okay. Maybe there was a chance she was also avoiding Rick, she wanted to talk to Rick about what happened between them and what it meant. She didn't know what it meant herself or maybe it was she wanted to hear Rick say it. But every time she saw Rick intending to do that, the kiss comes back to her and all she wants to do is pull him to her and kiss the answers out of him, whether her family or the group, Lori and even Carl was present or not. That was not good at all but was avoiding it all together was any better?
'Damn it Beth pull yourself together you need to face him and talk to him, but not today. Today rest think it through and work out your feelings, but you can't keep avoiding him, ' Beth thought to herself. She was trying to calm herself, running her hand over her face Beth would like to think she was true to her faith, but when it came to Rick everything seemed to go out the window. Promising herself she will talk to him and it will have to be sooner rather than later. Beth leaned against her bed and closed her eyes. The biggest realisation for Beth was in the last few weeks while Rick was here she hadn't had have nightmares or memories of them – Nathan or Liam at all. Sure she had the pain or headache every now and then but she slept better almost all through the night. It was all Rick, everything about him called out to her and made her safe but was it too good to be true? Could she let him in like he said, but how could she do that without judgement?.
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Hershel sat at the breakfast table with his coffee and old book of veteran medicine It was still early and no one else was up yet, exhausted from lack of sleep and worrying for his youngest daughter Beth was going to be the death of him. With her stubbornness which he was constantly reminded by Maggie, Beth got it from him no less, though that may be true enough he just wished his Beth would just talk to him. Granted he knew some of what she went through the morning she asked for help all beaten and bruised scaring the life out of him, she cried in his arms for hours and it broke his heart to see his Beth so broken and beaten down. To think she spent all energy hiding the horror of what she suffered that the bastard's hands to protect their family and angered him to a point he wanted to kill the kid that hurt his Beth, his baby girl.
Well not so little now as Beth liked to constantly remind him. And that was saying something because he never used bad language in front of the Lord, and was strong on faith or had any thoughts of killing anyone but it was his baby girl. Those men had beaten her and left her in the woods of all places! He tried to calm himself as the anger boiled to the surface just thinking about it, asking the Lord to give him strength. He didn't want to think on the injuries his daughter had or the anger when the doctor showed him the x rays and reports of Beth's previous injuries confirming the long term abuse, years even. From broken bones and burns, he had burned her and he has done it more than once, inflamed organs scar tissue from the abuse the stitches that would have been used for injuries. Most likely he used a belt and that would leave scars on her back. He hated Liam with every fibre of his being and would likely kill him if they ever crossed paths however slim that maybe. He also knew there was more to it, things Beth wasn't telling him. Were there more people involved did they...? No he couldn't go there. He was already fighting his anger as it is.
But what if there was? He knew there was a possibility that there was more than one involved maybe a family member? But never wanted to voice it or admit to himself and that's how- why the kid got away with it so long? Was that the reason she couldn't open up to him? Was she worried of how he would react? Be disappointed or ashamed of her? How could she think that? He could never be ashamed of her for something that wasn't her fault. That was done to her for years.
Thinking of how scared she was, how alone and cut off Beth was. Years of pain and emotional abuse and it wasn't stopped. He should of seen it sooner, maybe then he stopped it he could of helped her. Hershel felt a few tears escape and ran his hand over his face. His daughter was in a living hell for years and no one noticed, that's why he was so hard on Beth to open up to him. Hershel felt somehow this was his fault too for not noting sooner? He tried to steady himself- to calm himself the others will rise soon to start the day.
But then maybe Maggie was right. To fuss over her and trying to get her to talk to him was not the answer, maybe she would shut down if he push the subject constantly like he had before. Maybe he should be patient and let her come to him when she is ready and listen without judgement give her the support she needs and pray with her, yes that seemed a better option. That is what he will do, he owed that to Beth a least to let her come to him when she was ready to let it all go but then again will she ever?
Then there was Rick. He wasn't sure what was going on with those two, but he knew there was something between them, the run seemed to have gone well yesterday apart from Beth's knee, they had their supplies. Rick seemed trust worthy, he has proved that a few times by helping Beth over the last few weeks and he found himself liking the man against his better judgement. Hershel wasn't going to rush judgement on what was happening between them it maybe it was nothing, Rick could just be friendly and helping her and Beth seems to be opening up to him slowly. He had seen his Beth laugh and smile again with Rick around and it has been years since he seen the light in his younger daughter eyes, the hope his daughter had and it was because of him. As much as he hated to admit it Rick maybe was the only one his Beth may open up to, the chances are slim there is more between them, then friendship be if there is... Well he may have to sit Rick down and have a serious conversation with both him and Beth, because it won't affect just them but also everyone around them including Maggie, Lori, Carl and himself. But it seemed harmless enough for now. Being pulled out of thought as everyone was raising and come down to start the day Maggie seeing her father at the table. Maggie walked to him said good morning and kissed her father on the cheek before helping Patricia with breakfast.
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After everyone sat at the table to eat that when Maggie noticed Beth was missing, Rick did too, but didn't wait to bring it up and brought unwanted attention to himself namely Lori and Carl.
''Hey dad where's Beth is she okay?'' Hershel being pulled out of his thoughts Hershel smiled at his eldest daughter.
''Beth is fine, just tired is all. She didn't sleep well last night I gave her the day off to rest,'' Hershel giving his daughter the warning look not to bother her sister.
Rick noticed the interaction but said nothing but suspected Beth was struggling with what happen between them. The kiss, guilt because of Lori and her feelings, but Rick had to admit he had been avoiding Lori for the same reason. Beth knee was bugging her? She had been hurt on the run and he didn't know? Beth hadn't said anything to him. Rick sitting back his chair and finished his breakfast in silence, he was patient, he would wait, he wanted to talk to her work though about what was going on between Beth and himself later. He needed to talk to Lori anyway and needed to soon. He needed to know her decision and what they were going to tell their son.
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Meanwhile Lori had other things on her mind. Earlier Beth had given the test to her so she needed to get away just for a while before talking to Rick so she had be sure that she was pregnant... it wasn't the only thing she had to talk to him about and it was time. It had been months since Rick and Lori had been together sexually and her and Shane well... if she was, she wasn't sure who the father was she had tried to make it work with Rick. They had some time together then the CDC, time on the road, Sophia missing and Carl being shot had put a wedge between them, making them face their problems.
Then there was Beth. Lori wasn't blind to the fact, there was something between Rick and Beth, the way Rick was when he saw Beth. How easily he dropped everything to help her even at the cost of being at odds with the group, Carol and losing time for searching for Sophia. Lori knew that was the type of man Rick was putting everyone before himself and concern for their safety that was what made him perfect for his job and one of the reasons she had fell in love with Rick. But there was a feeling she couldn't shake, and for the life of her couldn't place it. Rick must know her from somewhere she made a metal note to ask Rick later. But first things first she needed a place to go and some time to take the test and safest time to do it is at night fall.
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Beth wasn't seen all day. Maggie tried to talk to her but Beth didn't want to talk or see her she wasn't having a bar of it. Hershel came to check on her and left food at the door knocked twice and walked away, After Beth gave Lori the test all she could think about was where she stood with Rick and what it meant for them if Lori was pregnant? Did Rick do what he did because his feelings for her were genuine? Or did he kiss her because it was all he could think of to do at the time? Did he have any really feelings for her or was Rick kissing her because he couldn't get it anywhere else. Was Shane right? Did he just want to get in her pants because she was there? Where did they really stand with him?
Rick was the only person she ever felt things with. She has spent so many years numbing herself and everything around her whenever they were... she has completely numbed herself to everything. She doesn't remember the last time she had smiled or laughed, the last time her smile had reached her eyes and not felt forced... the last time she had cried or felt actual joy or peace. It was like a battle field inside her and she didn't show any of it but with Rick it was quite.. she couldn't really name the explain the feeling, gentle? desirable? Loving?. Every laugh and smile wasn't forced it felt good. His touches and kisses gave her shivers down her spine and she actually felt peace and joy. Was it joy she was feeling among other things? She hasn't felt in so long, so she didn't know what it was or how to explain it and it was all because of Rick. Beth didn't want it to end, Rick felt like a new addiction for it was here and she didn't know why or how. She was at war with herself whether to tell him about everything. Nathan, the drugs, the beatings, the cutting, burning, the drinking and self-harm and how she felt when she saw him for the first time everything. She hadn't dreamt or thought of them once since Rick and her started hang out. Being together she didn't know what to call it, but whatever it was when she was with Rick to was quite... calm -body and mind she didn't think she just was content.
But she silently promised herself and Lori that she wouldn't…couldn't be with Rick, not while he was still with his wife. So until they worked out what they were going to do and tell Carl of course, she would try to keep her distance. If she was pregnant it would just complicate things more... would Rick want to be part of the baby's life and would it fix things between him and Lori? Though from what Rick told her she had her doubts but couldn't help but feel hurt and doubting everything that happened between them. Beth felt a tear escape before she fell into restless sleep it wasn't the nightmares that kept her awake. It was her heart and the thought of who she couldn't or wouldn't have. She slipped out of bed taking the bottle out of her hiding place behind her dresser and had a few slips before settling in to her bed hiding her face in her pillow wishing sleep to come.
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Rick was sitting with his son. Carl was reading to his father and doing a fine, occasionally helping Carl when he got stuck with his words. He was laughing and was his old self. It warmed his heart seeing his son like this reminding him of old times with his own father and would keep this as a fond memory. It was like what happening around him wasn't effecting his son's view on the world and he would try to keep it that way as long as possible. He hadn't paid much attention to Carl the last couple of days and felt guilty, he needed to spend more time with his son and find time to talk to Lori. They deserved to know what was going on between them was it over. Though it felt that way for a long time and Lori hadn't denied it but she hadn't voiced any of it.
He felt – they both felt it wasn't much of a marriage. It was a different kind of love and there was things she hid from him. including her affair with Shane or sleeping with Shane more like it. Of course he knew, the way they danced around each other, the harsh whispers, the way Lori acts around him, and the looks Shane gives him. The way they practically jumped apart when he was walking by or over to them it's hard not to notice but said nothing even though it seemed like it was over at least in Lori point of view. It still hang over them, maybe it was time to bring it up he was hanging back waiting Lori to come to him to admit it. Maybe he didn't want to believe it, a part of him still didn't. Lori thought he was dead and started sleeping with his best friend? Yeah it hurt him though he would never admit it or voice it and Lori ended it and to try and make it work between them, but it seemed to make it worse and brought up many other problems with it.
He has even noticed Shane doesn't think or believe it is over and won't give it up either. Rick could see it would cause future problems. He would have to deal with that later. Still not wanting to believe or trust it was true. But focusing on the present the only thing keeping him and Lori together was Carl and Rick wasn't sure if that was enough any more that maybe separation was best. He didn't know how to explain it to Carl or how it would affect Carl's view on the world. All he knew was everything going to change for them and there was no fixing it or turning back, he just couldn't open that door again and it will remain closed.
Then there was Beth. What was he going to do about Beth? She had been avoiding him since the kiss and the run to the pharmacy, and why didn't she tell him she was hurt? Beth said she was fine and wasn't and what did she go back for? He knew it was probably confusing for her, her feelings for him and the kiss. Did he trigger memories she would rather forget? Or was she confused of what she felt with him? He hoped it was that. Rick didn't want it to end with Beth or her to close up again because of him. Was it selfish of him to want something for himself? That he wanted to be with her? Wanted to show her how love should be? Was he falling for her? Answer was – yes he was and yes he wanted to take it all away and be the one to be loved in return to have something for himself in return.
Beth had stared to open up to him she was slowly becoming herself again. He saw the way she was around him, and it was somehow different than when was around everyone else even Hershel or Maggie. He could see the small difference in her and it was because of him. he wished he could see her smile and laugh more because she was beautiful.. he doubted her smile ever reached her eyes or was forced. She was herself was him and he wanted her to continue and maybe something more in the future. But Beth was still holding a lot back, he was hoping to keep things with Beth and when he spoke to her she would be open to it. He also needed to talk to Hershel but first thing first he needed to talk to Lori. Rick looked over to see Carl sleeping.
''What I am going to do?''
He watched his son a little longer running his hand tiredly over his face then kissing his son on the forehead, placing the book on the dresser before closing the door quietly behind him.
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Meanwhile Lori had made her way out of the house, moving around where she couldn't be seen by prying eyes and had a knife just in case. Taking out the test she waited for the result.
A/N; sorry for the update. Life just happens I guess. But I am back and hopefully for the rest of the story. Now I have little more free time to finish the story and answer all those all important questions. well hope you liked their inner thoughts it all leads to everything in next chapter and all the questions all be answered over the next couple of chapters. So what going to happen next? Stayed tuned lovely readers. Reviews always welcome love to know what you think... Deadlove ox.