Your love Echoes

Trigger warnings; Mild language, mentions of abuse, addiction to pain killers and under age drinking, mentions of miscarriage due to abuse.

My beta spitfire47 is helping with editing of chapters.

chapter 16; Secrets and true feelings pt 2

Beth had been up since before dawn. The sun not fully risen over the hills and a cool breeze drifted through the window blowing through Beth's soft blonde slightly waved hair. Beth had come to a decision but first there was somewhere for her to be, somewhere for her to go. It had been almost 8 months since she had lost him, her baby. She didn't even have time or decided what to call him until after when the nurse helped her get in contact with a local priest to do a private service for the...her baby to give her a chance to say goodbye. Kieran Daniel Greene was laid to rest 14/03/2011, her little angel.

It still felt like someone punch through her chest and pulled out her heart, every time she thought of her son. The possibilities of being a mother and the trouble when he would get older, yet it still brought a smile to her face. It still hurt to remember him and what could have been but still warmed her heart. love rushed through her for her son and his memory. But then it was replaced with sadness and anger. The miscarriage, what would have happened if they weren't drinking? If they didn't fight? If Beth wasn't in the middle of them and the knife didn't... she absent mindedly rubbed where she was stabbed the pain was unbearable. If that didn't kill him, then being slammed into the wall or pulled down the stairs was, the bastard wouldn't go, Liam pulled her with him, of course Nathan got a few hits to her face as well.

Then turning up at her friend Ethan's house in the middle of the night too scared and worried to go home. Ethan took her to the hospital immediately, only to have lost the Baby, but her friend was amazing stayed with her all night. The next few days were the hardest having her baby removed and a remembrance service. It was private and small only the priest, a few nurse who knew Ethan and herself her mother found out only a few weeks before she passed away herself. Was her son- was telling Rick.- talking about Kieran a way for her to open to him, and then maybe other things may follow? Open up slowly over time? Maybe Rick can help Beth open up to her father and Maggie too? Can talking about him, the Miscarriage and what happened her? Could talking about it really be a way to reconnect with her family? With Rick? Maybe even close old wounds? She was soon going to find out, but first she was going to visit her son.

Beth made her way down the stairs and into the shower it was an hour at the most, maybe she could get another of mama's sun catchers while she was there also. If she left now she could be there and back before the others woke up.

xxxx

When everyone took a seat at the table to with only a few missing were Shane, Andrea and Carol.

They were the only few that didn't eat with them. Beth was already seated at the table with coffee and was quiet and wasn't saying much after she got back from visiting her son but they didn't need to know that – well not yet anyway. Beth didn't know when it became an everyday thing where Rick, Lori and Carl ate with them. It was so Hershel could keep an eye on Carl and the three of them slept in the house as well so Carl could get the rest he needed. Then one by one the others of the group joined in and they helped with the food and clean up afterwards it became a system and it worked, but Carol, Shane or Andrea were never among them though Beth could hardly blame Carol she had lost her daughter and Beth's heart went out to her, wanting to be there in case Sophia was to turn up it couldn't be hopeless right? That everything would be okay?

Beth didn't know Carol very well and keep her distance out of respect for privacy but it doesn't mean she didn't feel any less sad for her. She prayed for her daughter's safe return for Beth knew the feeling of loss and didn't want to wish it on anyone especially the loss of a child. It stays with you forever.

Beth played with the amber beads around her wrist. It was a necklace she was going to give her son when he was bigger but never got the chance she often hid it under her bandanna around her wrist. As well as her mother's old promise ring her father gave her mother not long after they first met. It was sliver and had a vine pattern that eventually came together in an infinity sign or the shape of an eight on its side. Beth used to giggle at how funny it looked and how pretty three stones were that were on the sides and in the middle daddy use it call them the rubies of love tied to a bit string. It was also hidden under her bandanna it was the only reminder of the two people she loved and lost.

The funny thing was her mother told her father and sister she had lost it. Maggie was furious wanting the ring after their parents died and Beth use to just scoff at her sister and they for gave her for it over time. But a few days before she died her mother pulled it out and tied it around her youngest daughter's wrist before kissing her forehead. Her mother said she has always wanted Beth to have it for the day Beth met a special someone. Someone they couldn't live without and give it to them for them to wear, it really was cleverly designed it could be for a man or woman to wear it. It wasn't for one or the other.

Beth has had worn them ever since. She was playing with them under the table, until her father brought her out of her thoughts.

"Bethie how long have you been up? Is your knee bugging you?"

Beth sighed and shook her head. It was the anniversary of her child's death, 8 months today and they didn't know she never told them. Didn't Kieran deserved to have his family know about him to be remembered? He deserved that much didn't he? But Beth was scared if she told them about him then she would have to open up about other ugliness she not ready to tell them about that still hurts and angers her it will be her admitting something did happen. Ripping open wounds and a door that she would rather stay closed, and the wall and armour she worked so hard on to build around her would be gone.

There were people she didn't trust like Shane that man was a walking time bomb. .She knew it was only a matter of time, she knew man like Shane and when they go off all is left is chaos and pain. The quicker they got rid of him the better.

Beth looked around the table, "Any word on Sophia yet?'' The question seemed to shock everyone around the table. Awe maybe? Glances around the table Daryl smirked his eyes staring down at the table then looking up through his eye lashes as to say about damn time. before all eyes were on Beth again.

''Seriously for the last few months it been Beth this and Beth that, Beth are you tired, did you sleep well? Are hurt, let me look at you?' I have babied, fussed over, cornered and frankly I am sick of it!... Does anyone care there is a girl out there by herself, alone with dangers everywhere? She could be hurt or worse and she is only 12 years old. For the last time I am fine and I don't need you shadowing me every moment of everyday.

"I don't need to my hand held. Frankly I agree with Carol and not enough has been done. Now if you will excuse me I am not all that hungry."

Beth got up from the table and walked away leaving the group, her father and Patricia stunned in silence and leaving a lot of them especially Hershel and Maggie asking themselves 'what?, did that just happen?' Did she just stand up for Carol? A woman she hardly knew?

Beth knew why she did it, she did it all in a memory of a little boy-her son.

xxxx

Beth was in her room for over an hour when the first knock came.

''If it's not news about Sophia I don't want to hear it,'' Beth scowled turning only to find Carol standing in the door way only to have Beth face softened at the sight of Carol.

'' I heard what you said at breakfast, Daryl told me... I don't why you did it but thank you,'' Beth sighed sitting down in the armchair she had near her door.

"Because believe it or not Carol we do have some things in common. We both have things in the past we are both running from, scars that are still healing, that can't be seen but are there."

The answer was painfully obvious why Carol was angry only if she was the only one who noticed, Beth also knew she was ranting..well a lot as Carol moved a little closer gave a small nod knowing what Beth meant but didn't needed to voice each other's experiences but now knew why she did it, well some of it anyway.

"I know what it is to feel loss, I also lost people as well, you may have heard of my mother and brother's death?"

Carol nodded, Beth continued.

"And we have also lost friends and neighbours. I have been getting all the attention of late and for that I am sorry. It wasn't my intention to take the attention from your daughter, I know Rick is just trying help and to keep the peace with my dad so your group has a place to stay here. But it wasn't fair that he took the attention away from Sophia I was just reminding them and putting their attention back to where it belongs and what their were doing here in the first place, before Carl was shot."

Carol leaned against her door, it was the first time Carol and Beth had an understanding, and it wasn't the last. And maybe just maybe they will… be can future friends?

xxxx

Lori was sitting with her son watching him sleeping contently. The test came back positive, she was pregnant she didn't know what she was going to do or what to tell Rick. It couldn't be Shane's could it? No... -no the baby isn't Shane's. It would never be Shane's it will always be Rick's no matter what. Even if they decide to separate, she will not take Carl away from Rick and the same will go for the baby. The baby needs a father and who better to take care of him or her than Rick? Shane is a loose cannon it is only a matter of time and Lori doesn't want him anywhere near Carl or the baby.

It is what Lori wants for her children to have a father to protect and love them endlessly and that is Rick. All the love and he will do anything and everything for his children. That is the kind of love that is all she has ever wanted for him or her. The baby couldn't be used as a tool or a trigger? Against Rick or to have Lori's love as Shane proclaims, his obsessive behaviour towards her is turning dangerous and is threatening the whole group... and this Lori is afraid this will just add more fuel to the fire. Who would want to bring a baby into a world like this? Where there is constant danger and threats where one cry can endanger everyone they care about, the reality was starting to set in for Lori as her chest tightened and her hands start to tremble she tried to be quite trying to wake Carl as the tears begin to fall.

''What am I going to do baby? I have no idea what to do? "Lori dropped her head in her hands.

xxxx

Meanwhile Maggie was avoiding Glenn, until Glenn was there… and Maggie needed him to be. The last few days, Maggie has been looking or trying to looks after Beth, but for last weeks, Beth had been shutting her out and she needed to why? What was going, with her? Did it have anything to do with Rick, did it have something happened the other day on the run? Did something happen between them? And between Beth and herself as a chain reaction? Was she getting closer to him only to pull further away from her? And their father?

Maggie didn't know what but something wasn't right, something happened or the memory of something that had Beth acting this way the only thing is if Maggie was to bring it up it would only be shut down by Beth,

Glenn was sweet caring and supportive everything Maggie needed, for now it was a shoulder to lean on and cry on Maggie buried her face in Glenn neck as the wetness was felt on his neck.

'' I don't know, what I did wrong? Why won't she talk to me I don't understand. Something has changed and she is shutting me out why? '' Glenn sighed pulling Maggie close rubbing her back gently.

'' She will when she ready, right? Isn't that what you told me?" Maggie didn't answer Glenn kissed her temple. ''She will. It will be alright you'll see."

That is how they stayed until Patricia came looking for them for help with lunch and a few chores around the farm.

xxxx

Later that morning Beth was sitting on the truck out the back of the farm watching the group organising grid searches for the afternoon. Something had made them realise what was in important and it pleased Beth that their attention wasn't on her any more, well mostly everyone's. Namely her father and Maggie now kept an extra eye on her thinking something was wrong. Why, why should she get the attention and Sophia got none finally after more yelling they seemed to have gotten the picture and was out helping with grid and search areas, which pleased Beth that they were making an effort if only temporary. Beth knew sooner rather than later they will demand Beth tell them what is going on, she is just happy with some peace no matter how long it will last.

Daryl stood next to Carol the whole time, Beth smiled at how much support he was silently giving her. Dale came over and joined Beth at the truck watching the group split into their search parties for the day, but Beth noted that neither Lori or Rick was going with them, but Maggie and Jimmy was.

Well that was unexpected.

The other thing was what Beth felt in her pocket of her jacket. The days were starting to cool down in the mornings with some mist in the air, but warmed up a little in the afternoon, whether it was an accident or on propose Beth agrees it now and head off the direction that Lori headed off in.

xxxx

Beth found Lori looking for something where all the coats were hanging. There was a dresser like design with a table then there where hooks where you hung all your hats or coats it's one of the few things her mother loved about the house.

Beth pulled out the white bag. '' I believe you are looking for this? I think you must have slipped it my pocket of my jacket by mistake.''

Lori turn to see Beth had the pregnancy test. '' I'm sorry it fell out of the bag and saw it its positive but it is none of my business.''

Beth turned to walk away then stopped when Lori spoke. '' I should be the one to apologise. It was my fault I shouldn't have been so...but I panicked I saw Rick coming... I haven't told him. I don't know how to. Your family has been so kind to us, but I know we can't stay here forever and the way it is out there, it is no place for a baby, no matter how much I want this…''

Beth couldn't help feel her heart go out to her, she was so scared and confused she could see how much Lori wanted this baby but scared because of the life it will have.

Beth moved to her back pack and pulled out another white bag. '' I got this just in case, I don't envy the decision you have to make, but tell Rick. Let him have a choice, let him help you, you need a proper pillow, food and care, my father is a reasonable man, but sometimes can be blinded by morals. It may take some convincing but we may be able to help you here and give you a chance. But please Lori, give Rick a chance. Give him chance to voice his feelings about it. Talk before you decide.'' Beth walked away walked up the stairs. Not to let Lori see how hurt she was, she was pregnant what did mean for her and Rick? Was it over before it began?

After Lori watched Beth for a few moments until she was completely up the stairs. Lori opened the bag and found morning after pills and prenatal vitamins.

Beth went to the window of her room. What was she going to do now? This was going to complicate things even if they decide separation. Could she still open up to him or wasn't that an option any more? She saw Rick and Daryl talking – well it looked Rick was doing most of the talking Daryl was trying to leave. Daryl was the only one who searched for that girl non stop, Beth admired the man.

Then something caught her eye. Glenn was heading to the barn with blankets and a flash light even though it was still light, and Maggie running after him yelling his name and yelling at him to stop.

This can't be good nor will it end well. Damn shit was about to hit the fan.

xxxx

Later that day after lunch, Lori had finally went up to Rick and told him she was ready to talk. They went off to find some where private so their conversation wouldn't be heard namely by Shane or Carl. Rick couldn't think of Beth at the moment he needed to focus on the conversation at hand. Beth watched as they head down the road from her window, unsure of what the outcome with bring.

They walked down the back of the farm passing the gate where was a deserted dirt road and fencing on both sides. But when they got there neither of them knew where to start and it all fell into silence.

xxxx

Dale found Beth sitting by the truck where were sitting before joining Dale turned to her.

''You alright? You look like you a lot on your mind.''

Beth sighed."Can I ask you a question?"

Dale nodded.

''What if you know things about people and other things but can't tell anyone else about it? But if you don't it is more trouble, but then the other person refuses to talk to them?''

The older man looked at Beth. ''Okay kid, slow down, why don't you tell me out right? Hmm?''

Beth sighed not knowing if it was a good idea to tell him hesitated then. '' Lori's pregnant and worried about telling Rick, and Glenn and Maggie are sort of an item but dad doesn't... he keep calling him that Asian boy.''

Dale face was hard to read but only answered Beth with, ''oh, I see.''

The rest of the time they both sit in silence.

xxxx

Rick really didn't want this to turn into an argument.'' I didn't say that Lori, I said Hershel and I are still working on terms of us staying, but it is still his farm his land. '' Lori moved away for Rick looking down at her hands then placing them on her stomach.

''What if I told you we couldn't leave? What if I told you I was pregnant?'' There was no answer so Lori slowly turned around to see Rick frozen on the spot then.

''Are you... pregnant?'' Lori nodded '' how... how long have you known?''

Lori sighed 'here goes nothing'. ''Only a few days but I haven't felt right for a few weeks now, I asked Beth to get a pregnancy test when you went on the run. I wanted to know for sure before I said anything. I don't… know how to do this Rick... if we have to leave... I want this baby, but not if I have to give birth in a ditch. Not if every cry puts Carl and every one we care about in danger...'' Lori trailed off. Rick knew exactly where this was going.

''So is that it? It not all of it this it? You don't want the baby?... you don't to even want to try and give this a chance? Lori you knew this was coming, you knew – we both knew it hasn't been working for a while, we are different Lori..our love...our marriage it is all different. We tried to make it work... we tried to fix it for us and for Carl but I can't do this any more Lori. We can't do this any more. Is there anything else I need to know about?'' Lori sighed closing her eyes so this was really happening.

''I know Rick,'' Lori hesitated a moment more before answering Rick's question '' Shane and I.''

Rick froze for a split second but looked straight there it was Lori was admitting it. '' I know. Of course I know, the world was going to shit and you thought I was dead.'' Some hurt came through in Rick's voice just a little. It sent a shiver done Lori spine and a lump formed in her throat.

"Y…yes..," Lori started quietly and repeated it louder so Rick could hear it. There it was said and done and was no going back.

Both faced the fence and looked over the land in silence. Then Lori spoke at last wanting to the answer to what she previously told him…

''Rick this is it isn't it? We go our separate ways. You want to, to separate? I...I know… our marriage has been over for a while now and we both know it. Your right I do want the baby, can we make it work? I will never take Carl or the baby away from you no matter what happens between us. The baby is yours no matter what and will always be yours he or she will need a father like you. I wish you all the happiness Rick. Hopefully we can tolerate each other enough to be friends? '' Rick smiled at Lori and nodded.

''I know it been over for while we both have known it was. But neither of us wanted to voice it. I think and agreed its best, but we did have our good times and great moments. We can make this work, I will always be there for Carl, the baby and for you if needed.''

Finally they had come to an understanding though they weren't going to be together any more. But Rick would still be around for the baby and Carl, and Lori if and when needed both felt a weight lifted off their shoulders. They could finally move forward, the hardest thing now was telling Carl about the separation and pregnancy.

Lori looked at Rick, ''can I ask you one last question? '' Rick nodded he suspected this was coming. ''Is there something between you and Beth? And have you met before?''

Rick knew he could only tell Lori the truth he at least owed her that much. ''There is something yes, I'm not sure how deep or far it goes. I am drawn to Beth but we have both decided we wouldn't see what it was or act on it until I spoke to you and we both speak to Hershel. Beth has too much respect for you and her father. We both do.''

Lori looked down but nodded she admitted if only to herself it did hurt a little but he didn't lie which she was half expected him to.

"As for if I have met Beth before…'' Rick told Lori of the day he met Beth in the hospital right up to where he got shot.

xxxx

Meanwhile after Dale and Beth parted ways, Beth still felt uneasy about Rick and Lori. She wanted to go and see Kieran again but she couldn't quite go all the way to the grave last time only looked from a far and she thought it wasn't right because he deserved more than that. It bothered her she just stood there unmoving.

Beth looked around walking past her tree into the woods surrounding it. It was a shortcut, but had taken a knife just in case, but didn't see Rick following her after a nod and a glance from Hershel. As Beth made it to where her son was buried and she removed some moss before placing her hand on the stone.

'' I'm sorry I haven't been to see you baby, mama has been a little busy a lot has happened. Life as changed but I haven't forgotten you I could never forget you or the life you could have had with me. They took it away from…from us, but I will always remember you, they can't away take away our memory.''

Beth kissed her fingers and placed them against his grave. '' I love you Kieran''.

A branch snapped behind her, Beth froze trying to steadying her breathing reaching for her knife until ''Beth?'' Beth turned to see Rick stand there for a brief moment before slowly moving towards her this wasn't how it was supposed to go. It wasn't how she wanted anyone to find out this way, let alone Rick, her father was behind it no doubt. Why did he have to follow her now? Or was this something or maybe it was God giving her the opening she was looking for.

Could she, he was there wasn't he? She closed her eyes.

"How long have you been, standing there?'' Rick moved a little closer. Beth tried not to put guard up it was just Rick the next words caught Beth of guard '' I'm sorry Beth.''

She seemed to accept it and held out a hand to him he moved closer.

Beth breathed in a deep breath it was better now than never. Beth wanted to open up to him trust him what better way to start then a memory of her little boy. '' I want to tell you about a little boy, he changed… and maybe save my life. His name Kieran Daniel Greene and he is… was my son... ''

Beth told Rick about the day she found out she was pregnant just after she turned 17. How he forced her to get high on drugs she didn't know names of. But ultimately lost the baby after getting caught in a fight, after a wound to the stomach and pulled down the stairs.

''The worst part is I really was looking forward to that part of my life, he save my life Rick... he was what made me want to became a better person. They took what could be now he is loved and just a memory. ''

This was one of the many times Rick's heart would ache for Beth Greene. A wish to take all the pain away but all he could really do was hold her close as the quiet sobs filled his ears, wetness of Beth tears on his shirt as Beth held her face in his neck. He closed his eyes kissing the top of her head. Rick did want to talk to Beth but now was not the time he could wait. Beth's grip on Rick tightened he held Beth until the sundown came and they had to return to the farm.

xxxx

Meanwhile Glenn was watching more than half a dozen walkers in the barn with wide eyes. Maggie stepped in forward in front of Glenn. ''You can't tell anyone please. It's more complicated than you think….''

Glenn started to back away not answering when Maggie called his name… Maggie stared after him ' great, this is not going to end well.' Maggie sighed making her way out of the barn.

A/n; well I hope you enjoyed the chapter. the chapter was long. Longer than expected but sometimes it is needed for what comes next. Stay tuned there a lot more to come, till next time lovely readers. Reviews welcome deadlove ox.