Author's note:

2015 is here! And I want to thank you all for all those reviews on the last chapter, you literally made my last week of December such a wonderful time, you can't even imagine it. You really have a wonderful patience with me since I'm sometimes too cruel to you, leaving you hanging but I have to admit that I don't plan on stopping with it anytime soon. :D Sort of New Year resolution :D

Thanks endlessly to you Debbie, for your contributions. :)

Thanks belong also to both of the Guest reviewers, I'm glad you liked the chapter and that you are eager to read the next one. :)

To the third Guest reviewer, who called me 'nasty girl' - yes, I am. :D And trust me, my sleep is very peaceful... :D Anyway, since you reviewed today, I guess you don't have to wait for so long for a new chapter, do you? ;) Enjoy and thanks for the review!

Same goes for you, hockeymom! Thank you! :)

And dear Celine Krause, I know you hate to wait. :D And I'm so 'sorry' for doing this to you... :D Thanks for the review, sweetie, and Happy New Year to you too. :)

To be honest with you, this chapter is just a slight intermezzo and sort of a prologue to quite long chapter full of persuasion and talk. Take it as insight to Ziva's head so you would know what's going on and what sort of problems we are dealing with here. I didn't want to split the chapter up but then I changed my mind because you might get bored during reading a long chapter full of talking and such. So, hopefully enjoy, I think you'll get soon with what I'm trying to deal with in here. :)

Disclaimer:

I do not own NCIS or the characters.

Towel – Chapter 12

This chapter is dedicated to VendelaGraci because she's celebrating her 18th birthday tomorrow! Love you, Vendela and welcome among adults. I send thousands of hugs into your direction to Sweden. XOXO Have a nice day!

*** WHERE WE LEFT OFF ***

But all his hopes fell into pieces the moment he opened his mouth to say those famous three words that meant a world to him, because her face suddenly changed into a horrified expression of dread. She gasped for breath as the panic attack seized her and she had problems making her lungs work, because it had finally dawned on her just what had happened between them.

She'd felt contended and happy and she'd had trouble figuring out why. It wasn't normal for her to feel like that, so she had just dug into it. So, in the minute she'd started to replay the events of the last hour or so in her head, she'd realized that she'd just had sex with Tony. After all those years of longing, dancing around each other and pretending that it actually had been nothing, they had given in to the temptation. And what was even more terrifying – they had made love.

"No." She breathed out, her eyes wide with fear as she shot her body up, getting herself into a sitting position, still struggling to breathe.

*** AND NOW WE CONTINUE ***

If they had just had sex, she wouldn't have freaked out so much. The problem was that she had allowed to him to make love to her, thus she had let him express his love for her and she had repaid that in the same fashion. The connection had been real, the feelings had been sincere and the love for each other had been mutual. She had given herself away before she'd even known she had fallen in love with him, and before she'd even admitted it to herself.

And she also wouldn't have freaked out as much if she believed that he'd meant his feelings seriously. The problem was that she didn't. As she was going back with her memories, recalling the way he'd seduced her, she just couldn't bring herself to trust him, despite her promise that she would. It didn't make any sense to her. She didn't believe he could feel any love towards her. They were just partners and co-workers, and, of course, friends. With huge sexual tension between them, yes, but still.

Tony stared at her, refusing the unease overpowering him. He realized she was having second thoughts and was questioning his intentions and whether his feelings were real. But he didn't want to believe she wouldn't trust him, because she'd given him her trust before they'd really started the whole thing. However, he couldn't stop the feeling that something had gone terribly wrong.

He propped his head up against his elbow, reaching with his free hand toward her back, trying to soothingly caress her skin, teasing her partially uncovered butt. "Ziva?" He asked carefully, still hoping that her sudden panic attack had another explanation than her having any misgivings.

Ziva wanted the Earth to open and swallow her forever. She felt so vulnerable and used. She couldn't believe herself and she couldn't believe that he'd betrayed her trust like that. She was sure he'd been able to enchant her somehow, because she just couldn't find any explanation for her actions. She'd believed he'd been in love with her, she'd trusted him so much that she'd given in to the temptation, she'd let him to make her lose control over herself and do things she would have never done under normal circumstances.

She huddled, burying her fingers into her hair, raking it in desperation and trying to figure out why she'd let him to seduce her. She still wasn't able to comprehend how he could deprive her of her sanity, how he'd managed to envelope her in the erotic haze that had driven her libido, which had resulted in their love-making and, mostly, how he could do this to her. From all the people in the world, he was the last one she expected to betray her.

She'd fallen for his charm and all he'd needed for making her yield had been few sweet words, some games he'd decided to play with her and direct physical contact of their bodies. "Oh my God, how could I let that happen?" She asked herself aloud, feeling like a complete fool.

She tried to ignore his fingers on her back but she couldn't stop the shiver that ran down her spine because of it. Her treacherous body still desired him, in all ways possible, but she had to start thinking how she was supposed to get out of this situation without harming him and herself in the process. She had to take the responsibility for her actions. It was all her fault that she had let him to make her give in.

"How could I be so stupid?" She berated herself, emphasizing the last word, suddenly angry with herself. While she had admitted her love for him, she had come to a realization that what he felt for her wasn't love. At least not that type of love she wished for.

Tony DiNozzo wasn't a man who would want to commit to the relationship with all its positives and negatives. He wasn't a man of commitment, not since Wendy had dumped him. And she searched for commitment. She wanted a stable relationship with someone who would love her for who she was. Although she was sure Tony wouldn't try to change her, she couldn't stop the feeling that if they were supposed to take their relationship to another level, he would try to balk at it.

Little did she know, his love was greater than anyone could ever imagine. He was ready to give up everything, including his job, to be with her and cherish her like she deserved. He was ready for the commitment like never in his life. Nonetheless, she'd just convinced herself that there was no point to hope for him to fall in love with her, because she didn't believe she deserved such caring man like him. She didn't feel worthy of his affection. Plus, there were those commitment issues, and she couldn't find a way to get past this.

Tony still refused to feel unsure. His determination had helped him to convince her to let him make love to her already, so he was still determined not to let her to ruin this moment. He had sort of expected, knowing her character, that she might start to freak out once it had dawned on her what had happened. But he wasn't about to let this go. She could say whatever she wanted, he knew his truth. It only required more persuasion and, as he had proven today, his persuasion skills were excellent.

"Calm down, sweetheart. It's not a big deal." He said quietly, hoping she would hear his words through the blanket of hopelessness she had thrown over herself. He still continued in grazing his fingers across her skin in attempt to soothe her and prove to her, once again, that her body was still giving crystal clear signs of how much she wanted him.

Ziva couldn't believe his words. Not a big deal? This was a Hell of deal! Couldn't he see that they'd just made love? They'd express their feelings for each other without even telling them aloud? Couldn't he see that what they'd just done was changing their relationship forever? Couldn't he comprehend that he'd betrayed her trust and just had messed with her?

She turned to look at him and the anger in her rose. She wasn't just angry with herself, now. She was angry with him, as well, because he'd caused all the misery she was going through at the moment. If he had just given her the shoes and left, she wouldn't have been in this situation. She wouldn't have revealed what she felt for him, she wouldn't have even admitted it and everything between them would have been as normal as always.

The fiery wrath spread through her veins. Her eyes widened, burning with exasperation that had been caused by his words about 'not a big deal'. She didn't even know how, but her hand lifted into the air and met with the top of his head as she gave him a proper head-slap that caused him to stop being able to see for a little while. She didn't mean to be violent, but he hadn't given her any other choice.

"Ouch! What was that for?!" He immediately exclaimed and reached with his hand toward his head to cover the place that hurt. He had expected her to be angry, but not violent. Although, he had to admit, he had deserved some head-slap for what he had done. But the intensity had still surprised him.

"You know bloody well for what! This shouldn't have happened!" She snapped at him, giving him a piercing look as she breathed heavily, trying to tame her anger. She'd already managed to come up with a plan to kill him and get away with it and she couldn't wait to carry it out.

In disgust that she felt towards both herself and him, she turned her head away from him and rather looked at the wall. She knew she shouldn't blame just him because it was partially her own fault too. She should have resisted his charm. She was supposed to be immune against it. Apparently, he'd found new weakness inside her, and she needed to start work very soon on getting rid of it. She couldn't afford any weaknesses.

Tony sighed wearily, realizing that she just decided, for whatever reason, not to believe him, his intentions, his feelings and everything around them. She was doing the same thing all over again – pushing him away, shutting him down. But not this time. He'd been determined from the very beginning and he wasn't about to surrender. She belonged to him from now on, and he had every right to demand her trust.

"I just can't understand that I let you to... And that we..." She continued to lament. The mixed feelings of confusion, despair and resentment raged through her, only to be interrupted by his unexpected gently kisses he decided to apply on her back.

He sat up, wrapping his arms around her waist to show her that he hadn't betrayed her or anything. He'd just shown her what her body wanted and helped her reach the satisfaction she'd dreamt about for years. The way her body trembled the moment his arms had embraced her testified enough that she still couldn't stop herself from craving him. On top of that, it seemed that her wrath waned as the stiffened muscles relaxed and she, again, let him to do whatever crossed his mind.

She had to grip the sheet between her hands to prevent herself from touching him, but it was harder and harder to stifle the moans that were forcing their way out of her mouth. She hated her traitorous body and her libido, because it was just their fault that she melted the second she felt his lips on her skin. And he wasn't making it any easier for her when he took her hair and put it aside to make a free way to her neck and her earlobe.

He thoroughly paid attention to her shoulder blade, kissing his way up to her neck, revelling in her powerlessness. "I didn't hear you complaining." He whispered into her ear huskily as his hands massaged her waist and her stomach, making her shiver with excitement.

He gently nipped her earlobe, rewarding her neck with his kisses, sensing as her willpower was leaving her once more. She couldn't help herself but to respond to his advances towards her again. She was just incapable to stop him, because his touch suddenly had a deeper meaning for her than before. The heat was killing her as it washed over her, increasing her horniness to another level.

However, it boosted her anger in the same time. She didn't want him to have such power over her. She didn't want to be so weak and to melt just because he had touched her. She was supposed to scold him, to throw him out and make him to forget this had ever happened. She couldn't afford to let him to seduce her again, and not because they were supposed to be somewhere else. She wanted to put an end to this before he could convince himself about the depth and sincerity of her feelings.

She groaned in desperation, wriggling her body as she tried to free herself out of his embrace and stop him from taking this further before she could lose herself once more. When he stubbornly tightened the clasp he was applying on her waist, not wanting to let go of her, she managed to turn slightly, putting her hands on his chest and shoving him away roughly with a groan.

"Jeez, stop it!" She exclaimed, breathing heavily as she tried to subdue her wrath as well as her arousal that he'd caused. Her eyes were flaming with all the emotions that she felt, but her face saved the stony expression, not wanting to reveal anything.

Tony was surprised at first, but the moment he registered what she'd said, the corners of his mouth twitched upwards, creating an amused smirk. "Now, you can say the word, huh?" He remarked, the smug smile never leaving his face. It wasn't even an hour ago when he'd wanted from her to say the word 'stop' and now, she was suddenly able to do so.

However, she didn't share the amusement with him. On the contrary, her face contorted with rage when she realized he had been making fun of her, nothing more. He bit his tongue the moment those words had left his mouth because, judging by the look she was giving him, he was about to be a dead man. Why does he always have to do something that boosts her desire to kill him?

"You think you're funny?!" She growled at him, looking him up and down with undeniable disgust as the limits of her forbearance were slowly but certainly losing their importance.

"This. Shouldn't. Have. Happened!" She repeated, emphasizing each word as much as she could to let him know that what they had done was a huge mistake, and that they should behave like consenting adults and leave it behind them.

But in spite of her sudden repulsion, anger and want to hurt him, she realized she couldn't kill him, injure him or anything. She couldn't harm him for what he had done and said and the reason was simple – her current state of confusion and coldness had nothing to do with her feelings for him and the fact she was in love with him. And she wasn't ready to hurt a person she loved the most.

It hurt her that he'd betrayed her trust because she wasn't sure what this meant for him. Her inner conviction just couldn't believe that what he felt for her was love in a romantic way. She knew he cared about her beyond partnership and friendship because he'd risked his life numerous times for her, but that didn't prove that he loved her. Especially with all the sexual tension between them. Because the fact that you're attracted physically to someone doesn't mean you're in love with that person.

She turned her head away from him once again so she wouldn't have to watch the puppy's eyes he was trying on her. Taking the sheet into her hands, she wrapped it as tightly as she could around her, wanting to cover herself as much as possible so he wouldn't see anything. This wasn't that stupid towel, it hid everything she wanted to hide so she wouldn't give him any other chance to touch her and, thus, to seduce her again.

"Grab your things and get out." She ordered him sternly with gritted teeth, trying to get her temper under control, hoping he would do what she'd demanded of him. She needed to be alone to sort out the havoc she had in her head.

But Tony didn't move. His determination made him to stay where he was and, on the contrary, it gave him the courage to fight this battle. "No, I won't." He calmly refused to leave her side. He didn't want to run away from this and he wasn't going to let he do something similar. What had happened between them was real and the only thing he needed to do was convince her about it.

Her head turned back towards him with an expression that told him that he really should get out of there. Otherwise, she would do it by herself, using force this time. But he didn't relent. It was time to finally fight against her constant refusal that nothing had been happening between them. That all those feelings, touches, and even kisses meant something deeper that she had been letting on. It was his only chance and he wasn't going to give it up just because she'd started to freak out.

"You won't make me leave, you won't make me regret it. Because I will never, ever have any regrets over it. I'm actually glad it happened." He told her with such resoluteness that she could just stare at him in awe.

Her intention certainly wasn't to make him to regret it, not at all. She just wanted him to leave her be and forget about it, thus to pretend that this afternoon had never happened. And that he was glad for what they had done? She would be lying if she said she wasn't glad too. But couldn't he comprehend how much it will influence their relationship? How much it will affect their work and their partnership? That it could lead to the subsequent end of everything nice they both consider to be part of their friendship?

"And you can deny it as much as you want, Ziva, but deep inside you, you know it was bound to happen one day. You can't keep avoiding the fate." He continued decisively, knowing very well she had the same opinion. It wasn't the first time they had to deal with the sexual tension between them, so she knew very well about it and couldn't deny its existence. It had been an unstable bubble of emotions that had waited for the right moment to burst.

Her eyes, full of anger, were still boring into his, challenging him to avert his gaze, but he didn't surrender. His cock-and-bull stories about fate and how she couldn't keep avoiding it made her blood boil in her veins. Fate and destiny didn't have anything to do with what he had done. It was just his way to excuse his betrayal of her trust, nothing more. Although, she had to admit that she'd wished for the day she would give in to the temptation to come. But that wasn't the point at the moment.

"And you think it allows you to burst in, without permission, into my room while I'm practically naked, take advantage of it and seduce me?! This is what you call 'fate'?" She barked at him with disdain, but with an audible tremble in her voice. She wasn't too far from nervous breakdown, which was primarily the reason why she wanted to him to go away. She didn't want him to know how vulnerable and hurt she felt. She was always the strong one, so she wanted to save her face and maintain her dignity.

Tony shook with his head in disapproval, scratching it and wondering how the hell he was supposed to make her to believe him and stop thinking about him as a bad guy. It almost seemed she thought that he had entered her room with the intention to surprise her and use it to his own advantage, which wasn't the truth at all. He hadn't known she had been in just a towel the moment he had opened the door.

"I gave you countless chances to back away, Ziva. But you..." He started to defend himself. Because she had been there with him, she had pretty good idea what had happened. He'd taken his time, just because, to be sure she had wanted the same thing, and she'd proved it. That's why he had decided it had been worth the risk.

"You were just messing with me!" She exclaimed, cutting him off as her body trembled with the nervous tension and rage over the fact that she just wanted to forget about it and he didn't want to accept that.

He was taken aback by her sudden outburst, even though he knew she was pissed off. This was somehow different, though. Something in her voice made him believe there was something more to it that she had been showing. This wasn't the Ziva he had known for years. She would have never used such words. She would have just kicked him out, threatening him with a paperclip or something.

And then, it hit him exactly what her problem with all of this was. This wasn't his ninja, this was a woman, a broken woman to be exact. A woman who had convinced herself that her trust had been betrayed because those she loved the most had always done such a thing. She had been betrayed by Michael, by her father, and recently, she had been betrayed by CIRay. And now, she believed he'd been the one who had dared to do this unspeakable act.

He had been sure that the way he'd decided to express his feelings for her had been the best one. But apparently, it had been the worst one. Maybe he should have given her the space to tell him what she had wanted and not to insist so much on the physical side of the seduction. Maybe he really had gone overboard with it, and should have chosen some other way to show her what he felt, because she obviously didn't want to believe it.

He felt miserable the moment he looked her directly in the eye and saw the hurt she so much tried to hide. He didn't want any of that. To hurt her was the last thing he'd had in mind. The realization that she now counted him in with the group of betrayers who had managed to break her heart and just use her for their own advantages, let him know that he had to start fixing it immediately. He couldn't let her to think that all he had wanted was just sleep with her. He needed to convince her that it all had been real.

The End of Chapter 12

So... Now, you know with what Ziva tries to cope with – her trust issues since she has been betrayed too many times and even Tony realizes that he should have considered it before. Do you think he will be able to fix it? That he will be able to convince her that his feelings for her were real? You'll find out in the next chapter!

I want to thank you all for all the support you gave me during the year 2014, you were all amazing and you made that year as one of the best in my entire life. Thank you so much, and I wish you all the best for the new year 2015.

Anyway, I should go back to studying, I'm the only one who can pass the exam tomorrow... Not to mention I have to hardly work on my thesis. At least the French exam is behind me, phew... See you next week in Chapter 13! XOXO