Time To Share
In which Kouta thinks the boys need to meet more girls
"I wish you could catch for me," Kouta Youji heard Sawamura Eijun say to Miyuki Kazuya between swigs of water during a break in the afternoon's training.
"I wish I could catch for you too," Miyuki gave the pitcher a smile offset by the furrows between his brows, making his overall expression one of frustration and a degree of helplessness. "I can't believe I'm actually saying that, but for once, it's quite true."
"Miyuki Kazuya, you…" the annoyance the pitcher felt was apparently too complex to put accurately into words.
Kouta noticed that the catcher had been sitting out of training for several days now. He was nearly always present at practice, but appeared to have been forbidden to do anything more than walk, sit, turn a page and hold a pen. The kid sat himself down on chairs, benches, the stands or in the dugout, depending on where the rest of the team was, but only watched the others and shouted less-than-encouraging words at them.
Today, he was perched on a chair that had almost certainly been nicked from a classroom, its slender legs unsuited for standing level on the rather uneven ground of this edge of the training field. The chair's wobbling movements reminded Kouta that his team would have to level the worn portions of the two fields soon. Tomorrow, during lesson hours, would be a good opportunity to do one field, and they'd have to persuade the team to use the other field until the soil and new patches of grass could take.
"It's frustrating, being ordered to sit and do nothing until the inflammation goes down," Miyuki muttered.
"Even when it does go down, that's when you'll have to start physio, and you won't be allowed to train with us until Dr Higuchi gives you the all-clear," Sawamura reminded him sternly, eyes flashing, the line of his mouth straighter than usual.
"I know," Miyuki sighed, sounding remarkably miserable for a kid who normally sported one variation or another of a smirk. "And I wish I could play in the Jingu."
Sawamura's facial expression softened immediately, and he put a hand on Miyuki's shoulder. "Hey, Kazuya," the boy's voice dipped considerably in volume when he spoke the other's given name. "You'll be right back in training sooner than you think."
Kouta had a vantage point off to the side of the pair, where he was fixing a large dent in the links of one of the batting cages that had been dragged aside for him to work on. And he saw that Sawamura's hand, while still resting quite neutrally on his captain's shoulder, was doing something that probably couldn't be seen by the other players or staff around as the kid had angled his body to block their view: his thumb was gently stroking the skin of Miyuki's neck above the collar of the catcher's jersey.
Aha. So Tanba Kouichirou had succeeded in getting Chris to back off from Sawamura, after all, and Sawamura was going out with Miyuki, whom he'd had a spat with on the day Kouta had first observed Chris' fascination with the first-year? Uh-oh. Was Chris upset by this? Did he know? Kouta hadn't noticed his friend's son behaving any differently from before – but that was because Chris had retired from the team some time ago and wasn't around the baseball facilities as much; Kouta had fewer opportunities to keep an eye on him.
"It's not just the three weeks in themselves, Eijun," Miyuki's voice dipped too when he spoke the other's name. "After not training for three weeks, I won't be either practice-fit or match-fit. It's going to take time to recover that fitness – I'll probably be the first to drop out of winter training, and Kantoku will ban me from the baseball club altogether, haha."
The laughter was mirthless.
The colour rose again in Sawamura's cheeks as he snapped: "Hey, I won't have you talking in such a bleak way, Miyuki Kazuya! You'll get back every type of fitness you need to carry on performing fantastically like you always have! You chose to worsen your injury by hiding it in the first place, so take the consequences like a man!"
"You don't understand," Miyuki said, grumpily, although he belied that tone of voice by discreetly reaching out to tweak Sawamura's jersey, running his fingers down parallel to the buttonholes. "You've never been in this position before."
Sawamura looked momentarily hurt, but this fleeting expression was swiftly succeeded by a flash of light in his huge eyes – which spoke eloquently of his willingness to swallow an unpleasant truth – and then replaced by what Kouta thought was a generous acceptance of Miyuki's words.
"You're right," the pitcher declared. "I don't understand. I'm behind you and beside you and just with you in everything and in every way, but there are so many things I'm not experienced enough to sympathise properly with you about, or just too dumb to get."
"Oi, I didn't mean…" Miyuki sounded slightly apologetic now, and he held on Sawamura's jersey by his thumb and index finger.
"I know you didn't mean to imply I was dumb, but you don't have to – we both know I am," Sawamura stated matter-of-factly, without bitterness. "But mostly, I'm just not experienced enough to help much with how you feel about this injury and what you're going through, so I think you should talk to someone who does."
"Oh?"
"Chris-senpai would know. I don't know how these things work, but if you could ask Takashima-sensei to arrange for you to do some of your rehabilitation at Chris-senpai's father's training centre, during the hour Chris-senpai is there, you'll be able to exchange notes with someone who's had it a lot worse than you."
"That's not a bad idea…"
"And keep talking to Tetsu-san about all the captain's crap you have to deal with – I may have captained my middle-school team, but the whole team was made up of my best friends, so I don't know what it's like having to lead people who don't always see eye-to-eye with you."
"Eijun…"
"Hmm?"
"Maybe you shouldn't be with me."
"Haaah?!"
"Shhh…"
"Why would you say that?!"
"I'm miserable and nasty and you're ten thousand rays of sunshine and I'm going to be so bad for your cheerfulness in the longer term…"
Sawamura took a step backwards and made all kinds of faces before spluttering: "Th- tha- that's exactly why I'm SHARING you, you idiot!"
It was Miyuki's turn to go: "Haaah?"
"I'm sharing you with Chris-senpai and Kuramochi-senpai and Tetsu-san and… and everyone who cares about you and can understand you better than I can in different ways, and you can be all miserable with all of us and I won't feel like I'm so useless when it comes to helping you!"
"You're sharing me with others?" Miyuki asked, sounding astonished, although it was hard for Kouta to tell how much of that astonishment was faked. "Wow. What is this now? Now you're proposing a five-way session with me, Chris-senpai, Kuramochi, Tetsu-san and yourself?"
"THAT"S NOT WHAT I MEANT, YOU PERVERT!" Sawamura yelled, so much more loudly than his usual level of loud that every member of the baseball team and staff turned to stare at the two of them.
Miyuki, by now, was clutching his injured side, laughing himself breathless while gasping: "Ow, ow, ow… it hurts."
And there Kouta had been thinking that these two were trying not to draw attention to how they were with each other. Then again, Sawamura must do this kind of thing often, because it took mere seconds for the team to shrug and look away again, with expressions on their faces that seemed to say: Oh, it's just those two, having yet another dispute over something the rest of us couldn't even begin to comprehend…
"Sawamura! Back to the bullpen!" Ono Hiroshi called out.
"Hai! Be there in a minute, Ono-senpai!" the pitcher called back, still red in the face, before turning back to Miyuki to hiss: "I mean I'm giving you as much support as I can, however I can, and if it means having to rope in others who can help you better than I can by listening to you, understanding you and giving you advice, I'll do just that!"
Miyuki had stopped laughing midway through Sawamura's speech, and was now looking at him with only the traces of a smile twitching around the corners of his mouth. "Thanks, Eijun," he said softly. "I mean it."
"You're welcome, Miyuki-senpai," Sawamura grinned.
"Ooh, don't say that to me out here, or I might do something embarrassing…" Miyuki muttered.
"And it would serve you right, Miyuki-senpai."
"Dammit, Eijun, you know I can't hear you call me that now without getting all worked up," Miyuki groaned.
"I know," Sawamura replied smugly. "It still serves you right."
"Sawamura!" Ono called again.
"Sorry, Ono-senpai! Be there in a second!"
"You'd better go," Miyuki told him.
"And you'd better talk to Chris-senpai."
"Okay."
"See ya later… senpai!"
With a cheeky grin, Sawamura sprinted back to the bullpen for the rest of the afternoon's training, leaving Miyuki squirming a little.
That was all Kouta got to hear about the developments of the personal relationships within the Seidou team for that day. He had to wait until mid-November, when the Meiji Jingu tournament was over, to learn more.
It happened at Animaru-san's gym in the National Training Centre. Kouta was there one evening to meet his friend for a drink, and he arrived at the end of Chris' and Miyuki's respective rehabilitation sessions. Animal had finished with his son's physio for the day, Miyuki was done with his therapist too, and the two boys were conversing with each other.
Animal was talking to a client whom Kouta recognised as a professional player who came in regularly for upper-body training, so he took this chance to listen in on the boys' exchange. Not wanting them to realise – at least not yet – that the head of the maintenance crew at their school was a friend of Chris' father, Kouta kept out of sight behind one of the screens that the trainers and therapists used to give their clients and patients privacy when necessary. Animal had first started this gym as a straightforward space where athletes could go through specific strength-training programmes, but at some point – presumably since his son's injury – he had extended its services. He now collaborated with a few physiotherapists who would come in to see patients on an as-needed basis. So there were a good few screens for Kouta to choose from for the purpose of concealing himself from the kids.
The first thing he heard as he waited was Chris reminding Miyuki rather sternly that he and Sawamura were still very young, and had better not go too far, too fast.
"You just turned 17 mere days ago, and Sawamura is still 16, so don't rush it. There's still so much you two need to learn about each other, and so much you need to learn about things you shouldn't be doing yet, if you get my drift."
"We haven't done much," Miyuki assured Chris a little awkwardly. "Really, not much – hardly more than any of us would do… uhm… to ourselves – if you get my drift…"
"And I'd think that would be enough for now," Chris stated.
"I know," Miyuki said. "We're not rushing into anything too heavy."
"Sawamura doesn't think before doing things, and what with his need to try things out and do everything hands-on before he can fully understand them, he's the one who'll be much more likely to want to do more than he should be engaging in, so you'll have to put the brakes on for both your sakes. Don't give in to him all the time."
"It's hard. I want to be all over him too."
"Were you playing on the word 'hard' there?" Chris asked in a lighter tone.
"No, I was – aagh, Chris-senpai! No!" Miyuki groaned. "I thought I was bad, but I can't beat you even when it comes to being warped!"
Chris chuckled softly, and Kouta could just imagine Miyuki, red in the face, maybe punching Chris lightly on his good arm. Or was their relationship not the kind where one would playfully punch the other? It suddenly also occurred to Kouta that he had no idea whether Miyuki knew anything about Chris' attraction to Sawamura, and wondered how cruel this conversation must be for Chris, when his unspoken queries were answered by Miyuki saying rather soberly:
"But really, Chris-senpai, there are moments when I wonder if it was just too selfish of me to pursue him. You would be so much better for him – warped sense of humour or not – whereas I'm probably all that's bad for him. I just knew I wanted him and gave chase, and didn't stop to think until now whether I'd be doing him a disfavour by being with him because I'm, well, what I am."
Chris kept silent for several seconds, and Kouta would have paid a good sum to be able to see the look on his face, but when he finally spoke, his voice was level and bore no trace of resentment: "This question of whether two people are good for each other or not… I don't think it's so essential, as long as one person isn't purposely setting out to damage the other. If both parties in the equation mean well, then I think what's important is wanting to be together. Sawamura wants to be with you, and that's what counts, in my opinion."
"It's probably only because you didn't ask him first."
"He wouldn't have wanted to be with me – not in the same way he wants to be with you."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that even if I had been able to seduce him, he'd always be that puppy-like kid looking up to me as if I was perfect, the senpai who would always know better than him and tell him what to do. He would never be like he is with you – you're equals, he doesn't look at you with blind adoration, and he's seen every one of your flaws from the beginning but he still wants to be your partner. That's something I could never have had with him if he'd ever agreed to go out with me. Besides, he's never looked at me the way he looks at you – Tanba was right – you could see it in Sawamura's eyes – he respected me, but he wants you."
"I'm sorry, Chris-senpai."
"For what?"
"I feel like I keep taking what's important from you – your spot on the first string during your second year, and now Sawamura…"
"Just don't make a move on Tanba next," Chris said, deadpan.
Miyuki was obviously stunned into silence, because Kouta could almost feel how solid the absolute stillness was between the two boys, and that stillness sat there for five long ticks of the second hand travelling around the clock on the wall, until Miyuki snorted and Chris laughed, and the dam broke.
"Ow, ow…" Miyuki complained breathlessly as he tried to hold his laughter in. "My sides hurt…"
"Good."
"You're evil, Chris-senpai."
"And you're not. Listen – you didn't take anything away from me. Life goes the way it goes. Where you and I are concerned, it's primarily been a case of my not being able to fulfil a role for one reason or another, and it was only after my inability to fulfil the role that it was discovered how well you were able to do just that. It's never been because you snatched anything from me."
"But I wanted to – when I first came to Seidou, I wanted to beat you to the position of first-choice catcher. I mostly just wanted to best you after you outmanoeuvred me so brilliantly in middle school. For a while, I even wanted you, although I guess a lot of that had to do with the frustration of not being able to properly compete against you as I'd wanted to since we'd last played in a match."
"Well, it's a good thing you didn't get me," Chris murmured in an amused voice. "You'd have been terrible for me."
Miyuki chuckled: "I wouldn't wish myself on anyone – but poor Sawamura's stuck with me now. You and Tanba-san are luckier than he is, though – you're both such thoughtful people."
"I'm glad Tanba told me how he felt."
"Really?"
"I've never before had anyone look at me the way he does. It's… it's nice – more than nice. You should know, because that's how Sawamura looks at you now."
"Heh. Yeah," Miyuki sounded embarrassed. "I'm a little surprised that Tanba-san worked up the guts to make his move, though – but I think he knew you were worth the risk."
"Tanba's grown so much. I had no idea at the time, but looking back now, I realise that he was completely in awe of me in our first and second years at Seidou. He was so timid. If we'd got together somehow under those circumstances, then he might have been rather like Sawamura – always looking up to me, which would have put a lot of pressure on me. But he's different now. He's no longer afraid to say what he wants and to reach out for it… for me. He and I want to be together, just like you and Sawamura want to be with each other, so don't circle that old ground again of whether you're good for him or not – just make that decision to be good for him. Give him your best in all the ways you can."
"Thanks, Chris-senpai," Miyuki said sincerely. "Despite how much worse you've had it, you've spent days now helping me to accept my injury and the time I'll need to recover, and now you're helping me to feel less bad about other things too. Just… thanks."
"You're welcome."
The boys rose, started discussing sharing a taxi for the trip back to school, and left the gym after saying goodbye to Chris' father. Their farewells prompted Animal's client to take his leave too. That was when Kouta emerged to nudge his friend to stop work so they could go for that drink.
At the bar they liked best which was closest to the National Training Centre, Kouta and Animal slipped into their usual banter, and three drinks in, the retired athlete mentioned his son.
"Yuu has pretty much admitted – in his own discreet, vague way – that he's seeing a guy," the man sighed.
"I guessed that a little while ago, but I couldn't be absolutely sure, so I didn't want to say anything to you for fear of alarming you unnecessarily," Kouta confessed.
"It's one of his third-year friends – Tanba Kouichirou. I have to say I was very surprised that he ended up being attracted to another boy, but… if he's happy, and if it's a supportive relationship rather than a destructive one, that's what really matters. Besides, these things are sometimes just a phase."
"And if they're not?"
"Then… oh well, Tanba's a good kid. I know him. He's a nice boy, very decent. I suppose it could have been much worse. Yuu could have gone out with someone a lot nuttier who'd only distract him from his exams and then break his heart – someone like… I dunno… Crazy Boy?"
Kouta only just succeeded in not choking on his sake, and he took another careful sip before clearing his throat and remarking: "Yes, it could have been so much worse."
For the remainder of the year, Kouta caught more glimpses of Miyuki and Sawamura in stolen moments during training hours – a subtle touch here, a squeeze of the hand there – and more rarely, he would spot Chris and Tanba elsewhere on the grounds, talking softly to each other over their books and notes, heads close together, smiles playing on their lips.
On the one hand, Kouta thought these boys had spent way too much time in the company of other boys in the baseball team, and that they should really look around the rest of the school and get to know more of the girls better. On the other hand, he remembered what Animaru-san had said about how it was Chris' happiness that mattered, as well as whether the relationship was a supportive one, and Kouta found himself hoping that these kids were mature enough to forge constructive personal connections instead of damaging ones, as teenagers were so very capable of doing without a thought.
At least it all seemed to be going well for the two couples, and he gradually got so used to the idea of these boys going out with one another that he barely even blinked by the time the end of the year rolled around, and he spotted yet another male pair from Seidou the day after the winter camp.
School had been over for the rest of the students a week before, but the baseball players had stayed back to go through the gruelling week of training from 23 Dec until the morning of the 30th. They rested and packed on that last day, then the next morning, on New Year's Eve, they left Seidou for home.
Kouta, his work done for the day, was relaxing in a café alone that afternoon, waiting for his wife to call him so he could pick her up before going to her mother's place to help with the New Year preparations. As he drank his coffee and watched the world go by, two boys entered the café. They had changed out of their school uniforms, but he recognised them as Seidou students – the second-year pitcher, Kawakami Norifumi, he could identify at once; but the other took him a while longer to pin as the third-year reserve catcher he hadn't seen so often in action – Miyauchi Keisuke.
They didn't see him – perhaps they wouldn't have recognised him even if they had, as he wasn't in his workwear either. They took a booth near his, off to the side, where he could more or less see them out of the corner of his eye without turning his head too much.
They placed their orders and waited for the server to leave before saying anything to each other. By now, Kouta had seen all the ways boys were with one another when they were more than just friends, and he immediately twigged that this was yet another couple from the baseball team.
Really. Kataoka needed to get more girls in as student-managers – hell, with the way some girls were built these days, Kataoka needed to get a few in as players. But then… ah… if the boys really wanted to be sweet on one another, what could he say? This pair was certainly sweet.
"Okay, Miyauchi-senpai, coffee's definitely on me, because you paid for the movie tickets even though I said we were supposed to go dutch!" Kawakami said, sounding both terribly pleased and marginally annoyed all at the same time.
The bigger-built boy huffed lightly before replying: "But I really wanted to take you on a date, so even though you were the one who asked, I wanted to buy the tickets. I've always wanted to do that – take you out somewhere that wasn't on school grounds."
Kawakami was blushing – from what Kouta could tell at this angle – and chewing on his lower lip as he looked down at a spot on the table and said: "Well, thanks for taking me to the movies, then. I really enjoyed it."
"So did I."
"I wish we could go out like this more often," Kawakami mumbled shyly.
"When you're in the baseball team, there's almost no chance of that," Miyauchi remarked thoughtfully. "There's no time off for players except at the New Year. But if you're still serious about this – about us – and if all this hasn't completely freaked you out by then, we'll have plenty of time in future."
"It won't freak me out. I mean, it is kind of odd, for me at least," Kawakami admitted. "I honestly never thought I'd date a guy. It simply never crossed my mind at all."
"It's my responsibility, isn't it? I made you think about it by saying things to you that you never imagined I would. And then I kept hoping even when I shouldn't have, and that made you keep thinking about it," Miyauchi murmured.
"Don't say it like it's something wrong, Miyauchi-senpai," Kawakami told him firmly. "It's not. I just said it was odd because I'd never thought about it before I made up my mind, but it doesn't mean I don't like it. More to the point, it's because I like you that I like this."
"You mean that?"
"Of course. And we can meet up during this week-long break – you don't live that far from me, after all," Kawakami said enthusiastically.
"I thought we agreed it was a good idea to have this date in Tokyo rather than Saitama precisely so we wouldn't run into people from our hometown," Miyauchi smiled.
"I don't care any more," Kawakami said frankly. "So we'll meet people we both know from home while… while sharing an ice-cream sundae or something, and I don't care if that happens."
"Eh? An ice-cream sundae in the middle of winter?"
"There's nothing wrong with eating ice cream in the middle of winter!" Kawakami protested.
"We'll freeze our teeth off."
"I'll kiss you warm again."
Miyauchi seemed to be left speechless for a moment at that bold statement. He finally found his tongue again, long enough to say: "That sounds nice."
Their coffee and sandwiches arrived, and there was a comfortable silence at their table as they got started on the fare.
"Mmm, this avocado and shrimp filling is great – here – have a bite," Kawakami said, holding out his sandwich to Miyauchi across the table.
Looking a little pink beneath the skin over his cheekbones, Miyauchi leaned forward and bit into the other boy's sandwich, but then, instead of sitting back and chewing on that bite, he continued his momentum of leaning across the table and covered the distance with his upper body to plant a kiss on the pitcher's lips before sinking back into his seat, his face aglow.
Kawakami blushed, and blushed again, looked about furtively to see if anyone was staring at them (no one was, and Kouta made sure he averted his gaze in time not to be caught by the second-year). Then he smiled helplessly, carried on eating his sandwich, and finally said between bites: "I'll slip away from my family tonight at Hikawa Shrine so I can spend the very first moments of the first day of the new year with you."
"I was planning to kidnap you to do just that, anyway," Miyauchi confessed.
Kawakami laughed. "Looks like you've got yourself a willing hostage, then."
"I can't tell you how pleased I am that he's a willing one."
"Well, he couldn't have found a better kidnapper."
Kouta saw Kawakami's foot nudge Miyauchi's playfully under the table, and watched as the other young man's foot nudged right back.
His wife texted him then, so he finished up his coffee, paid and left the café to meet her after casting one last look at the pair seated at the other table. He drove to the mall where his wife was done with her shopping, helped her load her groceries into the boot, and headed for his mother-in-law's place.
"I've been thinking," he murmured when they stopped at a traffic light.
"About what?" his wife asked as she rifled through her handbag for her compact foundation.
"Our son – I've changed my mind about wanting him to go to Seidou."
"Eh? Why?" she asked, startled. "I thought you said it was a great school. And he's shaping up to be a good baseball player."
"That school does funny things to boys on the baseball team. But our daughter can go – I think she'll be perfectly safe there."
"What are you on about?"
Ignoring the incredulous look he knew his wife was giving him right then, Kouta negotiated the turn into the thoroughfare that would take them to her mum's house as he directed his thoughts towards everything they'd need to do before midnight of the last day of this eventful year, and away from those hormone-driven kids on the Seidou baseball team.