All of this angst will be worth it soon! Sorry about any errors or, you know, tears. :)

Seven Years Ago…

Mercedes had been sitting at her work desk when she suddenly realized that her period was almost two weeks late. A co-worker of hers with three different colors in her hair and an eyebrow piercing had leaned over and asked her if she a tampon and at that very moment it hit her that she hadn't used one herself in far too long.

But these things happen, right? This could be completely normal.

They were thoughts that could have been comforting had it not been for the fact that she and Sam hadn't exactly been careful every time they had sex lately. So this seemed like an appropriate time to have a full on panic attack.

She'd left work early and called Sam as she sat in the parking lot of CVS because she couldn't get out. She needed the pregnancy test and she knew that they had plenty inside the store but she couldn't convince her body to cooperate. It just wouldn't move.

"Go home," he'd said. "I'll meet you there with the test in a half hour," he told her. So she had. And in those thirty minutes of waiting, she'd gone through an extensive series of emotions ranging from hysteria to what seemed like euphoria.

She loved Sam. They'd always talked about having children and there was no one in the world who she would want to create a life with. Accidental or not, it would be beautiful. She thought about how happy Devon and Alicia were—how amazing Avery was growing up to be. She was a small girl but a big light in all of their lives and if Mercedes could love another child even more than she loved that little girl, then how could this not be beautiful?

But she wasn't ready. She just barely had one foot in the door in her career and she was afraid that having a baby could impede her progress. She wanted more time. She wanted more time to prepare a good and stable life for their baby to be born into. She wasn't ready.

Now she was leaning forward on the couch, next to Sam who was sitting up straight with his hand rubbing her back. And there was a negative pregnancy test sitting on their coffee table.

One line.

Means negative.

Means "not pregnant".

It was what she'd wanted. Which was why she didn't understand why there were tears swelling in her eyes. Sam leaned forward when he heard her sniffle and confusion fell onto his face when he saw a tear roll down her cheek.

"Mercedes?" he said, moving closer to her. "This is good, isn't it?"

"It is," she said but he could see her chest starting to rise and fall more quickly. "It's great, Sam, because we're not ready," she shook her head, her voice cracking. "We're not ready, right?"

Sam blinked and then he nodded.

"Right," he said quietly.

"Then why am I so sad?" she cried, dropping her head on his shoulder.

"I don't know," he whispered, wrapping his arm around her. "But it's gonna be okay," he told her. She lifted her head again to look up at him.

"There's no baby, Sam," she said.

"No, there isn't," he said softly.

"I didn't know I wanted there to be a baby until there wasn't one," she whimpered, shaking her head before dropping it on his shoulder again, her tears wetting his shirt. "There was never a baby, Sam, was there?" she looked up at him, her eyes wild with what looked like a mixture of fear and absolute despair. He smile sympathetically at her and shook his head.

"No, beautiful, there wasn't."

"There was never a baby," she said again. "So why do I feel like I lost one?" Her sobs were louder now, her body rocking with them.

"Oh, Mercedes," he said under his breath.

"What's wrong with me?" she muttered, the words breaking around her sobs.

"Shh," he whispered, but she didn't let up. "Listen to me," he said softly, turning a bit to place each of his hands on either side of her face so that he could look her right in the eyes. "Breathe," he said, taking a deep breath in, releasing it, and then repeating. He did this three times before she joined in, taking shaky breaths in and out until her heart rate started to return to normal.

"We weren't ready," he said once she was calm, "that's true—we aren't," he told her. "But nothing would have made me happier than seeing a positive on that test, do you understand me?"

She nodded as he wiped the tears from her cheeks and then let his hands fall from her face.

"I cannot wait to marry you and have a baby with you, Mercedes. But," he paused, "I can. Because I know that even though it's not happening now, it's gonna happen," he told her, "we're gonna have a baby one day, when we're ready. And she's gonna be the only girl on the planet who could ever give you a run for your money," he said. She was quiet for a moment and it was beginning to worry him until he heard her chuckle.

"Apparently we're having a daughter" she said sarcastically, and the smile he heard in her voice put him at ease.

"Yep," he replied as she lifted her head from his shoulder and smirked.

"I thought we were gonna have 12 babies," she said.

"Oh, we are," he chuckled, moving to lie down and pulling her to follow him. "Don't think I forgot," he said as she rested her head on his chest and laughed.

"I still think we're gonna have to negotiate that a little bit but, okay."

SAM'S POV

Present Day…

"This is definitely an upgrade from your place in San Diego," Nicole said, taking a seat on his couch. He was quiet as he dropped his keys on the counter. "How are your headaches?" she asked him.

"Still coming and going," he mumbled, sitting on the arm of the couch.

"You have to get that wisdom tooth pulled, Sammy," she said, and he saw her move closer to him in the corner of his eye.

"I know," he said.

"Why not make an appointment for this coming week? I could stay a few extra days and take care of you."

"No," he said simply.

"Is everything okay?"

Absolutely fucking not.

"Yes—no," he almost yelled. Sam sighed. "Forgive me if I'm a little agitated but it's just—what are you doing here, Nicole?"

"I wanted to surprise you."

"We agreed that we should be apart for a little while. Get a feel for what long distance is like. We agreed on that like, yesterday," he said.

"Yeah, the thing about that is I'd already bought my ticket."

He crossed his arms over his chest and let out a deep breath. Then suddenly he felt Nicole's head falling to rest on his leg.

"Look if you can just get past the fact that I showed up like this and just focus on the fact that I'm here," she paused, "Aren't you at least a little happy to see me?"

His brain still couldn't fully process what had just happened. Six years ago, he would have never thought a day would come where Mercedes would be sharing her life with another man besides him. He'd have never thought a day would come where her smile would light up another man's day, where her contagious laugh would pull at the corners of another man's lips until it forced him to laugh, too; where another man's hands would touch her the way his had. Six years ago, he couldn't have seen it coming and all of a sudden he didn't quite know how they'd even ended up here. But he knew one thing for sure; the sudden hope he had felt fifteen minutes ago that he and Mercedes would be together again, that the future they always thought they would have together was still possible, had gone as quickly as it had come. Because no matter how he looked at it, she was with someone else. So he rested his hand on his girlfriend's head and ran his fingers through her hair.

"Of course I am," he lied.

"Good," she sat up, "because my sister told me about this really nice restaurant and I made a reservation for us to go there for dinner," she said.

"Um," Sam hesitated, glancing at his full stomach quickly and then looking back up at her. "Okay."

In the morning Sam opened his eyes and sat up in bed reluctantly when he realized that the day before had been real. Nicole wasn't next to him but her suitcase was on the floor next to his dresser and he could hear his shower running. They'd gone out to dinner the night before and he'd tried his best to remind himself that he really did like her, tried his best not to think about Mercedes, and tried his best not to resent Nicole for interrupting the perfect day he and Mercedes had been having together. And mostly he tried not to wonder if Mercedes loved the man she was with now. After their break up, he'd been left with a pit of emptiness that he couldn't shake; one that wouldn't let him love Nicole the way he had loved Mercedes, even when he wanted to. And now that he knew she was with someone else, he though, selfishly, that the only way that that emptiness would be worth suffering is if Mercedes felt it, too.

Now he sighed, pulling the sheets off of him and stepping out of bed. After a quick stretch, he picked up his phone from his nightstand and tried not to hope that there was text or a missed call from Mercedes.

There wasn't. So then he tried not to be disappointed as he headed for his kitchen. The thing about falling asleep on a full stomach is that he'd always wake up the next morning feeling like he hadn't eaten in three days. He grabbed the jug of milk from the fridge, took the box of chocolate cereal from the kitchen cabinet and poured himself a bowl and then took a seat at the dining table. He stood again quickly though, grabbing a spoon and bringing the bowl of cereal and milk with him to the table because he knew himself well enough to know that he was going to need to eat at least three bowls. As he ate, he focused on the word search on the back of the cereal box in an effort to not think about anything else. He was working on finding the word cocoa when Nicole suddenly appeared and began to speak.

"Okay, I can't hold it in anymore," she said, standing on the opposite side of the table with her hands behind her back.

"Hold what in?" he said, spooning a scoop of cereal into his mouth.

"The reason I'm here," she said. "I'm leaving in a couple of hours so I have to just—show you." And then she placed a pink and white box on the table that he couldn't quite make out until she slid it a bit closer to him.

A pregnancy test.

Sam dropped his spoon in his bowl and sat up straight.

"Wait—"

"My cycle is late," she interrupted him. "Really late," she said. Every part of his brain was screaming.

"I thought you were on birth control," he said.

"I missed a couple of pills when I had that crazy work week at the hospital."

Sam shook his head with every intention of waking himself from what must have been a nightmare because—

There is absolutely no fucking way that this is happening, he thought.

"This is insane," he said quietly. Nicole let out a small, almost inaudible, and sarcastic laugh.

"That's one way to put it, I guess," she shook her head. "And here I was, getting kind of excited."

"Look, Nicole we've never talked about this before," he said, frustration coating his tone.

"I know that," she snapped, her whole body visibly tensing before relaxing again as she sighed. "I know," she said more softly. "But we can talk about it now, right?"

No.

"How many tests have you taken?" he asked.

"None," she said. "I was at home with this box in my hand when I called you yesterday and I couldn't do it. Not without you. So I came here to New York."

"You came to New York to pee on a stick?"

"I came to New York to find out if we're having a baby, Sam," she said. "I thought you'd wanna know, too."

He sighed, looking down at his lap for a moment before returning his gaze to her again. He felt like he could combust if he focused hard on it enough and for a second he considered whether that would be a better alternative to being in this situation. But he took in a deep breath instead and reminded himself that if she was pregnant, she hadn't made the baby on her own.

"Sit down," he said softly. "Let me get you some water." Standing from his seat, he headed for the kitchen, grabbing a tall glass from the cabinet and then taking the pitcher of water from the refrigerator. He had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach that he couldn't quite identify but it distracted him so much that he'd almost allowed the water to spill over the rim of glass. He pulled the pitcher back quickly, placing it on the counter and then taking the glass to the table.

"Drink up." He placed the water in front of her and she smiled as she looked up at him.

"Thank you," she said as he started to walk away. "Hey, Sam," she grabbed his hand, halting him and bringing his gaze to her. "I'm scared, too," she whispered.

He could have laughed. If only what he was feeling was as simple as scared. He felt scared, angry, guilty, and trapped. He felt like he was being held underwater and no one was counting—like there was no indication of when he would be able to come up for air again and he just really, really needed to breathe.

"I should be ready to take the test after this," she said, releasing his hand. He retreated to his seat then as she mumbled something about the water being too cold. "But before I do," she began just as he sat down in his chair, "I wanted to ask you a few things."

"Like?"

"Well, for starters, who was the woman you chased after yesterday in the lobby?"

Sam looked away, intertwining his fingers in front of him on the table. He didn't know what to say. He wasn't sure he knew who Mercedes was anymore—he only knew who she had been. She'd been his everything—the most passionate, headstrong, inspirational, patient, beautiful, funny, sweet, sarcastic, difficult, stubborn, absolute pain in the ass he had ever met. And he'd wanted to be with her until he died.

But how could he say that to the woman who could possibly be carrying his first child?

He felt sick.

After taking a deep breath, he figured the best thing he could do in the moment is downplay it.

"Mercedes and I dated in college for a bit. I hadn't seen her in a while so we took a tour around the city and then," he shrugged, "she was gonna come up and take a look at the apartment."

"Okay," Nicole said, nodding as she looked down at her lap for a moment. "Next question," she mumbled. But she didn't say anything for a while and Sam was about to speak when she finally opened her mouth. "What happens with us if I'm pregnant?"

He didn't hesitate.

"We'll figure it out. If you're willing to move here, we can find a hospital here for you to work at and we'll just—we'll figure it out," he said, speaking faster than his brain could completely register what he was saying. He didn't truly know what would happen, but he knew he would be there for his baby, if there was one.

"And what happens if I'm not pregnant?"

He hesitated.

"I—I don't know," he told her honestly and her left eyebrow twitched.

"So you're only sure about a future with me if I'm pregnant," she said slowly as if she was trying to make sense of it to herself.

"That's not—"

"So only if I'm pregnant, you want me to move to New York."

"I think it would be the right thing to do," he replied, trying to choose his words carefully.

"But not because you want to be with me."

"Nicole—"

"You didn't ask me to move here with you when you first decided to come."

"We'd only been together for six months—"

"We've still only been together for six months!" she snapped. "So the baby changes things?"

"Of course it does," he fired back. "If there's a baby, then obviously I think we should try."

"But only if there's a baby," she said.

"Yeah—no—that's not," he sighed, "that's not what I'm saying, I just mean that, it's the right thing to do."

"The right thing to do," she chuckled resentfully, looking away from him. "I'm so excited for the day our child asks why we stayed together for so long and I get to look at them and say because it was the right thing to do."

"We don't even know if there is a goddamn child!" he yelled.

She didn't say anything, only looked at him, her face tense. Then she snatched the box from the table and stood abruptly.

"Let's find out," she said just before she disappeared around the corner.

Sam was sitting on the couch with his head buried in his hands as he waited for Nicole to come out of the bathroom. What was supposed to have taken five minutes seemed to have turned into ten, and then twenty, and then thirty. Part of him wanted to knock and find out what was taking so long, but most of him wanted nothing more than to stay oblivious to whatever was on that test for a little while longer. Suddenly he heard the bathroom door open and he stood quickly to his feet. Nicole stepped quietly into the living room and her swollen eyes revealed that she had been crying which made his stomach hurt immediately.

"My cab will be here in ten minutes," she said suddenly just before turning around and starting to walk away.

"What did it say?" he asked, swiftly moving to stand in front of her. She scoffed.

"Like you care."

"What did the test say, Nicole?" he asked again sternly. She pushed her bangs behind her ears and sniffed.

"Exactly what you wanted it to," she said and then she started to move around him.

"Nicole," he said, grabbing her arm.

"No, Sam," she growled, pulling from his grip. She shook her head, her face cracking, and her eyes watering as the wrath she had clearly been feeling turned to weakness. She sniffled, running her hands over her face and turning away from him. "No," she whimpered quietly.

"I'm sorry," he said, resting his hand on her shoulder, and he meant it. The moment that Nicole had admitted she'd fallen in love with him those months ago, had been the same moment he'd started to pull away from her. But he hadn't gone far enough, not physically. Instead he'd stayed with her—continued to call her and sleep with her, keeping himself connected to her in every way besides emotionally because he hadn't wanted to be alone again the way he had been for so long since Mercedes. And in the process, he'd almost ruined her.

Interrupting his thoughts, Nicole mumbled something in response that he couldn't quite understand.

"What did you say—"

"I said it's not your fault," she turned her gaze to his abruptly and then shook her head. "I knew you were unavailable," she said. "I knew you didn't love me and I knew you weren't ready to, but I still just," she shrugged, "couldn't leave you alone—so stupid. I could have saved myself all this bullshit I'm feeling right now."

"You're not the only one here who knew those things. I knew, too. I knew better than you did," he said. "I shouldn't have been stringing you along. So I'm sorry, Nicole. I really am."

She didn't say anything, only looked at him for a moment, her brown eyes searching his before they filled with tears again and before he knew it, she had crashed into him, wrapping her arms tightly around him. A small part of him screamed, love her back. But every other part of him knew that he couldn't and questioned whether he'd ever be able to love anyone ever again. But he knew that he wouldn't become involved with another woman until he was certain that he was capable of opening himself up. He didn't want to be even partly responsible for a woman feeling like this ever again.

"You deserve better than this," he said quietly into her hair. "I don't want you to think there's something wrong with you. I don't want you think that you're hard to love," he told her. "And if you ever start to feel the need to force a guy to love you again," he shook his head, "walk away and don't look back." He knew the words probably wouldn't sit right with her coming from him but he needed to say them. It was what he would have wanted someone to tell Sarah if she had ever been in this situation.

Nicole pulled away from him, wiping her eyes with her manicured hands as she took a few steps back from him.

"Thanks, Sam," she said bitterly. "But, full disclosure; when I get back I'm probably gonna burn everything in my apartment that you've ever touched."

He chuckled as she headed for his bedroom.

"Do what you need to do," he said when she returned to the living room, rolling her suitcase alongside her. She walked past him and towards the front door as he followed.

"Well," she breathed, stopping in front of the door.

"I'll walk you outside."

"Don't worry about it," she said. "No offense, but I could use some distance from you starting immediately."

"None taken."

"Well, I guess this isn't one of those I'll see you later moments," she mumbled and he could see the grief in her eyes, even behind the resentment. He smiled sympathetically at her.

"Goodbye, Nicole," he said softly and he saw her inhale deeply. Then she nodded, as if those were the words she had needed to hear.

"Goodbye, Sam."

MERCEDES POV

She was pretty.

Her skin was a tanned, olive tone, her lips plump and rosy. Like Sam's. She was tall and she had great teeth and silky hair and well, she was pretty.

Not that she would have expected anything less from Sam.

Not that she expected Sam to have a girlfriend in the first place.

Not that she didn't expect him to have one either, it had just been—a shock. Or maybe wake-up call was a more fitting phrase. They weren't together anymore which was why she didn't understand why seeing Nicole's lips touch his caused something unpleasant to stir in her stomach. In the time they'd spent together that day, she'd made the mistake of almost forgetting that they weren't a couple anymore. But those were the facts. They were not together anymore and after six years of being apart, there was no telling if they really even knew each other.

But she knew Luke. She knew present Luke, not Luke from six years ago. She knew who he was right now, in this moment, and she liked him. She hadn't realized that she hadn't gotten the closure she needed from her relationship with Sam until she'd gotten it. He was with someone else. He was untouchable. And all of a sudden as she rode away from Tower 47 in her cab, she really missed Luke.

Better days are ahead, I promise! This sort of plot is gonna take some angsty situations before everything is fluff and sunshine but remember that this is a samcedes fanfiction which means they WILL be together. Hang in there. Leave your thoughts, guys!