For , Roisin Longe, who seems quite desperate to read this story. It's not great but here you go kiddo. I can't promise regular updates because honestly i've sadly outgrown st trinians. But i'll upload what i've got and we'll go from there. Apologies for the wait, i take ages to edit. Enjoy.

I'm not all that positive I should be driving. In fact I'm a hundred percent sure I shouldn't be. I keep thinking too much into everything as I drive. About what the doctor said. About what Josh said. And I keep staring at everything like I'll never get another chance to. I'm gonna cause an accident if I'm not careful. So I turn the stereo up a little more and open a window so I can get some fresh air to cool the miserable thoughts.

The city traffic quickly fades into the calm countryside and I start to slow as I near the village by the school. I cut a glance at the clock on the dash and let out a slow breath. It's only half ten. All the girls will still be asleep. Good. Im glad today's visit to the waiting room of death didnt push too long. I'd been worried I'd have to come back and talk my way out of the questions.

I pushed the van slow down the long gravel drive to the school. Looking around I let myself take it all in. It's like I'm seeing it all new again. I get all those first feelings off terror mixed with excitement as I see the burnt grass and graffitied signs. I stare around at it all and I smile as the tears return. This is my home. I really don't want to leave.

I park up in the garage and hold the envelope in my lap. I spend another hour just staring down at it. How could this happen to me? Why couldn't I have just gotten lucky for once? The doctor said he'd help me but is there really any point? Sure survival rates are higher these days but I'm not dumb enough to let that make me think I'm safe. I won't let myself be that optimistic.

"Andrea?"

I jump and snap my attention out the window. It's celia. She looks really worried. Freaked out even. I let her open the door and I slip over the seat a little so she can sit beside me. She doesn't say anything. She doesn't need to. She knows something is wrong, fuck she's been stood there watching me cry for god knows how long. But I'm grateful she doesn't probe. Celia knows how I get.

"Thanks for the key" I mumble gesturing at it as I open my door.

The eco grabs my hand to stop me leaving and she hands me my envelope when i look back at her. It must have dropped on the floor or something when i was swapping sears. She looks down at the hospital address on it and then up at me again, blue eyes burning with concern. I look away and she takes my hand to squeeze.

"I'm here for you" she whispers raising her other hand to touch my shoulder in comfort.

I feel my chest constrict with her sincerity and my eyes burn again. I wanna scream. How much more crying will I do today?!

I wordlessly nod at celia and quickly get out of the van. I can't stay there. I need air before I suffocate. She doesn't come after me like I thought she might. Just let's me walk out the garage to the empty courtyard beside it.

I feel so dizzy. Like the weight of my entire situation is only just starting to press in. Maybe I'm going into shock. All I know is I feel so close to throwing up right now.

"Oh god" I whimper shakily wiping my eyes again. I'm so tired. It's only eleven and I'm exhausted. I tell myself to get used to that, tell myself to enjoy whatever energy I have now because it won't be sticking around to help me out later.

That's when I do throw up. All over matrons daisies. I'm too drained to even stop myself worrying about it. I just can't hold any emotion back this morning. It's like the emo died the second I got my death sentence in that doctors room.

I swallow against the fresh wave of nausea and force myself to stand up. The girls aren't around but I know they'll be appearing soon and I have to look normal for when they last thing i need are them all hounding me for answers. I have to emo up already.

I wipe my eyes again and take a massive breath to calm the traumatic heartbeat rushing inside me. It takes a while but I'm soon breathing normal again. I force all the bad thoughts away and lock them tight out of my expression. I think about Josh again. He's brave about it. I'll be brave about it.

My steps are shaky at first but I've soon got my confident stride back. I'm starting to think maybe I can pull this off after all.

That's until I notice the chav leaning against the garage wall waiting for me with a cool smirk.

I meet her golden eyes and suddenly I want to backpedal a few years to when we got along. Taylor always had this little way of getting my secrets out. But she can't find this one. I know it'd break even her to know I'm sick. She'd tell everyone. She'd never leave my side. She be so protective and loyal.

Right now she's literally my worst enemy.

"Well if it ain't queen goth. Where's ya been zombie breath?"

I ignore Taylor and keep walking past her up round the drive to the main door. The scrunching of gravel tells me she's following me though. I get just past Beverly's desk before Taylor swings me around to face her.

"Oi answer the question!" she snaps prodding my arm.

I wince because it's the arm that's had all the injection torture earlier. Taylor doesn't notice though. She wouldn't.

"Maybe if you asked in English" I mumble tiredly under my breath. I want to be mad at her but I can't. Im exhausted with the constant fighting and the hate. I've only ever been horrible to Taylor since our friendship broke down in third year. And I regret that now. So much.

"Tha' was English you dumb go- ugh!" She cuts off with her insult in favour of a squeal, and she quickly squirms against me as I hug her tight against me. Im not sure what made me do it. Maybe a part of me was warning i wouldnt have time to make amends later. I'd be too sick to. I swallow when I think about it. Its depressing to shit.

"I'm sorry" I whisper into her shoulder. Not for the hug but for absolutely everything else.

Taylor stops struggling against me then and I hear her breath catch.

"What?" She mumbles back stunned.

I squeeze her tighter with a smile when she finally rests her hands on my back and returns the hug. It feels familiar and reassuring. And everything I need right now.

"I'm sorry for fighting all the time," I say sniffing back some tears, "You were my best friend and I've been such a bitch and I'm so sorry"

Taylor is lost for words. I dont really blame her. This isnt usually me. Its scary for both of us.

"You's kinda scarin' me goth gir- Andrea"

I let go of her and step back holding myself tightly. I won't look up at her. I don't want to see her expression. It'll be surprised. It'll be confused. But worse of all it'll be worried. Taylor acts all tough and mean but she gets scared like the rest of us. She just won't admit it easy. And I hate seeing a scared Taylor. So I stare down at the floor and watch her trainers step closer to my boots. She gently tips my face up so I'm looking at her and she tilts her head at me.

"Wha's goin' on?" She asks slowly. Her voice says she's scared. It says she wants to help. I shake my head again. I can't put that on her.

She reaches for my hand and I let her take it. She plays with my fingers for a moment before she nods to herself. Taylor glances back at me and smiles. I hold my breath. I burn this image of her into my head. Because no matter what happens over the next few months I'm gonna remember her like this. Strong and smiling at me.

"Can...can we be friends again, Andrea?" She asks rubbing her thumb over my palm. It's an old trick she used to pull to her me to calm down. I'm glad she remembered it. Taylor takes a deep breath and looks into my eyes, "I dont li' figh'in. Only did it cos everyone else said to"

I feel tear blur over my eyes again but I ignore the deep emotions confusing my head and nod and hug her again. She freezes for a second before holding me back tighter. It's like she's seen me broke and want to push me back together again. But I know she can't fix me. Nobody can.

"I missed this" she mumbles rubbing my back. I just laugh. Because I did too.

"Ya know you can tell me righ'? I migh' be dumb but I won't dob on ya" She's trying to get past me with that. And for a second it makes me worried she only said about being friends to get me to come clean about my problem. Would she be that sly? I didnt want to bet on it.

I shake my head at her and let out a brittle breath. I don't say anything. I just hold her.

We stay that way for a while until we hear somebody walking down the corridor towards us, and Taylor quickly steps away from me with a nervous smile. I nod. I get it. I grab my bag and hike it back over my shoulder again before I leave.

"I'll see you later ,yeah?" She asks touching my wrist. I blink up at her. In her voice I heard the exact same thing celia said, I'm here for you.

I nod and I can feel her watching me as I begin to walk away. I can feel her confusion burn at me. But I tell myself to keep going. I can't tell her. No matter how much I want to, I can't. I can't tell anybody.

The dorm is in it's usual swing of things as I walk in. The geeks are tapping away at their laptops. The chavs are chatting about some rap god they're obsessing over this week. The Banned are setting up practice in the back by the first years who are racking up bets on a fight that's rolling on the floor near them.

I smile around at it all. I feel all nostalgic. I think about how I used to find everything annoying, how it really used to grind my nerves. But now I can't get over how perfect it all is.

"Earth to Andrea?!"

I jump on the spot and scowl at a shouting Chelsea, who for some reason is stood right next to me flicking her curls around. How long has she been there for? Her expression says a while.

"Yes?" I ask crossing my arms impatiently. Chelsea rolls her eyes

"Kelly wanted to see you. She said she saw you sneak out earlier and wants to know why"

Chelsea smirks at me then like I'm in mega trouble. I shrug back. Like I care. Kelly won't be mad at me anyway, we're really good friends.

Chelsea does her cute little frown of confusion and opens her mouth to ask me something but Annabelle jumps in before she can. And by jump in, I mean she literally jumps on me. I stumble under the sudden extra weight. All the morning of tests have made exhausted my strength too much to be able to handle anything past holding myself up. I have to grab Chelsea's arm to stop myself falling over.

The two way force pulls both girls into an accidental hug with me that I'm not altogether resisting. Annabelle starts giggling and then we all are. I squeeze them both against me with a happy grin before we all manage to break apart.

"Where have you been, emo girl? We were meant to check out that new band together" Annabelle pouts snagging my bag off my shoulder cheekily.

I quickly take it back before she can think about snooping through it. It's got my envelope in it. Their eyes flash with intrigue at my behaviour and I swallow guiltily. They share this look and I just know I'm gonna have to protect this bag with my life tonight. It's just a good thing I sleep with a knife. Annabelle frowns at me a little more but thankfully for me there's a scuffle break out among the first years and she decides to go help Tara sort it out. That leaves me with Chelsea.

Now Chelsea may be a six foot something -seriously?! How tall?!- blonde sex on legs wonder. But even she knows when something is wrong. She gives me this look that asks if I wanna talk about it but I shake my head. Because I honestly don't. I couldn't even begin to guess where to start with it all. Chelsea's eyes soften in understanding and she squeezes me into another surprise hug, giggling softly in my ear. It's only as she's giggling like a two year old that I realise I've never said anything nice to Chelsea. It's always been sarcastic comments on her dress sense and horrible remarks in her point of view. I've always kicked her down. I'm ashamed of myself. Completely.

"You're gonna tell me" she insists pulling me out of my thoughts by squeezing me tight so I can't breathe, "one way or another, I'm going to find out"

I tap her shoulder when my chest starts to burn and I suck in a massive gulp of air when she lets me go. She grins at me and looks over my shoulder. She smirks suddenly and nods over at the door. I look back at it and find Kelly leaning against it with a seriously stern look for me. I discreetly swallow and shoulder my bag.

Chelsea's starting to walk past for her bed but I stop her.

"Hey you know what, Chels?" I start meanly. She shakes her head and my gaze warms. I smile at her, "You are the smartest kid I know"

She beams at me and throws another quick hug in before telling me Kelly's glaring. I roll my eyes. Seriously, why're they all scared of her? She's a little kitten really. I tell Chelsea to scram quick before I walk over to Kel.

She doesn't say anything when I stop in front of her, just gives me this look that asks for an explanation. And suddenly, I don't want to give her an excuse. In the last five years of st trinians Kelly had always been there. To cry on, to hold me back. She's always listened. She's always cared. I don't want anybody to know about me being sick but Kelly I can trust.

I flick my eyes past the head girl to her bedroom door across the hall. She follows my glance and nods at my plea for privacy. Kelly unfolds her arms and leads me over to her door where she takes a few seconds to unlock it before letting me walk in. I gaze around at her room, smiling at the photo of the two of us by her desk.

"What's the deal Jackson?" she asks once the door is shut.

I don't answer. Just walk over to her desk and pick up the picture. It was taken a couple years back during the winter when we were the only two kids staying over the holidays. The weather was so shite we'd gotten snowed in together over Christmas. Was the best Christmas of my life.

Water drips onto the photo suddenly and splashes against it.

"Andrea?"

Kelly sounds unsure. I don't blame her. She's never really seen me cry all that often. I try not to make a habit of it. But I can't help it this time. I'm thinking about that Christmas. I'm wondering if I'll see it again this year. Kelly tentatively touches my arm and I can't hold back the floodgate any longer. I start crying like a baby right in front of her.

Kelly softly grips my arm and swings me around into her, holding and hugging me fiercely.

"What wrong, Andrea?" She begs stroking my hair while I carry on weeping into her school shirt. I open my mouth to tell her but nothing comes out. I choke on the words.

"I-I-..." A tremble rocks through me and shakes into her. That's when Kelly puts her foot down

"Right, listen to me now, Andrea. You're going to tell me whatever has happened right this second or I swear I'll-"

"I was at the hospital" I whisper looking away from her.

Kelly pulls away from me suddenly and cups my face so I have to look at her. She looks scared and worried. She's even paled a little more than normal. She stares at me and then looks me over all critically. Her eyes meet mine again and she looks mad. Like, actually mad.

"Did somebody hurt you?" She said calmly but I could hear the anger vibrating beneath the words. I know if I say yes she'll go out on a murder quest.

"No," I reply shaking my head. Im really struggling with how to word this. I dont want her to panic but really is there any other reaction for this sort of thing? I wonder how Josh told everybody. If anybody knew. I think about his smile and the warmth his hug pressed around me. He'd be brave about this. I knew that much.

I took Kelly's hand and looked her in the eye. I don't want to shy away from this.

Kelly's eyebrows knit together and her face scrunches up in confusion. I hesitate what to say. How should I even put this? I pull the envelope out of my bag and twist it in my trembling hands. Kelly looks down at it. Her eyes glance the hospital print before she asks again whats wrong.

"Andrea, you know you're starting to scare me..."

I didn't mean to tell her this way. In the four second trip in here I'd planned to settle her into it. To calmly tell her that I'm sick. Instead my head is running against my heart and when I look up into her dark eyes I feel the fear she's trying to hide.

So I just thrust the envelope at her and blurt it out,

"I have cancer"